Will I ever shift this feeling of house regret?

[houseregret5]

So on paper, and from the outside looking in, I am in a very lucky situation. At the beginning of the year we bought a house in a desirable street in a lovely countryside village which we have lived in all our lives. Houses are like gold dust here because people don't tend to leave (the school is tiny and highly rated and the village is incredibly pretty and safe). We had known the house was due to become available for some time through word of mouth in the village and my DH and I agreed it would be the chance to secure a larger property than the one we were previously in. I almost became fixated on securing it due to being pregnant with our 3rd DC. At the time of the move, i was heavily pregnant and although we knew it was a bit of a project (elderly couple had lived in it for decades), I was excited to start a project on what I thought was our forever home.

To cut a long saga short, the work which transpired to be necessary was at least 10 times the work I had anticipated. The house needed a complete rewire, re plaster, new kitchen, bathrooms etc etc as well as major issues with trees, drainage, roof etc etc. What I thought would be a dream come true quickly became a nightmare and I can honestly say it ruined my pregnancy. The house was like a building site for months and months and was cold, dirty and completely drained our finances. Whilst we have made a lot of progress since the start of the year, and the house is certainly liveable, I have become completely consumed by worry and regret that I have made the wrong decision for my family and I have started to hate the house I thought we would live in forever. I can honestly say I doubt I could ever love the house now after the stress it has caused.

There are also issues which will take a long while to resolve due to us running out of money, such as double glazing failing (the house is pretty huge and replacing anything of this sort would be a huge sum of money). I should add that none of these things were flagged on the home survey. I have tried to adopt the mindset of 'these things take time' etc etc but it really isn't working. If anything, my feelings and regret towards the house and the decision I made are getting worse by the week. I just want to enjoy our lives and DCs now and to not have to worry about tradesmen and costs constantly.

I wonder if anyone has been in a similar position and made a decision to move again so quickly? Am I being an idiot? I just feel this house is way too much for us. I reckon we will have added enough value to sell it.

You sound very annoyed @Loopylambs. I hope that you are ok. I don't think I have mentioned anywhere in my post about being able to afford kitchens and bathrooms, and there is certainly no reference to a 'kitchen designer.' I am incredibly grateful for my family and position; not that requires explanation on this post, as this relates solely to a very particular issue in my life at the moment (which is the purpose of MN, no?) Thank you once again to all of those who had provided helpful comments, it's reassuring to hear all of your similar stories! ☺️

houseregret5 you obviously don’t want people’s opinions from Mumsnet , which is the point of a forum ? Carry on with your pity party and just enjoy the responses you like .

Thank you for your response and good luck with whatever it is in your life that has irrationally noised you up. ☺️

I remember this feeling so well . I went through a massive phase of hating our house imagining stuff that would happen feeling basically depressed because nothing seemed to be going right it took a while but it passed everything over time got better including my mental health . We still live in the same house things still need doing not such major things anymore but that's just life . If you really do feel there's no other option then sell the house but then that costs alot of money again & to my mind that could be even worse as you have young children & are still pregnant or you now have a newborn. I would wait it out love & eventually it's weird you look back & think it was another episode in your life . Whatever you decided I hope it makes you happy xxx

Mine also insisted on them being provided.

That said, because they were not in date, I booked the electrician and the gas engineer to do a check for my own piece of mind.

Why on earth would you refuse to allow an electrical check?! If I was the buyer that would totally put me off. I’ve never bought a house without doing full structural survey (that was your mistake, OP) and with the latest one I had electrics and drainage surveys done too.

I supplied electrics and gas certificates to my buyers but that was only because I’d had work done in the last few years. Many people wouldn’t necessarily have them to hand.

It largely depends on the housing stock in your area though. Most are 50s/60s in my area and I suspect a very small percentage have been rewired in their lifetime.

Personally, it would be a massive plus for me if a house had been rewired, yet it's rarely stated in the listing. A lot of buyers just accept they'll have to do it themselves, or worryingly don't deem it necessary if there are no immediate issues.

I'm about to have my house done but I know most of my neighbours haven't. When I mentioned it they all asked why and what issues I've been having, as it's very much the whole "if it ain't broke, why fix it" mentality.

Our buyer was forcing an extremely quick sale (we moved within 5 weeks) or they would pull out. I felt this would delay things and they wanted us to pay for it. I don’t see why we should pay for it and I don’t think it’s necessary. Nothing was my mistake, our new house is fine. Our old house was fine. I don’t think it’s necessary to have that 🤷🏽‍♀️
you can have a different opinion. You’re not me, or my buyer or my seller. ☺️👍🏼 our chain moved on fine, everyone has moved in, no problems and everyone is happy. Having an electrical certificate or electrical check isn’t the be all and end all.

Oh and we did have a full structural survey and so did our buyer. 🤔🤷🏽‍♀️😂 I might suggest you don’t get so wound up by what other people do 😂🤷🏽‍♀️

I was in quite a similar situation (though not pregnant). I got into loads of debt renovating the house and it turned out not to be the house of our dreams. A number of bad (terrible) things then happened there which were the icing on the cake (a murder in the neighbourhood, a falling out with our neighbours and a severe accident in the home). We sold the house, for double what we bought it for but breaking even due to the debt we'd got into renovating it. The person who bought it was actually a spiritual healer which I was glad about, because, to be honest, things went wrong for us on such a level there that it was at times difficult to believe the devil himself wasn't involved. When I look back now, I do think of it as an incredibly stressful period but also I'm proud of how I made an ugly, dirty house pretty good for someone else (I did most of the work myself- painting, garden renovation etc. but of course someone else did the reroofing, reflooring, insulation, electrical rewire). On the survey it wasn't flagged that the chimney didn't work and wasn't safe and I think there's something symbolic about not being able to light a fire in a house too, in any case there were lots of "signs" that made our decision, with regret, but later with joy, to move out...Maybe you'll just "know" one way or the other soon (I certainly hope you don't have the "signs" I had though, as they were extreme).

