If your children have moved out in the SE. HOW?!!

[Sofa1000]

I don’t mean gone to university. Or even house sharing. If you have adult children who have managed to move into their own proper adult place how did they do it?

My three are 22-25. Earning between 28-42k. London commuter town. A 1 bed flat in this town is around 300k to buy and 1200 to rent. Anywhere further out and commuting costs make monthly outgoings much the same. One WFH almost completely. One works in our town. One commutes to Zone 4. All their friends/ girlfriends/boyfriends are local.

They would love to be able to move out one day and before 30 (ideally earlier) and I would like to be able to retire and move. When did yours manage it and how? Did they need financial help? Did they have to be in a couple? Did they move out of the SE? At the moment it feels as though the gap is too big and there’s no point even saving and working so hard.

Friends whose children have moved out have all helped them and I just don’t have tens of thousands each to spare them. Even five times their salaries doesn’t get a flat. Are they with me forever?

I lived in house shares until 30 something

I’ve just looked on rightmove around Dorking. There are flats for £200k. There will definitely be flats they can afford if they are saving whilst living with you and buy either with a partner or a friend.

Yeah, that's life

Sorry

Very few people nowadays in the SE buy in their 20s. You start off in a house-share (which is when you're independent and adult), and then you move in with a boy/girlfriend and rent for a while, and then either that relationship ends and you go back to a houseshare, or you then buy as part of a couple (either before or after marriage and kids).

My friend bought her first house with her sister. My cousins bought their first house together. There are ways and means, but I don't know anyone who bought a house under 30 unless they had a pretty significant inheritance or very wealthy parents who paid their deposit.

My partner and I rented for nearly 10 years... partly because we prioritised travel in our 20s, and partly because saving 40k for a deposit for a three bed house because we knew we wanted to start a family mid-30s just felt impossible on our early-career salaries.

Can't say from personal experience as I am too old now but from some people at work.

They cannot afford to buy on their own, but depending on their outgoings they have managed to buy with a boyfriend/girlfriend/sibling.

It takes a lot of time and commitment to saving though.

One of the guys in my office bought a flat with his girlfriend for £320k. They basically had no social lives or holidays for 2-3 years while saving everything they could towards the deposit. They weren't charged rent by their parents while living at home. The guy in my office was on about £45k at the time and I think the GF would have been on about £30k.

I don’t think my three are being greedy or precious. They’re all quite homebodies and would just love to be able to have their own place, to decorate and have friends over.
Of course that’s what everyone wants and the competition is massive. As PP said they’re up against all the people who are in couples or have family help.
I like the idea of maybe two of them buying together. (Very clear which of mine that would be!). I’ve been in W London/Surrey for 35 years and am slightly regretting ever moving here as I’ve never really earned enough for London and all my siblings back in my home town have a better quality of life - and their children are moving out!
Unfortunately my children are now ‘from’ here and would like to stay.
If I move and retire in 5 years I can maybe free up 150 between them.

Literally the reason why everyone i know coupled up/settled down is financial

Its very hard to be single

Two have a partner but low earning/students.
I will tell them to pack them in and go hunting for a rich one 😁

If I move and retire in 5 years I can maybe free up 150 between them

That sounds like it will be fine then - if they are saving 12k a year, they will have at least 60k plus whatever they gave already saved, plus 50 from you, over 100k for a deposit which they should be able to make work

Even in the 90s most people lived in house shares for a bit before buying.

Many people my age moved around a lot as well - my brother for example worked in Birmingham and then hull and then Telford and various other places as he took jobs where he could get them.

He eventually bought in Manchester.

If it helps, OP, mine are not in couples and have no family help except I won't charge them rent.
They will house share and rent if in London. I am ok with that. I dont really understand the obsession with buying.

I must say that it is really refreshing to see that you are a boomer who understands the problems te young face.

When i was saving my deposit, my MIL told me that house prices will fall like they did in the 90s and then i can buy a terraced in nw london like she did (for 100k). She was still saying it in 2023 long after I paid 392k for my flat (and while it has stagnated though it is a 1930s flat where residents own the freehold, it hasnt become much cheaper for the average person ). She had literally been saying it for 7 years.

