Being gifted a large deposit from single mum and then moving 90+ minutes away from parents (London)

[ThisQuickBee]

I really need to get these thoughts off my chest and hopefully some lovely Mumsnetters can also share some advice on how to deal with this situation. Am I being overthinking or being unreasonable? Anyone else been in similar family circumstances?

In some parts of the world 90 minutes is a very small distance. But we are talking about my mum here, who is loathe to leave the house if it rains.

Story is that mum has transferred a large sum of money for my first home that would make up most of my deposit. She is hoping that I will buy close to her in north London. She's not said that I must do this but she complained about my doing viewing in other areas that are more affordable (Hainault, Plaistow...). I am doing my best to ignore her comments...but I can't seem to stop feeling guilty because she has always relied on me as the person that was on her side when things got rocky with dad (who is now in a different country and out of picture). As she gets older, she needs me to help out with the computer, phone, bill admin - basically anything internet/digital.

Sadly, even with mum's large gift and my savings, the budget (450k or under) would get me a small house or a fixer upper requiring significant work in Colindale and Burnt Oak. I don't particularly like these areas. I spent around 3 weeks looking in Enfield Town/Bush Hill Park and north Tottenham too but I found it hard to find a property that met my requirements. This isn't a long time but I think that's because deep down I know it will be hard to find a good-sized house that is within budget anyway in those areas.

Instead, I've turned to Plumstead Common and viewed a number of properties there. It's cheaper due to lack of Tube but there are buses to Woolwich. I like the green space. There's the Charlton Lido that I could cycle to and go for swims (I swim every week and it's great for my mood). It's all within budget and I might even have 20-30k left to return to mum, if I took out my maximum mortgage amount. Mum is not pleased but apart from niggling location issue, all the other boxes are ticked for me (transport, green space, decent schools, shops etc). It's close-ish to my partner's home (bus then DLR) so good for them.

To me this is almost a no-brainer. Almost! Except that it would be 90 minutes by public transport for my mum as she would have to take Northern Line -> Lizzie Line -> bus. By car, it would take me about 1hr15m to drive on average. This is quite a long distance for someone who is reliant on public transport.

If I had 600k+ to spend and lucrative career I would probably look harder in north London but I don't so this is where it's at for me...

I wouldn’t want to travel regularly from Plumstead to Tottenham, no. Stay north of the river.

@ThisQuickBee I do understand, I would def have an honest conversation though as the gift may be somewhat 'with strings' even if she says it isn't- you don't want it thrown back at you down the line unless you have a very thick skin

Wanted to show you this -it's a50% shared ownership - but its a proper traditional house in Wood Green on a nice leafy st - very low service charge too as it's a house

Overall would probably cost you the same as areas you are looking- but I think it's a decent purchase in an improving area

www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/154348610

Wood Green station is terrifying though, especially when the schools kick out and into the rush hour.

If this will strain your relationship, would it be better to decline the gift and look for a cheaper property/flat instead? Alternatively, could you buy with your partner and pool resources?

@ThisQuickBee - you may have missed my question.
If you are thinking of children down the line and have a partner why don't you purchase together and that will increase your budget ?

@ThisQuickBee thing isOP - you say 'very soon you would be looking for a bigger place ' - I'm presuming you mean kids- but as you don't even live with your partner yet, then have to get pregnant etc- a good 2 or 3 bed flat ideally as you say with shared freehold , in a nicer area , could well suit you for quite a few years - I would honestly think on this rather than buy for a life you aren't having yet - it's just a thought- I did something similar many years ago, bought in an area that suited 'partner' ended up splitting and was then in an area and a property I wouldn't have picked if I was honest. Maybe the house might be a better option if you were a bit further down the line and could use joint income to get somewhere a bit better- just a suggestion .

This is a nice flat too in a leafy pleasant area that may work for you better than Wood Green - 2 very good bed, 2 bath - lovely fresh interior.

www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/152537255#/?channel=RES_BUY

Buy the house in Plumstead Common, give back the money to your mum, and use any extra money for Ubers between you both.

Buying a house is a huge commitment. Stamp duty, moving stress and fees and if you want to to move again you have to deal with a chain.

