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Original poster

Offered our dream house but…

184 replies

Battleaxx · 01/04/2023 09:27

we were moving away!

So we have sold our house to a cash buyer, in preparation for a big relocation across the country to be near my parents in Cambridgeshire. We haven’t found a place there yet, it’s ridiculously expensive but we’re looking hard.

Yesterday I was called by an old friend who lives in a beautiful house in our town. It is our dream house and we’ve always said if we could choose any house that would be it: bright, spacious, lovely garden, on a lane and backing onto a nature reserve. Still within walking distance of school and work. There are only 3 houses on the lane and they never come up for sale. Friend is selling and said we could buy it privately and get a bit of a discount as she would save agent’s fees.

What do we do? It’s like handing in your notice and being offered a massive pay rise! We have very good reasons for relocating, primarily being closer to my parents but also more work opportunities. The flipside is that it’s more expensive and we’d be living in something much less good. We are settled where we are but had psyched ourselves up for the move, identified schools, got the kids on board, got family excited that we’ll be nearer etc.

OP posts:
Leafygreenone · 02/04/2023 11:12

Largeflaskoftea · 02/04/2023 11:01

The congestion charge is going to make things very difficult for a lot of local residents, including me. But hey ho, as long as you can cycle everywhere on the shiny new paths that’s ok🙄

As long as you can sit in your car clogging up the streets🙄

Original poster
Battleaxx · 02/04/2023 11:49

I think our dilemma is because overall our quality of life is better here, apart from feeling like we’re missing out on life ‘at home’. Particularly because life is cheaper and more outdoorsy here. But the pull to be with parents is there and as everyone says, this time is precious. They’re not old by now but they will be by the time our youngest has finished school in 12 years.

OP posts:
ThanksItHasPockets · 02/04/2023 11:51

Would they consider moving towards you when they retire?

Mirabai · 02/04/2023 11:58

It may simply come down to whether you can find a property in Cambridge you can squeeze into and like enough to move to. Downsizing is hard and a bit depressing even if the new area has advantages.

Original poster
Battleaxx · 02/04/2023 12:22

Yes @Mirabai I think that’s what we’re finding hard, more so now we have the dream house to compare with. It’s not that we couldn’t find something at all, but it means a big adjustment of expectations.

OP posts:
Thelittlekingdom · 02/04/2023 13:22

If you’re all happy where you are don’t move. You might find your parents want to move from the Cambs area at some point. If you take your parents out the equation would you want to move to the area?

Leafygreenone · 02/04/2023 14:34

Ok I'm biased towards Cambridge
But
What is your QoL like now vs Cambridge
Which area are you planning on moving to ?
Ages of DC
Career aspirations
Educational aspirations
Relationship with parents
Vs
Nicer house, beach etc
Would the improved career opportunities mean you could move to a nicer house later on?
What sort of lifestyle would you prefer?
No amount of beaches would make up for having to drive everywhere for me - for example.
My Dsis spends her life driving her DC to school, clubs etc everywhere.
Not for me

AuntMarch · 02/04/2023 15:07

It sounds like you like life where you are. Have you spoken to your parents about their future plans, will they stay where they are once they retire/is that far off enough to be worth uprooting your lives for?

Schnooze · 02/04/2023 16:29

Can you manically house search for a week or two, then make your mind up? Perhaps take a few days off over Easter and really look hard so you know what house/area you would be comparing the dream house to?

RandomMess · 02/04/2023 17:11

There is nothing to stop you moving when your eldest is about to move secondary schools.

There is nothing to stop your parents coming to visit you frequently to save the DC a 4 hour journey - how often do they do this at the moment?

ImpossibleDrear · 02/04/2023 17:13

I live in Cambridgeshire. It is so expensive. Do you actually know what you would get for your money in the area you want to be?

ehb102 · 02/04/2023 17:14

Sounds more sensible for your parents to move closer to you later on.

Twentyfirstcenturymumma · 02/04/2023 18:04

Dream house every time.
Kids are probably putting a brave face on the move.
Tricky question but wondering how sure you are your parents want you to be closer?
Sometimes being a bit further away means vists can be more special, like little holidays, rather than 'oh dear, haven' t seen parents for xxx, no excuse as we're very close.' You can always move cliser when/if more necessary later and when kids through school as pp have mentioned

Macinae · 02/04/2023 20:29

I would buy the dream house, even if you only get 5 years out of it before reassessing and moving prior to eldest starting secondary school. It's a house you've wanted for a long time and the fact it's come around at this time, as you're making a life changing decision, would be enough for me to see it as a sign.

I'd understand if your parents were older but you'll always regret it if you don't.

