Moving after 30 years in my house

[Mxflamingnoravera]

After 30 years in my lovely Victorian terrace I've decided to downsize to a two bed new build flat.
I've had back surgery which was not entirely successful and other aches and pains which makes my house too much for me.
I'm 15 years divorced and my son left home 10 years ago, it's time for a new family to love this house and garden.
....
But I'm lost, heartbroken, excited, don't know quite how to get the house sale ready. Can't clean because of my back, and can't garden for the same reason.

I've got a blitzer coming for the garden on Wednesday, and a decorator to paint over old water stains on my ceiling.

But how do I go from all this to an apartment? My son's room is pretty much the way it was when he left for university. His childhood books and toys are still here. I'm overwhelmed by the enormity of my decision.

I've seen an agent, I know what the house is worth. That's not the problem, it's the 30 years of STUFF that feels so overwhelming. Where do I start? Help!

Room by room. Be ruthless. Decide what you genuinely love, not what you ought to keep. If you can get a friend to help then do. Don't hesitate to ask.

Start with decluttering and you will probably need to get your son to help with this. Hire a skip and get him to help you chuck out all the things you no longer need or want to take to the new property. The old books, toys etc - unless he is willing to take them to a charity shop for you.

If you can afford it I would also employ a cleaner & gardener until it’s sold.

Start with one room, maybe your son's. Get him round to help you. If he hasn't missed any of it, chances are it can pretty much all be recycled or donated. Keep one or two sentimental pieces.

Room by room, by room. Perhaps get another family member round for the rest. It is a lovely new start for you. You can use the opportunity to update, funds allowing.

Have a watch of "Sort your Life Out" on BBC. Lots of people struggle to get rid of stuff but they all end up feeling so much better for it.

Don't let the feeling of being overwhelmed stand in the way of your plans. Change is good - or so I keep telling myself as I am also about to leave a Victorian Terrace after 30 years. I'm fortunate to have been able to do most of the decluttering myself, although I don't drive so have been grateful for friends giving me lifts to the tip. Could you invite friends and your son round for a clearing out session?

If you can't manage it all in the time available, could you get all the stuff you don't need access to put into storage, and sort it after you have moved? A removals company could pack it all up for you and take it to the storage facility. That way your house will be tidy from Day 1 and you can start viewings as soon as the cleaner / gardener / decorator have finished.

Best of luck with your move.

Son has just said don't get rid of loads of things. He'll be back "in the summer"to sort it (he lives in London, me in Sw). He doesn't quite get that I need it moved for the Estate Agent pics.
All my friends live too far away to rope in... actually writing this has made me realise there's one I could ask. So that's helpful.

Oh @Mxflamingnoravera my heart is breaking for you. You are me in about 5 years. We have been in this Victorian semi for 25 years and plan to move when we retire. Even although it is our choice to do so, I just know it is going to be such a wrench.

These old houses get under your skin and seep into your soul. Sure it’s only a house and people and memories matter more. Yet, I just know when the time comes I will be totally bereft.

Sorry, I am being no practical help to you what so ever. I just wanted you to know I totally understand how overwhelmed you must feel.

One option would be to arrange a moving company to pack and move everything that isn't essential in to a storage unit while the house is on the market. Then if will be clutter free and more attractive to buyers.

Label boxes carefully and clearly as your movers do the packing and then your son can work through them in the storage unit this summer. You can also work through the other things you'll find it easier and less sentimental when it's not in situ in the house. Suddenly it's just a knackered old chair in storage unit on an industrial estate rather than the chair in the living room that your son grew up in etc.

Professional Packers are incredibly quick and efficient so it can all be done really fast.

Also paying for storage makes you realise how much it costs you to have things you don't need! So is a very good reminder of the benefits of downsizing.

We moved countries and had to empty the house where we'd had the children and spent 20 years. It's really tough.
I went to empty a cupboard a day for a while as we had loads of built in storage to clear, and made three piles. 1.keep. 2.donate or give to friends. 3. throwaway. I didn't have the time or energy to sell loads of stuff. We did sell big items, like dining table, couches, baby furniture.
Once pile two and three were out of the house. I'd go back over the number one piles and do it all again, till we were left with enough to move with us.
Each child got one box that I put in baby books, first outfits, teddy etc and those are in our new attic for safe keeping.
New owner wanted our wooden bedroom furniture, fridge freezer and washer dryer, so that was good.
Good luck.

A drawer or cupboard a day worked for me. Be ruthless, especially with 'just in case' things.

Try to shift your thinking towards establishing what you want to keep, rather than what you want to get rid of.

“Shop from what you’ve got” to choose what you want to have in your lovely new place.

Take loads and loads of pictures of everything else, and a couple of video walk throughs. You can keep as many of those as you like and they will cost you nothing and take no room to store. You will always have the memories,, but you don’t have to keep the physical belongings.

I'm in a similar position in that I'm moving after 22 years.

You need to tell your son that he has to come back ASAP as his stuff needs clearing for the photos to be taken.

I have kept every picture my children ever drew, all cards and letters they ever received and it's a lot, all their school books, most of their childhood toys and books. It is a lot of stuff. I still have the cot, travel cot, pram and my wedding dress.

It all felt too much. Especially as I would have to get rid of stuff I didn't want to when I don't want to move.