I bought a house in 2000 as a newly single parent on a really low income. When we got the keys i realised all the decor was really worn and old but also the cottage style kitchen was a lot of freestanding inits which theyd taken so I had a sink unit and a single set of rickety drawers. I was appalled amd had abs not a penny to sort. My friend stood next to me and pointed out all the stuff I could do fpr min cost..... it wasnt even dbl glazed. I hated it but over the next few years with my 4 kids we slowly tidied it up amd it became lovely. Dont give up, pregnancy is such an emptional time amd sounds like you actually have made a brilliant investment and just need patience!

We bought our dream house in the ideal location when our boys were 2 and 4. The house wasn't a total wreck but it needed a lot of work which we planned to do bit by bit as we could afford it. DH is very skilled at DIY but we totally underestimated how hard it would be for him to work full time and renovate the house. The boys needed so much of our time and I spent a lot of time at home in a grotty house feeling miserable and worrying about things going wrong with the house and having no money.

It took a long time but we got there and I went from hating the house and regretting buying it to absolutely loving it, so much so that we are still here 21 years later.

I think you need to give it a bit longer, I hope it works out for you.

I completely sympathize. I bought what I thought was a great house in a great location which "needed a bit of work". We've lived here almost three years and are still not remotely finished. Yes it was structurally sound but every horror imaginable popped up after we bought it.

Our first task was a new bathroom. Due to poor workmanship, there was a massive leak through into the dining room ceiling. The company told us to let it dry out for six weeks and then they would come and sort it out. In the end they refused. Hubby started process of taking them to small claims court but we later found out the company had become insolvent. The dining room (which we had spent months of work on) was a wet, smelly mess for a months.

The worst part of living here is that living next door is an abusive, coercive, toxic relationship. The guy had a temper and routinely smashes up his house after drinking. Even when he is sober, the things I can hear him saying to his wife are disgusting.

I'm really want to move but hubby doesn't as we only lived at our previous house for two years as I didn't like the area.

I totally get why you feel anxious and why living in what you thought would be your dream house is really troubling when it turns out to be anything but

Christ. We’re starting renos in a couple of weeks (builders doing not us) and living here whilst it’s done (though if it gets really bad at points we may move in with MIL for a bit). Pre-1900’s at front but extended massively in the 90’s. Dreading it and it’s not our preferred location (though has actually turned out to be a very convenient location). Have 2 young DC. Probably shouldn’t be reading this thread!

"We were asked if they could do an electrical test, we said no."

You just missed out the part about them wanting you to pay for it...

And I didn't say you made a mistake, I said OP made a mistake in not getting a full structural survey.

Perhaps try to read & write properly.

Tell me you've never had building work, without telling me you've never had building work... 🙄

We bought a house that needed EVERYTHING doing except the external walls. We were told we couldn't have children so spent every minute demolishing, re building, installing heating, kitchen bathrooms. Then miracle, I was pregnant, desperately trying to finish one bedroom the kitchen and one bathroom. It was hell for another year but eventually when second daughter joined the clan 3 years later it was finally done. There were times when I hated the house (and family) but eventually sold it and moved overseas for 10 years.

@Helpfulperson123 You're so right, the cost of materials for doing up houses has gone up a lot recently! I found this out when I moved a couple of years ago. I had to fit a new kitchen, bathroom, new boiler & some new windows & doors. Compared with doing the same things in my previous flat 15 years ago, the I'd say costs were approximately doubled! And I did most of the work myself. It has added to the value, but not by as much as you might expect...

Yep. We had renovations planned, the building warrant passed after months of negotiations and new drawings, were looking for contractors then COVID hit and we had to postpone. By the time we were able to start looking again, we could no longer afford to do it. So the house is the same as it was...

Maybe one day. Sigh.

@Helpfulperson123 Oh, that's so unfortunate!

Not in our experience. They’re not mandatory in England.

@Helpfulperson123 Could you possibly do any of the work yourselves, rather than using contractors? For example, you could maybe put in your own kitchen & bathroom? I did this here...

I get this, on paper our house is perfect for me (period semi, 4 beds, original fireplaces,doors and coving etc) but for five years I've hated going home to it as everything needed to be replaced. Finally this year we've spent nearly 70k on new kitchen and bathroom (with slight structural work) which is twice what we expected to pay when we moved in due to rising costs, and while lovely what it's done is show how rubbish the rest of the house now looks, manky old carpets throughout and needs redecorating. I feel we've done the grunt work of the building stuff but still nowhere near a nice house and we've got no money left! Oh and we've discovered lots of damp we now need to get to the root of. I have fallen out with it badly and wish we'd bought a new build! We won't be moving and hopefully we'll get there one day with it.

And we have a huge mortgage and it doesn't seem we've got the house worth the ridiculous mortgage payment every month, in my opinion...

Eventually you will love it. It will be a money pit for a few years but eventually if it’s as huge as you say, and in a desirable location it sounds like a dream house. It’s like anything in the early days, newborn babies, puppies, new job, renovations etc those early stages are bloody awful, but as the years go by you forget and look back and think ‘how did we do it?’ My advice would be to just keep going, keep saving and think of the long game.