Macinae · 02/04/2023 20:30

*youngest not eldest

martinisforeveryone · 02/04/2023 20:48

It seems to me like you're split by your heart. A dream home at a reasonable cost on the one hand, versus the pull to be nearer your parents on the other. I can see the appeal of both obviously, so you need to start thinking with your head.

What jobs do you do and how realistic is your chance of stable employment if you move. Will new jobs impact on your ability to take out a new mortgage. What size and kind of property would you settle for in a more expensive area, and is there much available? Lastly, with all of you working, realistically, in the next say five years, how much time would you and your family be able to spend together?

On balance I think I'd go for the dream house and reassess again after living there for a couple of years.

turtlemurtle1982 · 02/04/2023 21:08

What's your overall budget?

EmmaGrundyForPM · 02/04/2023 21:11

Until recently, we lived just outside Cambridge and our dc were brought up there.

We and they benefitted from having an amazing university on the doorstep. Our dc went to the local village school.and then the nearby village college. They had regular visits from Cambridge uni professors into the school. There were free lectures and events in Cambridge which we took them to. There was also very easy access to London.

I think Cambridge is a fantastic place to bring up kids. Its easy to get around by bike, and relatively safe.

Greenshed · 02/04/2023 21:46

What would your parents want you to do? I think that mine would have said “we’re fine, don’t worry about us - it’s your life, live it as you want to”.
They certainly wouldn’t have wanted us to move just to be closer to them - they’d have wanted us to be happy. Would you be happier moving to Cambridgeshire or happier staying where you are? Once you’ve answered that question, honestly, then you can move forward by either buying your friends house or upping sticks and going back to Cambridgeshire. Don’t let guilt about what might happen to your parents as they age dictate what you do now.

Ishouldbeoutside · 02/04/2023 21:47

Greenshed · 02/04/2023 21:46

What would your parents want you to do? I think that mine would have said “we’re fine, don’t worry about us - it’s your life, live it as you want to”.
They certainly wouldn’t have wanted us to move just to be closer to them - they’d have wanted us to be happy. Would you be happier moving to Cambridgeshire or happier staying where you are? Once you’ve answered that question, honestly, then you can move forward by either buying your friends house or upping sticks and going back to Cambridgeshire. Don’t let guilt about what might happen to your parents as they age dictate what you do now.

The most sensible post yet.

ImustLearn2Cook · 02/04/2023 23:15

Sit down with your Dh and make a list of all the pros and cons of moving and pros and cons of staying.

I find that when I write it all down it can make things much clearer and I can see what I need to do.

Stressybetty · 03/04/2023 01:55

I'd go with your family and have a really good look round the house first, get a feel for it and any issues etc.

T1Dmama · 03/04/2023 02:35

MarchMadness23 · 01/04/2023 12:23

That's not 'fate' that's just 'Sod's law'.

if you were feeling a bit isolated & wanted to be nearer family, then no matter how beautiful the house is, that's not going to change.

Getting a bigger mortgage - is that really a good idea?

moving schools once in secondary is much harder on the kids & you'll be missing 10 years ( or whatever) of living near family just for a prettier house. Is it really worth it?

yes your parents are younger, working & well, perfect time to spend time living near them. Much better for the kids than waiting until they need help!

I understand it's an opportunity that's hard to turn down, but I would in your situation. I'd go where I enjoyed living, near people I miss & where there's more opportunities for work and I'd do it now while it's easier to move the kids & get them settled befire Senior School.

Can you look at taking the mortgage in Cambridgeshire over a longer period and spending a bit more for a house you like more? But not totally over extending yourself? Or something that has a good base to extend on in a few years?

Build the life you want, don't just buy a pretty house would be my suggestion 🌷

I agree with this…
’A pretty house’ does not compensate for the isolation you feel
living where you currently do… I’d rather live in my terraced house near my loved ones then in a palace somewhere where I felt isolated and like I had no career prospects.

Cuppa2sugars · 03/04/2023 04:19

it depends how well you get on with your parents. Whenever I went to see my parents they were wondering why I have come over. They were busy and if we sat down they would fall asleep from being exhausted.
If your parents are working, you won’t see them and they want you to live your life. Your children will grow up and lead their own lives, often moving away to uni and then they find their own town or place that appeals to them.

buy the dream house then you’ll be happy what ever happens with people around you. And if it’s that good your parents will want to visit often.

concertgoer · 03/04/2023 06:58

Why is the house for sale?!

how many hundreds of thousands need spending on it?

if you do go down that route make sure you get all the surveys!! Especially if you’re saving “a bit” on the asking price.

your friend could be selling you a bigger liability than you are prepared to take on !! (Financially and emotionally! Major renovations are hard. Harder with little kids and no local support).

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