Would you buy a house right next to your parents?

[goldyi]

A house that ticks all our boxes and is reasonable priced has come up for sale, it’s almost perfect really. Only issue is that it’s in the same estate as my parents. They live right at the back and this house is close to the entrance. They would drive past daily to get to theirs. They’ve lived there for 20 years and while they mention they’d like to downsize in the future, that’s likely not to be anytime soon. Has anybody or does anybody live very close to their parents and share their experiences? We do have a good relationship, but that could likely change if we saw too much of each other and I don’t know if it will be a bit too close for comfort and can’t decide whether it’s a dealbreaker. Any insights welcome!

No - in laws moved beside sil, and she is called on 24/7 to help. It’s truly awful, sil doesn’t feel she can say no.

Funny how opinion is so divided. Loved living close to DP for childcare and mutual pet-sitting when DC were little. Priceless.

Relieved to be close by to be default carer when the time came.
DSib was similarly thrilled to be a 3h drive away and let me crack on.

No. I would rather have bought a house next to my parents though rather than PILs. Reason being my parents would never call in without checking/texting first. Mil & Fil would, even living 15 miles away.

I do recall the old staying 'don't flee the nest only to go to the next branch'.

I did. The house opposite my parents came on the market and it was exactly what we were looking for at the time. Stayed there 7 years before we moved away to get into a better school catchment area.

No problems at all and was v handy for babysitting or if I just needed a break from toddlers for a an hour or two.

we live next door to my daughter Son in law and grandsons. It does work well. We have agreed to iron out any issues that may arise. They keep their eye on the house if we are away. We help with our grandchildren

I would like it, if my mum moved close to me. She still lives in my home town, and I don't like it so wouldn't move back.

Would you buy a house right next to your parents?

Ha ha ha ha.
Bloody hell NO.

My parents live in the next street over, just a few minutes walk away. They have lived there for 40+ years and we only moved here in the past 10 or so years. It's nice having them close. I can't drive so I can just pop round if I want to, and my dad has been coming here more often for a cuppa and a chat. My mum has mobility issues so can't walk round, but I prefer going to see her in her house anyway.
Also when they go away I can keep an eye on their house & water the garden if it needs it, and visa versa.
It helps we can't really see each others houses day to day so I think I would struggle if they were next door or a few doors away. My mum has strong opinions on things which we don't see eye to eye on.

DM bought a house opposite me without asking. I moved 50 miles away soon after.
It was too much, the door knocking at 6am and constant popping over. I need my own space. She is married so has her own life.

Pre children? Nothing worse.

Currently with a toddler? I can certainly see some upsides 🤣 currently they're several hours away.

I live two streets from my mum, DS lives two (longer) streets from me, DD is moving two streets in the opposite direction soon.

We don’t see each other every day, I much prefer the wave as you’re walking past and easy shared child, elderly and pet care over the twice a year visits for a week out of duty where everyone is glad when they go back home again through being together 24/7.

Family events where you can walk home after a bottle of wine to your own bed with no cab fares are also a bonus.

Never.

I don’t think its that people don’t like their family, especially their parents in the majority of cases it’s that their parents aren’t good for their mental health!

id kill to have a mother who was good to live near.

I like my parent but don’t want to live that near to them that they can just turn up without warning. Some distance is great. The current distance is too large. A 15 minute drive would be ideal

What if, as happens all too often nowadays, they were waiting alone on the floor for hours?

No. I need peace and space. My mum wouldn’t follow the boundaries and would expect us to be on tap for random chats / furniture moving / collecting items etc. She’s not physically incapacitated, just likes to delegate to other people and never had / forgot what the both working full time with 2 young children phase is like. She also has very set ideas about how thing should be done e.g. would be moaning about “why l haven’t made more effort with the front garden” etc. It would drive me insane. I would tell her to butt out and give us some space, then she would be affronted

I live next door to my DM. We encouraged her to move nearer to us 27 years ago following her divorce. She lived 1.5 hours away at the time and was really struggling on her own. By chance the house next to us was rented out and it became vacant. DH suggested we approach the landlord to see if he would be interested in selling and he was.

Just before my DM moved in I found out I was pregnant. This worked out perfectly as my DM was going to look for a job over here but she became our child minder and we paid her. This meant my DS never had to be woken early due to my early start as I commuted into London and DH did shift work. DM just popped across the garden and was here when he was awake! She didn’t drive but she used to walk miles with him and all my ante natal friends would include her in their group when he used to go to toddler groups/nursery/school.

DM is 86 now and has dementia. She is able to stay in her own home with all her things around her. She eats with us each night and I take her out and about. We are always around if there is something she’s confused about or has lost. DS still lives at home and he will help if DH and I want to go out for the evening. She loves it when he has fish and chips delivered to the door and they eat together.

It can be hard now but when I remember how hard it was when DH’s parents were elderly and struggling and we had to drive 2 hours to get to them I know this is the much easier option.

I live near my mum & sister, about 100 metres from sister, 400 metres from mum. Has worked great with childcare and Christmas etc everyone can just stumble home, no taxis required! 😂

We dont live in eachothers pockets either though. I sm probably only in my sisters house less than 10 times a year even though we live so close by. Neighbours can be a nightmare, at least with your parents you knkw they (presumably!) won't be having loud parties or dogs barking etc etc

My parents would never just pop round without checking first. Even though they have a key. So it would be fine. But I’m not sure I’d like them right next door.

But where you are seeing co-dependence they may be seeing as normal and happy extended families.

There are huge advantages to extended families - always someone available in an emergency, always someone with whom you can share the load at difficult times. I would love to have had family closer when I had growing children, I wished I was closer when the DGPs were older. Are extended families trouble free? No of course not but the other extreme seems to result in even more load on women in particular.

what this thread shows really clearly is that so much depends on the relationship.

That includes whether you are all on the same page with regards to boundaries and privacy.

My parents are currently a 20 minute drive away.
My dd is in her last year at school, and when she finishes I would quite like to move to a city which is 2 hours drive away for various reasons.
But realistically, my parents are early 80s and dad is getting frail. There is no way I would move that far away, just as they need more help, so we're staying put.

We live on the same estate as my in-laws. Under 5 minutes walk away, but we can't see their house from ours. It is fine, but they aren't the sort to just pop round unannounced. And it's handy if we need to borrow something, or get locked out, or want someone to keep an eye on the house/garden while we are away etc. (we do the same for them, obviously).

I can guarantee that if we lived this close to my parents, we would see a lot more of them than we do my in-laws - and not through choice 🤣

BIL lives abroad, so we will always be the ones called on to help if needed. It will make it easier if they ever need care in the future.

So I guess it depends on the type of relationship you have and whether you think they will respect your privacy.

Yes, but then I grew up in a house literally next-door to my maternal grandparents.

I live practically next door to my dad, an arrangement that I pushed for once my mum died. It’s been the best decision ever but only one I could make because a) I get on very well with my dad and b) he has his own life and would never dream of encroaching.

As it is, th kids get to see him daily, I get an extra pair of hands if I need them… and he’s close by, which is making grieving much easier.

I couldn’t have gone ahead with it if he was overbearing or blurred boundaries.

It depends on your relationship with you parents, we live less then 5 mins from my mum. She asked both me and my DH when she moved there and my DH said it was ok as mum is very independent. And to be honest I visit 2/3 times a during the week (sister goes in at the weekend) and DH only when mum needs help with something or we going to hers for dinner.