Archers thread #142: Kill Jill? Is Ambridge heading for a Tarantino-style bloodbath on Stir Up Sunday? Discuss The Archers here!

[Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g]

Thank you, @PseudoBadger, for kicking off this long, long series of Archers threads.

All views on The Archers welcome here! New blood welcomed. We don't all agree on all points, although we do mostly try to be civil about it. Most of us are posting tongue in cheek a lot of the time, so don't worry about revealing that , or other unusual views.

Spoilers: not on this thread, please! We don't wait for the omnibus to discuss the weeknight episodes, but we do try our best to avoid cross-contamination from www.mumsnet.com/talk/radio_addicts/4636789-the-archers-spoilers-thread-7-cant-wait-for-702pm-join-us-here, where spoilers are positively welcomed!

For newer listeners, lurkers or those who just have no idea what we're talking about, @DadDadDad has created this useful thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/radio_addicts/3557323-For-Archers-fans-a-guide-to-acronyms-on-the-long-running-discussion-threads-and-any-other-meta-thread-questions-you-may-have - BOOP point for him! (See thread for explanation.)

Well, things have taken a turn for the better in the last few days! The SWs have re-discovered their form and the actors and directors have risen to the challenge. I won't say much more than that for fear of jinxing things. Over to you!

(Thanks to @JanglyBeads for the thread title idea!)

It was over Christmas/New Year this year, wasn't it? Ridiculous idea from the off.

I don't know how Bez from the Happy Mondays got his name, but it seems like one Dean could make use of.

Bet/Bette, Bex, Bez, Bel, Bea, Bear, Bean, Bren, Bree, Bede, Bey

Bat, Bott, Butt, Bic, Boosh, Bam.

@Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g , his surname is Berry, same as Leonard

I quite warmed to Pip joking about reception class dynamics. But not to her giving a toss about who plays what. Surely she wouldn't care!

Who is the mystery buyer of the land?
Will Jill be back at Brookfield for Christmas?
Just the 5 of them - what about Fat Rosie?

Mick's going to turn out to be a bad 'un isn't he.

Oh dear. This has confirmed my suspicion I could never be a teacher. I wouldn’t be able to bite my lip. Some of the parents at my daughter’s previous school were a bit like this (East London, all allegedly laid back liberal types until something didn’t go their child’s way..).

I have huge admiration for teaching staff.

At my DD's nursery she went from ox to Wise Man to Mary over the years. And what swizz part the BVM is - never says a word.

At her primary school, they managed a nativity play that involved everyone, so many oxen, angels, etc. It was amazing, and worked beautifully.

Who is the mystery buyer of the land?
The Gills.
They are stealthily positiong themselves to be the First Family of Ambridge.

The highlight of my Nativity career was being the innkeeper as this was a speaking part. It did mean I had to kick around back-stage for most of the evening though waiting to go on at the end to take a bow. I felt sorry for the people who were just stars (background stars obvs not the Star of Bethlehem ). They were there to make up the numbers.

My Easter career was much better. I was Pontius Pilate one year at school and also the Angel Gabriel in the Sunday School play. Dad made me some excellent wings.

I have been flirting with the idea of getting a Tarantula but have decided against it as I don’t think I will sleep well with one in the house. Did Webster used to sleep in Jazzer’s room? Did Jim really not mind?

Apparently I was Mary in my school nativity, aged 5. All I had to do was sit there in a blue headscarf and say "Thank you" for the gifts. I have absolutely no memory of this, but the very idea of being on stage fills me with horror to this day. Traumatised!!!

I have been flirting with the idea of getting a Tarantula

Well, haven't we all - can you train them?

Well, haven't we all - can you train them?

I think they are actually quite unsatisfying as a pet as you have to limit your interaction with them. They don’t really like humans although you can train them to run up your arms and all over your body if you have patience. I thought it would be quite good to have one and call it Webster, of course. The cats could sit and watch (through the glass obvs) but the idea of the tank lid slipping off fills me with too much horror. You only really have to pick them up when you are cleaning out the tank.