My dad said pretty much the same thing about prices falling but then said I earned too little and why couldn't I be a millionaire at 32 like he did.
400k is a cheap flat in London. He did offer to buy me a house to live in (in his name) after I saved my deposit and didn't need it anymore.

My SIL's MIL told me mortgage and childcare will magically come together.

#boomers. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. The media does say they are the most confident generation there has ever been. We are obviously so inept and stupid compared to them. My dad bought his first home with his parents who also provided 24/7 childcare, my MIL got gifts from her father to buy her home (and he paid for her kids and home improvements when she needed). The generation that lived through world war 2 were pretty selfless in helping their kids but when they look at their kids, they just think we are inept moaners who should eat less avocado toast

Our 3 DDs (ages 29 - 35) all live in London and own their own homes.
DD1 is married so 2 incomes in the household.
DD2 is single but a very high earner.
DD3 earns more modestly but we have been able to help her (we also helped the others, in order to be scrupulously fair, but the older 2 could have managed without if necessary).
They are very very aware of how fortunate they are compared with many others their age.

Appreciate not helpful to you, but we intentionally only had one child and we plan to help her out significantly when the time comes to get her own house (she’s currently still a child).

Me & DH bought in the south east by having well paid jobs and saving like crazy, including only having 10 people to our wedding, no fancy honeymoon etc. We also bought & sold other properties a few times before buying family house and made some money, for example I bought a house up north & made money on that. I’m also in my 40s and still driving my first ever car, which is a battered old thing!

Oh yes and I house shared including living in some dubious places (!) until age 30

‘I must say that it is really refreshing to see that you are a boomer who understands the problems te young face’
How very dare you! I am Gen X (just). I would never be so stupid as to think young adults have it easy or just aren’t trying. My children and their friends are amazing. More savvy than we ever were.

@Babyname2025 what makes you think OP is a boomer? She could be a Gen X like me.

My DD is looking to buy now in London. She earns just over 33k and is 25. She lives at home with us rent free to enable her to save and now has a deposit of 65k. It would be impossible if we hadn’t given her that rent-free cushion.

Snap!
Anyway I house shared and rented. My DC can too.

My children are much younger but I’m already worried how on earth they will be able to buy. We will probably look to move ourselves into a bigger family home so I hope they will stay with us whilst saving for their own places so they will save on rent.

You did ask how they managed to move out, not how they managed to buy. You mention renting in your OP. I'm confused as to why house sharing is not "grown up" or doesn't count. At least they'd be living their life fully and as adults.

They'd be out of your place, which you want, and living with friends in an area you choose is so much fun and enriching. It seems a shame so many people discount this these days?

I'm mid 30s and I understand the cost of living is horrendous now but even 5-10 years ago most of us only managed to buy in the SE by living with parents and/or having help with the deposit. I didn't choose to live at home and my parents couldn't help me financially so I was really lucky that my career took an unexpected turn and I was able to save a deposit enough to move to the SW. I'd have loved to stay in London but unfortunately something has to give. I'm glad I spent my 20s renting.

‘Appreciate not helpful to you, but we intentionally only had one child’
I know right. I meant to have two but twins…It’s been hard on CS salary.

My DD had the choice on her salary to either spend around half of it on rent and bills and never be able to save up for a mortgage deposit or move home and save. Which is what she's doing.

In London and the South East most young people have to make similar decisions now.

@ladycarlotta That’s one of the considerations. We are all crammed in this house so they can save and save but maybe they should give up and just leave and rent and spend and wait for something to turn up. Feels as though it’s a pointless exercise for them joining in this race they can’t win.

Keep saving and/or move out the SE.

I was in SE twenty years ago now - not brought up there - and it was pricy but could rent alone and save on one salary just -DH in different bit of SE very pricy but found a small flat and managed on his wage - we then moved up North one of many moves and post kids worked out where we could afford to buy and hunted for jobs there.

I think now it must be in SE couple up - with sibling or DP- or wait and save really hard or get gifted a deposit.