Is it normal to settle for a home you don't like?

[Namedrop000]

We're FTBs. We've been patiently saving for many years for our first home. But there's just nothing on the market at the moment? The places we've seen fit none of our (pretty modest!) needs, and have been in terrible condition. We don't have the cash for big renovations.

We've been looking for about a year and prices are going up, so I think we just need to buy something we don't even like just as a stopgap so we're on the ladder, and have somewhere to live. Is this normal? We were hoping to buy a very long term home that we actually had a fairly good feeling about, but seems like that's unrealistic.

I find it hard to stomach spending 400k+ on something I don't even like or care about and would be embarrassed to invite friends or family over to.

There have been a few tiffs on here over the last year with people having to EIL5 to people who have owned homes for donkey years to get them to understand the reality of the actual cost pressures for FTBs these days. Occasionally someone pops up with an Infograph that shows the difference.

Anyway, I know exactly what you mean. We are 42 and 48 and about to buy our first home. The difference in interest payable on a mortgage offer we had in 22 versus 24 is over 180k.

How would they like that just taken out of their pensions? Which is really what we need to start focusing on.

I dare one single person on a normal salary over the age of 55 to come and tell me “sure, it will work out fine.”

We HAVE to pay it because we get no bloody choice.

And part of the problem - I am sorry to those who may be offended - is boomers who take money out to give to their kids. Even my uncle who is always on his arse broke cashed in some pension or another to give on of his kids 20k, also in the South East. What does that do? Push up prices.

But as long as my kid has a house, what do I care? Well you should care actually. Because your grandkids won’t be able to do the same unless they are exceptionally bright and your kids don’t end up losing their home if we get another COL crisis in later years.

It’s crap and I wish people would stop doing it. My sister and her husband worked from the age of 16 to buy their first house and wedding. Two years with both of them taking second jobs and never seeing each other on Friday and Saturday nights and often Sunday lunchtime. My mum was pretty well off but my sister never would have dreamed of asking mum for a penny.

Now kids literally have to to be able to afford to put a roof over their heads before the age of 40.

There has been a lot of overflow cash that has been floating around since nobody did anything during Covid as well. Again, parents ‘helping’ their kids out.

As to the pebbledash, have you considered hypnotherapy for that quite severe reaction? Even if you don’t buy one, they aren’t going away any time soon and you will still have to see some.

First home buyers should not expect to buy their dream home off the bat. If you’re not keen on poor condition, consider buying smaller, but better condition Eg only 2 bedrooms instead of 3 - it’s your first home you don’t need a separate guest room and separate study. Those luxuries come when you have more equity

Maybe you're looking at it the wrong way round? Instead of a tickboxing exercise visit lots of properties in your pricerange with the attitude of could I live here?
I ended up buying a tiny damp cottage with no parking just because I fell in love with the view. No regrets. Its only affordable because of those things that put off other buyers.

We could only afford a 2 bed ground floor flat with garden when we were FTB. Stayed there a few years then finally bought our current house when my DD was almost 2. We'd rented for a few years before that too. Our current house is ex council 1950s pebbledashed semi. I wish it wasn't pebbledashed but I still love it. All needed redecorating over the 19 years we've been here/new kitchen/new bathroom etc. Very gradually. Things I love- it's on a cul de sac, it has a drive and a large back garden. It was already extended downstairs. Have a think about what's really important for you. We're in a large village in the South East.

Whilst the difficulty and cost is stupidly way more than 50 years ago , the current generation do fail to understand how poor the housing stock was that many people were buying - they see what the older people have now not the path to get there , which included 15% interest rates and a lifestyle that was much more basic than people have today, and yes to homes with leaks and mold , but they didn't need to replace a boiler or bathroom .... they needed to get one in the first place

So whilst the world is different, the principle - that you can't buy what you want as a FTB, that you have to put a lot of time money and effort in to make the building a home - remains unchanged

And 30 years ( till OP retirement if she's approaching 40) is a long time - the world will be unrecognisable then again

We settled and I have hated every year of living here. We don't have the money to move and it turns out there was hidden work needing doing which didn't show on the survey and makes it pretty much unsellable. We've outgrown it by expanding the family, and we literally never have people over as there isn't space to host. If we'd stayed renting we could have moved by now, but instead of XXX amount of equity we'd have been paying triple the amount in rent.

