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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Old Bags No More - The Brave Babes & the Battle with the Booze

982 replies

MoominMags · 15/07/2010 09:26

Well, here we go ladies (and MIFLAW)! The new thread to follow on from JWN's 'me and alcohol have ruined my family'. I hope no one minds that I decided to go with 'brave'? I just think that it describes us!

As a quick recap, I am 33 and on day 22 of sobriety (on this occasion!)

OP posts:
WasindieNial · 16/07/2010 17:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MIFLAW · 16/07/2010 18:19

"Long dh chats. Think he's 'concerned' that we won't be able to enjoy a sociable drink ever again, but I said I was just taking it one day at a time. He's even noticed my better humour and receding eye bags."

A friend of mine worried about this, about 2 years before i made it into AA (and 3 years before I got sober properly.)

By that point, he was more than convinced that my drinking was the antithesis of "sociable" and that I was much better company dry, whether he was drinking or not.

jesuswhatnext · 16/07/2010 19:54

evening all! (makes me sound like a policeman!)
had a very mixed bag of a day! work fine, home fine got lasange in the oven for dinner etc, so all is normal , however, AA today was one i really want to forget, it was awful!!
a 'man' shared ( inverted commas, as i truely think he was sub-human) he was, without doubt, the most self-centred, arrogant, nasty, selfish, unplesant SOB i have EVER had the misfortune to meet! his story was one of violence, misery and degredation, but all for his family, none of it appeared to touch him!, he blamed every other person in the world for his appalling behaviour! i am sure that miflaw would tell me not to judge ect. but honestly, in this case i really cant help it - every other person i have heard share is trying so hard to change, recognise their shortcomings etc that i almost felt that he was just sitting there taking the piss!

thanks for the rant, i needed that!

thinking of your lovley family wasindie!! hope you and dp have a restful weekend!

well done algee! week one is a huge milestone!!

best love to all! maybe back later.

jesuswhatnext · 16/07/2010 21:45

well, im off to bed - im expecting a load of teenagers here at about 4 in the morning when the nightclub chucks out - no doubt they will THINK they are being quiet, but i expect there will be a fair amount of drinken hilarity

good night everyone!!! hope you all sleep well, and wake up to another sober morning!

see you tommorrow!

venusandmars · 17/07/2010 09:14

Saturday morning. No hangover. This being sober stuff is great.

jesuswhatnext · 17/07/2010 09:59

morning venus - no hangover here either! SEVEN WEEKS tommorrow! i really cant believe it!

hope this morning is good for everyone else too!

venusandmars · 17/07/2010 17:12

JWN that is fantastic - you have been such an inspiration to so many of us. What are the biggest changes you notice?

I am really noticing how much else I am getting done. This is partly because I am filling my time with things to do, keeping busy so that I am not just sitting in front of the TV pining for a pinot. But I am sure it is also becuase I have more energy and more interest in doing things. Already today I have been swimming, been for a walk with dp, and this evening we are going to a concert.

Hope everyone else is having a good weekend. Curryeater you haven't posted on this thread yet, please come back and speak to us - whatever has been happening.

Hope katerum and chinkof are doing well too.

katerum · 17/07/2010 19:38

drank a bottle of vino last night.

spoke to my AA friend, she said just get back on it, put it behind you so thats what im doing.

DS dad let us down re. contact this weekend, not the first time.

am desperate for a break.

have no drink here, nearly bed time, danger time (for buying booze) is over, so looking ahead to a sober night.

hope everyone else is faring better.

WasindieNial · 17/07/2010 20:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WasindieNial · 17/07/2010 20:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jesuswhatnext · 18/07/2010 00:38

hi all, sorry to be so late - have had my bf and her family over for dinner, 9 of us in all, it sometimes takes my breath away to realise that our dcs are sitting at the table with us, with their boyfriends and behaving like grown-ups, seems like a moment ago we that they were so little.

well, have not had a drink - that seemed kind of odd too, me and bf sat with juice, while the girls had a bottle of wine!
the only point on the evening when alcohol reared its ugly head for me was as i was about to have a helping of tiramisu, dd pointed out, (quite forcefully!) that i was not to have any! i thought she was trying to help with my diet, the liquer in it had not occured to me! oops!! so had to pass on pudding, hey ho, all helps to reduce the size of my bum!

