Will I ever shift this feeling of house regret?

[houseregret5]

So on paper, and from the outside looking in, I am in a very lucky situation. At the beginning of the year we bought a house in a desirable street in a lovely countryside village which we have lived in all our lives. Houses are like gold dust here because people don't tend to leave (the school is tiny and highly rated and the village is incredibly pretty and safe). We had known the house was due to become available for some time through word of mouth in the village and my DH and I agreed it would be the chance to secure a larger property than the one we were previously in. I almost became fixated on securing it due to being pregnant with our 3rd DC. At the time of the move, i was heavily pregnant and although we knew it was a bit of a project (elderly couple had lived in it for decades), I was excited to start a project on what I thought was our forever home.

To cut a long saga short, the work which transpired to be necessary was at least 10 times the work I had anticipated. The house needed a complete rewire, re plaster, new kitchen, bathrooms etc etc as well as major issues with trees, drainage, roof etc etc. What I thought would be a dream come true quickly became a nightmare and I can honestly say it ruined my pregnancy. The house was like a building site for months and months and was cold, dirty and completely drained our finances. Whilst we have made a lot of progress since the start of the year, and the house is certainly liveable, I have become completely consumed by worry and regret that I have made the wrong decision for my family and I have started to hate the house I thought we would live in forever. I can honestly say I doubt I could ever love the house now after the stress it has caused.

There are also issues which will take a long while to resolve due to us running out of money, such as double glazing failing (the house is pretty huge and replacing anything of this sort would be a huge sum of money). I should add that none of these things were flagged on the home survey. I have tried to adopt the mindset of 'these things take time' etc etc but it really isn't working. If anything, my feelings and regret towards the house and the decision I made are getting worse by the week. I just want to enjoy our lives and DCs now and to not have to worry about tradesmen and costs constantly.

I wonder if anyone has been in a similar position and made a decision to move again so quickly? Am I being an idiot? I just feel this house is way too much for us. I reckon we will have added enough value to sell it.

We also bought a house that needed work. Should have been obvious that a house that’s not been touched for 50 years will need rewiring and replastering.

We ended up knocking it down and living in a rental. Very stressful. And cost more than we thought. 10 years later, we lived frugally so laid down chunks of mortgage at each renewal and now I forgive the house. But still remember the stress.

Yup, been there. Bought a house to renovate 6 years ago, the survey was shit and didn’t flag up some major issues. I spent practically all my reno funds on really boring and necessary stuff and it held me back years. Hated the house for a long time but was stuck, but had to plod on with the decorating. I’ve just had the manky bathroom replaced and hope to start on the kitchen soon, and I feel so much better about the house, and as work progresses you hopefully will do as well. I promise it will get better!

It's really not. It isn't always possible to do it at once, but the sooner you get one room nice the sooner you'll feel happier about everything, in my experience. If you can't do that because other work to be done affects every room, and yes, I know it can do, get as close you can to it by getting at least one room pleasant and with your own stuff around it, would be my advice.

My advice is to stick with it. We bought a small bungalow in a sought after area but we could only afford it because it needed EVERYTHING doing, everything was about 50 years old - new windows, boiler, electrics, bathroom, kitchen, plastering, and in time, new roof. I was a SAHM, with a 1yo and 3yo, and we had hardly any money. I remember it being freezing, damp, and we had our head in our hands one evening, worrying about the mistake we'd made buying. Yes, it took years to complete, and in different stages, but now we are thankful we stuck with it and put the work in. We are unlikely to move now as it's finished, lovely, and our children have a happy nice life here, but we have even had letters through the door with contact numbers from people in case we want to sell!
So yes, things feel very bleak at times, especially when you feel penniless, overwhelmed and tired. But you will be so thankful, as will your children, in the future that you stick with it. Keep going💐

Thank you for all your kind words! Reassuring to hear your similar stories! I think making any sort of decision just now would be in haste; I'll give it some time and revisit my feelings then once everything has calmed down ☺️

Such a similar thing happened to us last year so I really sympathise. I was 9 months pregnant when we moved last November. From a lovely (but tiny) new build so had no idea about older houses.

We soon discovered the boiler didn’t work, none of the plumbing was done right so toilets didn’t flush properly and the sinks smell, the porch was built with exposed insulation on the outside, the garage leaks buckets full when it rains, none of the external doors were fitted correctly or had working locks, the electrics were wired wrong. It was so odd as the place looked perfect. We had a full survey done and none of this came back!! So I had a newborn in a winter in a house with no heating, working toilets or shower.

It’s turned us both into nervous wrecks and has impacted our relationship to be honest. When you have a new baby you don’t have free time to decorate even, let alone do renovations. And everything is so much more expensive than I thought, we don’t have 3k let alone the 30k we need to get the place in decent shape. We want to move but are in a fixed term mortgage and can’t afford to pay the exit fee plus stamp duty on another house. I’ve really just been making little improvements myself whilst on MAT leave (whilst DP moans it is still terrible and we’ve ruined our lives).

If it’s any consolation your house does sound lovely and the area sounds great so I’m sure its worth seeing it through. Just think no property is perfect and it would be worse to move again and start at square 1. Possibly in an area you don’t like.

Try to focus on the location rather than the house. Can you have a break from work just to give your breathing space from workmen?

You know how to overload yourself OP. A new baby and house renovation is always going to be difficult. Rome wasn't built in a day. Enjoy the good bits 💐

I would love to be able to show you pictures of my house when I moved in, and for the next few years. I would be up until midnight most nights painting over vile purple and orange walls, whilst still working and looking after a toddler. My , then, husband would play computer games and claim to be working hard.
the bathroom hadn’t been plumbed in properly so water pissed through the ceiling, the kitchen tiles fell off when you looked at them, the bedroom windows in our room were fastened shut with piano wire. In time, the bathroom tiles were held on with tape and I had to scrub black mould off weekly.
Roll forward a few years, I’m still in the house - minus the feckless husband, new spouse - issues corrected and I love our house.
give it time.

you’ve had some upheaval, and lots of hard work, but it will happen.