Anyway, others on here will know far more about this than me. I wish we had heard more about Webster when she was in the cast but I suppose spiders aren’t everyone’s cup of tea. Any actual Tarantula pet parents out there?

Parents seem to think Mary is the starring role but all you have to do usually is be able to sit still. I generally used to let them choose what they wanted to be and if there was more than one wanting to be Mary I picked a name from a hat. I once made the wriggliest boy the Star of Bethlehem because he was visible, standing on a box all the time and couldn't poke anyone or get up to mischief. He had a shiny costume snd loved it so everyone was happy.

I was one of the Three Kings when I was about 8. I wore a teatowel round my head and an old dressing gown of my father's (I desperately wanted to be a beautiful Angel, but was deemed too tall and plain for such a role)
We each had a verse of 'We Three Kings' to sing. Mine was

Myrrh is mine,
Its bitter perfume breathes
A life of gathering gloom.
Sorrowing, sighing, bleeding, dying,
Sealed in the stone cold tomb.

So that was nice

We were angels carrying actual candles, with tinsel haloes of course.

Even then, early 70s, parents were a bit worried about this plan

I was the narrator every year, I think because I was one of the few kids at my school who could reliably say “there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed” etc without having a conniption.

Unfortunately if this thread becomes arachnid fanciers quarterly I will have to decamp for the duration 😣

BOOP for David, Ruth and Pip for planning Christmas without going grovelling to Jill. I hope David cooks a delicious meal and we don't have the tiresome stereotype of man being useless in the kitchen.

I also think Vince is buying the Land and that Mick might be dodgy but I thought that of Leonard when he first appeared and his lovely. I had to laugh at Jolene when she said to Mick " You cant abandon ship!" ☠

Jill has stopped speaking since she moved out....

I don't think Mick is a wrong 'un.

Unfortunately if this thread becomes arachnid fanciers quarterly I will have to decamp for the duration I will be joining you.
Does anyone here (@AskingQuestionsAllTheTime) remember any miserable Christmases at Brookfield or are we in for another re-writing of history? It also sounded as if David was the one who asked for (and got) a guitar for Christmas. Was he in fact the writer of the message in a bottle and does anyone actually care? I wouldn't be at all surprised in the buyer of the land is someone who is never heard of again - see Home Farm and before that Nightingale Farm.

I also assumed Vince or Justin (possibly with Brian) but could also be Jill, who will "preserve the farm for the grandchildren" causing even more rifts as David will feel obliged to be grateful and expect the same of Ruth and the family.

It will then hang forever more like Banquo a the Brookfield table until Rosie the spider turns out to be as poisonous as her mother and eats them all - it wasn't the cakes making her put on weight after all😱

BOOP for David, Ruth and Pip for planning Christmas without going grovelling to Jill

David wanting to cook Christmas Dinner is an excellent twist. I am always taken aback by men who don’t cook all year round and then step forward to do Christmas lunch for 12. I suppose it’s a good showing off opportunity which is why it appeals.

I’m loving the Nativity memories- especially @JanglyBeads and the tinsel!

And I note the ban on spider chat. Very happy to adhere to this. I’m really not a big fan- just curious.

The Ambridge Arachnid will be the Fat Fairchild in a furry costume, with eight chubby limbs. That she might grow up toe b like her mother is far more scary.

😊oh as long as we stick to Ambridge creatures rather than show and tell I’ll be fine!

I did think when David announced he would cook dinner that Jill is bound to renter Brookfield on Christmas Day and find it all going Hilariously Wrong, but it would be more powerful to have her come in and find it was all running smoothly without her.

I am surprised that so few of her family have bothered to pop in and say hello/ask her to grow up and apologise to Ben since she left. Most families with an elderly person being difficult are usually desperate to sort things out ASAP in case they die mid dispute.