Old Bags No More - The Brave Babes & the Battle with the Booze

[MoominMags]

Well, here we go ladies (and MIFLAW)! The new thread to follow on from JWN's 'me and alcohol have ruined my family'. I hope no one minds that I decided to go with 'brave'? I just think that it describes us!

As a quick recap, I am 33 and on day 22 of sobriety (on this occasion!)

Jesus

You did exactly the right thing. What else could you have done?

It's sad, of course, but I think you just need to note this down as one of the "things you cannot change" and act accordingly.

well done jesus
I hve not had a drink either

heres to daaaaay 7 tomorrow

Trinity

Brilliant news!

thanks miflaw! i have worried all night and im knackered now - i kept thinking that maybe i should have asked her to stay here with us, it makes me feel very guilty that actually, i didnt want her to stay here because of the chaos that comes with her. the peace in this house has been hard to regain and i didnt want to jeopodise it.

well done trinity! and everyone else!

Morning everyone,

JWN - I cannot think of anything else that you could have done. Well done on another drink free day.

5 weeks today for me!!

Trinity - well done for getting through last night. Sounds like it was a tough one but you got through it.

I didn't take notes so I cannot reply to everyone personally! (Sorry!) But huge well done to everyone who got through another evening and to those that didn't, well today's another day. All we can do is try to stay sober one day at a time.

Hope to hear from anyone who's about!

morning moomin! i have a 'lovely' day lined up - my dm is coming over and we are going shopping aarrhhhhgggghhhhhhhhh (thats me puting my head in my hands, wailing and rocking back and forth ) i love her dearly but she does my head in!! she is quite mad and a pain in the neck - she whispers loudly about other people, ignores road signs (which is fucking scary in a 4x4!) and price labels (swaps them for one she feels is more appropriate!) if she dosnet agree with them and puts her own slant on everything and she wanders off so i spend all day wandering around looking for her! arrrrrgggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

see you all later (shuffles off dejectedly)

JWN - I don't know how to put this well ,but you made the right decision not to invite her home and to protect your sobriety .
I think it's important to be careful with yourself .

Sure MIFLAW will put it better .
MIFLAW - I know I need something external to myself to help me never let my guard down ,but just not sure of meetings ,AA or otherwise .
I know what I'm like and would find it diffucult to cope with the emotions stirred up by seeing/listening to other people attending and fear being destablised /overwhelmed by it all .
I find this thread helpful - maybe like online AA ?

JWN - made me smile about your shopping trip !
I went with elderly mum last Christmas ,and it was like shopping with a disruptive 3 year old .
She kept grabbing things off the shelves - not her fault ,think chi-chi gift shop and wobbly ,sight impaired 90 year old .

Morning JWN - good luck with your dm! You can get through it!! Hope you don't spend too much time searching...

Hi ginger, this thread is really helpful to me and it seems to work in a similar way to AA. (Everyone is supportive, helpful, non-judgemental. When any of us calls for help there is usually someone about within a few minutes.) For me personally I really need AA and the meetings. I cannot recommend it highly enough. There is so much more to 'recovering' from this than putting down the drink and that's what AA is for. (I am not saying it's for everyone but give it a go if you can.)

algee - are you about? Have I missed your report back on your meeting??!? (Might read back through the thread to see if it's there!)

I haven't drunk anything for five days now. Why do I still wake up feeling tired and headachy? I am having really weird dreams though.

Well done everyone for another day!

Mouse could you consider not drinking on your anniversary, make it really one to remember?

JWN you did the right thing with that girl. Poor her. And poor you too. Must have been awful to see. Hope that shopping is ok!

christi, totally normal to feel like that to begin with. I certainly did! It will definitely pass and get better. As for the dreams - yes, had those too! Still have quite vivid dreams now but those first few days were crazy. Fantastic on getting to day 5 by the way!

Morning moomin, lots to catch up on from yesterday isn't there?

I had to leave abruptly last night to go out for dinner, and I was wondering how you were all getting on. Well done Trinity for getting through that. I had a serious wobble last week and I kind of half expected it to be like that again the next day. But thankfully it wasn't. Snapping at your dcs is nothing compared to the devistation on their lives if you keep on drinking at the level you have been.

