If your children have moved out in the SE. HOW?!!

[Sofa1000]

I don’t mean gone to university. Or even house sharing. If you have adult children who have managed to move into their own proper adult place how did they do it?

My three are 22-25. Earning between 28-42k. London commuter town. A 1 bed flat in this town is around 300k to buy and 1200 to rent. Anywhere further out and commuting costs make monthly outgoings much the same. One WFH almost completely. One works in our town. One commutes to Zone 4. All their friends/ girlfriends/boyfriends are local.

They would love to be able to move out one day and before 30 (ideally earlier) and I would like to be able to retire and move. When did yours manage it and how? Did they need financial help? Did they have to be in a couple? Did they move out of the SE? At the moment it feels as though the gap is too big and there’s no point even saving and working so hard.

Friends whose children have moved out have all helped them and I just don’t have tens of thousands each to spare them. Even five times their salaries doesn’t get a flat. Are they with me forever?

I also agree with a PP that if you can avoid shared ownership, then do.

In my mind, some people could afford to buy without it if they were prepared to save for an extra year, do a bit of work on the property /live in something less pristine for a while or consider a wider range of areas. I think lots get sucked into the idea of a new build with an en-suite etc and also the fact they might be able to have it a bit quicker with a smaller deposit.
For some, there really will be no alternative, but for lots there is. And a susrprising number later say how hard it is to get out of it/how trapped they are and how they are then limited to expensive mortgages etc.

I see shared ownership as a bit like leasing cars….its ultimately an expensive way to have property or a car, and people are often attracted to it as it offers something shiny and new that actually isn’t needed. And these things can trap people in a cycle of that kind of ownership which over decades means they spend vastly more. It’s the car sellers and house builders who get the benefit.

Whereabouts in Surrey are you OP? I am also Surrey and moving even a little bit can make a big difference to property prices but you need to be savvy about travel links.

I was in the same situation as your DC post uni. I lived with my mum for several years longer than I wanted to because renting was such a Catch 22. My boyfriend was a low earner and then we split up. I thought I had no hope of ever buying until one of my best friends from the area also split up with her long term boyfriend and wanted to buy as well. We bought a two bed flat between us and only two years later I was able to buy her out. We both made money on that flat and it was a great experience.

I moved out at 24 with my 25 yo boyfriend. SE but moved to a smaller market town than where I lived with my parents .

Managed to afford a 3 bed semi and used HTB from the govt and we were also entitled to military HTB funding.

Re-mortgaged 5 yrs later to 'clear' our govt HTB and our military HTB was cleared by severance pay/golden goodbye money when he left the military.

Last year we moved to a 5 bed detached in the same town because we'd managed to build some equity and we have well paid jobs that bring in 100k net between us (NHS and Railways).

Without the schemes and most likely buying together I wouldn't have been able to afford it on my own. Also a bit risky as we hadn't lived together before we bought but we're married and have 2 kids so worked out okay 🤣

Brother (3 yrs younger) also bought with girlfriend (now wife). Also didn't live together prior. Had help from her parents but didn't use any govt schemes and managed to afford a 2 up- 2 down a little further away from where we grew up but not as far out as me and my husband. Have just bought 4 bed detached in same town as same sort of circumstances. Bit of equity and he earns very well (scientist) and as far as I'm aware her parents haven't stipulated they would like any money back. Also wish to remain child free by choice.

Sister (22) still lives at home as still studying. Sat on an indecent amount of money she could use as a deposit but sadly nowadays it's not going to go as far for her as it would have done for my brother and I. Also no partner on the scene and not keen on having children ever.

My lass house shared in London until she was serious with her partner and then they bought a flat together. As single people it wouldn't really have been possible. On about 45k each now I think.

Should add that they were 30 at that point.

DH and I bought our house (SE commuter town) 5 years ago when we were 27. Couldn't have done it without DH's grandad giving him a sizeable chunk towards a deposit for a flat he owned when I met him.

All our friends own their houses, most with either inheritance or gifts from parents/grandparents making up a decent proportion of the deposit. And all as a couple, rather than buying individually - except one friend of mine who just bought an £800k flat in London, but that was a lot of inheritance.

