Tradesman just made me cry

[Fluffyelephant]

I know it’s probably silly to be so upset but I’m really shaken up.

Having a nightmare with our house renovation. People cancelling, not showing up.

Finally had a guy in today (recommended by another tradesman). Long story short I was in the room next to where he was working and could hear him getting angrier and angrier in there: ‘FFS!’ every few minutes and slamming things more and more aggressively.

Eventually heard him say to himself ‘that’s it I’m finished’ and he started moving his tools. I went in, job was about 60% done and he was so angry. Like “I’m finished. Not doing anymore. People effing changing the job. Changing the date. Wasting my time. This b&q stuff you’ve got is shit.” It was so horrible. Then he stormed out. I told my partner what had happened and started crying so my DP ran out to the van outside and I was shouting ‘Don’t! Dont!’ The guy threatens him and then drives away.

Agh. Absolutely horrible. Really shaken up. Just feel like I’m cursed with this renovation. Feel like it was my fault for not making the details of the job clearer.

Not sure what the point of this post is. Just wondering if anyone else has ever experienced similar. And if so how do you keep it together?!

My Trade nightmare was many years ago.

I smelled cigarette smoke, and a rough man was smoking cigarettes and stubbing them out of the floor!

I asked that he please not smoke indoors.

Next morning- same thing.

He swore.

Third morning -stink of Lambert and Butler.

I asked the boss that he please ask his man not to smoke.

The bloke got fired.

Seems he was a ''cash in hand labourer'' - but one of the other men said ''I'd watch it - he's raging and is going to come back - he says ''No fucking woman loses me my job'' - get strong locks for your door''

I did get the locks and get them fitted but he never came back.

I don't have much experience, but I could give a pretty good go at calling the floor a cunt and then storming of if anyone wants to hire me!

I agree entirely @kimchiketch seems to have created her own personal scenario regardless of your input.

Fwiw I can't cope with angry men. At the 1st sign of anger I would have asked him to leave.

Although I usually go out and leave tradesmen to my hubby

Horrible for you, OP. I hate tradesmen. They're a pack of misogynistic fly-by- nights. I'm convinced they're all hopping around jumped up on Red Bull, nose candy, and speed. They talk utter bollocks non-stop. Ever notice they can't just shut the fuck up and work? They're either talking to themselves non-stop or cornering you into inane conversation about things like combustible rain barrels or 'the footy' or, my favourite, Las Vegas (the minute they learn I'm American, they feel like they have to go hard on the Yankee Doodle Dandy brown-nosing and spout their love for the very worst aspects of my country- a country I haven't lived in for over 30 years). They are always going on about some utter shit that I couldn't give a sweet, shiny fuck about (it's why I hired you mate: To shut up and work because apparently, you're the 'expert').

I miss the Polish tradesmen. There. I said it. Come for me, trolls!
Hardworking, GOOD! So good at what they do. Polite, crack on with working, sensible, reasonable. Very much missed in post-Brexit times.

I had a plumber like your tradesman. Haven't hired a man since. Women only now.
He just lost his shit with my boiler wiring because he wasn't up to the job. But instead of admitting it was beyond him (which is totally ok!) , he utterly lost his shit with me in front of DD. I gave him his FUCK YOU orders and sent him packing, told him he wasn't fit to call himself a plumber or a professional of any kind. I'm sick of men coming into my space with their shitty behaviour, telling me how disappointed they are in my fucking wiring that they don't have the brain function to sort out. Fuck that noise. And OP, did I read that your partner ran away? Oh have a word with him. If he doesn't have balls, get your own. And don't ever be afraid to throw these babies for tradesmen out with the bathwater.

Oh and avoid checkatrade. I swear it's only service is to provide you with the lowest common denominator of tradesmen.

(I am also willing to call pipes bastards and fuseboxes sneaky fucking wankers if needed).

What type of floor was it? I've layed a few types we have tools and are competent but our last was engineered parquet.

NEVER again!! We got there in the end but it was hideous.

I had guys doing a week-long job in my house. When they arrived, I asked if they could use the back door (not much trouble for them as tiny house) because the front door gives on to the street and they wanted to leave it open. They refused. I asked them if they would park in my designated parking space rather than on the street, in order not to inconvenience the neighbours. They refused that too. So I ended up sitting in the house all week, rather than leaving them to it, in order to ensure that nobody wandered into the house while they were upstairs.

