Old Bags No More - The Brave Babes & the Battle with the Booze

[MoominMags]

Well, here we go ladies (and MIFLAW)! The new thread to follow on from JWN's 'me and alcohol have ruined my family'. I hope no one minds that I decided to go with 'brave'? I just think that it describes us!

As a quick recap, I am 33 and on day 22 of sobriety (on this occasion!)

ohh, how lovely!!! nearly everyone is back!! this thread has been a bit quiet this weekend without you all!!

sounds like we all had good, if testing, weekends! i could quite easily have had wine yesterday, an afternoon with my mum could have miflaw reaching for teh bottle!

im of to meeting soon, will be back later!

lovely to see all the babes back!

ps - curry, if you are about, give us a shout! (whatever has happened!)

It's so nice to see nearly everyone about again. I really missed being able to post over the weekend!

Come on curry, we're all waiting to hear from you! Hopefully you have just been away for a bit but if you've had a drink or whatever don't feel like you can't come on here and tell us. Remember, no judgements. I hope that we are worrying for nothing and you are actually having a lovely time away from internet access.

JWN - I hope that your meeting today is better than the other one!

algee - have you got any further into finding a meeting to go to?

chinkof - sounds like you got through your weekend beautifully!

Algee

Only advice but I would seriously consider whether you can avoid taking communion wine in future - I think a lot of people find that, though it should be different from "proper drinking", as far as their bodies and minds are concerned, it isn't.

Any communion-taking alkies know different (I am agnostic so I admit this has never been a practical issue for me, only for people I know ...)

Well, I am nearly done for the day again. I hope that when I come back tomorrow morning there is some lovely news from wasindie... maybe some sign of curry... and just generally posts from everyone!

MIFLAW - I avoid communion wine, just not worth the risk for me.

Off to a meeting this evening. JWN - was your meeting good?

Have a good evening everyone!

Hello. I've just come across this thread and hope you don't mind me posting. (haven't seen the original one, will look later on).

I'm realising now that I cannot handle alcohol, after a couple of years where I've had a lot to deal with emotionally. Before that, I hardly drank - more of a health freak, and I'm trying to get back to that point (but I think self-esteem and confidence knock that aside a bit now and then, not always).

In the last few months I've had 3 major "meltdowns" at DH, about problems from a couple of years ago. All have been alcohol-fuelled. They're all around the 4 days when my period is due/starting too, which, I realise now is where I lose my "self-awareness" and instead seem to be heading for "self-destruct". Any other time I've been ok for just having the occasional half/low alcohol wine. So now I know I have to stop completely, which I resent in a way, but just daren't risk any more.

Obviously, this is damaging DH, and DS has also seen me ranting which I'm angry at myself about. And both are angry with me, so things are shaky just now. To the extent that I know if it happens again, I won't have a marriage left.

At the moment, I'm preferring the counselling route - but I wondered if you minded me semi-joining you, as I thought this might help me through any "dips" and keep me focussed.

I hope you don't mind me posting here, I will read the background thoroughly when children are in bed later on but just thought this might be helpful for me, and in turn, I can try to be another supportive voice for others here?

hi, meeting was really good today, we actually ended up crying with laughter - it seems that none of need to drink to become complete loons!

imvho - im sure god would understand anyone not taking the wine!, i would think that he would be pleased that you were trying to make yourself better! - i would imagine that most priests would agree, surely??

anyway, am off now with the cat, poor old thing knows what is about to happen as he has just spied the cat-box in the hall!, hey ho, if he wasnt such a bruiser he wouldnt be about to have a thermometer shoved up his bum!

back later.

Hi there! (Not sure what to shorten your name to!)

Feel free to come and join us. This is not an AA-only thread or anything like that. There are people who do go to AA, people who go to counselling or whatever. No problem. Nor is it an exclusive thread for the people who have posted since the start... Anyone looking for friendly support re alcohol is welcome!!

It sounds like you are having a tough time of it at the moment. I hope to get to know you a bit better through your posts!

