SOC has soaked Ambridge to the core across a never ending weekend. Discuss The Archers post-watershed here.

[PseudoBadger]

Deluged damp squid or not? And has Peggy been assisted off the mortal coil by Rob yet?
And when will JD and Brian remember Debbie?

Goodness, what a dab hand you are with the word play, fellow Ambridge aficionados.

Rob really is a basstard, isn't he?

Very crabby, Jessie.

Hazel is an old trout.

Surely the scales must fall from Helen's eyes soon.

Trouble is, she's fallen for him hook, line and sinker.

She thinks she's netted quite a catch. I hope she avoids a battering.

Do we think he's going to change his tuna about the DNA test? Or is all that stuff about the car a red herring?

That scene at the end was pathetic. Did they think we all thought he was suggesting murder or something? Or he was going to confes to having shagged Jess? Clunky clunky clunky

And Harrison and fallon are still super annoying

They could have ended that at, "What are you going to do?"

A few weeks from now:

[sfx of a letter being opened]

'I don't believe it!'

'Darling, what on earth's the matter?'

'Those utter incompetents! Obviously they've contaminated the samples at the lab, or some other bureaucratic lunacy. I'll fight this tooth and nail...'

'Of course you must, Rob! This is iniquitous. Don't worry, darling, it will turn out they've sent you the wrong letter. We'll get it all sorted out in the end. Jess can't be allowed to do this to you.'

A few weeks later:

'Well, that's that, Helen. I've done everything I can but they won't back down. I suppose they're afraid of losing face.'

'I still think we should go to our MP, Rob! How can they get away with treating innocent people like this?'

'I'm afraid it's no good, darling. We're just going to have to face it - Jess has won. For now. It's not such a large amount, after all.'

I bet he thinks he can manipulate it somehow to substitute someone else's sample. He has some nasty shocks coming to him.

That felt all wrong. If he know's he's Ethan's DF he wouldn't willingly walk into that - but if he turns out not to be then the wrongfooting of listeners would be very off indeed.

Really don't see any DNA skullduggery happening so ...

Rob's actions make sense to me, whatever the truth, precisely because he's a control freak and he hates Jess for trying to control him. Maybe he'll magic up an hither-to unspoken-of twin to blame.

"Maybe he'll magic up an hither-to unspoken-of twin to blame"

See John Dory mentioned up thread

I reckon he thinks he'll be able to hand over somebody else's sample (of what I shudder to think) & will be OUTRAGED to find that he is expected to provide something in person

Bull sperm

Does anyone know how CSA DNA tests are conducted? Surely you have to turn up and let them take a sample - you can't just take something in with you. Maybe Knob's line of argument will be that the test isn't 100 percent reliable.

Looks like a doctor has to take the sample

www.gov.uk/dna-testing-parentage-disagreements

It is only 99.9% accurate! I can see Rob telling Helen that he is the 1/1000.

On the list of approved companies there's one called Eurofins

Excellent link theonewiththenicestsmile. I think we can safely assume Knob won't be able to cheat the test. It's just reminded me that I once worked with someone who was wrongly sent an attachment of earnings order by the CSA regarding the paternity of a child of a woman he had never even met - basically it was a total administrative cock-up by the CSA. I can't remember what happened in the end though obviously the misunderstanding was cleared up. Totally irrelevant to this case of course since Knob and Jess are married.

Just caught up - if it turns out not to be his I will stop listening - I mean it this time

Impossible to see the point of the story if he's not.

"Crazy, discarded wife" would only work if it demonstrably strengthened Helen and Rob's relationship, or caused a significant change in their life plans. Neither of which is the case so far.

Oh wait. DNA says not the father, Helen is unable to conceive, Jess dies, Ethan needs a home? They wouldn't do that again would they?

Or will Jess just leave him on the doorstep?

Where is this going?

Or could he actually BE the father? And him and Hell fight tooth and nail to get him removed from 'looney' Jess. A nice little companion for Henry .

You don't think, in that scenario, Helen might be a teeny bit peeved about the months of vehement lying?