Moving after 30 years in my house

[Mxflamingnoravera]

After 30 years in my lovely Victorian terrace I've decided to downsize to a two bed new build flat.
I've had back surgery which was not entirely successful and other aches and pains which makes my house too much for me.
I'm 15 years divorced and my son left home 10 years ago, it's time for a new family to love this house and garden.
....
But I'm lost, heartbroken, excited, don't know quite how to get the house sale ready. Can't clean because of my back, and can't garden for the same reason.

I've got a blitzer coming for the garden on Wednesday, and a decorator to paint over old water stains on my ceiling.

But how do I go from all this to an apartment? My son's room is pretty much the way it was when he left for university. His childhood books and toys are still here. I'm overwhelmed by the enormity of my decision.

I've seen an agent, I know what the house is worth. That's not the problem, it's the 30 years of STUFF that feels so overwhelming. Where do I start? Help!

how's it all going?? last year we moved from our house where we'd been for 20 years (but to somewhere a wee bit bigger, so kids didn't have to share). We did declutter as much as possible - about five trips to the tip I think (and we have a people carrier!). new house is still full, but of things that are not just in a box 'for later' (except the kids books, I can't throw away books it seems!). On the whole, I think we did pretty well at clearing out stuff, but you don't want to move things only to not use them, or bin them later. Bit by bit, you can only be ruthless for a wee bit of time, but the end result will be worth it. I remember getting rid of old duvets and pillows, which I'd been keeping 'for spare' but never used, and old bedding sets, things like that are easy to do, but it feels like a proper accomplishment to see the pile of stuff to chuck out grow bigger.

I was in a right old state as I've kept everything of the children's. Partly as I have a tiny amount of stuff from childhood. But they have got rid of stuff and once I realised I kept it for them but they don't want it so it can go, it was easier. I've sent six or seven bags to the charity shop, done one trip to the tip and have packed a lot of boxes of what I am keeping. I'm hoping that the house I move to will have a loft as I have to take most of the kids stuff with me as two are at uni and one is renting a room in a house.

All the three I saw on Friday were no no. But yesterday I saw a Harbourside flat with a garage! (Unheard of in this city). It needs a new kitchen and bathroom, but it's priced to reflect this. I'm sorely tempted to express interest (can only offer if I'm under offer). The other is another off plan. Has parking and will be a very large sitting room with a curved side and floor to ceiling windows. It will be a lovely apartment but won't be ready until December. Views over houses, nothing spectacular like the Harbourside one.

Location, location location or, brand new, walk in and live in it? Both are affordable and will release some cash so I can wind down on work.

Thumb by the way is still incredibly sore when I wake up and I'm still needing painkillers to cope.

Personally I'd attempt to disassociate from the emotions linked to all that stuff.

Maybe pretend you are presenting a make over show and think about it all as someone else's house/stuff?

Tbh whilst a view is nice , you get used to it . I'd concentrate on the interior and what you are looking for new home wise. It sounds like you need somewhere that needs minimal work and will be easy to live in .
Maybe neither of those places are for you.

How close to the harbour ? Imagine the worst tides and add a couple of meters - could you be affected by rising sea levels ?

Type ‘Professional Declutters - your location’ into google and see who is available locally.

There are several companies local to me, all charging £40-£45 an hour.

It might seem a lot, but a well presented, clutter free home will be likely to attract a much higher price. Whenever I view a cluttered home I always question what maintenance issues lie beneath the clutter.

This is brilliant advice. It makes moving day so much less stressful. I found when I stored stuff in this way, and I came to thinking about emptying the unit, it was another round of ‘do I really need this?’ And being ruthless about what came back with me!

It sounds brutal but google swedish death cleaning. Having recently had a parent pass away, having to sort through all the things they kept, it’s made me look at what I keep in a totally ruthless way (and I thought I was ruthless before). Having to go through the process, and go through all the things lovingly kept over many years, it has all come down to being donated, chucked and of value to no-one else. I now think of what I’ll leave for my loved ones to sort and it makes me think twoce about keeping it! Plus empty surfaces are just beautiful, make a smaller space seem bigger and are easier to manage and clean in later years.

We're in a similar position. We moved here in 1995, we're now planning to move to Somerset from London. We decluttered last summer for the pictures, now re-decluttering because we finally have a buyer. We got rid of a huge number of CDs and videos. We figured we barely used them these days because of streaming. We used a company called Music Magpie for them and books. They only give small amounts per book, CD etc but it added up and we figured out it was the getting rid that was important. The cash was a bonus. We got rid of clothes via charity shops but you could also use Vinted. Obviously undies etc are unsuitable! You could also use Facebook marketplace. We've also got a street WhatsApp group and have left messages saying items are available outside our house. Really though with your health conditions your son needs to help you because taking the parcels to the post office is hard work!

If your son is being an awkward sod, you'll have to tell him everything bar the bare minimum of furniture and bedding is going!

It's a wrench though. I'm a Londoner through and through and it will be a huge change moving out of my house and away from London but I'm looking forward to it. Especially since the pandemic I've barely used London's attractions and usually stay within a 5 mile radius of my house in z3, so I may as well live in a small town.

The house is decluttered enough to sell (on the face of it but the cupboards are rammed). I need to get rid of more of my 90s power suits! I had a great flood of sales on vinted for my best stuff but it's dwindled now.

