The Archers - What’s your poison? Alice is legless, the fish are lifeless and Pip is clueless (Discussion #85)

[DadDadDad]

Even if you don't have a leg(?), a life or a clue, Welcome to the first ever 85th Archers thread!

Wild speculation and sensible questions always welcome - especially any newcomers.

A little game for the weekend, inspired by Timetogetup0630 and Gruach on the last thread:

Invent an explanation for how your username was the inspiration for an Archers storyline, character, etc - be creative!

My username is telling the story of Toby, Adam and Ian, although it probably needs some punctuation: Dad! Dad/Dad?

dairyfarmerswife - bit too easy for you, but as professional country folk maybe you could judge the winner?

Credit to MrsGrindah for the clever thread title

I thought they were offing Peggy the other week when Nolly left. I thought Neil tonight so it’s probably neither as I seen to be way off with my predictions other than Matt getting run over. It’s not like other soaps with the obvious set ups!

A week ago I wrote on this thread: Peggy and Joe have passed through the cancer, heart-related dangers etc and are just waiting for that random event that will maybe weaken or kill them because they are very old.

Was I unknowingly wearing the mantle of Mystic Bore?

I think that Christine lived in Woodbine alone for quite a while. Is it next door to the Police House, as I seem to remember her dropping in on Jim quite frequently to do the crossword?
I think it was after the flood that she could not bear to return to Woodbine and rented it to Fallon and Harrison.

I don't wish to sound callous, but haven't we all been expecting Joe to SOTMC for years now? I thought he was in particular danger the Christmas the Grundys (Grundies?) got back into Grange Farm. 2015? He kept banging on about how he'd never felt at home anywhere else and coming back to Grange Farm was all he ever wanted, he could die happy now... Couldn't believe it when he survived.

Archers stuff:

www.ebay.co.uk/itm/I-Love-The-Archers-Radio-4-Ambridge-Badges-Mirror-Magnet-Bottle-Opener-/201614605444

Top of my DIE list is still pip

Yes jessie Gaspode, had a hiccup in her timeline after the torching of Woodbine. That must be 25 years ago or more. (correct me if I'm wrong) It may even be longer ago that that.

After the Flood, Aunty Chris's house was looted.

Hiccup yes, but not that big! Lowfield tells me that it was March 2004 when Clive broke into the Police House and threatened George with a shotgun. He escaped and a week later returned and petrol bombed the house with Christine and Jill inside. He was in prison for many years, then let out on licence but sent back for breaking the terms about six years ago. With luck that's the last we'll ever hear of him.

Other exploits of this pitiful specimen: armed robbery of the village post office, forcing Susan to hide him (which is why she ended up in prison), slashing the legs of Shula's horses because he thought the stables still belonged to Christine, lots of burglaries.

Top of my DIE list is still pip

They could do a one in, one out: just as PipPup arrives, Jill SOTMC. That would be suitable punishment for Pip and her (non existent) plans for parenting.
After a few months we then change Pip-actress and she undergoes a personality transplant.
All sorted. (But we would miss the comedy double act that is swanee whistle and kazoo)

I think a NewPip would be a great idea. PipPup could be dedded. Toby Fowlbother could find out he was fathered by Alf Grundy or a Horrobin or Lord Bunbury or someone.

It must be great to live in Ambridge. No childcare worries other than finding a babysitter occasionally.

I want to know who's going to look after Adam and Iain's....

Surely Jill could do it? Or Jenny.
I'd suggest Peggy, but there's Hilda Ogden to consider.

Well, to be fair, it's not an exacting job looking after a child in Ambridge. You just stick them in the cereal cupboard for years at a time and Bob's your uncle.

Or the cellar. Just take him or her out as required, plug in and press play. Yay!

Lexi will selflessly take on childcare too for the baby she carries for them.

And Lexi’s two daughters in Bulgaria will come and visit and meet their half-sibling while he/she is being cared for by Lexi and be, like, hey Mum, this is our adorable blood brother/sister, why are you returning them to another home each night where this bloke goes on and on about herbal keys? Why can’t we all go back to Bulgaria as a family. And Lexi will be all like, hey girls, I made this generous decision and I am a woman with a heart of gold, but yeah, let’s apply for a passport for the baby quietly and make a dash for freedom. Um, Roy, you coming?

Lexi will selflessly take on childcare too for the baby she carries for them.
So pretty much The Handmaid's Tale

Susan would make a good Aunt.

Bert Do you remember Ian saying he'll work from home ? They will no doubt have savings put by\ and enough income too pay for a nanny if they need one.

How does a chef work from home?

Ask Ian using a freezer I suppose. Or making cakes with orders on line that sort of thing.

How can a chef work from home? Actually, seeing that Adam is soon going to be out of a job and broke he can look after it......