Moving after 30 years in my house

[Mxflamingnoravera]

After 30 years in my lovely Victorian terrace I've decided to downsize to a two bed new build flat.
I've had back surgery which was not entirely successful and other aches and pains which makes my house too much for me.
I'm 15 years divorced and my son left home 10 years ago, it's time for a new family to love this house and garden.
....
But I'm lost, heartbroken, excited, don't know quite how to get the house sale ready. Can't clean because of my back, and can't garden for the same reason.

I've got a blitzer coming for the garden on Wednesday, and a decorator to paint over old water stains on my ceiling.

But how do I go from all this to an apartment? My son's room is pretty much the way it was when he left for university. His childhood books and toys are still here. I'm overwhelmed by the enormity of my decision.

I've seen an agent, I know what the house is worth. That's not the problem, it's the 30 years of STUFF that feels so overwhelming. Where do I start? Help!

Read the Swedish Death Cleaning book. It's such a lovely read plus practical.

I hired the storage, then moved all the stuff. Most of it was rubbish in hindsight. I've been more ruthless in recent moves. Hire help, get a skip if you can. Too overwhelming otherwise.

It all takes time. Give yourself space to think & feel. Tell son to pull his finger out. He's an adult, don't pussyfoot around.

I’m doing this myself but after only 22 years. It has involved a lot of trips to the tip but I am getting there. Loft space sorted. Under stairs cupboard sorted… lots more to go.

I was about to suggest you get a skip. It will save you so much time!

If, like me, you are concerned about the ethical aspects of things going to landfill it might help to know that provided you hire from a reputable company they sort and recycle.

What is the big hurry? I encourage you to declutter before you list as you don't seem to realize the time this will take, especially with your back problems and doing all the work yourself. It took me about a year to do this myself and I worked at it almost every day!

It is exhausting and backbreaking even if you don't have previous back problems. You need in between days to rest and recover. It is not only physically exhausting but also mentally . Be kind to yourself and take your time.

I actually decluttered by filling packing boxes because they were easier to move and once I decided to get rid of stuff I never wanted to see it again or have my DH decide to keep it if I had already cleared! It is so easy to go back and change your mind. So for me once packed, it was gone!

I had a truly huge house and gave about 400 boxes of books and stuff to charity, not counting dozens of pieces of furniture! And about 30 trailor loads to the tip. I downsized to a 4 bed appartement but no longer have a private garage so had to get rid of all my garage and garden equipment.

Once this is done you will be free to attack the actual business of planning to sell the house, which is itself another huge job. It is such a stressful time, so take care of your physical and mental well-being and give yourself all the time you need. ;)

Hey superwoman! You're doing really well but I must echo others in saying you must be careful and rest. Can you afford a 'man & van' help for a few days? If so, that would save you lugging stuff to the car and then to the tip.

Charity shops sometimes have a collection service so ring around and find out who does it in your area. That's how I got rid of loads of boxes of stuff from my Mum's place when she moved.

Look after your back!

Ask your son to pay for the storage.

Avoid the storage units if you can, neighbour has now been renting one for over 20 years since she downsized, items are now mouldy etc and worth nothing but she cant seem to get rid of the things....plus all the money wasted over the years.

Thank you for posting @Mxflamingnoravera as you've inspired me to do more sorting and packing today. I've emptied the airing cupboard and it transpires the DC don't want all their childhood bedding which I'm not at all sad about and wondering what to do with it <sob>. I've put four more boxes in the roof. Tomorrow I'll go through the utility room cupboards which are full of over flow kitchen equipment, vases and animal bits.

I do not agree with those saying to put things in storage. It is expensive and it is just delaying the sorting and decluttering that you need to do. It won't fit in your new, smaller house so needs to go first.
Is it desperately urgent to get the house on the market? It is much better to declutter first. I have been through all this and it is a major project that will take time.
I don't drive so cannot get to the tip. I filled my general waste bin as much as possible with stuff from shed and cellar. I had a local charity shop that took stuff regularly as I sorted over a period of time. Now, I use Facebook marketplace for furniture and larger items. If you offer for free it is usually snapped up. I use a collection service by a company that sells items and donates some profits to charity for clothes, books and kitchen ware. If you need to get rid of things that have sentimental value, take photos as reminders.
I would send photos of your DS' stuff to him and tell him how much needs to go so he can decide what is important to him.
You will feel better when your house is emptier and it's great to be able to "dress" the house for agents photos and viewings.

Do you have a garage? I would box all your sons stuff and put it in the garage. Mark it with his name. When the house is sold, tell him to come and collect it or it will go to the skip. Be brutal. Maybe put the empty boxes in the garage and add things in small increments then tape them up. Everything else, be ruthless!
If you don’t have a garage you can box them up in his room and put them in a corner . Get him to arrange pick up or just do viewings with them neatly stacked in the room. Then get rid before you move. Hire a skip and get someone to put the boxes in it.

Do you have friends with student sons who may be looking to earn some money?

My son and a friend have spent a couple of days helping out a friend of mine in a similar situation. Dismantling furniture and taking things to the tip for her.