My son is 26 and rents a 2 bed 2 bath flat in nice bit of Belsize park - him and his girlfriend have a bedroom and en-suite and a male friend has the other bedroom and bathroom - they have a nice lounge/kitchen . He's had it since he was 23 - Son and his GF pay £1200 plus bills between themselves and friend pays £1k plus bills. To be honest because there are 3 of them it's very manageable - as non of them earn over £40k ( all just under) son holding off moving for getting shared ownership in development due to start near them as at moment he's in catchment and it's a great area.

Mine say that too. But it's nonsense. 12k a year adds up to a nice deposit. I don't know how they think it was so very different for us individually. It certainly wasn't for me, with two children as well.

DS1 lives in a (rented) 1 bed flat in a nice area of London. He earns £85k and partner earns £28k. They have considered buying in London but can’t really buy anywhere they’d actually like to live so are now moving abroad. DS1 will earn likely earn a bit less but they will be able to buy a proper home (partner holds an EU passport). DS2 earns £30k but can’t afford to rent on his own unfortunately so still at home!

@ladycarlotta yep- my son feels same - at 26 they ( he and GF) would rather rent their quite nice place than move somewhere he doesn't really like just for sake of buying -in his case he's hanging on to get a punt at shared ownership in the posh area he lives ( development due to start) and if it doesn't pan out says he will look at other options at 30

Yes, I see that. Our first home (1 bed flat) in 1987 was £22k (in Scotland though). You'd struggle to get a rabbit hutch for that now. Are you asking the question because you are hoping to downsize? If so, could you help with a bit of a deposit for your DC to move on? The price of housing is astronomical but I still don't want a load of building on greenbelt/agricultural land as once it's concreted over it's gone as usable land to grow crops on. I hope you find a solution for you and your DC

@Sofa1000 but if you are in a position to gift each of your 3 £50k each in a few years then they will be fine. I would only agree to this if they agreed to save £1k/month each for the next 4 years - then you effectively match their savings and they have £100k deposit each. Traditionally they will see their friends disperse from the area after 30 when they buy with a partner - and they will likely move a bit futher 'out' - thats what I have witnessed over the decades.

If you all get on I would encourage them to stay home and save with a 4-5year plan to buy....hopefully with a partner they will have met by then?

Other option is that you move / retire, leave them there and let them pay you rent to fund another home for you elsewhere? Or you sell it to them jointly (-£50k each?) and they have a 5 year agreement to revisit the arrangement and sell or stay on .... at least they would have a foot on the housing ladder?

Wow. I am 32 and we have a 2 bed flat in zone 3 which we bought 5 years ago after 3 years living at dh's family home. We are the only people we know who didn't get actual cash from our parents. Many of our friends own but with cash gifts and good incomes.. all fairly modest homes though.

Grandparental Inheritance (in trust since they were tiny). Plus significant top up from us.

Everyone I know lived/lives in a shared house, regardless of wage. I genuinely don't know anyone who lived alone after leaving home - not only do I not think that's realistic, I don't think it's usual.

Certainly no one I know of has done that, except one of my siblings, in a very good job, has just bought a 1 bed with help from family for the deposit.

But yes, most people seem to get money given to them in order to pay deposits, or an inheritance.

I house shared until mid 20s. Didn't get a mortgage until age 35, I'm 40 now. Couldn't have managed it single either. Don't know many people who can afford to live on their own

I bought my three bed terraced in the South East at 23 in 2019.

I moved out at 18 into a studio flat with my partner in 2014. We rented several properties between 2014 and buying in 2019.

The only reason we managed to buy was due to a 30k inheritance we used as a deposit (£190k house).

So moving out initially was only possible with a partner and getting a mortgage was only possible with a partner and inheritance. We couldn't afford to save for a deposit whilst renting.

Unfortunately this seems to be the reality of living in the south of England. I briefly tried it when I moved for a job (Bristol) and was shocked to see 30 year olds renting in flat shares. Saw what house prices were like and promptly decided to move away again.
There are so many places around the UK where you can buy a flat or a small house quite easily in your 20s, on your own, on an average wage. They might not be trendy or posh, but it's either that or stay somewhere trendy and expensive and rent a room for a long time.
The reason the SE is so expensive is because demand is so high, because so many people want to cram in and around London. I don't get it, unless you have a burning desire to do a London-centric job that doesn't exist anywhere else then you don't need to stay there, especially if you're young and mobile.
Get your kids to think outside the box.
I moved to Scotland and bought a 3 bed flat at 27 on my own, on a salary of £23k. It cost £93K.
Admittedly this was in 2016 but I've seen flats in the same area now that aren't much more expensive than what I bought mine for. I'm in my mid 30s now and all of my peers who are in qualified jobs live in big 3 or 4 bed houses, literally no one I know is renting or living with parents.
Seriously, living in the south east is a bad deal unless you're on big, big money or have family wealth. So many other lovely places in northern England, Scotland, Northern Ireland, Wales.