Cross posted with JWN - previous message was to Idolikemondays!!

Hope all is well at the vets JWN...

hi mondays!!! welcome welcome!! - you sound very like me! - my marriage was a total mess only 7 short weeks ago! (dont get me wrong, no miracle cure here, just getting better a day at a time!)

please stay with us!

sorry, i have to dash right now (see previous post!) but will be back later on, im sure some of teh others will be here soon too - the evenings can be a dangerous time for most of us, so one or more of us are usually about!

glad to meet you!

back soon xxx

laters mommins!!!!

moomins even

Catch up with you tomorrow!
Stay safe and sober!

Hey guys, hello idol

...sorry I'm still crap at remembering who wrote what (I will start taking notes soon), but the notion of me manhandling the chalice out of some old dears hand then legging it down the aisle and out to the cemetary made me laugh! It was a mistake entirely, just didn't think, and yes, I did think...yum, a small dry sherry before lunch...hmmmm, dry sherry . First time I'd been since I jumped on to the wagon, I shall pass in future... oh, then at the end of Mass the priest announced it was his birthday, so at 11 o'clock, all and sundry were swigging wine! Not me though!

It's been v&t time for about an hour and a half now, and I'm stone cold sober. Marvellous!

So loving meeting new people socially and not having to ask dh if I was embarrassing, or having that horrible feeling that I behaved like a total tit!

Wonder if wasindie is a proud mummy to twins yet??!!

oh, and the car smells RANK! dd fine though, cartwheeling past me as I type!

Thank you! Sorry if the name is confusing - just trying to be positive about today, Monday! and a new week!! I'm actually very safe and busy in the evenings, as DH and the children take up lots of my time .

My danger times are during the day if I'm at home just with housework - that's when I can dwell on things and end up dipping, moodwise......which I can usually rationalise myself out of pretty quickly. Unless it's around that certain time of the month, it would seem! So on Friday, I had an afternoon cider as a preweekend treat - something I can usually do once every few weeks with no problem. Only this time I then had a lager to follow, and that was me senseless! (I'm not a great drunk).

It's a good thing that school holidays are coming up, but I suppose in a way that means that DH (and DS) is just wondering how I'll cope in September, so might not be able to relax fully for some time.

So, anyway, no alcohol since Friday for me.

Thanks for the encouraging words about the relationship Jesuswhatnext, I hate seeing DH knocked down emotionally like he is at the moment. Until a couple of years ago, I could tackle anything head on, bounced through everything. So he's stuck regretting some poor behaviour on his part, which he's taken full responsibility for and dealt with! But is probably frustrated that I don't seem to be doing the same. And just wants "me" back - reliably.

So I'll be around for a while - hopefully reporting positive things..

ah, ido, not idol, sorry! this thread has been the most enormous support for me, I'm sure you'll find it likewise!

hi!

ido - i found the same as you! the older i become the worse the effects of the alcohol, i think i am heading towards the change so am not on a regular cycle iyswim? so of course it just makes everything a whole lot worse! well done btw, not drinking since friday is a really good start!
i do find that i have 'dipping' moments, however, in truth, they really dont last long in the scheme of things, i just find something else to do, dont dwell on whatever im brooding about and find that the moment will pass and i dont even notice it ending iyswim?

(sorry, i am gabbling a bit tonight

like yours, my dh and dd are still on tenterhooks really, i think they are almost finding it too good to true , my drinking escalated to such unmanagable degrees over the last couple of years that the change in the last few weeks had kind of taken them by surprise. i have hung on to my dd by the skin of my teeth , i really was pushing her away, after all, why would anyone want to coem home to a drunken, abusive mother! i feel so ashamed that i put her through such horrible times!

anyway - i suppose im trying to say 'onwards and upwards' - from what you say, it sounds like you have a good dh, a few years together etc. and a lot to lose! ime you also have a hell of a lot to gain

so - take it a day at a time!, just dont drink for today, i try and think of something a guy said to me the first week i was in AA - 'if i want to change a drama into a crisis, have a drink!' and guess what? its true!! - i still have the day-to-day crap to deal with that comes just from being alive, just like everyone else does, but these days, i deal with it, calmly, solve the problem and move on!

so, pleased to meet you, lovely to have you aboard!!

algee - i remember the travel sickness years, you have my sympathy!

