Is it normal to settle for a home you don't like?

[Namedrop000]

We're FTBs. We've been patiently saving for many years for our first home. But there's just nothing on the market at the moment? The places we've seen fit none of our (pretty modest!) needs, and have been in terrible condition. We don't have the cash for big renovations.

We've been looking for about a year and prices are going up, so I think we just need to buy something we don't even like just as a stopgap so we're on the ladder, and have somewhere to live. Is this normal? We were hoping to buy a very long term home that we actually had a fairly good feeling about, but seems like that's unrealistic.

I find it hard to stomach spending 400k+ on something I don't even like or care about and would be embarrassed to invite friends or family over to.

I recently helped a friend buy a 2 million pound home. It was really eye opening, because even at that budget they were making compromises. I dont mean silly things like swimming pool or tennis court. Much more material things like distance from train station, busyness of roads, electric works and then softer things like they wanted a particular era, but those weren't for sale.

Basically, everybody buys the best home available on their budget. The house you want might not be for sale.

the best home available on your budget will relate to your priorities. Do I buy a flat to get the location, do I have a crap bathroom and kitchen to get the parking etc.

Long time since I last moved but here's my contribution
I think buying a house is always a compromise. It's as if your perfect home is always just out of reach due to money and if you just had a little bit more ...
So you have to work out what is and isn't essential for you, where you compromise.

Last time for me, it was I don't want to live in a bungalow with plastic windows. Turned out our budget covered semidetached houses and detached bungalows. When our house went under offer, there wasn't that much about. We went with the bungalow because it was perfect in every other way and it turned out to be a good move.

I think as well, the only way I would ever have a perfect home is if I designed and built it myself. Even when I like to browse rightmove with my imaginary lottery winnings, i can find faults with every single house!

Everyone makes compromises. We bought something smaller than we originally wanted and waited 2 years to extend it. We also have a much smaller garden than I would have liked but you can’t have everything.

It's always been like this and I bought my first home 15 years ago. The cheapest homes are those from older folks moving into care homes. They were too old to maintain the house. These get bought up from young people without families to do up. Anything in good condition will be a lot more expensive. You are trading your own time with price. Think of it as taking up a second job. We have all been there doing a second shift after work, fitting flooring, tiling, etc.

I can't see what you are looking at but from this I think you have unrealistic expectations.

Basically I want to say you need to look at potential and learn to DIY.

Yeah I've been in a functional house for the past 10 years - no attachment to it at all. Not even put a picture up on the wall. Came from a house I loved decorating and was so proud of.

It depends on how much time you are planning your spend at home imo and o believe barring bad neighbours etc, I could make any house nice if I wanted to/had the funds. I don't have the money now so have to just live with it and not get any joy from it.

This "boomer" started married life in 3 rented rooms,share bathroom. Then a caravan. Not even that bought one salary.ex H was a milkman, second job delivering new cars. Caravan sale deposit for first house, Victorian 2 up 2 down.I started and Finnished my nursing training, after working as a cleaner.maternity leave was 6 weeks after the birth. I did nights to save on childcare mortgage rate from 12% to 16% in the mid 80s. I had 4 jobs.left homeless with young DKs when he tried to kill me. Homeless accomodation, already knew guy who became DH 2, new baby,100% mortgage,yup,2 salaries,he got made redundant 5 times in 8 years. We never had it cushy. 35 years together, one new car,last holiday 16 years ago. The pebble dash semi, I was working 5 nights with 3 hours sleep if I was lucky in the day. We moved downsized to reduce the mortgage. I was in my 50s, looking after a terminally ill father with a round trip of 70 miles.

Homes have so many features it is almost impossible to find one that is going to tick every box you like.

Buy the one that has negative things you can live with.

Even the most perfect house is going to have something negative about it.

This just gave me heart palpitations.

1.4million???

I'm a million miles from that kind of cost in rural Scotland and even here, first time buyers are finding it hard. Omg. 6k mortgage payments? I know salaries are different down there but jfc....

Oh God at least but in an area you like or you can sell easily. Being stuck years in a place or area you do not like if the most horrible thing. It happened to us when younger. Couldn’t sell because of the market situation then. We ended up loosing money to get away.

I think you just don’t want to hear reality. Yes, houses are more expensive than 30 years ago, and a bigger proportion compared to annual salary etc.

But the fact remains. It’s not the norm to buy your ideal forever home as your first purchase. A few people can afford that, which is great for them. Others will never afford their perfect home which ticks all of their boxes.

Just because you’re 40 and feel you don’t have time to climb the property ladder doesn’t mean that the property ladder concept isn’t how things work often.

You sound like you have a decent budget, so it would be worth exploring less expensive areas to see what properties are like slightly further afield. Or buy something small/ugly/needing a bit of work and reassess the market after 5 years.

I say this as someone younger than you, who bought a flat without a garden first, before finally buying our close to ideal home (although would always have liked a bigger budget to be able to tick more boxes).

