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Original poster

Offered our dream house but…

184 replies

Battleaxx · 01/04/2023 09:27

we were moving away!

So we have sold our house to a cash buyer, in preparation for a big relocation across the country to be near my parents in Cambridgeshire. We haven’t found a place there yet, it’s ridiculously expensive but we’re looking hard.

Yesterday I was called by an old friend who lives in a beautiful house in our town. It is our dream house and we’ve always said if we could choose any house that would be it: bright, spacious, lovely garden, on a lane and backing onto a nature reserve. Still within walking distance of school and work. There are only 3 houses on the lane and they never come up for sale. Friend is selling and said we could buy it privately and get a bit of a discount as she would save agent’s fees.

What do we do? It’s like handing in your notice and being offered a massive pay rise! We have very good reasons for relocating, primarily being closer to my parents but also more work opportunities. The flipside is that it’s more expensive and we’d be living in something much less good. We are settled where we are but had psyched ourselves up for the move, identified schools, got the kids on board, got family excited that we’ll be nearer etc.

OP posts:
Woopzies · 02/04/2023 01:53

Buy it. Sell it later on if you decide the location is still not for you - if you're saying houses on the lane are and you're getting it at mate's rates, it could be worthwhile for you.

An excellent opportunity OP - please take it!

Woopzies · 02/04/2023 01:53

Sorry, that should read "houses on the lane are rare"

EnterChasedByAMemory · 02/04/2023 02:09

Gloschick · 01/04/2023 15:37

Are your parents definitely going to stick around? What if they retire in 5 years and decide to move to Cornwall? Then you will be left in a more expensive area, without your parents again.

That’s a good point. OP, I think you should go for your dream house. Besides, your parents are still working. And you can always visit during the weekends/holidays. Who knows they might retire and choose to move to another area or to be nearer to you? I feel like you might regret not taking the house. But do weigh up the pros and cons in terms of schooling etc., but I doubt your friend will be happy to wait for too long for you to decide and may get other offers and the house might be snapped up so the decision might be taken out of your hands.

DahliaRose3 · 02/04/2023 02:33

Divine timing 🙏 I think that the house was meant for you! Your house is already sold so you can move, and it’s the dream house you’ve always wanted.

Even if you don’t stay there for very long (1 or 2 years), you can probably make a good return on your investment given the high demand if you decide to sell it. This money could be put towards a place in Cambridgeshire. Conversely, you could try out Cambridge (rent) and rent out the house in SW. If it didn’t work out for whatever reason, you still have your house to go back to.

Family is great, but are your parents likely to stay where they are, or would they retire to another country or closer to you? Once they retire they can visit more often, and stay a while given the bigger house.

As far as your network goes, Eventbrite is a great place to meet people with similar interests and hobbies. Even a book club. Or If you really want to make new friends, have a baby 😂

I’m not sure what you do for work, but there are remote roles available, and you can always negotiate at interview. You have to graft and keep applying and interviewing until you get what you want. Otherwise find a superb agent.

I nearly moved back to my previous town for work (and missed my friends dearly) and forgot how expensive and tiny the places were (not at all what we had seen advertised when we started our viewings). Most of my friends actually moved away from said place that year, and my work were flexible with my location in the end.

user1492757084 · 02/04/2023 02:36

Move for job opportunities and schools.
You won't regret that.
You will make new friends easily while your children are small.
The fact that one friend is moving away also means fewer friends at your current city.
Your parents, as they get older, will be less able to enjoy and support your children in an active way so move now.
The kids having grandparents nearby also gives them a wonderful opportunity to connect with the older generation.
Buy the house you can afford in the areas best suited to school.
Later add a bedroom or move again nearby but the school move and the move to family and to better jobs is already done.
Also consider your parents. Communicate about how long they wish to live there?
Is their home one that they wish to sell for a smaller home soon? Would they like to invest in a larger joint home etc. etc.

