AF? Are you around? Could you come and slap me please?

[YouKnowNothingoftheCrunch]

and then maybe give me an un-MN un-Crunchy hug?

Sounds like a plan!

Oh, wait, was that your sense of humour peeking out? It's nice.

SAF no, it's really interesting. I've only been on ADs once and I have to say I feel they changed me permanently (luckily for the better). Before going on them I would get quite anxious about things, after coming off them I have never felt that level of anxiety ever again.

I've always felt that something fundamental in my brain chemistry changed. And I've always been quite grateful for it.

I am aware of how you can have terrible side effects (suicidal) when going onto and coming off these drugs and I am very angry with H for is lackadaisical manner.

I would have kept a closer eye on him, I might have minimised his time alone with the DCs, I would have been able to keep an eye out for severe dips. He's tried to mutilate himself before. He said it was the only logical way to fix how he felt. He seemed calm and sensible, but was talking about something completely insane. He couldn't see it at the time...

This is just another cycle. And once again he's taken away the safety net because he doesn't need it.

Has anyone got me Johnny Depp yet?

Mouse? Humour? No, I'm deadly serious

Not Johnny Deep! Damnit

Story of my life that is. I ask for Johnny Depp, I get Johnny Deep

Sorry, best I could do at short notice.......

Better?

That's more like it Mouse Sorry Vanessa, but it's my turn to be selfish.

SAF, thank you! That has made my day

And it could not have been a more obvious metaphor for H. Bloody badger. Trying to chase it away to protect the family frightened it might turn and bite me at any second but hoping it won't Bloody unimaginative dream.

One of those dreams where you're really scared, but know that in real life you'd not be that bothered.

I plan to cuddle all the DCs up on the sofa after school and watch a DVD with them. I also plan for them all to angelic and lovely and not to have one obnoxious moment for the rest of the week.

It's a good plan.

hmm i think you need to put "talking" off the agenda when on holiday - you want a holiday right?

so set the boundaries - this holiday is to spend time as a family / have fun with the DCS / see his family /each take time off alone with your book on the beach while the other takes care of the DCS.

no "talking" or discussing the future together or apart.

if you really want to talk - set a time for this AFTER the holiday.

holiday is good test to see if he can put DCs first and focus on them (and maybe you) - just living and being without angst.

cest that's a good idea. I'll give it a go (can't promise anything). His problem generally isn't the easy bits. He can do having fun and doing things together, he just runs away at the first sign of anything difficult. He enjoys spending time with the DCs.

It would be nice to just let the dust settle for a while.

For once I'm not feeling the need to get in touch with him or explain it all to him. I normally try so hard to get him to "understand" that I'm the one chasing him. This time... it's different.

I don't need him to understand. I know that what he did was wrong. If he can't see that then that says a lot about him.

you ok, love ?

Yes, I was supposed to be asleep by now. Just having a wobble. So thought I'd come back.

Nothing new to say. He's still respecting my wishes and hasn't been in touch, which is good.

Just feeling a bit lost I suppose.

Crunchy, my love, I feel I can't contribute to your thread. But I'm extremely sorry you're still feeling so stretched (not surprised, but still sorry!)

Can't do a Depp or a hug I'm afraid - can you send Johnny round to me, if he's still alive when you've finished with 'im? Have a big, fluffy blanket and an iced Baileys from me xx

Thank you grace

You've given me more than enough good advice in the past. I know I'm a hopeless case (in the most cheerful and nicest possible sense). I'll send Johnny round when I'm done. I may be some time

X

Oh, sweetie, I wish you were cheerful! And didn't think of yourself as a hopeless case ...

Your badger dream made me laff. I'm being plagued by dreams in which I've just missed the bus, or the supermarket's just closed, then somebody points out that actually the bus is waiting & the supermarket's still open. Bless that unconscious mind, eh, it evidently realises we need things spelled out v-e-r-y c-l-e-a-r-l-y

I would say I'll try and dream about Mr Depp for a change [aaahhh .... ] but, if I do, you'll be in the dream now! Dammit!

at me encroaching on your deep dream.

I'm quite happy for you all to join in my badger dream if you want, you too af.

I won't always be a hopeless case. Honest. I'm just a stubborn bugger.

I'd better try to get some sleep.

I'm banishing those badgers!

Depp not deep, unless you're lucky!