If you want to be on the right side of London to your mum, consider Hoddesden or anywhere on a train like out of Stratford or Tottenham Hale.

I wouldn’t compromise on freehold, schools and green space if you want a family in future and somewhere for more than ten years.

It is your right to buy wherever you want if the money is a gift.

However, tbh I think you are considering moving somewhere that is very hard to reach from north London using public transport.

I think it would be kinder to look in areas that she could visit using just one train say, such as Hertfordshire because as she gets more elderly, that journey will realistically become impossible for her.

You say you spent 3 weeks looking around the Enfield area, but 3 weeks is nothing when house hunting. Personally I would keep looking into new areas that are more easily accessible from north London.

@deeahgwitch Partner has a house that is rented out at the moment and I think they want to keep it that way. We've been together four years and have sort of accepted that it's going to be a relationship where I live at home until I get my own place. They are going to help me out with other expenses, which will be a huge help but not the mortgage. They would sign the agreement to say they are not on included on it.

I should add partner's parent is also single mum, living in Woolwich area. They rely on my partner for quite a lot of things. This is a conundrum.

Thanks for all the replies so far. I think I'm going to widen my net quite a bit more north East or maybe East, if there is a location that reduces transport to one bus or one train. Then factor in schools add whatnot.

@SaltLampFeelsDamp funny, I lived for in Turnpike Lane/WG for many years for primary and later university. School kids all over in the place in Wood Green😳- myself included at some point. That never changes.

@ThisQuickBee yes I do understand your dilemma. Wouldn't somewhere like Greenwich or Charlton possibly be easier as jubilee line then to north London or overground to London Bridge and then northern/picadilly/ jubilee etc depending where she lives - bit time consuming but reasonably direct
This is a 3 bed maisonette with garden - but pretty nice indeed

www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/155488169#/?channel=RES_BUY

I think there are far worse places than Plumstead Common and prices are still rising in that area. You might be able to build some equity and then be able to move a bit nearer. Have you looked at East Ham/Upton Park? These might be closer to your mum but personally I don't think they're as nice as Plumstead Common.

Personally, I'd want to find out from the partner whether moving in together is likely in the foreseeable future. I wouldn't want to make sacrifices now (buying close to Woolwich) without knowing the long term plan.

Sorry, I didn't see this till later. I am sorry to hear! My mum does not give toss about Christmas so I am lucky in that sense but it will be awful if it's a big deal for you. There's still a few weeks to go so could you tell them you want them to come over?

Ah, it'll work out. We've always been such a Christmasy family that it just takes some getting used to. They'll be here for boxing day, so I can't complain. But it did bring home to me how much I hide from them in order not to guilt them into decisions that aren't their preference. Turns out I'm too good at acting for my own good 😅

Another vote for honest calm discussion. I don't think I could take the money and not talk about where I was planning to move to and making sure she was REALLY ok with it.

As someone who lives in Enfield I'd recommend carrying on looking around here. It is so much more convenient for visiting your family if they will be in Tottenham. I live in the Gordon Hill area of Enfield which is lovely with loads of green space and fantastic schools plus 3 swimming pools within 15 minutes drive. If your budget can't stretch to Enfield then look at Theobald's Grove, Cheshunt and Hoddesdon which are further out of the city but are cheaper and on a direct train line to Tottenham. There is also a nice swimming pool in Cheshunt and in Hoddesdon

PS how about something like this in Theobald's Grove, which is on a direct train line to your family in Tottenham...?
https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/150125897#/?channel=RES_BUY

@KGa Thank you for the vote on that. I do reckon it would be easier to get a bus from Wood Green up to to Enfield Town than to get several modes of transport down south. Gordon Town is quite far up north for me but I did see a few listings for small cottages on Batley Road well within budget but the smallness did put me off. I think I'll wait till next year now.

DLR is not tube and no Plumsted, Woolwhich or Abbey Wood are no better than they used be, they simply added few fancy cafes downstairs of new builds. I thought I’m over exaggerating, so took a long drive around these areas in the evening, it’s just bad. But I guess some people are okay with that as lomg as they can say they owe the house. Ironically majority will claim to be living in Greenwich lol