Would you buy a house right next to your parents?

[goldyi]

A house that ticks all our boxes and is reasonable priced has come up for sale, it’s almost perfect really. Only issue is that it’s in the same estate as my parents. They live right at the back and this house is close to the entrance. They would drive past daily to get to theirs. They’ve lived there for 20 years and while they mention they’d like to downsize in the future, that’s likely not to be anytime soon. Has anybody or does anybody live very close to their parents and share their experiences? We do have a good relationship, but that could likely change if we saw too much of each other and I don’t know if it will be a bit too close for comfort and can’t decide whether it’s a dealbreaker. Any insights welcome!

Our Son and DIL live in street next to us - we can see their house from ours. It was there choice to move there. It works well for us and them. It makes childcare very easy. I think it only works if your parents are the type who respect your privacy. We wait to be invited round, unless we just call to drop off something that has accidently been left at ours by the grandchildren.

I would, but I’m an oddity on MN as I like my family and enjoy spending time with them!

You say "right next" and then that it is "on the same estate", depending on the size of the development there could be a significant difference.
Do you get on, are you worried they may take advantage as at the moment I cannot see any problem at all?
Plenty of people live in the vicinity to their parents whether that be in the next street or just the same village.
Would you feel obliged to pop in if you were walking or driving past as at the moment (if that were the case) that is the only strange thing I can think of?

If you get on well now and the house really is good for you maybe go out for coffee with the parent you are closest to to discuss 'How would you feel about this?' 'Would it be weird?' 'What if we weren't on the same page about X or Y?'

I have had experience of living close and very close to different family members (and far away) and it mostly worked for us. At one point I moved into a house I wasn't so keen on because of the proximity and it was a good choice.

It might not be right for you though, I'm just saying it can be a good move.

I lived 2 roads from my mum and ended up the default carer.

Personally with hindsight, I wouldn't live within minutes of my parents unless thats a role you intend to take on.

I wouldn’t because I love my space (from both my parents and DHs!) and although they’re both lovely, I know they’d end up “just popping over” when I was WFH 😂

I don’t have any insights, but there are questions I would ask.

Are there other houses that you’re interested in? Given the current state of the market, whether or not there’s choice would be a big consideration.

How often do you see your parents now and would you be able to keep to the same expectations? I’d want to make it very clear that I wouldn’t welcome dropping by unannounced, daily visits etc. Unless, of course, it’s your routine anyway.

Literally semi detached houses connected to each other with my parents 🤣. Works very well.

No, and when they joked about buying one next to us that was for sale, I told them straight we'd move. Same country works for me - but better and easier when they lived overseas

hell no! That said, it's not really going to happen while my life is over 200 miles away!!
I can see the advantages though now that they're older and need more help. That said, I wouldn't want to live somewhere where they can see me coming and going. Not that I have much to hide but you just know there'd be "oh we went past and your car wasn't there" type inquisitions.

Would it have a laundry chute and a dumb waiter ?

Do they want you so near ?

I remember my Mum once telling me a story about an old friend she’d just bumped into and that her daughter lived next door to her. I promptly said “oh that’s AWFUL”. We both looked at each other and burst out laughing!

I lived very close to my in-laws for a few years (next street over, under a 2 minute walk, could see the roof of their house from our upstairs windows) - I was nervous about it when we moved there but it worked out fine, occasional little bit of friction from being a bit on top of one another but overall I'd say the positives outweighed the negatives - it was lovely just being able to pop over there for tea or dinner casually then being home again 5 mins later, childcare a dream, could look after one another's houses on holidays etc. I do get on well with them and we all enjoy spending time together so I can imagine it would be different if you have a tricky relationship...

@DeltaVariant Semi detached with your parents ?! Love it 😍

Would I want my kids to live next door to me 100% they are all young adults. I would especially like it if they had kids and they could come in whenever they wanted, I work but I could baby sit all the time and help out with everything. I love anything family so would be great. Not sure what they think tho!

It’s not a huge estate approx 80 houses. I mentioned it yesterday when they dropped off my eldest and my mum said they wouldn’t just call in if we lived close by but I just have a feeling they would find excuses to call in more regularly!

I grew up with my DGM living a few doors down from us. Not sure how my DM felt about it but I loved having her so close and the back doors were always unlocked so my DB and I would be in and out of her house so often. It was so lovely. I guess its very different if you are in a different stage of life - no kids / grown kids etc and thinking about future care etc. We are the opposite now as we live 300miles from my DPs and I do feel sadness that my DC won't have the same experience growing up.

My sibling lives about 100m from my parents in their 80’s . Initially I was worried that sibling would be overwhelmed, but in all honesty I can see that they both get something from the arrangement- Sibling gets dog sitting, plants watered when on holiday, someone close when they are working shifts and teen is home alone (if lonely the teen has the option to pop over to GPs) . Parents get tech and diy help, occasional lifts , seeing the grandchild and some company. The downsides are from Sibling’s pov is my mother’s tendency to pop over 10 minutes after they’ve got back from work and wander in the back door during summer. They also get the first 6 iterations of every stor and someone observing comings and goings. I think you have to be patient, but each party has to be able to share stresses and listen / act on each other’s points. I can also act as a buffer between the two if needed ie Mum, you need to give sibling some space. Parents were definitely aware of not overstepping so that definitely helped. Three years in there have been some niggles, but overall working well. I admire sibling, not sure I could do it but I support wherever I can .

Watch Everybody Loves Raymond. And then run away from the house.

My husbands family is like this, except it’s a private road, and the parents and then their children ( my husbands parents and aunt and uncle) live next door. So three houses in a row,

it has huge benefits, a sense of community, they nip in and out of each others houses, but there is a sense of claustrophobia to it.

on balance I think if you have a good relationship and feel they can respect boundaries, and you the same to them, then it’s a good idea.

I would have loved to live that close to my mum. It woukd have been so much easier to help her as her health started to decline rather than making a two hour round trip. But I suppose it depends on how well you get on with your parents.

No, never would have considered it for one moment! But I didn't really get on with my parents.

I would have loved to have lived next to my parents. It would have been wonderful.

I would love to do this with my parents, when we were thinking of moving last year we were looking at houses in my parents village but one never came up.

If it was my PIL though not a chance