Was the norm for us. I think it’s very common these days and our sale would have faltered without one.

Do you have to do it all at once? We have been in our run down house a few years now and just do bits and pieces when we can. It’s not ideal but it’s liveable in, even with the leaks and dodgy plumping. Having a baby is hard work so maybe a break from renovations and focus elsewhere for a while?

Sounds like a frustrating experience. But hopefully you’ll make it through and you’ll learn from it?

Unfortunately I don’t think your experience is going to be the outlier in the coming years. Lots of properties available now (old people downsizing, moving into care, probate, landlords selling up) need lots of work. People hugely underestimate the cost of this work, and are/will be burnt by it.

I think the best thing you can do for your well-being is to hope your story helps someone else out. Perhaps if you’d heard horror stories of buying dilapidated properties, you would have taken a different approach?

I think this is the product of unrealistic TV programmes on renovation. Renovation is expensive, messy, disruptive and unpredictable. However you sound like you are getting there. You are where you want to be, and thd house will be how you want it in time. Someone else said you are in the worst part of it, which I think is true. Get over this hump and you will feel better.

Imo it should be law that you can't. I don't understand why you can't rent out a property without these certificates yet you can sell one.

Many people are living in houses with dangerous electrics/unchecked boilers and at the end of the day they're not just endangering their own household if the worst was to happen.

Hi, I really sympathise with you. We are in the same place. Bought house 18 months ago, knowing it needed a lot of work but perhaps not as much as it has. For us the stressful bit is trying to get decent tradespeople. There seem to be so many charlatans out there who will do a shoddy job. Anyone half way good has so much work they don't even respond to messages.

At the moment we should be celebrating as we just had two upstairs bathrooms renovated, unfortunately about 30 mins after we finally signed off on all the snags and paid the £13k to the company, the soil pipe started to leak. It is a never ending story.

I spent last night looking at the price of houses in the local area to try and reassure myself that staying here and dealing with all the crap is worth it.

This is only required when work has been done such as an extension or new gas fire installed

Yes. I agree and maybe it will happen. Also the way we buy houses in U.K. needs to change too.

I can relate to how you're feeling. It's overwhelmingly hard with young children, particularly if you don't have family support close by. It's time consuming, stressful and depressing. I earmark a couple of times a week to self care and spend that time thinking about the bigger picture. How my current feelings are valid, that it won't always be like this and celebrate the improvements when they happen. You've done the right thing for your family so keep telling yourself that.

Yes I agree with this. I feel really sorry for you going through that being pregnant OP, and completely get that having a chaotic home can impact on your sense of stability and well-being, especially with a new baby and rapidly disappearing savings. But I also think some perspective / mindfulness practice would help. You are extraordinarily fortunate and blessed in so many ways. How exciting to have a blank canvas home in a perfect location to make into your family's nest for your gorgeous children. It may take longer than anticipated but you are all safe and healthy, you have shelter, health and each other. The baby won't notice the double glazing or the decor and all they need is a mum who is present and modelling presence.

Maybe look up some gratitude work on YouTube or Insight Timer to help your frame of mind and anxiety levels. I try to start each day counting 10 things I'm grateful for before I fully open my eyes. It puts things into perspective.

Good luck with it all x

We are 6 years into a renovation but on a small house, like you much more work than we anticipated, but we cannot throw money at it so doing a lot ourselves.. key points:

• the house doesn’t have to be perfect
• dont spend more than you can afford as this makes it v v v stressful.
• Take it room by room.
• Leave the double glazing for now if you must. It’s likely liveable.
• Go on a nice holiday or break away from the house, get a cleaning company in to see clean whilst you are away. Come back and see how you feel about coming home and seeing it again after a good break.

I felt the same and made a similar thread a few years ago. When DTs came home from hospital we had no floor in our kitchen, and a temporary kitchen. Think of why you bought the house and your vision. Would it help to have a mood board somewhere to keep reminding you why you bought the house?

You mention home survey.

What level survey did you have? I know someone that had the level 1 survey and like yourself it became apparent how bad the house was once they moved in.

With all the moving, work and having three children including a baby I’m not surprised you are stressed. It will take time to settle down but you will be allright.

I think you have a lot on your plate and would set aside thoughts of the house as best you can. Of course it needs to be water tight and safe but new bathrooms and double glazing for example are 'nice to have' rather than essential and can wait a few years until you are in a better position to tackle them. The fact remains that you have bought the house you want in the place you wanted. People were living there so it is habitable. Try to give yourself some room to get used to having a larger family . I would consider talking to your GP about how you are feeling , some counselling may help your mood which sounds very low.

Op one of my particularly favourite memories of early days renovating, I had my kitchen sink propped up on two sticks for about a month as we had no floor. If you ran the tap too much you risked collapse. Every time you’d turn it on DH would start heavy breathing from the stress 🤣😬and it was only cold water. If you want I’ll share some pics it might make you feel better 😂

Moving and having a baby, two of the most stressful things in life OP, coupled with a renovation project no wonder you have felt overwhelmed.

Sounds like you have made great progress so far. I know how expensive building materials are right now. Projects always turn out more expensive than you expect both in the terms of time and money.

But in time you will forget the difficult, inconvenient times and enjoy your home, which sounds lovely btw and the value will be in it when you choose to move.

You will get there, but I can completely understand and empathise, projects always have a point where you feel sick of the sight of it.

Good luck.