Dita73 · 02/04/2023 03:24

I was born and bred in Cambs and I’m still here. I will never leave. It’s a beautiful place and not at all dull. The countryside is lovely,the schools are fantastic and Cambridge itself is just gorgeous. Of course I would say this as it’s home to me but no dream house elsewhere would ever make me consider moving

WoofWoofMooWoof · 02/04/2023 03:56

LadyVictoriaSponge · 01/04/2023 16:20

Dream house without a doubt, imagine relocating and being stuck in a non dream house and still not getting much support from your family, support and visits are never guaranteed, if you live away people make the effort, if you live on their doorstep you are always ‘available’ so you may not get the support you think after the initial flush of excitement from your family when you move to their town.

This 100%.

Dream house vote from me.

SpidersAreShitheads · 02/04/2023 04:22

BillyDeanisnotmylover · 01/04/2023 22:54

Move!
Family and friends are so much more important than a dream house.
We considered moving out of London a few years ago. We could have afforded a much bigger house, garden etc. The kind of house I dream about.
But that would mean moving away from my parents, siblings and friends. Not worth it for a couple of spare bedrooms!!

^^Absolutely this in spades for me.

When I'm on my deathbed, I don't think I'll look back and regret the houses I didn't buy. I do think I'll look back and regret not spending time with the people I love.

I think if you're close to your family then it's invaluable living nearby. It doesn't matter that your parents are still working, you can just pop in for a cup of tea or meet up for a quick walk with the kids without it being a big deal.

I lost my dad a few years ago, very suddenly while he was only in his 60s. I never saw it coming. I'd give anything to be able to pop in on a Saturday afternoon like I used to. My DC were only toddlers when he died - he'd absolutely adore them now, and they've been robbed of a truly loving and hands-on grandad.

You can always find a better house, more space. You can carve out the lifestyle you want in lots of different ways. What you can't do is buy more time with your loved ones - and if you live more than four hours' drive away you won't have that much time with them (plus it will get harder as your DC get older and their activities suck up more time). It will be wonderful for your DC to grow up having a close relationship with their grandparents.

For me, family takes precedence over a pile of bricks. Every time.

GordonsAFGirl · 02/04/2023 05:17

Ah an interesting one. We moved to our dream house. Nobody came (combination of covid and a family feud). We were in a village that didn't like us as we moved from the nearby 'posh' town. We stayed two years.
I don't have many relatives left so I now look for shops and services when considering a house. Our DC are grown up but you do need good schools if you want to be saleable.
We have also bought near friends that promptly moved after saying how much they loved the village. Be careful you are not going back to be near friends that after the initial hoorah don't include you in things. A house is only bricks and mortar (I have lived in 14 over 35 years). Only one I would buy again tomorrow if I could afford it.

PurpleFlower1983 · 02/04/2023 05:33

I would buy the house.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 02/04/2023 05:43

Spiderboy · 01/04/2023 15:20

Buying a house from a friend sounds like a fallout waiting to happen

this.

I think you need to be really careful if your friend is going to sell it to you privately. What happens if your survey throws up issues and you have to start negotiating on the price?

If the house hadn't come up you'd presumably carry on with the planned move. Given that you've sold your house and identified schools in Cambridge, then yout parents must be aware of your plans.

I would move to Cambridge
.

StonePie · 02/04/2023 06:17

We have just done the opposite move, from Cambridgeshire to SW to be closer to family. At the moment I am bitterly regretting it! We were really well settled in Cambridgeshire and I miss my friends and so do my kids. Having said that, things like amenities are better in Cambs (e.g. swimming pools). If I could click my fingers and undo it, I would… so I would buy the dream house.

gwrachod · 02/04/2023 06:20

This is about quality of life.

The house sounds lovely, but it sounds like you'll have a better quality of life in Cambridge.

The relationships your DC have with your family living nearby and having your friends around is priceless.

If your DC are settled and have great friends, you won"t want to move them in 10 years. We planned to move to be close to family and old friends but left it too late as in the end stayed put as we just couldn't do it to the DC as they have established friendship groups.

However it means we are miles away from family and old friends, and my DC don't just have the close relationship with family they would have had if we"d taken the plunge and moved when they were little.

You're ready to go, now. Ignore this spanner in the works!