I know what you mean about reading the thread and thinking "Thank God it's not me". It certainly came as quite a shock to me the first time I admitted that I had an alcohol problem. For me the wake up call came when I realised how secretive and deceitful I'd become to hide the levels of my drinking. Hiding empty bottles in obscure places and then struggling to find them all; hiding full bottles of drink or cans of G&T (usually in the desk drawers in my office) so that I could always have a top up if I wanted it (without alterting dp to my problem); refilling empty bottles with water so it wouldn't look as though I drunk everything in the wine rack.... the list goes on.

I think I went into a kind of shock when I realised just how bad things had got. I then went through a phase of continuing to drink, and almost justifying it to myself 'of course I'm drinking too much, it's because I am an alcoholic'. I decided to do something about it (again) this time because I had a week when my dp was away, and I basically spent all of it pissed - with the exception of one day. I literally pissed away a week of my life. Didn't see my parents, had a drunken phone call with my dsis, didn't do any work (I'm self-employed), ate really crap food, well not food mostly, just crisps and biscuits. I was potentially exposed to some really risky behaviour (a taxi driver bringing me home from town had offered me the services of a male escort and was clearly hinting that he was able to supply me with any drug of my choice. ffs I am a 'nice' middle aged, middle class woman, what the hell was going on?

The morning dp was coming home I was ridiculously hung over (not surprising) and I just thought shit, I'm about to fuck up my whole life here. So here I am. Trying hard to stay sober.

Phew! Confession over. Feels good to have written it.

Thank you for that venus. Total honesty and the sort of thing we all need to hear. When I lived in London with my XDP he used to go away with work a few times a year and I would spend that time totally pissed, ring in sick to work, eat shit (crisps and pasties in my case) and just generally lose days and days. I would look round the flat before he was due in and be disgusted. (And then have to fly about checking all the bottles had been cleared.) Total madness and insanity!!

I also put myself in extreme danger on some occasions - 'dodgy' taxi drivers and the like. Unfortunately on one of those occasions something 'bad' did happen but it did not stop me drinking... To be honest when I look at some of the situations I put myself in I am just thankful to be alive!

JWN, enjoy your shopping I was with both my parents in an airport last year and it was like having 2 small children with me - one was terrified of all the noise and bustle and needed reassurance and the other was wandering off to look at things, pointing at people and asking rude questions (usually semi-racist) about them in a supposed whisper .

Christi, is it tonight you are going out with your friends? Have you decided on your tactics for not drinking?

Nice to see you on here ginger. I know what you mean about this thread, but where else can you get support from? Last week when I had a major wobble, I came on here and thankfully people were around. But I had also looked out the number given to me by a woman at an AA meeting - for that alone I was glad I had braved my insecurities and gone along, it felt like a potential lifeline in case no-one had been around here to respond. And lets face it, most of us posting on here are just an anonymous bunch of self-centered unreliable alkies . I hate joining things and being in groups, but I know previously I would have overcome those feelings to get a drink, so sometimes I overcome them now, to not have a drink.

JWN, you did a great act of kindness last night getting that girl on a train. I understand about having a shower afterwards. When I was younger I used to help out in a soup van that took soup and clothes and blankets to the homeless. I would cme home sometimes at 1am, and still have to have a shower to get the smell out of my hair and my lungs.

Haven't seen mouse around today, although I often x-post so you may be there already. Keep coming back and talking to us mouse.

I had viral meningitis three years ago. Instead of looking after myself (I was so tired I could hardly walk 100 metres), a few weeks after being out of hospital I went to see my friends. Drank a whole bottle of white wine on the journey down on the train, then more wine all afternoon. Had passed out vomiting on the floor by 6pm and ruined the whole of my 'pampering' weekend by feeling so ill.

Only a few weeks ago at the memorial for my friend and her daughter, the night before I drank so much I passed out and had to be carried away. I felt so ill all day at the memorial I could hardly speak. What pathetic kind of tribute is that.

I do those kind of things all the time. I drink too much. I go white/ grey/ my blood pressure plummets and wham, I faint.

