Will I ever shift this feeling of house regret?

[houseregret5]

So on paper, and from the outside looking in, I am in a very lucky situation. At the beginning of the year we bought a house in a desirable street in a lovely countryside village which we have lived in all our lives. Houses are like gold dust here because people don't tend to leave (the school is tiny and highly rated and the village is incredibly pretty and safe). We had known the house was due to become available for some time through word of mouth in the village and my DH and I agreed it would be the chance to secure a larger property than the one we were previously in. I almost became fixated on securing it due to being pregnant with our 3rd DC. At the time of the move, i was heavily pregnant and although we knew it was a bit of a project (elderly couple had lived in it for decades), I was excited to start a project on what I thought was our forever home.

To cut a long saga short, the work which transpired to be necessary was at least 10 times the work I had anticipated. The house needed a complete rewire, re plaster, new kitchen, bathrooms etc etc as well as major issues with trees, drainage, roof etc etc. What I thought would be a dream come true quickly became a nightmare and I can honestly say it ruined my pregnancy. The house was like a building site for months and months and was cold, dirty and completely drained our finances. Whilst we have made a lot of progress since the start of the year, and the house is certainly liveable, I have become completely consumed by worry and regret that I have made the wrong decision for my family and I have started to hate the house I thought we would live in forever. I can honestly say I doubt I could ever love the house now after the stress it has caused.

There are also issues which will take a long while to resolve due to us running out of money, such as double glazing failing (the house is pretty huge and replacing anything of this sort would be a huge sum of money). I should add that none of these things were flagged on the home survey. I have tried to adopt the mindset of 'these things take time' etc etc but it really isn't working. If anything, my feelings and regret towards the house and the decision I made are getting worse by the week. I just want to enjoy our lives and DCs now and to not have to worry about tradesmen and costs constantly.

I wonder if anyone has been in a similar position and made a decision to move again so quickly? Am I being an idiot? I just feel this house is way too much for us. I reckon we will have added enough value to sell it.

Bump

I am so sorry you are having such a tough time of it. Any idea why the surveyor missed so much?

If houses are so rarely available, you would be able to sell it quickly. Perhaps looking at this as an investment would help you feel better.

Try not to stress too much. I’m sure the majority of us get like this when we buy a project and hidden costs start appearing.

I know it’s a bit like telling you to suck eggs and I mean it in the nicest possible way, but you should have maybe concentrated on one room at a time. This gives you that place in the house where you can escape it all and relax in a lovely room. I usually start with bedroom or sitting room. So when it gets too much that’s where you’ll find me.

You need to make it look as homely as possible for now and concentrate on the costly jobs in the near future when you’ve saved a little. (One step at a time) If the survey didn’t flag up the majority of these jobs then it’s likely you’ve gone in and wanted to create your dream forever home within a very short time, which in reality doesn’t happen. Rome wasn’t built in a day. ❤️
I hope you can settle a little and create a cosy space of escapism from the building work and I’m confident in a couple years time you’ll look back on this post and think WOW how wrong was I. I love my home now!

You’ll forgive the house. When your in the thick of any project you hate it but once it’s all finished - it’ll be just how you want it and you’ll forgive it and grow to love it.

Shall we get some perspective here? I presume you have a healthy baby? Things like not having a healthy baby, ruin a pregnancy, not a house move. In the gentlest possible way the first year after having a child, most of us are not ourselves. You have had a great deal of upheaval, but no more than lots of other people. Over the last three years. It’s all been a bit nuts. You are going to end up with a lovely house. This will pass.

@Popcornshovel when people told me to concentrate on one room at a time, I laughed. It is the most ridiculous statement when you need a full rewire / full plaster, but also need to live in the house

You’re in the worst possible part of it. Do you still love where you live? I think it’s natural to resent a house that requires loads of work especially when you’ve got kids and especially when you’re pregnant. Think about why you’ve bought the place and what you love about where you live.

Was there really that much more work than you anticipated? Everything you've listed I'm sure could have either been seen upon viewing or expected when buying a house from elderly people who've lived there years. Or was it more that you were so fixated on securing a house in that location, that you overlooked these things at the time?

Could your feelings actually run deeper than the house and perhaps PND is involved? Worth having a chat to your GP about. Either way, moving is stressful enough at the best of times, without buying a project and throwing a new baby in the mix.

You will come through this and grow to love your home I'm sure, given how much you love the area etc. You just need to give yourself time and keep reminding yourself of the end goal and the upheaval won't be forever, despite feeling like it at the moment.

What stands out to me is a pattern of fairly obsessive thought. The heavy focus on getting it, now the heavy focus on regret.

do you do this in other areas of your life. Focus on one thing and be unable to rationalise/address logically?

When you’re in Hell, keep going.

You are improving that property no end and that’s hard. But you are adding value and in a year or two can decide to sell and move to a different house or stay & benefit yourselves from all the improvements.

Didn’t the vendors have to produce an electrical safety certificate?

I've been through similar. Moved to a very damp, run down Georgian place at Christmas time. Spent Christmas living out of boxes and black plastic sacks and huddling in a cold, frankly spooky wreck with shonky electrics that cut out if we had the oven on at the same time as the lights. Then, after Christmas, we spent months long dark months doing the filthiest, coldest, wettest work including pulling down plaster and lath ceilings which made dust so bad even our food tasted of grit.

I used to fall into bed exhausted thinking only one thought, "When this is done we're going to sell this sh1thole and buy a nice house".

By the following year, I was putting my Christmas tree up in the freshly decorated sitting room and cooking dinner on my new stove - with the lights on!! All the grit and grime forgotten and all the fun ahead.

You've had a helluva year in many ways and are through the worst bit. If you move now, you'll have more upheaval again and that will be bloody awful. Settle, relax, enjoy all the good stuff in your lovely village. All will be well.

We are in the same position. I spent most of last week trying to patch various leaks because we can’t afford a new roof. I also have 20k worth of debt to fix essential things, like a condemned boiler that didn’t work and windows that let rain inside. Like you, none of this was noticed until after we moved in. We’ve ran out of money so are stuck like this until finances improve.

I try and look at it positively. We have a big house in a lovely area, a huge garden, we have improved it, our kids are happy here and it has so much potential. I think sometimes it’s easy to focus on the negatives and not the things you do have!

These aren't required when selling a house, in England anyway.

We had to produce one. And a gas certificate.

Ds bought a house last year. Both of them had to be submitted by the vendor.

It's not a requirement. A buyer can ask but the vendor doesn't legally have to supply them.

Estate agents insisted on them. And solicitors.

That isn't the norm ime.

I agree with @Fuckingfuming1

It sounds as though you wanted this house because you are making a life in this village, it sounds like a good location and offers the space you need for your family.

You say the house is liveable - so maybe just live in it for a bit. Give yourselves a break, build up some more cash, enjoy time as a family and remind yourself why you wanted to stay in this village.

If you sold the house, where would you live, and why would that be better?

https://www.reallymoving.com/surveyors/faq/do-sellers-provide-the-gas-and-electricity-safety#:~:text=As%20a%20Vendor%2C%20you%20are,and%20must%20do%20this%20annually.

I’m just saying what happened. I’m not making it up!

I'm not implying you are, I'm just stating it isn't a legal requirement and that's why OP didn't receive one.

I think this is insightful, and I agree.
It also sounds like it is annoying but honestly something you will be able to cope with if you change your mindset, and you'll end up with a beautiful house in a great place.