Annoying estate agent speak (lighthearted)

[tomorrowtoblerone]

On rightmove everything is 'nestled' somewhere. Never heard anyone say it in real life.

‘This popular village.’ Every village in the country is popular. No estate agent ever says ‘this scruffy dump’.

Ha yes. Also 'highly sought after.'

Oh God! I absolutely hate that, and I'm an estate agent! Winds me up so much.

I think it's when they get ChatGPT to write the description.

It’s when they refer to regular things that you’d expect like they are a bonus or something unusual!

"warmed by" referring to heating systems always makes me irrationally angry.

‘Favoured South side .’ IYKYK

Was an agent in Reading who left and on his last day described a house as a slum in a paper ad
Whoops

The overuse of the word “stunning” click the link to this so called stunning property and it is anything but, or “show home condition” when although neat and tidy was last decorated circa 1985.

I don't like the phrase 'benefits from'. I mean, there's no opposite, is there? What's wrong with the word 'has'?

I saw a house that 'boasts five bedrooms'

Nasty thing, i wouldn't buy a boastful house.

Fantastic views........of random fields and the M25.

Sought after. One house I saw was in a sought after location which was next to a calcium carbonate processing plant with a view of a nearby concrete plant.

"Good transport links" - between the East Coast Mainline and the A1
"Perfect for first time buyers"- there are bigger playhouses at Smyths Toys
"Ideal for those wanting to decorate"- the back wall has fallen down
"Near excellent schools" but not near enough to actually get a place

"fully tiled, complete with washbasin and mixer tap" big wow
"feature fireplace"
"a stonesthrow" from "bustling" town centre

"Conveniently located"....usually means that its next door to a football stadium or a pub which has live music every night.

Yes, or a thunderous main road.

"Cosy" = very very small

Slightly different but my house was advertised as having 'original sliding Yorkshire sash windows'. It doesn't. None of these cottages have had the original windows since about 1972. I think the estate agents just copy and paste the details from the last time the house was on sale - and have been for fifty years.

Gas central heating and double glazed windows - with it being 2025 what a treat!

-Its the best street outside XYZ.
(XYZ is the more expensive town nearby)

-Compact and bijou

-Great potential

Read a listing once that opened with " DIY enthusiasts rejoice ...!!". ..... Place was a dump obviously

"nestled"
I swear half the houses I see advertised are nestled somewhere. I assume it means the neighbours are very close.

The overgrown junk filled back garden of my son's recent purchase was described as 'a true oasis'!

Slightly tangential, but has anyone else heard the Fine and Country adverts on the radio?
”Dare to be iconic” gives me the absolute rage

I'm always amazed how many people on mumsnet read the description.

I filter for what I need, then view photos of possible option, then check the floor plan, then recheck the photos. I usually get any info I need from that. If I do happen to need more its usually google maps and/or street view.

I think I only once referred to a description and that was only because that house had room sizes listed only in the description (not the floor plan).

No description is ever 'useful' its all purple flowery waffle. Im not dating the house, I don't need to read its tinder profile, I just need the basic facts (location, size, layout, condition etc... from the photos/plan/map).