Annoying estate agent speak (lighthearted)

[tomorrowtoblerone]

On rightmove everything is 'nestled' somewhere. Never heard anyone say it in real life.

The outside area of a house hear me was described as being perfect for children or keen gardeners. It was small and completely paved, with two large sheds.

Often seem on properties that have been on the market for months! So not that sought after then.

I once saw a property that said ‘easy access to motorway’. It was built virtually underneath a motorway flyover!

There is also an increasing trend for estate agents to use AI descriptions. Loads of sickening flowery language and waffle, but tells you nothing that you actually want to know.

"opportunity to expand" - is tiny and you'd need half the garden for a kitchen
"would benefit from some modernisation" - hasn't been touched since 1970
"artfully extended" - what does that even mean? It's usually a bog standard kitchen extension.

I recently had my 18 year old house re valued. Apparently it needed 'gutting' as it was dated.

My response? god help my previous home dated 1342, it might be ripe for demolition!

Enjoying these! Yes 'boasting' is another one near me as well.I saw a flat 'boasting its own front door' wow.

These agents must be getting 'stunned' every day by all the stunning features... Also I've seen priced for a quick sale or this one will be snapped up, still on there weeks later and they've not changed it.

‘Some modernisation required’ to describe an absolute dive.

‘Ideal for first time buyers’…. Who would have to have to be desperate to move in when it looks like this.

Ha, I live in zone 3, every high street is referred to a village by a certain agent. There is nothing villager about any of it!

Reading the description is essential, this is where you discover all the minus points that are often hidden, for example only yesterday I found a lovely cottage that ticked all the boxes, however at the bottom of the description it stipulated there was a right of way over the front garden, it would have been an absolute waste of time if I had viewed the house on the floor plan and photos alone, I don’t want strangers having the right to walk over my garden, there is much more to discover on a house than floor plans and photos alone, it would have been a complete waste of my time, the agents time and the vendors time because I hadn’t bothered to read the property details.

Oh yes made up areas- villages and the popular 'road name' triangle or whatever. Or when they try to squeeze something which is nowhere near into a more desirable area.

"Low maintenance garden" (usually "delightful") = Badly paved yard with no plants.

I usually read 'ideal for first-time buyers' as 'cheap, for several very good reasons'.

I viewed like 100 house, never come across one with a surprise or a hidden secret.

That's hardly a common issue you need to dig for. Given my first house opened on the street and my second 2 where recessed by 1 whole meter from the street (as most houses here are) I cant say that would be a deal breaker anyway, if anything it would be a plus that it even had a garden.

Also most negative things deliberately aren't listed, even stuff they HAVE to declare usually just state 'contact agent' anyway because they couldn't be bothered to enter the details. There is an extreme template copy and paste laziness and double talking 'hide the truth' language in EA descriptions (which isn't that the whole point of the thread).

Light and Airey. For any house benefitting from windows.

"Priced to sell"...aren't they all?
"In the "Bloggs School catchment" when the other School in the area doesn't get a mention.
"Affording dramatic views over open countryside". Then you look up local planning applications and the fields will soon have 1000 houses on them.

Even worse when they spell it sort after!

Well it depends what you class as negative, clearly you don't but to a lot of people shared driveways, access, rights of way, short leases, service charges, flying freeholds are a problem so useful to all concerned to take 5 minutes to read some property details before you waste everyone’s time, unless like you, these things have no bearing.

2 story instead of two storey.

Garden mostly laid to lawn with mature shrubs. This comes up a surprising amount and for some reason gives me the rage.

My favourite is when they get the owners to write a bit about the place.

"Our vendor said ..... "Me and Terry have loved living here. The niche in the living room is ideal for a TV and we really enjoyed being so handy for Betfred"

Dorma windows.

Lol at the agents getting stunned every day.
Love this thread😂😂😂

The area I keep looking in

"close to town centre" keeps comng up.

Not a bonus if you want to move further away from it!

"Desirable suburb" border. In other words, not there.

Where I live, it's always "Bournville border" which means Northfield.

My personal bugbear is artfully shot pictures of door knockers, candlesticks and other random stuff in addition to the actual rooms.

Just tonight I read that an estate agent was "delighted to present " an overpriced 1970s bungalow with questionable decor near me .

I’ve seen houses in a village I once lived in described in nauseating flowery detail about their beautiful riverside location. No mention that they’ve had 4ft of that river in their front room though on several occasions.