And when you move, as you say, there
are better job prospects, so your next house may not be your forever home, it will likely be a stepping stone. Once you earn more money in Cambridge, and your new property gains value, you will be able to afford a bigger place.

Schnooze · 02/04/2023 06:57

Whatever decision you make op, you are right in that if you are going to uproot the kids, it has to be now. Once they are in secondary it would be cruel for most kids.

Ishouldbeoutside · 02/04/2023 07:12

gwrachod · 02/04/2023 06:20

This is about quality of life.

The house sounds lovely, but it sounds like you'll have a better quality of life in Cambridge.

The relationships your DC have with your family living nearby and having your friends around is priceless.

If your DC are settled and have great friends, you won"t want to move them in 10 years. We planned to move to be close to family and old friends but left it too late as in the end stayed put as we just couldn't do it to the DC as they have established friendship groups.

However it means we are miles away from family and old friends, and my DC don't just have the close relationship with family they would have had if we"d taken the plunge and moved when they were little.

You're ready to go, now. Ignore this spanner in the works!

And when you move, as you say, there
are better job prospects, so your next house may not be your forever home, it will likely be a stepping stone. Once you earn more money in Cambridge, and your new property gains value, you will be able to afford a bigger place.

That’s fine if you have a really close relationship with your family. Cracks can appear when living in closer proximity and resentments can surface about not seeing more of each other/ not getting enough support or just not getting on as well as you might have expected. Sometimes distance can be better.

Pipsquiggle · 02/04/2023 07:19

OP - how old are your DC? I think this is an important aspect
We relocated when DC were 6 and 3. We went for the dream house in an idyllic location, amazing schools, commuting distance to London (for jobs due to redundancy risk)

I live about 3.5 hours from my mum and dad. I would love to live near them but the jobs are just not there, particularly for my DH. My DC are spending Easter with them though which they all will love

If you moved, how involved would your ILs be?

WildAloofRebel · 02/04/2023 07:30

Yep I’d buy the gorgeous house and not uproot the kids 😍 perfect!

WildAloofRebel · 02/04/2023 07:31

Also for me, I’d have a better quality of life in a less cramped house in a less financially stressful area, and to be honest, further from my parents 😄 absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Inkpotlover · 02/04/2023 07:32

I'd move still. This is your dream house in your current town, a place you want to leave for lots of solid, practical reasons. Look for a dream house where you want to move to.

WildAloofRebel · 02/04/2023 07:32

AND if you move to Cambridgeshire and hate it you’ll be sooooo pissed off you didn’t take the dream house.

Mumdiva99 · 02/04/2023 07:35

Move. It gets harder and harder to find time when the kids aren't busy to do the trip to see the family. 4.5 hour drive is a long way.
Even though your parents work there may be times in the holidays they take a few days off to help with child care. Which can be worth loads.
You'd already made your decision.....
(A house is just a building.....it's not your dream because it's in the wrong location).

Doone21 · 02/04/2023 07:37

Take the kids to see it, are the rest of them and partner as excited about it as you? If not let it go, its just a house

Mumtofourandnomore · 02/04/2023 08:06

Oh dear, this thread is so split I don’t think it’s going to help the OP !

I would move, family is so much more important than a house - there will be a lovely house in Cambridge somewhere too. I can tell from your post where you say ‘if we don’t move now we might be stuck until the children finish school’ - that says it all, I think you really want to move deep down.

My mum and dad lived far away from me, during Covid, my mum died of cancer at 67, and my dad was diagnosed with dementia, he’s 73 now. They were both fit and active at the start of 2020 ! So I would prioritise family if could have that time back.

The house was unexpected but if the offer hadn’t come along, you’d have moved to Cambridge and been none the wiser, I’d be really cautious about ann unexpected surprise overriding a well-thought through plan.

Maireas · 02/04/2023 08:08

Make sure the dream house is a fair price though- house prices are dropping.

Katiebaby3009 · 02/04/2023 08:13

Only you can decide what’s right for your family but there is a lot to be said for having family nearby. I could buy a dream house in a different town but it wouldn’t be a dream to me if family and friends were hours away.