Would you buy a house right next to your parents?

[goldyi]

A house that ticks all our boxes and is reasonable priced has come up for sale, it’s almost perfect really. Only issue is that it’s in the same estate as my parents. They live right at the back and this house is close to the entrance. They would drive past daily to get to theirs. They’ve lived there for 20 years and while they mention they’d like to downsize in the future, that’s likely not to be anytime soon. Has anybody or does anybody live very close to their parents and share their experiences? We do have a good relationship, but that could likely change if we saw too much of each other and I don’t know if it will be a bit too close for comfort and can’t decide whether it’s a dealbreaker. Any insights welcome!

We’re about to buy just around the corner from DS and DIL. At the moment we’re only 5 miles away, but we’re all looking forward to being near neighbours and they’re much more likely to pop in to ours than we are to theirs.

No I wouldn't like it. 3-4 miles away yes, maybe, but not within a stone's throw. Then again my mother had a tendency to be a critical, moany, needy individual who made me feel bad if I didn't visit her 2-3 times a week, despite me having a job, and 2 DC, and my own home! I lived 5-6 miles away which was OK, but I sometimes wished I lived 100 miles away!

My younger brother lived just half a mile away from her, and he never had children - at the time - but she never expected him to step up/come around/visit 2-3 times a week/do chores and shopping for her.

There's a bit of a weird co-dependency going on with some families I know. eg, one family I know in my village, have 15 family members all living within 2-10 minutes walk of each other; the nan and grandad, (both mid 70s,) and their 3 adult children. (2 sisters and a brother in their 40s.) Then there's the sisters 2 husbands, and then there is the 4 DC of the 2 sisters...all in their 20s. (The brother is single and still lives with nan and grandad, at 45.) Then 2 of the 4 DC have husbands too, and 1 child each. They all live in the village, and every single one of them would only have somewhere in this village to live, near mum and dad and nan and grandad. They all refuse to live anywhere else.

They're in and out of each others pockets and the 2 sisters are always running around after their parents, running errands and visiting them every day, despite having jobs! The 2 young adults who have 1 child each are always in each other house, or their mum and dad's or their grandparents. Hugely co-dependent and needy IMO, and they don't seem to have any friends. Very insular.

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Yes I would, I wish DM was closer. It all depends on the relationship you have with eachother.

I live in the next street to my parents, we get on well. None of us impose on the other. We only lived 1.5 miles from my PIL when they were alive. Thankfully we all like each other.

We are actually moving at some point this year so we can live nearer to my parents. There’s a house in the road behind theirs which I’d love to buy.

Yes, I would love to live near my parents. Maybe out of direct eye view but I think it would be fine. They provide a fair bit of childcare and it would make that simple. When they are older it would make it easier to check up on them and keep them living in their own home for longer.

No. Not even in the next county

We built our house in my parents garden! It was fab. But they were great and had no interest in our day to day coming and goings…they died a few years back, and their house is rented out now but expect our DD will live in it one day.
I think mothers and daughters can live happily nearby, maybe not so much mothers and Dil”s!
This is how everyone lived not so long ago - mothers, sisters, grandparents would have all been mostly local to one another.

I lived next door to my dad for 20 years and loved it. Luckily he and my husband got on fabulously. We weren’t in each other’s pockets at all. He was fab for popping round and letting the dogs out if we had to work or were away for a couple of days. And my mum moved into an annex/wing in our house for the last six months of her life.

My sister did for many years.
It worked well. Mum and dad helped with childminding but they gave each othe space and would phone each other rather than go round uninvited.

To make it work both sides have to have clear boundaries and communicate them.It won't work, for example, if one likes to pop in all the time while the other wants space but no one has said this.

I would have been very happy to do this when my parents were alive.

I think there is a HUGE difference between what most of us assumed from your title of being next door neighbours, and from living a few minutes walk away on a different street.

However, it is totally going to depend on what not only your relationship is like with them, but also what your dh / partner's relationship is like with them.

Plus, to some extent, your stage of life, and their stage of life / physical fitness / likely health over the coming 10 years or so.

I think a choice about living very close to parents should be given to the DiL / SiL rather than the daughter or son (both agreeing obviously, but I mean the 'in-law' needs to be given the right of veto).

But, 'a few streets away' is very, very different from 'right next to' IMO.

For a number of years we lived across the path from my parents. It was wonderful. The kids saw them all the time, and mum and dad would pop in for a chat. Even my now exh enjoyed the closeness. It only worked because we liked each other.

How long the walking distance would be?
Are you very close to your family e.g seeing them every week etc?
Do parents provide childcare for you?
Do you have other siblings to be involved with? ( I mean do they have someone else to focus on 😉)

We moved to a house that was close to my parents, though we couldn’t see each other’s houses.
It was fine, we had a good relationship and respected each other’s space.
That house was about 1 mile from MIL, and that was waaay too close for both DH & I. MIL loved it , but she never saw a boundary she couldn’t trample.

Yes I would, but it all depends on family dynamics. I get on really well with my parents and my siblings, I also grew up being able to see my nans house from my bedroom window. I loved being able to walk to my nans whenever I wanted for a cup of tea or pop in after school/work.

Kind of. I think it went way beyond a bit of ‘help’ though. PIL refused to pay for care as SIL was next door, so more convenient to phone her at all hours of the day and night when stuck in the bath, had a fall, soiled the carpet etc.

I would love to live on the same road as my parents!

I can’t think of anything worse than this. I would never want to live that close to any relatives. I like the privacy to lead my own life with my immediate family.

It can be practical to live near to DP especially as they get older but you would have to set boundaries - not just turning up whenever they feel like it.

I wouldn’t have an issue with it but I wouldn’t purposely buy a house to be close to them.

I think a short car journey is close enough, something that is too far to walk to stop them from “popping round” unannounced all the time

Yes, I think so! Though they do live across the world from me so maybe it’s just absence making me say that 🤣
I would also live that close to my PILs, if that counts!

Not quite as close but my sister lives 2 minutes drive away and my mum and dad (died) live a 5 minutes drive away. My mum and dad moved here 6 years ago, basically so we could care for them. I hate it. Love my sister though.

No

Oh but Marie doesn't interfere...much.😉

most natural thing on earth to do, as long as you all get along of course