The Archers #96: Is that a rat I smell or the whiff of Snell? In Chaucer’s famous Tale of Two Torsos, Brian’s ‘still got it’ and Poldark is searching for scything opportunities in Susan’s kitchen.

[NotdeadyetBOING]

Welcome..... I'd concocted a longer title with all sorts of references to bitch stitching and pasta bakes, but was thwarted by the pesky character limit

I‘d like Helen to have a happy relationship now. She’s suffered enough. However, I’m really not sure Lee is the one. I can’t work him out as yet.

Is Tom seriously thinking that moving next door to KIRSTY (the woman he humiliated in the most public way possible then had a terribly sad late miscarriage with) is a good idea?! It's the most crass, horrendous, awful idea ever. How would Roy not have said something?

I hate Tom more than I hate Russ.

Does anyone have a mental picture of what Russ looks like?

He has been a twerp since day 1 and is now a monumental twerp and waste of space so I was trying to visualise someone so attractive it would cancel the twerpishness and uselessness. I was trying to imagine say a Tom Hiddleston or a Tom Hardy, or a Rupert Graves or a Hugh Grant when they were that age, but it doesn't work as I can't imagine any of them either in real life or acting being such a twerp and as useless as Russ is.

I imagine him as physically attractive and looking younger than his implied 40, though at my mid-60s he would appear a positive puppy. Slim. Lily is a teen, so his being some balding, paunched 40-year-old would not work*. He would have to appear feasible in the eyes of others, at least at the level of appearances

Still a twunt, though.

• I have no prejudice against the balding as my late DH was this when we met, and he was hawt. Now I think of it, he was still a lady, and older gay men's magnet when the paunch kicked in.:o

I still have some hopes for Lee, he might just be poorly written. I haven't forgiven the reading habits, but since Helen didn't mind that it could be overlooked.

My children's school performances (inc. nativity) are not ticketed, they're never too full to turn people away in any case. And they send all communication to me only, even though I asked for it to be sent to both of us. I forward on relevant stuff to ex-h but he's not particularly involved in the day to day stuff so not a lot of it is relevant.

Now I think of it, he was still a lady,

It took me a while to read that whole sentence correctly, echt

Christmas at Brookfield is gearing up to be a corker. Is it wrong that I'm almost looking forward to TA Christmas more than my own?

I certainly hope mine won't be as dramatic as TA Christmas will hopefully be! A corker is absolutely spot on!

What does ‘hawt’ mean @echt ?

Lee is such an empty character, like he's written in just to give Helen scenes that don't involve cheese or cows.

I'm really looking forward to Christmas Archers! 

It took me a while to read that whole sentence correctly,echt

Me too.

Hawt is hot, isn't it? Not in the metereological sense.

Lee is disappointingly dull.

What was the point of Helen's trip to France to buy cows? Nothing eventful happened did it? Was it just a lame plot device to get her to follow Lee's advice (and so he could check her breathing).

Hoping Russ drops a clanger at Xmas & refuses to eat the turkey because it's not organic, or vegan, or something...

if the scriptwriter isn’t familiar with schools these days they may still be under the impression that the sole means of communication is a letter home with the child.
I only retired from teaching four years ago and that was the case in my school at that time. If an absent father wanted to be kept informed he had to ask it wasn't automatic. It may have changed drastically in the past four years but that was my experience.

If an absent father wanted to be kept informed he had to ask it wasn't automatic.
But that's the point - it looks like Lee hasn't bothered to ask. He's forever blaming the uncooperative ex, in a poor-little-me way, but doesn't seem to be making a lot of effort to improve matters.
Apparently she keeps messing around his Contact: has he complained to the Court? I don't think so.

I can see lots of scope for things to go wrong with communications from a smal village school, I’ve yet to come across a business that has a slick way of managing distribution lists.

I’m more interested in why he hasn’t got them living with him for a certain part of each week - wouldn’t the starting point be 50/50 if they’d gone to court?

I think that the point of Helen’s trip grimiosmum was to see Helen take a first small step back to confidence and independence (from her parents and her boys) after the whole Rob saga. With a little bit of encouragement from Lee too. Dull is exactly what she needs in a man right now. And it’s nice to see her not leaping into a romantic entanglement, just slowly getting to know each other. She’s learned!

I’m surprised that Lee’s moaning about his ex and trying to paint her as an unreasonable and difficult person isn’t setting alarm bells ringing with Helen. She may well be difficult and unreasonable, but I’m surprised Helen is taking this at face value based on her own history and experience. How might Knob (wherever he is) be describing Helen to any new women in his life with her flat refusal to let him see Myson?Surely if anyone knows there are two sides to every story it is Helen. I would have thought Lee’s poor relationship with his ex would be making her feel uneasy rather than it being something they might bond over. Once bitten and all that...

How might Knob (wherever he is) be describing Helen to any new women in his life with her flat refusal to let him see Myson?

This reminded me of that character on Helen's jury who was prevented from having access to his children, and it gradually emerged that it was with good reason.

I think Helen has just identified with the horror of having your children used against you. I think that was the context of the first conversation they had about Lee's ex-wife.

If the relationship does progress, I hope Helen gets the chance to tell him what happened with Rob before he hears it from someone else. I can just imagine Susan helpfully dropping some heavy hints to him, unable to resist the allure of Knowing Something.

Does anyone have a mental picture of what Russ looks like?

Russ wears a biker-style leather jacket, we know that because when he left it in Freddie-and-Lily's car that has always belonged to Lily really, she got away with claiming that a biker friend owned it (right up until Freddie saw Russ wearing it a few days later).

So I think he must be reasonably fit or he wouldn't be able to carry that off.

I don't think Helen ever received counselling or support after Rob did she. That might have equipped her to spot red flags etc.

I think Lee is just meant to nice and ordinary. Kind and good with people. I'm not getting a negative vibe from him - just a big yawn.

Natasha - yes shoplifter or maybe unmanaged/undiagnosed bipolar on an "up" swing. Shortly to go "down", much to Tim's consternation.

Delurking to say I don't mind Natasha buying expensive presents for everyone, maybe she is just loaded.

I'm wondering if she's so rich that she's bought Home Farm on the quiet. She is pushy enough to insist on the quick completion.

I agree there will be much adult derision and teenage mocking of Russ over Christmas dinner.

As pp said, I loved Shula's reaction to Russ and the life partner comment!

They are so not moving.

I think there is potential in a “living next to Roy Tucker” story. Maybe they’ll do that until the sale falls through.

I also think Natasha is loaded and I LOVE CaptainHolts prediction of her buying Home Farm 😂