However, the kids have been great and have been a huge help. Once I realised I'd kept a lot of stuff because it was theirs and therefore was theirs to decide what to do with, it made it easier to let it go as per their choice.

It has been very freeing taking stuff to the charity shop, bin, recycling place and I still have plenty of special pieces.

Good luck.

Thanks everyone. I'm aiming to just get the place phot ready over the next two weeks, with the big declutter once I have a buyer.

I have a built in dishwasher from ikea that has worked loose and is skewiff and the seal between it and its housing unit have come away. It looks like a wobbly tooth. I'm not sure how to fix it so it looks ok. IKEA have said their guarantee doesn't cover wear and tear. There are two nasty screws sticking out where a piece of joining or "marking" strip has come away. I don't know if I should call a chippie, a kitchen fitter or just leave it. There is also a burn on the white countertop by the cooker, do I leave it, or replace the countertop before viewings? I feel like a total innocent in all this stuff.

My ds (29) just doesn't have an urgency bone in his body, he wouldn't come back to help with this in my time frame normally, but he's also just broken his arm so he can't help much anyway.

I'd leave the counter top. We had a blister come on ours. I popped it with a knife. I've left it as is. Not paying for a new one. Some things are worth spending money on, some not. Anything safety relevant. For instance, we put a new loft ladder in as it wasn't connecting and dropped down. Would have killed me if I'd not been lucky.

He can say yes or no to keeping though.

You would be better getting rid before you list

I am 7 weeks into revamping and decluttering.
Each room is starting to take shape- the stuff is in the garage at the moment- or has been sold. Agents coming this week- it will be a bit hit and miss if the painting is all finished in time.

Look at Rightmove for sale and sold in your price bracket in you area. There is a definite look for my type of house (Victorian town) and so I have taken that into account.

I would worry too much about the countertop- stick a tray on it. Get a handyman for the rest but maybe think that they may be replacing the kitchen and so just clean and tidy?

I appreciate it's hard for you so I'd be inclined to clear your son's room first, book removers to put his stuff into storage and send him the bills.

Then clear as much as possible out to charity shops & the recycling centre before the photos. You have to be ruthless because you're downsizing.

The sort of friend you need to help you is one who is great at decluttering. If she's a faffer, she'll be worse than no help at all.

Just box up his stuff and send it parcel force as a consignment. Then he can decide what to keep and what to get rid of. Much cheaper than removals or storage.

If you are on WhatsApp or facetime with him then send him photos of belongings he can say yes/no to things in his bedroom, etc. He might not be able to physically help but he can do that. Tell him if he doesn't do it then he can't complain if you tip the whole lot. It might make him focus a little 😉

I'm moving after thirty years too. I'm doing it room by room and my decision making is based on "what do I want to carry out in the 2-hour removal day window". Apparently not a lot 😬

You could tell your son that it's tens of thousands of his inheritance at stake in a clutter free house. Don't underestimate the difference a clean and clutter free environment is for buyers. If he can't help with the rest of the house, he needs to collect his stuff or be happy with it being binned.
"Dress" your house- make it as show home as possible with what you have- and remove the distractions!

Wow, all this is so helpful. Thanks.
I'm going to bed now, knackered after all the head space this taking up. But please, keep it coming on the advice, it's all gratefully received.
🙏

Could you get some large packing boxes and start packing up one room at a time of stuff you want moved? Don't put too many games and books in each box as they will be too heavy to lift. You could rent a storage unit for 6 months. Once you have lots of stuff you don't want loads into boxes and drive them to a charity shop or advertise on Neighbours or Facebook market place. You need to be ruthless. If you have not used something for 6 months, the chances are, you don't need it. Ask your son to come home one weekend and help you. You can probably find a man and a van advertised to take stuff to a lockup for you. I know how daunting it is but don't overdo it. Do about 20 mins twice a day. I'd get someone in to do the garden once a week for a month to give it a good tidy up and cut grass down. Once I'd packed up boxes and got them moved I'd get a cleaner for a deep clean for 2 half days. I want to downsize but DH just refuses. I want to do it now whilst we could do most of it myself. I live in a 6 bedroom house and it's ridiculous as we only use 2 bedrooms but they get so dusty even rooms not being used.

I was in a similar headspace during a similar move. I did a lot of panicking about how much there was to do, without doing anything. Agree with the advice to start small - a cupboard at a time. Have three boxes/bags - rubbish, donate and keep. See it as an opportunity to clean up your life. I didn’t at the time, but it felt amazing afterwards. Especially when I’d moved and l wasn’t overwhelmed by the amount of stuff to unpack. I near enough assessed every single item in my house and it felt brilliant to know that everything I had, I wanted. Also, I could find a place for it when I moved!

I'm heading to the tip shortly, I can't carry much so it's going to be lots of journeys to offload stuff.

I'm going to book storage, that seems like the best idea for ds stuff. I just got a quote, It's £42 per month for 25sqm so I can fill it with his stuff for the period of viewings and then he can make decisions about what he wants to keep and so can I. So thanks for that suggestion, I can already start to feel that I can manage that. All I need is someone with working arms to help me get stuff in the car!

We’re going hopefully soon from our 5 bed, Victorian detached with big gardens to our top floor flat with terrace.

Cant wait! Husband is disabled, there’s a lift. Having stayed several times now, can honestly say it’s the best thing we will ever have done home-wise.
I think within a short time you may well come to the same conclusion.

Good luck.