London is the only place with a graduate premium and most graduate jobs are in London. The research shows that graduates from poorer backgrounds are far less likely to move to London.

https://ifs.org.uk/news/increasing-concentration-high-skilled-jobs-london-means-graduates-elsewhere-cannot-fully

I live in London and tbh what is a good quality of life can mean different things to people from different cultures. What I have observed during my viewings to see larger flats in my nw london suburb is that there are quite a few Indian families who seem happy enough in 70 to 75 sq m flats even with 2 to 3 children as they prefer to spend money on education. I once visited a 2 bed flat where the 11 year old daughter was going to a top north London private school for 30k per annum and the primary aged son was sharing a room with his parents. They could probably afford a much larger place (they did own the flat) but choose to spend on education. And if you look at the rankings of private schools , the nw london private schools do much better than even the likes of Fettes in Edinburgh. I was pretty much the same even as a childless 26 year old, I knew that as a Jewish couple who planned to have a child one day, that what we could access in terms of state education if we lived near a Jewish state school in London (my dh went to one and virtually all his friends went to RG universities) was much better than anywhere else in the country and also easy access to top private options (as we plan on 1 child due to fertility issues). We bought a tiny 2 bed flat near a Jewish primary school.

Many of the people I see living in house shares in London nowadays are immigrants and they too have different priorities. I know many have bought property cheaply in their home countries with their london salaries..

I agree. I was 29 when I bought my first place with my BF.

London is the only place with a graduate premium and most graduate jobs are in London. The research shows that graduates from poorer backgrounds are far less likely to move to London.
https://ifs.org.uk/news/increasing-concentration-high-skilled-jobs-london-means-graduates-elsewhere-cannot-fully
I live in London and tbh what is a good quality of life can mean different things to people from different cultures. What I have observed during my viewings to see larger flats in my nw london suburb is that there are quite a few Indian families who seem happy enough in 70 to 75 sq m flats even with 2 to 3 children as they prefer to spend money on education. I once visited a 2 bed flat where the 11 year old daughter was going to a top north London private school for 30k per annum and the primary aged son was sharing a room with his parents. They could probably afford a much larger place (they did own the flat) but choose to spend on education. And if you look at the rankings of private schools , the nw london private schools do much better than even the likes of Fettes in Edinburgh. I was pretty much the same even as a childless 26 year old, I knew that as a Jewish couple who planned to have a child one day, that what we could access in terms of state education if we lived near a Jewish state school in London (my dh went to one and virtually all his friends went to RG universities) was much better than anywhere else in the country and also easy access to top private options (as we plan on 1 child due to fertility issues). We bought a tiny 2 bed flat near a Jewish primary school.

Many of the people I see living in house shares in London nowadays are immigrants and they too have different priorities. I know many have bought property cheaply in their home countries with their london salaries..

Another reason why we bought in London is cos DH doesn't believe in home ownership (even as someone who bought in our 20s). He resents having to buy actually, would much prefer to rent but understands that in the current UK landscape where renting is unstable , there isn't a lot of choice particularly if you want to have a baby andprioritizinfg home ownership has been government policy for decades. However moving miles away to pursue home ownership (which he is against) is quite something else.. I doubt we would have done it even if we couldn't afford to buy in London, would probably have gotten a government flat in my home country in later life .

He was persuaded to buy as it was 3 miles from when he grew up and we needed to live somewhere really.

All the young graduates where I work, start out housesharing. The ones that couple up tend to be the first to rent their 'own' place, the others do it when their salary eventually allows. One or two have had to make tough choices about whether to stay in the South East, a couple have help from Mum and Dad but most of them find their way somehow.

I bought my first property, in the South East, just a few years ago. No help from parents, had lived fully independently since the age of 18. Yes it took me 15+ years of renting, climbing the career ladder and saving but that's life isn't it? I don't know what's not 'adult' about that? It's considerably more adult than living at home with Mum.

Could the siblings team up and buy something together?

Appreciate there are downsides/risks to this. Anything is going to be a compromise at this stage.

Unless anyone is actively unhappy with the current arrangement I would let them stay at home and keep saving.