I'm guessing they had problems with taking instructions from a woman. Well, it's my house and I was paying, so tough titty.

I'm sure many tradespeople feel like that a lot of the time, because things are rarely straightforward and go exactly to plan, but you still have to stay professional and talk to the customer respectfully and explain what is going on.

A decent tradesman will

• come and see the job fir himself, talk through what the customer wants before agreeing to do the job
• agree on the date. Depending on the job, esp if relying on other people’s finishing their job first, it’s not unusual to have to change dates. Incl from the tradesman pov. I’ve had many tradesmen agreeing to do a job only to realise the other job before was going to take much longer.
• buy their own materials. Not least because they’ll often want something specific. Or they’ll agree exactly which product/part they need. Would any tradesmen really think people are going to go anywhere else but B&Q to buy parts?!?

Your last sentence.

I do the same...get DS to deal with Trades.

Men seem to understand men better, {Son is a skilled tradesman and knows how easy it is for women to feel intimidated, so he's very fair and approachable}

Maybe if people are surrounded by blokes throwing wobblies when things don’t go their way they become desensitised to it. I can’t think why else this man is being defended.

Men seem to understand men better

It’s not that men understand men better.
Its that (some) men are sexist and don’t believe a word of what women say, see them as unreliable, especially if it’s about a ‘skilled manual work’.
Same with cars btw.

Many years ago when I was heavily pregnant with my DS we had 2 or 3 plumbers (can't remember exactly now) fitting & tiling a new bathroom & they kicked off spectacularly with each other.
I was downstairs & I could hear then screaming & shouting & effing & jeffing at each other & it was AWFUL! I felt threatened in my own home to hear such a violent confrontation!
You have my sympathies OP... it's not how to behave in somebody's home, he sounds unhinged!

This! I can't believe people assume he was going to be violent?? Why would people think that??
He was more than likely running after him to find out what had happened.

@GinnyPiggie I see what you are saying & agree, especially having been in this situation more than once with exH. BUT equally it's pretty grim that it's OPS 'responsibility' to manage an aggressive tradie (& chucking stuff around & swearing is defo aggressive). Trades are in your safe space to do a professional job & be well paid for it.

This is a skill in itself!

I fixed your post for you, DogInATent:

No one ever imagines that they might be the nightmare customer tradesmen complain about.

• Did you change the job?
• Did you change the date?
• Was the stuff you bought shit from B&Q?
• Am I scraping the barrel for reasons to excuse the tradesman's abuse?
• Am I also a poster who might ask what a rape victim was wearing?
• Oh wait, am I a stealth victim blamer?
• Is my post proving that I am a stealth victim blamer, condoning abusive male behaviour by putting the onus on the client?

Agree- by the time they are using aggression and banging stuff about it's not a good sign.

@Fluffyelephant I'm sorry I didn't realise it was flooring - I assumed it was a job like rewiring where people do seem to change their mind a lot as to where they want stuff} I didn't read all your posts.

That’s a disgusting way to behave in someone’s home.

I hope you’re feeling better OP and that you find a decent tradesperson to finish the job.

Probably going to tell some big bearly bloke not to speak to his wife like a piece of shit I imagine

Agree- I'm not used to aggressive male shouts, and it's disconcerting to have a couple bellowing at each other like bull seals.

{Father and apprentice son in my case!}

I was talking generally, the OP said she was essentially being over her because they have a minimum fee. They were transparent about the costs.

Obviously the conduct was unacceptable, and I've said he was out of order. But the continuous spouting off about all tradesmen overcharge and rip people off, is tiresome.

Yes, quite.

>I mean seriously, is there a way to block people on MN?

Alas, no. Reddit is far superior in this regard. You can block people, or you can give them a tag that only you can see, such as 'thinks women who cry are pathetic.'

I don't think MN got that far with their programming - Reddit has a far more tech savvy user base and was created by a bunch of uber nerds.

Sigh. More's the pity. I'd have dozens of folks blocked by now and I've only been on here since March 23.

THIS!

sooooooo much internalised misogyny on this thread !

you have done nothing wrong op