I've just sold a load of cutlery on EBay, I just need to figure out how to bundle four lots into one set of postage as they've all been bought by the same person- anyone know how to do that?

I've read the Swedish Death decluttering book (loved the section on what to do with your dildo and sex toy collection!).

The Harbourside is protected by lock gates, the water is rerouted to the cut elsewhere so flooding is not a problem. I'm very drawn by the garage, it means I effectively get two parking spaces and I can get an electric charging point.

Son is not being awkward, he offered to come and help this weekend, but he is still recovering from a broken arm after being knocked off his bike in London. I must photograph his stuff and get him to decide and then take it to London.

You're doing a great job. I hope you're not too exhausted.

Of course the interior of your new place matters a lot, but I have a wonderful view and it means a lot to me, especially as I'm retired and at home more. I never tire of it.
A kitchen and bathroom can be replaced totally to your taste.

Having said that the off-plan sounds fabulous too.

Personally, I would always choose the view. I'm coastal dwelling and water loving so when I move (within the next year) I'm choosing something with a large sea or estuary view from the main rooms and I also want a west(ish) facing balcony or verandah. It doesn't suit everyone but I'd rather have a smaller house/apartment with a fabulous view than a larger home without one.

Weigh the items on your kitchen scales then go on the Royal Mail website. Put in parcel, what size then it tells you what postage you need. Can print at home if you have a printer.

@Mxflamingnoravera have a good investigation of service charges, terms and duration of leases etc. to make a full financial comparison and be aware that developers of new apartments often set the ongoing charge quite low or moderate to make a purchase seem more attractive, but bump them up considerably in the next few years.

For older flats enquire about the charges, but also management accounts and any major works in the pipeline.

It might be hard to get honest information from an agent, particularly if you haven’t entered the legal process, and I’m unsure how that works in Scotland, but always important to find out as much as possible over and above the initial purchase price.

Thanks @BirthdayRainbow ! Obvious really 🤔 but not to me!

Only obvious if you know!

My house went live today. Three views already booked in!
Eek!
That means I have to do it.

I need to do this, but my house looks so lovely in the estate agent's pictures...

I'm going to see the Harbourside one again on Friday. It is one of those places I've always thought I'd like to live. But oh my goodness, I'll have a lot more stuff to offload.

The thumb sounds very painful. Hard lesson on the merits of wearing rubber gloves, look after yourself !

Harbourside sounds lovely. Is it ground floor and so future proofed into your dotage? I know you are not actually retirement age but given the cost of stamp duty I think it's worth considering small things like are the doors wide enough, is the bathroom access good, could you put rails on suitable walls if you needed it ? This sort of small stuff will mean you will have the option to live independently for so much longer. It's also worth factoring into kitchen design if you are replacing them anyway. Ovens at the right height, etc.
What's the security like?

https://www.parcel2go.com/services/send-a-parcel. Will give you comparative pricing and collection options too. I don't use eBay though so I don't know if you can integrate 3 sales into one postage item if using their integrated mails option.

I've sorted the ebay thing. I needed to set up "sellers hub", then it was a breeze.

The Harbourside place has a lift, I'm only considering places with lifts and that are accessible because I'd like my mum to be able to visit, she's not been able to for five years because of the steps up to my house and the stairs up to my bathroom.

I'm wondering if I should broaden my search from Harbourside because I can get a bigger place, but it's further away from my friends and my mum. I think I'll have viewed most of the suitable Harbourside places by the end of this week.

Most of the Harbourside places in my price range have very small rooms and I'm saying a hard no to the ones with service charges over £3k a year too.

I'm lying on my sofa in my house now and it's all clean and tidy and having doubts. Then I walk into the kitchen and see the grass in the garden and remember... I can't cut the grass, I see the stairs and remember I can't clean the stairs. But I am appreciating my house a lot right now. 😬

Tricky but the Mumsnet property search gurus will scour your area with a few details to go on.
Do you need space for your Mum or is she happily settled in suitable accommodation?

Have you now gone off the new build one you originally wanted?

My mum is in a care home. I'd like to have a place where her sister could stay a night and mum could visit for lunch or afternoon tea l, I couldn't have her stay. She has dementia and finds going out very disorientating, but if I had somewhere she could visit I know it would make her happy in the moment.

It's too outing to let the gurus go for it! Although my next stance may give away my location.

The original new build will be overshadowed by a dry dock and the noise and dust of a dry dock beneath my balcony made me realise it was not the place for me. It's a shame because it was a west facing balcony which would have got the sunsets.

There is another new build which I quite like and is going to be west facing but not on the Harbourside and so the view will not be wonderful. And it's not going to be ready until December.

I could go further out where I can get more square footage, but huge management fees.

I had to empty my father's house. Stuff going back to 1905.

I kept a few key momentos, things that I want to show my children.

Get rid of everything that doesn't actually make you happy. You don't NEED much and will enjoy the space and clarity.

I put so much on the local Buy Nothing page on Facebook. It was a real pleasure seeing stuff go to a new home where new people would enjoy it. A young mum who got twin beds, bedding, new duvets, pillows etc for her boys moving into new accommodation after a bad split - how much better to do that than keep stuff.
Pots and pans and kitchen wares to young people setting up student flats.
Art materials to artists.