Old Bags No More - The Brave Babes & the Battle with the Booze

[MoominMags]

Well, here we go ladies (and MIFLAW)! The new thread to follow on from JWN's 'me and alcohol have ruined my family'. I hope no one minds that I decided to go with 'brave'? I just think that it describes us!

As a quick recap, I am 33 and on day 22 of sobriety (on this occasion!)

feeling sorry for myself. feel like you could all tell i was going to fail. fucking pissed off. still haven't drunk any though. will send dh back at the weekend with all of the alchohol. who did i think i was kidding?
where did this come from. any idae why it hit you? is the garage locked?

girls are eating, i've retreated in to the play room.

Hi algee, glad you haven't drunk any. Just keep going. Are you hungry? If you eat something will that take the edge off? I felt like you a few days ago, but I really think I was hungry more than anything.

I think MIFLAW posted HALT - the danger times are when you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired.

Are you feeling any of those, and if you can recognise that feeling can you minimise it and avoid the desperate pressure to have a drink.

Just keep avoiding having the first one.

How old are your girls algee? Mine are 22 and 17, all grown up and independent. They are so different: one is hard working and diligent and quite serious, but always thinks about other people and is the kindest creature ever; the other is day-dreamy, outgoing, funny and self-centred. Love them both to bits.

only the one, she's 7 has a friend round... i was an 'older mum'. tired and emotional. actually it must be passing 'cos i want to have a really good cry.

Tis OK to cry. In fact it can be good to cry.

Don't be brave for the sake of the girls, your daughter has probably seen you in a worse state than with tears running down your face, and it's Ok to teach kids that we have emotions and that we can show them, and that we can recover too.

7 is a lovely age, isn't it. Old enough that you don't have to look out for them all the time, old enough to start having their own ideas, but still young enought o really need and want you.

I guess,. and at least i don't smell! She's fab fab mcfab, great company, smart and lovely. Proper sporty tomboy too which suits me well.
Venus, i'm glad you have locked away the devil,sorry you had such a fight this afternoon. I'm going to sign off now for a bit and try and stand on my own two feet, can't expect you lovely people to be my prop. See you later perhaps?
A

See you later algee. But don't stand alone if you need help. No prizes for drunk heroines.

If no-one is one here, then I think you can call the AA.

Hope this afternoon's histrionics havn't frightened anyone else away.

hello girls!!!! looks like a major bit of wobbling is going on here today!!

i know you can come through it and stay sober, cos thats what i am doing!! ( and believe me, if i can, anyone can!)the other day i had a major tantrum in the garden, to the point where our neighbours must now be well aware that im an alkie, cos they heard my petulant whining

my dh also says that i am the only person he has ever met who can stamp their feet while in bed! - that was the other sunday when i went to bed at about 8pm just so i didnt drink

all i can say is go look at your lovley girls!! - how do you want them to see you? - drunk and stupid, or sober and a bit daft? (come on, keep with me, im trying to jolly you along here!

i know its fucking hard and unfair and stupid and miserable and it makes you pissed off BUT please try and think how good it is to wake up sober, to a bright new day, with the whole of your lives in front of you!!

back later, must go and eat something!

btw - if you do pick-up, remember that you are not the first, wont be the last, and tommorrow is another day!! (awww geee, now i sound like scarlett o'hara

OK. Dinner is prepared and in the oven, and calm has returned to my head.

I know what kicked things off this afternoon, but I'm not so sure why it went so crazy (well except that I am an alcoholic).

I was visiting a colleague to discuss some work and we were sitting in the garden drinking tea. Then his girlfriend arrived home clutching a cold bottle of wine. I refused the offer of a glass but the image and the concept just stuck with me.

On my way home I went to the supermarket even though I knew that I was feeling desperately tempted. I knew that I could have just gone straight home and we could have eaten something from the freezer. Or I could have gone home and gone shopping later when dp was with me. But I didn't want to. I wanted to buy wine. And I did.

Yes, I tried playing the film all the way to the end (I had no doubt that I would drink the lot, and probably some more), but I just thought so what. One night will be OK. But then I kept on playing the film. And I could see that if it had been tonight, then it would probably be tomorrow night as well, and then next night, and so on. And that's when it became really difficult. The enormous struggle between really, really wanting a drink and yet being able to look into a bleak, bleak future.

As soon as I got home I logged on here, just hoping that someone would be around. And you were. Those who were here at the time, and those who are fellow travellers on this thread. I had also looked out the number of a woman at AA, in case no-one was here, but the feeling of support I got from here was immense. Even just reading the posts that had been made today made a difference. And I can see that my alcoholic selfishness made me concerned only about my own state - I blundered right across algees' struggle (sorry algee).

Bizzarely, there is other drink in the house - wine, spirits and still 2 cans of G&T in the fridge. But they are not tempting me. It was the devil bottle that I bought this afternoon that was giving me such a problem (now locked safely in the garage).

