The Archers - It's so much more than just a soap. It's a bloody drama!

[PseudoBadger]

Will it still be Sunday tonight?

Peggy Hallmark moment above...

Hallmarking my place.

Wounds are red, bruises are blue
Robert I've always rather liked you
Not one to tolerate a toy rabbit
Or any other girly habit
You are a proper manly man
So why not cop of with Helen's gran?

• off ffs

Still on the Peggy greeting-card theme, and with grovelling apologies to selsig for ripping off her rhyme:

Although you're lying in a coma
And shortly scheduled for a stoma
Perhaps this slice of apple pie
Might help to make you feel more spry?
(We won't discuss the tuna bake -
A main course dished up by mistake)

Couldn't find a way to get custard in there, sorry...

Real custard on your pie -
You insisted and that is why
You're in hospital and might die.

Interesting legal talk

I'm very sorry my granddaughter
Attempted murder (or manslaughter)
I should have taught her that no wife
Should stab her husband with a knife
While seated at the dinner table
(I always said she was unstable).
It really doesn't cut the mustard
To stab you three times over custard.
To help you to your former health
I'll offer you this share of wealth
And hope you'll soon be hearty and hale
While Helen languishes in gaol.

at the greeting cards.

Loving the verse! You lot are very talented. 😁

Peggy will send a beautiful flowery card, blank for her own message. She chooses a haiku:

A husband and wife
Shouldn't resolve their issues
With the cutlery

excellent verses!

Excellent. I'm sure you will all be getting calls from Hallmark very soon.

Waves to toomuchtea

I am enjoying the Hallmark inspiration. Given how grim the storyline is and poorly handled, but let's not get into that, I think a spot of irreverent levity is just what the doctor ordered.

Love the verses!

Another for the poetry. Small - your last line made me laugh out loud, but also ewww...

From Kirsty

Sorry to hear you've lost half your bowel
And still might lose your life
But you really shouldn't have been so foul
To your poor gaslighted wife

Daddy

I hope you will be awwright soon.

Love Henry

I have to confess I'm quite enjoying this week - tuning in avidly in the way I might to something like Happy Valley, but I'm also missing the lovely comfort blanket that used to be TA that I'd tune into to feel cosy and that all's right with the world. I'm holding out that there is room for events to do an about turn - Knob was tracking Helen's phone, we didn't know that did we? So what else don't we know? And that's without the incriminating things we do know about him (though not confident the SW have remembered any of those) nothing that would get her off in RL, but certainly lots of mitigating circumstances and with a bit of help from the Ambridge legal fairy who knows?
Peggy's card would say:
Just because you binned the rabbit
Hellin had no need to stab. It
Might help to relieve your pain
If I change my will again.

:) at all these poems!
My life between 7.02pm each night is lived in anticipatory shadows.

I thought it was barmpot, as in barmy. Barm is yeast... Maybe frothy thinking ?

Oops sorry Jasper, didn't see your barmy post.

From Pat:

Relieved you're not now in a coffin
For Helen's sake, I hope you're healing
Now that a stoma's in the offing
We're both regretting our gut feeling

Lillian if ever there was a time to resurrect Ambridge Extra then this surely must be it?

I'm sorry Helen got so flustered
And put you face-down in the custard.
Although it's sure to cause a clamour
She'll eat her porridge in the slammer