God. I don't want to do those things any more.

Morning all.
Sorry, I lurked yesterday afternoon...reverting back to lurking behaviour, just felt like I couldn't keep up, so retreated back in to myself. Forcing myself to type today, but really rather fragile I'm afraid. Sorry everybody I haven't taken notes this time, but well done all who've made it through another day. JWN you are fab, and I really can't see whta ele you could have done. Poor poor girl, makes me even more ashamed of myself than ever. What a selfish twunt...why would my hand be so attracted to the self destruct button??? Anyway have fun with dm

AA felt much the same. I felt so exposed in spite of MIFLAW'sassurances about not having to talk. I can feel my eyes filling as I type that. I clearly have a long way to go...but MUST keep up with you guys, at the very least. I know now, particularly after my reaction yesterday to AA and fast moving activity on here that I am going to have to admit to a stage deeper and accerpt some proper help, but but but, and a few more buts...

Venus glad you had a lovely birthday!

All others, and I'm sorry for being impersonal, big grins and manly back pats!

Sorry guys, out of steam now. Stay strong you lovely fairies in my computer, plesae wish me strong too, don't feel like I'm going to make it today...I think I need to 'confess' or something, maybe I've been too reliant on that general feeling that you all 'know' without me spelling it out...'s ok, haven't murdered anyone though...

Morning algee,

Whatever you say I am pretty damn sure that someone on here will have done/ said/ experienced the same or at the very least similar. Just share what you can with us. (Think that venus and I have started the ball rolling slightly above. Although for me that's just the tip of the iceberg!)

You can get through today, even if you don't make it to another meeting today we are all here. I will be thinking of you and wishing you well and strong x

"MIFLAW - I know I need something external to myself to help me never let my guard down ,but just not sure of meetings ,AA or otherwise .
I know what I'm like and would find it diffucult to cope with the emotions stirred up by seeing/listening to other people attending and fear being destablised /overwhelmed by it all ."

And what's going to happen next? When you say "you will find it difficult", that implies you could fail - ditto being "overwhelmed" What would happen if you "failed"? Would you cry? Be sad? Big deal - surely you are already sad? And crying won't kill you, will it?

There is a saying in AA which, as you don't attend, you porbably haven't heard yet. "The good news about getting sober is you get your feelings back. The bad news about getting sober is you get your feelings back." Yes, your emotions are going to go haywire for a while and it will sometimes be painful.

But probably not as painful, depressing and basically tiring as keeping them permanently suppressed.

And christi you are on the right track for not doing those things again. Well done for admitting the problem and getting on with trying to do something about it.

just a quick one before whirlwind arrives (dm) christi - you sound typical! i think we all felt crap for a about a week or so, vivid dreams etc. its just the poison leaving i think. my dh had VM a few years ago, you must have felt dreadful!

it sounds to me like we are all 'nice middle class' ladies, this is an insidious illness, anyone can get it but we can all say

TODAY WE WILL NOT BE DRINKING!

dont worry about tommorrow, that will take care of its self if we stay sober today!

love and support to you all

see you later! xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

algee! special love to you! hang on in there!xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hey moomin. Thank you. Thing is I know you know, as I see myself reflected in some of your stories. Moomin you remember that 'conversation' from a few days ago about being such a good listener? I had a particularly 'needy' friend on to me on Tuesday and I just couldn't be bothered. In fact she really irritaed me. I wonder if being a good shoulder can in fact be a diversion tactic? I was perfectly polite and so on, but haven't followed up, just because suddenly I feel 'why can't you ask about me'. Thing is, I know that I've been so devious and have projectred such a grown up mask that nobody would really believe me... god I'm talking shite waffle...off i go!

sorryu...cross posting... to fast for my slow wittedness!

Hi algee,

Yes, I definitely know what you mean about being the good listener and so on. It's really hard because I find myself a bit pigeon-holed by this. I do have a few really good friends who try to get me to open up to them but that just makes me retreat more into my shell! But then if people don't ask about me I get cross! I think I am more open, more 'me' at meetings or on this thread!

I hope that some of that makes sense!!