Old Bags No More - The Brave Babes & the Battle with the Booze

[MoominMags]

Well, here we go ladies (and MIFLAW)! The new thread to follow on from JWN's 'me and alcohol have ruined my family'. I hope no one minds that I decided to go with 'brave'? I just think that it describes us!

As a quick recap, I am 33 and on day 22 of sobriety (on this occasion!)

Mouseface

How much booze does it take to make you ashamed?

After how much do you feel like hiding how much you've had?

How much does it take to make you feel like shit (not the hangover, but feel like shit, about yourself, while you are actually drinking it)?

how much does it take for friends to start telling you to fuck off or to need a gift or phone call to say sorry?

Probably about that much.

I knew he'd cover it better than me !

Hi mouse, nice to see you over here. I posted on the other thread for you.

There are of course government guidelines on sensible drinking (14 units per week which is less than 2 bottle of wine per week), but if you read this thread and the original one, you will see that most of us on here were drinking much, much more than that. My reasons for stopping are not really about health (risks of higher blood pressure, risks of liver damage etc) but more because I was at risk of screwing up my life.

I would say that it is not so much about the quantity as it is about your habits (e.g. are you counting down the minutes until the dc go to bed and you can have a drink), how you feel about it, and importantly whether you can stop drinking when you want to.

Since you've posted on here, then perhaps you are worried about it. Why not tell us some more about yourself.

...can't keep up guys, sorry. Drowning is dusty books and general chaos. Haven't read all of the posts from today, but so sorry chink I missed you earlier, well done for ditching the vodka, and as my second drink of choice, I agree it does stay on your breath!! You are doing so well under such enormous strain. Stay strong. you know it'll be worth it.

Then I miss afew again, sorry, but 2 things jump out. Forst MIFLAW...not obliged to speak...that really really helps, thank you. No doubt i will fewel under obligation still, but knowing it's not 'the law' helps.

Moomin you just reminded m about how loiberated I feel at not hiding breath and bottles, and lying every day about 'it'...having to use the 'fuck the fuck off' mantra a lot today though, but clearly i'm becoming more assertive.

hello ginger, camaleon and mouseface, and thanks for reinforcing the mental image of JWN venus...JWN I shall always read your posts in soft focus from now on!

bye!

Hello.

What do you want to know? About me or my drinking habits. Do I tell you the truth or do I gloss over how much I really drink?

If I'm honest, I don't want to give up. I enjoy a drink but I don't think that I can go without a drink which is what worries me.

Where do I start?

I'm very about even admitting to anyone that I drink every night. I was going to name change but decided that actually, I have nothing to hide, and I need to see the real me on the screen IYKWIM????

I'm not sure if I need help or what?

Hi algee,

Glad that "fuck the fuck off" is working well!

God, it's great not having to lie about it anymore! Or wondering whether I have managed to get rid of all the evidence... And I can confirm that vodka does, most definitely, smell on the breath! Even better when it's kind of coming out of the pores. Nice!

Hope you are not sneezing too much with all that dust!

Sorry mouseface, cross posted there!

Yes, feel free to talk about your drinking habits! Or not. Just post what you are comfortable with. You are obviously worried about it or you would not have posted in the first place... Have you tried to stop or cut down before?

MoominMags - I try and cut down every week. I tell myself and DH that we need to drink less every day. It just never lasts.

BTW - if I vanish, it's because DS is hooked upto a tube feed at the mo and I've got one and a half eyes on him!

ah yes, alchohol oozing...yummo!

Having a break before i run out of steam, would very much enjoy a lunchtime drinkette to be hionest but going to make myself a nice strong coffee, and remind myself that i wouldn't have done half the amount I've done today with a hangover and drinky breaks...

oops sorry mouseface, didn't mean to cut you out there... I'm totally not the person to give advice I'm afraid...my 'normal' is so skewed as to be irrelevant I think. Some of the others have said something about it being less about quantity and more about how you are in relationship with it though. I literally live my days based around when I can first have a drink...and how I can fit them around the subsequent drinks. For me my danger time had become earlier and earlier, but I rather gather that it's not about that either...

waffle. Sorry no help.

sorry...why did i use present tense???? What does that mean... DAY 19!

... hope your ds is ok???

mouse you've probably done one of the hardest things and adnitted to yourself how often you drink and how you feel about it. Well done for posting on here.

There's not much point in not telling the truth here (or as much of it as you feel you want to), we won't know the real truth so in the end you'd only be lying to yourself. One good thing on here is that we are unlikely to be shocked by what you tell us. If we haven't actually consumed a particular mixture, or quantity, or frequency, or behaved in a particualarly bad or embarassing way, then it probably was only because we weren't in those specific circumstances.

Do you drink during the day or just in the evening? Can you start by not having a drink for an hour, then the next hour, then the next hour? Could you go without a drink just for today? Don't worry about what's ahead. All of us at times have been holding on minute by minute or even second by second.