Just because you’re 40 and feel you don’t have time to climb the property ladder doesn’t mean that the property ladder concept isn’t how things work often.
This is the problem. The house a FTB can afford meets the needs of a young single person or couple in their 20s - 2 beds, no garden, no facilities or schools, far from parents. It doesn’t meet the needs of a family in their 40s who need more space, a garden, decent schools and parks and other facilities, in a suburban area close to parents for childcare (or to care for parents if their older).

Due to high house prices, FTB age has been delayed, so FTB in their 40s can’t afford a house that meets their needs - because the house that meets their needs is not a FTB house! Literally the only 40-somethings who have a house which meets their needs are those who have inherited.

It’s normal to compromise but not buy somewhere you actively dislike. But I think your issue is looking for somewhere very long time. Majority of first time buyers buy a shorter time place, then move once they have equity for a bigger deposit. Everyone I know did this. Why not look at smaller places in good condition, prioritising location.

Just to say we bought our retirement bungalow 4 years ago, and we are still refurbishing it!
We are in our mid sixties- so it’s not only younger people that have to roll their sleeves up…
It is our 4th move in forty years and the most extensive work we have had to do in any of the places we have bought.
OP if it doesn’t exist where you want it, the right size or shape that you need, and at a price you can afford, this is the only property choice left for many people of all ages.
Granted that doesn’t always feel easy to accept, but it is reality for many people.
(Although you do need to get very accurate quotes for any work requiring trades these days.)

Fiesta,still rolling our sleeves up as well....yup, downsized, which was hilarious because we had a tiny cottage! The 2 bedroom bungalow near the sea,it was future proofed while we were working. Good insulation,new doors, windows, solar panels

Fifiesta, I didn't type your name incorrectly, the phone altered it!

It's very normal to settle/compromise when you buy a house. The 'dream home' is an unhelpful fiction, I think. You can certainly make a compromise home a very happy one - it's just about making the right compromises for you. I wouldn't buy a house I actively disliked though.

If 400k only buys you completely crap houses, I'd suggest moving.

I moved 40 miles away from my hometown in SE to another area in SE to buy my first house. Looked to secure a new job in the area and then bought. Houses in my hometown are twice the price of where I live now, still SE.

I really like the area now and happy, but that was my compromise - leaving my family etc.

If you started looking last year and there were houses you liked on the market, it might be worth waiting until after this summer to see if some of this is seasonal? There are always loads more houses on the market over summer.

We looked for three years before we found a house we both liked and could afford (and weren’t outbid on). We were looking in a very small geographical area so not much came up. Prices aren’t still rising, even in the south east, so may be worth hanging on for another six months (especially if that means interest rates might come down, and you can save up more of a deposit).

Cost of refurbishment has also shot through the roof. Look at the big house reno programmes like Love It or List It and Grand Designs. They can barely find enough people to do more than 4 episodes at a time because people are also getting priced out of doing extensions or remodelling layouts or anything big. Unless you have a lot of builders/tradesmen in your immediate circle who will give you mates rates, people just can’t afford to do much. Maybe a new kitchen/bathroom or the things that need replacing eventually like windows etc, but not major changes. That leads to being pickier with houses because you know you won’t be able to afford a loft extension or whatever.

People have said that property never looses value, that's not true. My house was repossessed in 1989, after a crash and sold at a shortfall in the mortgage of £64k 2007 there was another crash.

Go in with a cheeky offer, on something that you can see potential in. You might be surprised.
Although, you will need to compromise on “something”. FTB are notoriously difficult to please, I don’t know why, maybe it because there are all these TV shows where people just “fall in love with the perfect house” and they don’t “feel it”, but the reality is that the best house is one that works for you. Whether it’s a “flipper” to give you the boost you need to make the next one better, until you find the perfect one, or whether it’s one that you grow into. You need to go out with a decent agent, who can talk you through it.

We’ve just bought somewhere to get on the property ladder. It ticks most of our boxes and should increase in value once we make improvements. We’ll then use the equity and look for something bigger that ticks more of our boxes in the same area.

we spent two years looking but things are so different to when our parents bought houses. If your not seeing anything you want for your budget you may need to revisit your must have list.

good luck x

I don’t think it’s about settling as such, but sometimes we have an idea of what we aren’t going to like and can be pleasantly surprised if we open ourselves up to other possibilities. When I brought my first home I was adamant that I didn’t want a house without a hall (where you have to walk through livingroom to get to the kitchen) and I didn’t want a terrace house. We have both. The hall isn’t as much of an issue as I thought and we have an option to build a porch if we want more space. And our terrace is a 70’s build so really solid walls. We don’t get any noise because of the layout of the houses and our neighbours on both sides are lovely, friendly and the area is quiet and has a lovely community feel. I know neighbours can change but by looking at houses I thought I wouldn’t like, I’ve found my home. It’s not a forever home (we’ll need a bit more space in future) but it is long term and we’ve been here 5 years so far.