🎄Archers thread #122: Deck the Hall with Eddie, Freddie 🎵 'Tis the Season to be jolly (but orange juice for you, Alice)

[Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g]

Thank you, @PseudoBadger, for kicking off this long, long series of Archers threads.

All views on The Archers welcome here! New blood welcomed. We don't all agree on all points and most of us are posting tongue in cheek a lot of the time, so don't worry about revealing that you love Bert Fry’s poetry (as I do), or other unusual views.

Spoilers: not on this thread, please. We don't wait for the omnibus to discuss the weeknight episodes, but we do try our best to avoid cross-contamination from www.mumsnet.com/Talk/radio_addicts/3853783--The-Archers-spoilers-thread-5-Cant-wait-for-7-02pm-Join-us-here, where spoilers are positively welcomed!

For newer listeners, lurkers or those who just have no idea what we're talking about, @DadDadDad has created this useful thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/radio_addicts/3557323-For-Archers-fans-a-guide-to-acronyms-on-the-long-running-discussion-threads-and-any-other-meta-thread-questions-you-may-have - BOOP point for him! (See thread for explanation.)

Thanks to @C8H10N4O2 for requesting an annoyingly cheerful thread title which might take us up to Christmas and to @Prestissimo for the title suggestion. I was strongly tempted by @LillianGish’s suggestion: Eddie’s turkeys, Freddie’s show, village green with lights aglow, Stir Up Sunday, Deck the Hall, Merry Christmas one and all - with apologies to Bert Fry and @R4’s suggestion Wassail to the Ambridge Not-A-Panto where Freddie gets nine LESSONS in directing from CAROLe Lynda. Top work, all!

Three days to go until we can return to Ambridge.

My list for Father Christmas

In the next few weeks I’d like:

• Freddie’s show to be a huge success

• Philip and Gavin to be driven out of the village with pitchforks into the waiting arms of the police, and the three ‘horses’ rescued and taken in by kind people who will help them turn their lives around

• Pip to take a perpetual vow of silence and leave for a nunnery

• a terrific Grundy Christmas (although the travails of Alice and Chris will overshadow things)

• Alice to lose the baby, as this seems the least grim option for us listeners; she leaves Chris and makes a fresh start of some kind

What do you all want for Christmas from The Archers?

@Minimammoth

I’m thinking on same lines as mystic Bore

Me too.

How did alarm bells not ring for Helen?!

Because Helen's world begins and ends with Helen.

Doreen Amanda Rogers, at her wedding with Kenton.

OK, fair point.

By the way, IAUAL (I am, unfortunately, a lawyer) and annulment can only be used when the marriage is legally invalid from the start. Consent to sexual activity can be voided by significant lies about identity, in some rare cases (although this is shamefully narrowly-drawn, I recall a particularly horrendous case about a very vulnerable, hungry young girl who was told she would receive money for sex, and the fact that she didn't get the money didn't vitiate her consent to the act even though she wouldn't have given it otherwise, but I digress). So you can annul for non-consummation because consummation is regarded as an essential component of the marriage ceremony. I'm pretty sure a bigamous marriage is not just illegal but also invalid from the start. However, concealing the fact that you're a vile slave-master sadly has no effect on the validity of the marriage...

Thanks, Cecile!

Thanks Cecile and AQATT

Any more middle names, Asking?

Wasn't it about a year ago that we were all convinced that Philip was destined to have a heart attack? Maybe the first night as a married couple will do the trick!

Alternatively a blind drunk Alice might run him over and suffer a miscarriage.

A drunk Alice on Banjo running him over, with the added bonus of the dedding of the Chrysalis, would be perfect.

A dead Philip with a hoof or horseshoe dent in his face would be just deserts.

I want to see him in prison.

Me too Captain

Me three

MikeUniformMike
Any more middle names, Asking?

George Grundy is George Edward
Pip is Philippa Rose

Anthony William Daniel Archer (our Tony)
Shula Mary
Kenton Edward
David Thomas

John Daniel (deceased)
James Rodney Dominic Bellamy
are the only other ones I am sure about just at this moment; others might come to me.

Phoebe Grace I am fairly certain (because no eyebrows were raised about how upset Jill would be, but someone said that Phil would be pleased)

Older ones from The Book of The Archers family tree are
Thomas William Forrest
Philip Walter Archer

Phoebe Grace I am fairly certain
Noluthando Grace, I think.

Thanks Asking.

Any more middle names?

Jenny Darling
Clarrie Luv

Those aren't middle names. They are Jennydarling and Clarrieluv, aren't they, just like Ruth's mum was Heatherpet.

R4!

theThreeofWeevils
"Phoebe Grace I am fairly certain"
Noluthando Grace, I think.

Just as well I hedged my bets! You're right, of course.

I think Phoebe was saddled with some daft second name or other, but clearly I can't remember what it was.

No, it's no good. Sometimes I just cannot take the ridiculous circularity they impose on TA stories.

The Bridge Farm Archers owned the land the Beechwood estate now stands on. They sold it and took the money. Now Helen wants to buy one of the Beechwood houses - thus returning some of the money to Justin's company.

They have a whole farm! Surely if she needs a house she can have one built anywhere on land she still owns - thus increasing the value of that land, rather than pointlessly making someone else richer.

(Don't know why this is suddenly making me .)

Good point Poulette.

Helen would never want to live on a new housing estate anyway.

That's probably true - but even I, the worlds most haphazard human ever, cannot see the sense in this proposed purchase. She'll pay way more for the house and it's tiny footprint of land than they woukd have got for that plot of land alone. It's throwing money away.

Or have I misunderstood?

Why would Justin's company benefit from the sale of the house to Helen? She's not buying it from them?

Justin's company bought the land. I've no idea who developed it, etc - but it makes no difference - whoever profits financially if she buys one of the houses, she would be funding that profit, entirely needlessly.