OP if your criteria is no more than ten minutes journey from the train station that is a really small radius. So meaning this very kindly, hat is why you’re being expected to be paying over the odds. Look further out.

I’m in south east too and you’re 100% right about prices here. It’s completely in a bubble pricewise.

My husband used to be an estate agent so has a little knowledge but we’ve been through what you’re going through- it’s so tough. I completely sympathise.

I don’t know where exactly you are but we were in central Croydon (was semi nice at the time). All I’d say is try and get the worst house in the best area you can afford.

You need to be realistic with your expectations. A £400k budget means for a good couple of years you either need to knuckle down now and save a bit harder (forfeit your lifestyle ie. eating out, clothes shopping, treats, weekends away, holidays, nights out etc) to be able to get something a little more finished- this option in my opinion this is the hardest way as it feels so fruitless for so long.

Or you could buy a wreck and do the same as above but rather than saving; spending out on repairing, decorating etc- this way to me feels easier because you can see more of what you’re working towards and you’re on the ladder meaning the prices won’t be increasing against you but, for you putting your house in some equity. This in turn will enable you to remortgage and take money out to get more substantial works done on your home.

Or have you got family you could move back in with so you can save some real cash in a shorter space of time??

Also remember now isn’t the best time to buy. There’s always less on the market this time of year which drives house prices up for a while. People tend to put places on the market in September and mid to end of January. No one wants to try and sell over summer or at Christmas time.

Good luck

Consider a flat? I live in a European city and apartment living is totally normal for families (I have 3 kids in a city centre flat). If you are going to be walking distance to amenities/ town centre then there are probably also parks and playgrounds? That would be absolutely fine and probably much cheaper than a house. Then if you still feel you must have a house (strange British obsession in my opinion) you have equity and can probably trade up to something nicer than you can afford now. Continuing to rent is the worst possible option.

I think everyone makes compromises. Our current house was £1m+ (SE) and we still had to compromise on a few things. There are lots of things I love about it and some things I don't. This is property number 4 that I have bought and there have been compromises at every stage.

imo, don’t buy a house you don’t like. It doesn’t have to be perfect, but you need to like it at least a bit. You are going to pay for it for years to come!

I feel your pain, it took us almost two years to find our first home. We had to compromise on something and the house is not perfect, but we liked it enough to go ahead. I would keep looking and consider alternatives like shared ownership or help to buy equity scheme. Good luck!

@Namedrop000

Can you post your 'must-haves' on here?

MNs are great at finding gems on RM

I live in a village in the south east, 7 minute walk from train station, house backs onto farmers fields which is lovely, got a nice high street with couple of country pubs and ten minute drive to the beach. we could sell our house tomorrow for around the £300K mark, so it’s possible around here! My parents live in the main nearest city, which is 10 minute drive away from us, and their house is worth around £380K for 3 beds, so not sure where abouts you are looking!

I bought a doer upper in 2022. It had to be rewired straight away as it was unsafe. We are just living with other parts of it. It’s pretty miserable sometimes when things break and we can’t afford to fix them but we will eventually. I would just bite the bullet if I were you op. Pick the least worst house!!

OP,

Some words of comfort of a kind if I may..

I was in similar position- bought last year just before I turned 40. My requirements were very modest - I wanted a small 2 bed starter home. I wanted to be close to my parents which was the biggest issue as they are expensive area in SE. I just couldn't believe how hard it was to find somewhere. I looked for a year and I felt such a snob - for my money there was barely anything I could even conceive of living in. I was finally accepted on a cheap and horrible identikit new build- I still had to go way above asking price despite the market apparently having cooled. It's just not my style at all, but I could live in it.

Honestly OP, I'm really happy here. It's a big compromise, it's really really shit compared with most of my friends who bought years ago as couples. I hate the bathroom. I don't like the kitchen. The house is north facing so dark as anything. But it's cheap to maintain, fairly stress free, and I can live how I want in it. No worries about rent going up. No worries to make holes sticking my pictures on the walls. I'm growing plants in the garden. I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life, because I've wanted my own home for so long. I haven't achieved much in my life. But I have my own home, and even though it's a shit home, it feels lovely.