KATE - just try and not drink tommorrow - dont beat yourself up!

wasindie - hope these babies come soon, the suspense is nearly killing me! , (dont suppose its doing a great deal for your dp, either )

venus - the changes are almost too many to list, physically i feel great, i look good, my skin looks hydrated and soft, no red face, better colour teeth etc.
i think i am mentally better too, my thoughts are bright and clear, not too muddled and i just feel generally happier.
my house looks and feels like a home, i have time to read, cook, garden etc. i have taken up yoga which i love and im even enjoying work once more - i had thought that i needed a change of job - all i needed to do was stop drinking! it made every aspect of life so difficult to cope with, i just feel so much less daunted by everyday life now.

so, very late for me! am off to bed now, sleep well everyone! and just think, we are going to have a lovley sunday because

WE WILL NOT BE DRINKING!!

venusandmars · 18/07/2010 08:54

Glad to see you back katerum. Hope you are feeling fine this morning. I guess we all understand 'cos we've all been there after varying lengths of being sober (mine was often after about 18 hours!).

Your AA friend is a good one to have.

Hope you have a good day wasindie, if the dts don't arrive today, then just make the most of the time, the quiet and the peace. Have a relaxing time, and good luck for tomorrow.

I am off for lunch with my dsis, and I will not be drinking .

jesuswhatnext · 18/07/2010 10:49

good morning - i have a nice day in front of me, have the house to myself for a couple of hours, so will be beautifying myself! then off for a late lunch with my parents, dd and bf joining us there, so am looking forward to that - my mum has changed her behaviour towards me dramatically since i stopped drinking - i dont think i will ever stop being her 'child' but at least she is now treating me as an adult - i guess she had years of me behaving like a spoilt kid and just found a way of coping with me. my lovley dad is the same as ever, i will always be his little girl and i guess that will never ever change.
i have been thinking quite alot about our family dynamics since i have been sober - in no way am i blaming my df for my drinking, but for years the poor man has kind of facillitated it! i am ashamed to say i have always been the indulged daughter, my df is the kindest man on earth and has put up with me and my princess behaviour my whole life - he has been there to pick up the pieces every time i made yet another disasterous decision etc - i know thats what parents do, however, i wonder if a bit of 'tough love' years ago might have bought me up short. iyswim?

anyway, enough navel-gazing for this morning, i am hoping one of my dbs and his partner will be able to join us, (he is an armed policeman and the last few weeks have been a bit hard going!)

glad to see you venus! hope you have a lovely day!

KATE - just stick with it today, dont think about yesterday or tommorrow! just enjoy the day we are having! ime, thats the only way to do it!

everyone else, just have a super, sober day!

see you all later xxx

katerum · 18/07/2010 17:25

Hi Babes,

Wishing you all well.

Been shopping with the DC, treated myself to some perfume and nightdress, and got the children a new thing each.

Lovely to be sitting this eve with a clear head and feeling loads better again.

Check back later

jesuswhatnext · 18/07/2010 21:25

hi all, really quick check-in, am totally exhausted, been with parents all day

anyway, i have sat in the sun, had bbq etc.

HAVE NOT HAD A DRINK!!

KATE - i think it is lovely that you treated yourself!, you deserve it!, just think of it as using the money you would otherwise have spent on booze - except now you have something to show for it! well done you!!!!

must love and leave you!, i need some serious heavy sleep!

see you in the morning

jesuswhatnext · 18/07/2010 21:26

btw - SEVEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WEEKS TODAY!

venusandmars · 18/07/2010 21:51

Congratulations JWN. You have done so well.

I had a bit of a wobble when I was making dinner tonight. I totally forgot about not drinking and went to the wine rack to find a bottle to put in the fridge. It was only when I got there that I remembered. I then had about 15 minutes of shall I / shalln't I as I struggled with the thought of a glass of wine.

Sober me won out, thank goodness, and now I definitely feel much happier. But I still have some automatic habits that I need to watch out for.

Good luck Indie for tomorrow, and looking forward to seeing the others back.

jesuswhatnext · 19/07/2010 09:00

well done venus!!! - i know just what you are talking about! - i think sometimes it is purely by habit that we go to drink, not because we 'need' one!!

i have a busy day ahead, work, meeting, have to take stupid cat to vets for follow up appointment (so say goodbye to a load of money!)

hope everyone is ok this morning?

back later.

