AF? Are you around? Could you come and slap me please?

[YouKnowNothingoftheCrunch]

and then maybe give me an un-MN un-Crunchy hug?

are you going to slow things right down again ?

this must be exhausting for you crunchy...who is keeping a check on you ?

Yes it's exhausting. Going to have to slow things down again. Why does this lie seem so much bigger than the months of mind games?

It really hurts af. It really really hurts.

aww, love

now you get your hug

< puts whip away until tomorrow >

Crunchy - he just turned up? Oh dear.

After you told him that you needed time too........

Hmm. Are you ok? I mean really ok?

I'm on fb for a while if you need me. xx

Here here RKA.

Thanks mouse, yup he did. I wasn't happy. Listened to him and then asked him to leave and not to come back til I asked him to. I stayed calm and matter of fact.

He doesn't understand why I'm so upset. He thinks its just the lie, and the fact he's been honest should negate that. He can't see the betrayal.

Reality I think that may be something I'm going to have to consider.

Honesty was never important to him growing up. Jis family all lie to each other and use pa to get their own back. It's all so twisted. Maybe I just got involved with someone with fundamentally different values.

I won't live in fear. I refuse to. I now know I'm not ready to have him move back in. Being able to ask him to go home is another big safety net for me. I cant lose two at once.

Not the shrieking wreck bit!

I used to do that, but it has less effect than being calm, and it takes too much energy. So now I disengage.

Not sure if that's a positive change or not!

I must too, thanks for the grope, I needed that.

Must get some sleep, I need to be on top form for all my thinking tomorrow.

As ever, thank you so much for this, you don't know what it means to me

Night crunchy x

And disengaging is good

Night Crunchy. You are in control. You call the shots now. You did great by not ripping his head off and pissing down his neck.

I hope you sleep well. I'll be around tomorrow. xx

Nighty night Crunch, hope you get a good & proper sleep.

SWMBO - she who must be obeyed

im guessing the fact I'm awake means I won't.

I had a nightmare about a badger. A fucking badger! What's so wrong with me that that's all my subconscious can come up with?!

Missed the back story here, but I think you did really well to tell him to leave.

Most people who pretend not to get something really do, but they can't or won't deal with the consequences of their actions, and if it comes easy to them to refuse to acknowledge the scale of the hurt they have caused and their responsibility for it, they will drift down that road.

Math, I think you've probably hit the nail on the head. He is a fantastic apologiser, says all the right things, but if forgiven without any consequence will always do it again

My pain is never enough of a reason not to do something. That's not to say he does it to hurt me, but he just doesn't even question whether I'll be hurt, he'll make up some reason that when challenged is ludicrous, but he wont challenge it.

The sorry is genuine, but the lesson and consequent actions are selfish.

God I'm tired, damn those badgers.

Morning crunchy

Hope this doesn't make your head explode

Now that is just cruel!

He just emailed me. Saying it was an accident that he took taking them, forgot for a weekend, felt better decided to try for a week, which became two, and then lied when I asked him.

He says he's sorry but will go back on them if I want him to.

The idea of talking to him disgusts me. In a new way. He lied. Deliberately, knowingly. I can't excuse this, or pretend it was the depression or the ADs. For no Reason at all he caused me all this pain.

I hurt.

I was playing WoW last night and missed all the horseplay, dammit. I don't suppose you're in the mood this morning. Badgers indeed #sniff#

I still miss the bit where you should have had a slap? You had a huge shock, and the time-honoured treatment for shock is lying down under a blanket with your feet up and sips of warm tea. Naughty ladies shouldn't even be thinking of ruderies until the colour comes back into your face!

The only good thing I can see is, at least he confessed. Imagine how you'd have felt if you'd found out by accident. Thank God I'm not in your shoes (XH would have let himself be tortured to death rather than admit he had depression, so he's carrying on down with the sinking ship while me and the DRs (Darling Rats) have deserted). If I were though, I reckon I'd be saying to the idiot, "You will go to the GP and get back on your meds, and you will stay on your meds until the GP says you may come off them, whereupon you will proceed according to his/her instructions, or mate, I will divorce your sorry arse sooner than you can say 'depression', got that?"

Sometimes I think having the patience of a saint is a bad thing.

Gotta run, will be back later x