Algee hope your strong coffee does the trick. Any other rewards for your hard work? A nice sit down with a book or magazine? A bath or a walk in the fresh air?

"I enjoy a drink ..."

"I'm very about even admitting to anyone that I drink every night."

How does that work then? I enjoy watching tv. Apart from the shame of being under 40 and watching Wycliffe and Casualty, I feel no shame in telling anyone at all that I watch tv every night.

Although, actually, that's probably the only thing I enjoy that I do every single night (and even there, if I'm abroad and don't speak the language, I happily go without it.) I enjoy running, but don't do it that often. It doesn't bother me either way. I like listening to Joe Dassin records (sadder still!) but it'd do my head in to listen to that every single night.

Are you quite sure you're using the word "enjoy" in the same way as you would use it for everything except alcohol?

Algee - no worries re X posting.

DS has SN or AR (additional requirements) as DH likes to say. I think it's in my profile?

I drink too much. I like it. I don't think I get drunk, I get giddy/fiesty/emotional (but I am well over the limit as such) and I don't think I want to give up. I just know that it's bad for my physical and mental health.

I drink from 6pm. I drink vodka - 2.5 75cl bottles a week and sometimes more or wine too.

I've tried to cut down but I am an all or nothing person. It has to be nothing but I don't feel ready for it.

It was venusandmars that started me thinking. But I have no idea why now....... I can't wait til 6pm. And that worries me.

If it's not 6pm, then it's as near as damn it to that time. Even if I try to get out and take DS for a walk, I find myself wanting to come home. For a drink

Shit, that is harsh to read back!

If it helps, Mouseface, I didn't want to stop drinking when I went to AA. I did, however, want to stop drinking the way I drank.

It took me a little while but I came to realise that, for me, the latter was not possible without the former.

Maybe you're different to me. Maybe you can control your drinking. But, in the mean time, why don't you stick around? Much better to be an ordinary drinker who thinks she's a drunk than a drunk who thinks she's an ordinary drinkier ...

Algee I think I sometimes use the present tense too, then I think 'Oh shit, everyone is going to think I am drinking again now'.

Perhaps it is because I am an alcoholic, I am just an alcohilic who has chosen not to have a drink today (or for the past ..... hey that's a month now )

MIFLAW

Clearly not. Enjoy is not the correct word is it.

"2.5 75cl bottles a week" - it's a long time since I've done these particular sums but I think that's about 70 units a week.

Plus wine.

Which is enormous when you think about it.

"I don't get drunk" - probably you have either lost track of what "drunk" means and/or your tolerance has built up. So I wouldn't take any comfort from that fact at all if I were you.

hi mouseface,

As venus said, well done for posting on here in the first place. Brilliant post from venus by the way. Getting through it hour by hour (or even minute by minute to begin with) is the way to start. We all know about rushing to get things done so that it's time to get the booze out.

If you are not ready, that's fine. Is there anything that would make you feel 'ready'?

Just keep posting on here and be honest - as you have been! We are all trying to stay sober one day at a time. Some have 'slipped' recently but they keep trying. Some (including me) attend AA. Some are thinking about it. Some are using chemical intervention. It's all here!

The only rule here is no judgements. So no one is going to have a go if you keep drinking.

Yeah mouseface, stick around here. Maybe today will be the day when you don't drink at 6pm, maybe it won't, but please keep on coming back. We understand.

venus - are you up to a month now?! Well done!!

hi everyone!! you sound like busy fairies this afternoon!

hi mouse!, i second what the others have said.
i like to keep it simple - if you are worried about your drinking then you are drinking too much for YOU! - ime, the people that can have a couple of glasses of wine on a friday over dinner, or sunday lunch, and then not give it another thought all week have nothing to worry about (god, i wish i could do that! ) -
i believe that some of the research is true, i expect the odd glass of wine is good for us, its us people who then have the second third and so on then it becomes a poison and is soooo bad for us it just isn't true! you may not be an alcholic, we dont know, all i think now is that if this thread makes you think about your intake honestly, and you then decide to cut down as opposed to stopping completly then so be it! thats great!!

since i stopped drinking most of my girlfriends have said that it made them look at their drinking habits honestly - none of them are alkies, but to a man, they all said they felt they needed to cut down - it has become such a habit, opening the first bottle during the week was almost second nature - i can only think that their cutting down is a good thing, mostly for health reasons.

stick with us whatever you decide, its nice to have you aboard!

No judgements - I certainly don't feel I am in any position to judge. We could have a competition to see who has 'given up' or 'cut down on our drinking' the most. It would tot up fast I think .

No one will have a go at you mouseface, but we will encourage you and support you. MIFLAW tells it straight. Sometimes I feel cross at him because he doesn't allow me to make excuses or wallow in self-pity. And most annoying of all, is that he is usually spot on.

blimey - miflaw is right my love, 70 units a week is fucking huge!!

not judging you! just think that is a worrying amount!