He's behind you! Rob's not the messiah - he's a very naughty boy! Watch The Archers pantomime here.

[PseudoBadger]

Oh no he isn't! Oh yes he is!

It was the will of Mumsnet that Ursula should appear. And that she should be a controlling twerp. What other ideas should we plant?
Pip must take up that job in High Wycombe - and stay there, or Brazil. I don't care which, so long as she never comes back.
And the Fairbretheren have served their purpose in Ambridge surely?

I hope a useful conversation will now take place between Emma and Fallon. Maybe with Plot and Ed joining in? He was a bit off with Emma over the mismatched crockery. My blood pressure cannot take more of this, really it can't (it is raised already).

There is absolutely no way on god's green earth that Ursula wod buy a babygro with "Little Prince" on it.

Hmmm. Well he fed Pat, Tone and Helen a nice line about an unhappy childhood when his parents supposedly didn't turn up for the dinner he hadn't invited them to.
He certainly didn't seem happy to see his mother just now and got her out of the house as quickly as he could.

Does that mean he really does want to contact with them or that he doesn't want Helen to find out that he didn't have an unhappy childhood? But why should he care now what Helen thinks when he's already demonstrated over and over again what a rat he is and has her under house arrest?

And if he has gone NC with his parents what's he doing e-mailing Ursula? Most likely he couldn't resist swanking about the blessed son and is surprised it has brought Ursula out of her lair so suddenly.

The mention of Miles seems to have got under his skin. Is it a sibling rivalry thing at the heart of his personality disorder? (To be repeated unto the next generation with Golden Boy and Henry?)

Didn't take to Ursula! I see I'm not alone in that.

Re Mr Gasp's name - Eccles the immortal peacock hasn't been mentioned...

One person has it spot on but I'm not saying who

Sudden premonition....
Helen will be either die or nearly die (take your pick) when Ursula keeps her at home to give birth and Pat has to fight her way into the house to intervene.

Is there anyone who still thinks Helen will be going to Adam and Ian's wedding?

Oh, and Mr Gasp is called Topper, obviously.

On reflection, Ursula seems to have got over the 'loss' of Jess in her life rather quickly. And over the fact Ethan was not of her son's loins. Knob is such a hypocrite. I'd hope Adam and Ian might ask questions if Helen bows out of their happy day. or if Helen turns up wrapped in an old potato sack fastened with safety pins.

I agree the Fairbrethern have now ruined the Grundy turkey business, so have served their purpose, and if Rex and Pip wish to shag that can take place OFF air obviously. It is the will of Mumsnet .....

I'm bored of this sl now. Wake me up when it's over

Ursula will move in to 'help' so that the Mad Madonna can 'rest'

U will wear a high-necked black silk dress and a severe expression at all times. She will sit in a high-backed chair crocheting baby clothes. She will wear the house keys attached to her belt by a silver chain. She will be accompanied by her faithful rottweiler.

She will start feeding her charge raw liver sandwiches to 'keep her strength up'

H will be wakened at night by the faint sound of chanting somewhere in the house - only to be told that she has dreamt it.

There will be a terrible storm on the night of the birth. The midwife and ambulance will be unable to get through.

Ursula will prepare to deliver the Chosen One...

Pat (armed with copy of The Handmaid's Tale) Carol (with basket of herbs) and the Vicar (with bell, book and candle) will attempt to battle through the storm - but will they get there in time?

dun dun DUNNNNNNN!

So ... was that a Grange Farm Baby we didn't quite hear being conceived?

Bore -

How much longer can Helen remain under house arrest before people start talking? Perhaps Amy will do a midwife home visit and save the day. If she's as good friends with Ian as she makes out, she can't miss the wedding without it being a big deal surely.

Rob didn't like hearing the doorbell when he was on the phone to Helen did he - what a surprise that he then comes home unexpectedly to try and catch her out. He probably thought someone had come to give her a lift somewhere without his permission.

There seemed to be a bit of competitiveness underlying the comments about Rob providing her first grandchild. Do we know if Myles is married or anything?

Rob was also rather quick to shut down any hint of Ian and Adam being gay. (No, of course she won't be going.)

All we've heard, from Rob, is that his brother is very much the Golden Child ...

It's possible Ursula only heard about the scan through a nasty, crowing email from Rob to Miles. Or even from Rob to Jess!

Helen will be either die or nearly die (take your pick) when Ursula keeps her at home to give birth and Pat has to fight her way into the house to intervene.

Oooh, yes. Knob will laugh off any suggestion that she might get pre-eclampsia again, because obviously that only happened previously due to Henry's inferior genetic inheritance.

He so obviously thinks that Knobspawn will catch the Gay if Ian and Adam get anywhere near him. If Knob is still around in a few years' time, it would be brilliant if the Chosen One does in fact turn out to be gay.

There's no way Knob would let Helen have a homebirth. What, trust a midwife - a mere woman - to bring his perfect son into the world? Don't be absurd!

I can see knob being more of a "no pain relief for you in child birth darling" douchebag. I saw one of these types at an NcT class, his wife apparently wasn't having any chemicals during childbirth that could affect his child

I told his wife that he was a certain kind of twat for offering that opinion.

Knob will probably demand a Caesar, he wouldn't be able to cope with being unable to control when Knobspawn first graces the world with his presence.

Not a hope in hell of Hellin going to the wedding.

Does she have no access to money at all? Could she not order a dress online if Rob won't take her shopping.

Also, I am wondering if she even has access to her car keys anymore or has he hidden them? Does anyone know if they have a car each or share one?

Knob will want an elective section for sure, it's the most controlled way, right up his street. Given her obstetric history, they will not have muchbtroubke requesting one and if Hellin has other ideas she will soon be persuaded to forget having any kind of choice in the matter.

Also I am hating the fact Knob is able to use Adams flings on the side as a reason for his disapproval when it's obvious he is as homophobic as they come. Damn you Adam!

If U is as controlling as Knob is then do they both want the same thing?

Both agree Helen must rest to the point of atrophy, that H is merely the incubator for Golden Child, that GC must at all costs be kept away from common babies such as one finds in an NHS maternity unit. Ok Knob hasn't mentioned a home birth but I bet he thinks it's just like birthing a calf.

It sounds like his mother is his natural ally so why is he so keen to get rid of her?

No, Helen won't be going to the wedding.

Rob only said he was nc with his parents (to keep them away from Helin). He could have been emailing her all this time to try to stop her from visiting. He lies.

And maybe Miles is gay and that is the route of Rob's homophobia.
The best sl would be if Rob turns out to be secretly gay but in denial hence all the tension between him and Charlie because he was furiously jealous that C snogged A in the bushes and not him.
He runs off with Pavel in the end.

Yy though to them controlling the birth and naming the child, dressing the child, choosing school for child etc. H will be discarded as soon as it is born but still not allowed to leave.

gaspode Please, please let DHs name be Bartleby. If it isn't would he consider changing it?

Still can't work out Ursula - who Helen has spoken to on the phone before (not sure if it was the same actress - I remember her having much more clipped tones before- yesterday she sounded more like Hazel Wooley) when she had no idea who Helen was - Knob had obviously never mentioned her. His parents were invited to an elaborate dinner which they didn't turn up for (because either Knob had never told them about it - which is what we thought - or because they were so awful, unreasonable and despicable they just didn't turn up, which is what Knob wanted Helen to think). However Knob is clearly very much in touch with his mum to the extent of having told her the sex of the baby - why would he do that if he was trying to keep her at arms length. Are we supposed to think Knob is a controlling twat because that is what his mother is like? And if that is the case then why did Jess stay in touch with her and take baby Ethan to see her?