MoominMags · 19/07/2010 09:07

Morning all! It is nice to be back and catching up with all the news!

JWN - sounds like you have had a great weekend. And well done on the 7 weeks - fantastic! Sorry you had to listen to such a horrible share at your meeting. I have had that before and actually wanted to walk out - but I got past it and realised he was just a very sick person.

venus - well done on getting through your wobble last night!

kate - well done on getting straight back on track. I 'slipped' a few weeks ago but I managed to stop and have so far stayed stopped!

curry - no matter what's going on just come and say hello.

wasindie - argh! I hope that things are moving along for you and dp, at last! Will be thinking of you.

algee - looking forward to catching up when you are back.

MIFLAW - good, as always to hear your words of wisdom!

Well, I had a good but busy weekend. Got through the wedding and christening with no mishaps. Was a bit disgruntled at the wedding that I could not drink, thought about it but then I 'watched the film to the end'!! And knew that it was not an option - so then I went to a meeting and all was well.

Day 26!

OP posts:
MoominMags · 19/07/2010 09:08

JWN, cross posted with you! Hope all goes well at the vet's.

OP posts:
jesuswhatnext · 19/07/2010 09:20

hi moomin!, good for you!! tbh, i find weddings a bit of a bore, sort of enforced jolity, especially when you know that the entire family fell out over the preceding weeks over all the arrangements!

anyway, really must get ready for work, am seriously on the drag this morning, oops!

see you in a while

algee · 19/07/2010 09:51

Hello everybody!

Day 10, no slip ups! JWN, so glad you started this thread in spite of it having been a horrid time for you. I most certainly would have faltered over the past few days had it not been for you lot...venus, I heartily agree...habit! This week, before I get cocky i am going to find a meeting. Dh down for the full week, as he wants to be around for dds last week at her school, so I can move about more freely.

My diary...
Wednesday night I deserved a drink as I'd driven 250 miles.
Thursday night I needed a drink 'cos my girl had her first of two taster days.
Friday, I wanted a drink because iot was Friday and I was with dh for the first time on a Friday evening for ages.
Saturday I was dying to drink 'cos we were with new friends and I had to say I was designated driver but couldn't have one at all, as I don't ghave an off button (true of course, the times I've promised to drive then had to blag a lift or get a cab .
Last night I really needed a drink because during the 250 mile drive back dd projectile vomitted all over (and I mean all over) the car.
...but, I didn't have one!

Today's the day for wasindie??? I shall keep checking in.

Busy day...essay to write , car to clean (bleurgh) and a million tonnes of washing...

Oh, one last thing, actually I did technically slip...went to Mass yesterday, and took the chalice .

MoominMags · 19/07/2010 09:59

Hi algee,

Well done for getting past all the 'deserved' and 'needed' and 'wanted' drinks!

Is your daughter OK now? (Poor you having to deal with the car today!) Did she enjoy the taster days?

I also went to Mass this weekend but I avoid the 'wine'. I can smell it so much when I go to Communion that I practically run back up the aisle to get away from it, ha ha!

OP posts:
venusandmars · 19/07/2010 10:02

Hi algee, good to see you back, and so agree with your list of reasons for wanting / needing a drink. And so good not to have one.

I am assuming that when you say "took the chalice" that you sipped and passed it on, you didn't take the chalice, down all the contents and then go back for a refill!

Have a good day Brave and Batting Babes.

ChinkOfLight · 19/07/2010 10:58

venusandmars

I had something similar on saturday at the big family barbecue. All but me and on of my aunts were drinking (a lot!) so we busied ourselves in the kitchen and hostessing with a large jug of st clements and bowl of non alcoholic punch to hand. It was a really fun time, but more than once I reached for a glass of wine that had been left on the side or a bottle of beer in the fridge, just for a split second not thinking.

I had a very long and much needed talk with my exH last night too. We adressed the thing of me hiding bottles where I knew he would find them It always led to rows and he could never understand why I didn't just take them to the bins before he got home. I agree I was probably because I wanted him to see the extent of the proble mand to intervene, and maybeI felt like I should be confronted and puished about what i was doing. He told me he wanted to force me to get help but was worried I'd turn against him for it, I probably woud have as at that time i wasn'tacceptig my problem fully and wouldn''t have sought help.

Gosh what a rant, I'll read back now and catch up on your weekends news,

Hope you are all well and the sun is shining!