I think you should just send him all of his stuff rather than putting it in storage.

Came on to say this
It's awful that you'll have to be brutal decluttering your own stuff and he just blithely thinks it's fine

That’s actually a really good idea.

We have been decluttering and doing up since January. it is really hard but we are moving from a 6 bed house. to a 2 bed flat. My house is now beautiful- it only has things that I love it and would want to keep (other than the practical stuff that you need).

I bought these last summer from Ocado to clear my mothers house and have reused them for this clearance. They are all stacked in the garage and ready to go to car boot sales once the weather picks up. All different patterns- they were 2 for £6 when I bought them- lots of other places sell them

https://www.ocado.com/products/rex-london-navy-on-white-spotlight-jumbo-storage-bag-587695011?gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI9JzwueSyhQMVgZJQBh1XXw4_EAQYASABEgIO6vD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

This - it's by far the most practical answer if a little expensive if his room is crammed to the gills.

I would go for a hybrid approach - FaceTime with him to run through stuff. Get some coloured spot stickers - red to keep, blue to bin, green for charity or whatever. Then ship him the boxes of stuff he wants to keep. He'll be much more focused on what he wants to cram into his London abode.

If you can find someone [couple of students ideally on hols over Easter] or an older person who wants to earn a bit of cash [and not be taken to the cleaners by the DWP] for a few days here and there, you could get a lot of stuff boxed up to go if you colour code it first.

Storage is handy for things you definitely want to keep but are handy to get out of the way. Large suitcases full of winter clothes were handy to remove along with some furniture we wanted to keep but remove for viewings to make the place look more spacious. DH's book collection had gotten a bit out of hand but we were moving to a bigger not a smaller place.

Beware though that period furniture may not work for you in a modern apartment so it's worth not being sentimental over massive pieces or family sized dining table and chairs unless you will actually host a lot of dinner parties.

Lots of local charities and scouting organisations will come and collect stuff for jumble sales and charity shops. Much easier if it's boxed and ready to incrementally than some sort of massive evacuation. They'll need to process it at their end too. Furniture collection can take a few weeks to schedule so worth planning it in.

Best of luck and don't wreck your back over it !

Thanks for starting this thread @Mxflamingnoravera . We are also beginning to consider our downsize, to leave our accomodating generously sized family home, and free it for sale to a younger family. Our DC who has not yet lived independently for very long is rather disconsolate, because they won't be returning home once we move. Once DC is off, independently settled and happy to return to whatever safe home we create for the people we love, I think it will be fine. We shall always welcome, until DC is ready to welcome us, as the host.

Oh blimey! Thanks everyone, loads more stuff to think about.

The hurry is that I've found a new build perfect location apartment. It's on the Harbourside with a west facing balcony so I'll get afternoon sun and sunsets. It'll be ready in July and I want to reserve if I can. It will release cash that means I can retire early and I need to know that this is a realistic objective.

I've got packing boxes coming tomorrow into which I can declutter. And I will take a storage unit Just 25msq- I have no garage I'm in a terrace. If it get mine sold and my dream place reserved I don't mind the £50 a month (60% less if I go for 12 weeks).

My son agrees that's it's a good move now he's over the initial shock. He doesn't drive and has a broken arm so realistically he can't do much until his arm heals.

So I'm full on. Will take on all the advice about getting charity shops to pick up donated furniture. I have a couple of students in mind who can do some heavy lifting for a reasonable pay over a weekend, one is my cousins's son (for those of you who like to search posters... ) he is burly and has a driving licence, I can put him on my insurance or pay for van hire to storage unit for a weekend. I also have a young friend who could do with some money who might be ok to pay to clean and get the place showhome ready.

I'm feeling excited now son is on board.

June re the storage unit, not "just"!

I get he has a broken arm but honestly he can still say "keep" "donate" or "sell" and help declutter lightweight stuff.

I'd try and get him to come for a weekend before X date to help sort through what he wants or doesn't want.

Also good for you!
I think this sounds AMAZING

a good way to think about this decluttering is this is your new life so you only want to bring the best/ nicest / most marvellous bits of your old life with you to your new home.
Good luck!

Sounds like a fabulous flat - sundowners on the balcony!
It sounds like it will be liberating financially and physically for you.
You will bring with you all the memories but none of the clutter!

OP I was in the same position as you 10years ago. We had a skip and just thought we had got rid of crap.. all our children came home after University for a few years . Am now planning on a skip for 10 years later 🙄

A skip will need a licence and somewhere to put it. In my street that can be very difficult so I'll be doing runs to the tip and the men doing the outside will take all the rubbish.

If you're comfortable using apps and have lots of stuff to give away, have a look at Olio. I gave away loads of stuff when we moved. Couldn't bear to take things to the tip if there was still life in them.

If you've got lots of books/CDs to get rid of, have a look at Ziffit as you may be able to get a bit of money for them.

In terms of making it viewing/photo ready, it's the surfaces and shelves you need to tidy up.

Our tip has a reuse shop, so furniture and electrical items etc can be donated and are sold in the shop on the site. It's brilliant, it's quite the nicest tip I've ever been to!