I don't know if any of you have a phobia, but I once heard someone describe how the brain of a phobic short-cuts the logical thinking part of the brain and goes directly from seeing something to feeling the full impact of the emotion, and hence the panic reaction and the need to get away from the stimulus. Well, today felt like the exact opposite of that: complete short circuit of logic and thinking. I just saw something and instantly I really, really needed it. Don't know if that makes sense to anyone, but I'm thinking that for me I will need to develop some strategies that help me in situations like that.

Thank you JWN for starting this process, if it weren't for you I'd pissed by now. Thanks EVERYONE who posts on here, you were all a lifeline for me today. And special thanks to moomin, slgee and MIFLAW who were here at the time. I love you guys x

Meant to say, hi to idol and wrinkly. Hope all this hasn't put you off.

And a big hello to indie, when she has time to post.

Oh God, we're on "most active" threads.

Sorry about all of that guys. I am still sober, but now totally knackered. Venus, ABSOLOUTELY no cause for apology. Feeling calmer myself, I really thought I'd blown it, and couldn't see any way that I'd still be sober by now.

like Venus, I'd have ben nine sheets to the wind by now, with no doubt whatsoever had it not been for this thread. So thank you again JWN, and thank you all of you lovely amazing supportive fairies in my computer. I hope that if ever I meet any of you, something makes me recognise you so I can gurn at you attractively!!

Hope that all 'newcomers' of the past few days are having a fun filled alchohol free time, and that my perfiormance this afternoon doesn't make you think twice about posting...

WOW!

THE GOODIES WON!

had a little tear in my eye reading the latest, you are inspirational.

feel even more resolute about keeping on the straight and narrow.
the alternative is shit.

mumsnet really has changed my life.

Hey wrinkly, just in case you're back and logging on. Maybe tonight will be the night when you don't have a drink, and you will wake up tomorrow without a hangover and without feeling guilty about your drinking habits.

Maybe it won't be tonight, but perhaps you will give it a try tomorrow. And the next night,

You will be surprised to remember how good things feel without a drink.

Just keep coming back here and have a look to see how we are doing. Some celebration for every additional day sober, some struggles, and loads of support.

Have a good evening.

dah! i knew you girls could do it!!

WELL FUCKING DONE!!!!

yes, i know it isnt ladylike to swear, but sometimes it just feels right!!

once again i am off to bed, we ahve a big new client meeting tomorrow so wish me luck! the business needs to do well!

i have had a really good day, meeting was brilliant then i played hooky for a while, went into town and bought an embroidery kit - i feel all sort of creative at the moment!

so, see you all in the morning, sleep well, you are ALL fantastic!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ha JWN, I think you and I are the same person sometime. I have got out my embroidery - keeps my hands busy.

How was your meditation?

It really sounds like you are back fully engaged with your work. Doesn't it feel good to be playing on good form?

Sleep well all. See you tomorrow. Thank God I will not have a hangover.

Wow a lot has happened on here since this afternoon. Well done Venusandmars and Algee, I feel very inspired. My daughter came round for tea and bought a bottle of wine, which I made her take home unopened, felt very proud of myself then, but now regret it and feel very bad tempered and horrible. Going to go to bed now (early for me) don't know what to do with myself so will read and try to sleep. Don't know what else to say really - not a happy bunny at all. I know'll feel good in the morning but that's no consolation now.

when i first quit, i lay in bed breathing deeply ('in with posotive' [deep inhalation] 'out with negative' [long exhalation]) i prayed too, God help me, and she did

I think you are on your way wrinkly!
refusing alcohol -check
cant sleep -check
pissed off -check
confiding to strangers from your laptop -check

talking of check, will check in tomorrow.

Well done wrinkly, that's the way to do it. One day at a time. What about today? Today it is my intention not to have a drink

Or as JWN would say TODAY I WILL NOT BE DRINKING

Well I did it! Lay awake till 1.30 (as I knew I would)but did get to sleep eventually. Feel knackered but not crap.
I did stop drinking in February, but made 2 mistakes; I didn't tell anyone or talk about it and after 4 (hellish) days I thought "I've done it, I can stop whenever I want to" so I started again - stupid.
Spent my time last night thinking about all your posts - while I don't drink in the day (or feel the need to) and don't have the shakes, I am drinking more than this time last year and know that I will continue to get worse if I don't do somehing about it.
Also had a heart to heart with DH, he told me that he knows I have a problem, but because he doesn't drink (hardly) he assumed I would just stop when I felt like it and understand the need to drink.
Anyway here goes day 2.

Well done everyone!

God, I rushed in here this morning to read the thread and see how everyone had got on.
algee, venus and wrinkly - well bloody done!! You got through it and out the other side. And JWN - thanks as always for starting this.

Am on quite a high now that I have read that! This thread is quite powerful!

Day 28 for me today.

All together now girls, TODAY WE WON'T BE DRINKING!!!

TODAY I/WE WONT BE DRINKING.

morning all - am at work so must be quick, big day today!!

however it goes

I WILL NOT BE DRINKING!!!

see you all later and, well done!!!!