So, yes, the compromise is really, really galling. But it's still worth it :)

I didn't love our house when we bought it. Not sure I even liked it! We couldn't afford to do much when we moved in. The bathroom was in a worse state than we realised so my DH and PIL renovated that. But otherwise we mostly painted and put new flooring down in some rooms. It was about 5 years before we had the money for a bigger renovation and we loved it after that (removed a wall to have a bigger, open kitchen). A few years after that we remortgaged to get a loft conversion. Location wise we are perfect - walkable to everything we need. Or road is quite eclectic- a mix of owners and renters with a few nutters for good measure! I'm fine with that.

Anyway, we haven't climbed the ladder- we are still here! We intended to stay quite short term. But having made the changes it is a much nicer house.

So I guess, is there anywhere like that? Needs totally renovating, but short term you could do a few things and some decorating to make it livable. And then save up for the bigger renovation.

I think you have been somewhat unrealistic to think, just because you are bit older you'll be able to buy a perfect house straight away.

Certainly compromise but don’t buy something you hate. We passed up about four decent houses in hindsight - we didn’t know enough about minor renovations va major work which threw us off a few of them. We ended up purchasing a complete project which we aren’t living in and wasn’t the best plan frankly - we were desperate to get on the ladder before we couldn’t however we are paying a mortgage and rent and renos so wasn’t the best decision.

Keep looking, put letters through the doors of neighbourhoods you like (this has yielded positive responses for us) and look in to exactly what a re-wire/re-plumb, removal of render (pebbledash), new boilers etc require from a time, money and effort pov.

Some houses look abysmal and like they’re falling down and they’re not. Make this your new mini hobby of understanding the bones of a house so you know what can be left and what has to be dealt with without a surveyor, builder or EA in your ear.

Best Of Luck

There is a calculator to ahow if renting or biying is better for your budget overall, taking into consideration the interest rates atm. Google rent or buy calculator. It ia very insightful and will make tou feel bwtter about renting right now. I have very wealthy friends who are renting in this market despite having made their money in property dhring boom periods. Financially, over a long term its not going to gain you to be buying in this market.

Just buy somewhere vaguely habitable in the right location, decorate it and then sell it in a couple of years to trade up. We got an end of the line kitchen from Magnet for 3k and fitted it ourselves, we just paid £150 for a joiner to do the worktops. Chances are the next people to buy it off you will want to change the kitchen/bathroom anyway and at least you’re on the ladder.

@SoupChicken , that would not work unless prices rise quite a bit in 2 years.
It would be a lot of upheaval and there would be the expense and hassle of selling and buying.

Are the houses you actively don’t like actually selling for the asking prices? I think estate agents are finding it hard to put value on properties at the moment because buyers can’t afford to borrow at the levels they were and sellers don’t want to sell if their house has gone down in value the last couple of years.

We thought the same as you and targeted houses in poor condition that HAVE to be sold because owners had died or gone into care. We put in lots of cheeky offers and some were very quickly dismissed. You only need one to be accepted though and eventually we found our new home.

Yes if necessary to survive.
When certain people are no longer around,
you hopefully have a home you like 💯 percent.

@Namedrop000

your frustration is palpable, however ranting here will not change your predicament.

yes people do buy shitty, small, crappy houses in areas they hate just so they can get on the property ladder.

Yes you do have time to climb said ladder so do that in ten years.

Buy a doer upper in a the best area you can afford. You will eventually get there on doing it up.

These houses that have been on for a long time because someone died - just make a cheeky offer. The inheritancees might be keen to sell!

Get watching DIY videos on YouTube

Consider looking in the 320-350k bracket so that you will have a chunk of money to do it up

I thought about doing that in 22. We got quotes of stuff they had done wrong coming in at 27k. Then it would cost 2.5k in agent fees plus everything else.

According to Zoopla the value has risen 1k in 2 years now.

Would have cost a fortune. I am not getting the impression OP is trying to buy in an extremely desirable area where making money is easy. 400k is just about doable in most very ordinary places in the Southeast. 200 is possible if you are okay with living in the rough AF places.

You need Kirsty and Phil 😉 in all seriousness if you let me know the vague area I’d love to see what your money can get where you are. I love nothing more than looking at houses I’ll never be able to afford on rightmove! 😂