How to muffle toilet noises?

[WhoStoleMyTiddyOggy]

Our bathroom is straight off the landing. When we re-did it the wrong toilet was delivered, but because one of our dc was in hospital at the time we let it go and the loo was fitted. It's a 'comfort' pan, meaning it's higher than normal for elderly people to sit on it easier. It also has no shelf inside. We've since found out that anyone doing a no.2 results in a thunderous splash as it's a long drop. This is VERY audible from the landing which our teen dc are horrified about. Replacing the loo is not an option at this point. I was wondering if I made a heavy lined floor length curtain for outside the bathroom door, do you think that would muffle the noise a bit & give more privacy? I'm imagining something like our gran would've had over the front door back-in-the-day?

Any other ideas welcome.

That is no problem as the bathroom has downlights and one of them is on a sensor so it comes on as you walk into the room*

Is that a 'motion' sensor? 🤣

I had a giggle at the thought of the 1812 Overture, complete with cannons for the vital moment. Perhaps the flush could be accompanied by Ode to Joy.

That shouldn't make any difference - its about breaking the surface tension, not the height of the drop - look, someone even made a video about it (which I know focuses mostly on the splash back, but the principle will be the same, its the splash that makes the noise)

You need to make a little toilet paper bed to lay your poo on.

Laughed out loud on bus!😂
Couple of bits of folded loo roll acts as “ Splash Guard” therefore splash muffler.
It works.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll
😆

A decent fire door spec door costs money - a similar amount to replacing the toilet, in fact. So, that option's probably out.

But what about the water wasted making your loo roll? It takes about 6 gallons per roll, if some random website is to be believed.

I remember the first time I ever used a Saniflo toilet - in a B&B where they had added a number of extra toilets in to a challenging layout so as to make the rooms en-suite.

The noise when you flushed sounded exactly like a tiny little Samurai warrior with crossed swords, frantically attacking the turd mercilessly before it continued on its final journey, a shamed shadow of its former self.

This was over 20 years ago; surely modern technology could now move Mr Robo-Samurai Man up a little higher, to make his assault before it has chance to hit the water? Surely a julienned jobbie would make barely any splash noise at all?

Maybe this is yet another example of 'progress' actually just taking us back several spaces?

Nobody ever complained in the good old days when you'd just do your business straight into a (water-free) bucket and throw it out the window, shouting "Sirreverence ahoy!", safe in the knowledge that the honey wagon would come along soon and take your personal offerings safely away to 'live on a farm'.

Loo roll down first

I'm not sure if this is the sort of think you're looking for...

https://motoredbikes.com/threads/poo-muffler-and-stock-muffler-gut-details.51866/

It appears you can almost randomly stick any old words together these days to make a sentence - rather like a cat walking along a piano keyboard.

I wish my DH and kids cared. They happily use the toilet and don’t care about the noise. At all!