Jesus, my friend (AA) lost custody of her DD at one point, her DD (now 11) witnessed horrible things for a long time.
4 years on and they are the closest mother and daughter i know.

Mondays, i really identify with the pms thing, pms coupled with the drink sent me into a frenzy more times than i care to remember.

algee, try spritzing the area with white vinegar, its remarkably effective at vanishing smells, though it will smell vinegary til it dries.

good luck and good night one and all.

hi kate - my dd is 18
i would think that if im honest my real 'problem' drinking started when she was 15 or 16 - when she was little, i can truely say that although i drank, it didn't impact on her, it was kind of 'normal' in those days, i had to keep it togther then because i was a lone mum - i met dh when she was about 2.5 but we didnt live togther until she was 4 - it has taken me years to really 'trust' my dh after the experiences of my previous marriage, my problem entirely!, my dh is a kind and wonderful man who loves me deeply, i was just very damaged, i think i got to a kind of point where i felt safe enough to sort of 'let-go' of everything, i had previously felt that i had to take on anything and everything to prove that i wasnt a weak, useless failure! , which of course is terribly unfair towards my dh and dd but, right now, i feel like we are getting right back on track, i am so much happier and i know my little family is feeling the benefits of my sobriety

btw - i start meditaion classes tommorrow evening!!, i really am looking forward to it!, im going with a new friend who i met at AA , a lovley girl in her 20s who i seem to have connected with!

ps - where the flipping heck are these babies?????

Thanks Kate!
Just about to go to bed now guys, another sober day and night! See you tomorrow

Jesus, so thats 3 bad years V 15 good ones, im sure you can recover your character and make things better than ever.
And wonderful that you have met someone to journey with, let us know how it goes.

was reading an interesting chapter on suffering, how its necessary for growth sometimes, almost like we subconsciously
sabotage what we have to destroy it and make it better.

the book also goes on about repeating old mistakes, carrying karma from previous lifetimes and family patterns.

i know a page or so back, someone else mentioned heavy drinkers in the family, does anyone else here have alcoholic/borderline families?

Will check back tomorrow, going to have a rooibos now and toast you all.

kate - interesting points about family members, i have 3 cousins who have/had severe drug/drink problems, one of whom drank himself to death by 36! , another of which was last heard of rough sleeping in london and another doing serious time in the bangkok hilton (these guys are talked of in hushed tones! )
i have several uncles who have been defined by the rest of the family as being 'boozers' and quite frankly, i think my parents have a 'habit', if not an addiction, in a very middle-class, 'pinot noir and the odd gin way', iyswim? i have one db who gets nasty if he drinks, so VERY rarely does! and another who can just have a pint, a laugh and chat and go home!

i have a whole raft of aunts with multiple marriages between them, as i do! , we are dreadful chosers of men , in fact, to sort out our family tree would be a nightmare my parents are actually the stable influence on the rest of us!

anyway, enough potted history! ,dh and i just had a monumental struggle with idiot cat who plainly thinks having ointment applied offends his dignity!

btw - i dont know about suffering, but i have certainly done some growing-up in the last few weeks, mainly because i can now think more clearly!

am off to bed now, brain hurting!

see you all tommorrow!xxxx

My father's family is riddled with alcoholic shits (though thankfully not my father himself.) I say "is" - should be "was" as most of them are dead. I met an uncle from Liverpool at a funeral about 4 years ago and realised that it was the first time we had both been sober at the same event - by the time he got into recovery, I was out there trying to drink like a man!

Does it need stating that the family is of Irish extraction? County Rotherhithe, of course - they loved the Old Country so much they moved to England to sing about it ...