Depression after moving house

[shoopashoop]

Sorry to post about this again but I’m really struggling. Has anyone felt this?
We moved 10 days ago and I really regret it. 17 miles away from our lovely area, friends, family, work. Because there was nothing on the market and we had already lost out on 3 houses.
I have 2 DCs, one 7 months old and we were in a 2 bed terrace with the kitchen in the basement, and we were desperate. Needed to nail down somewhere before school application. All these valid reasons, and we’re now in a beautiful 3 bed, twice the size with an enormous garden. But I am miserable. I wish we’d have stayed. I wanted to pull out the week before but thought it was my PND talking and trusted everyone telling me it would be the right thing.
My DD has started at a nursery school and I feel like we are now stranded and trapped here. I can’t get it out of my head that we should have held out longer for somewhere and I’m still on Rightmove every day torturing myself. I don’t think it helps having viewed the house in summer, but now everything looks so depressing.

I’m waiting for counselling. But what should I do?

Hey, I totally get where you are coming from.

we have recently moved our family 70 miles away and whilst the house is miles better the location doesn’t feel right. We have been here 6months and have thrown ourselves in to clubs etc but even in the midst of Summer I still have relocation depression and my god is it debilitating, it totally takes the gloss of moving excitement :)

the responses that have come back have all been really helpful to me as well tbh and even just knowing this is a shared feeling really helps. A problem shared and all that.

the biggest take away from all the responses are a) time is the greatest of healers b) we are not trees with roots we can move quite easily c) kids are resilient d) don’t look back, move forward

I think putting pressure on ourselves to make this move that forever home is societal BS. Why do we need a forever home?. Anyone who moves to a new place has made the brave decision to improve their lives and it may not work every time, that doesn’t mean you run backwards to the last problem. Give it time to see if it will work or try again somewhere new. It’s a courageous thing to do because it inherently comes with risk. Don’t question your feelings too much, you know yourself, if something doesn’t feel right it may not be but give it a chance to be sure. Jump in to the area two footed and do your best to make it work. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. You haven’t failed, you had the bottle to do somwthinf that many others are too afraid to do. Keep moving forward, You will succeed. If nothing else you will be learning to build relocation depression strategies which is a feat in itself

All the best of luck

DC

Depressed after moving house. Feel like I am losing my mind.

We moved house 50 miles to next big city. We had been in our last city renting for almost 10 years and my daughter was about to start school so needed to buy somewhere for security. Last city house prices are sky high so we had no luck in being able to purchase there. The area we have moved to is really nice but I hate our new house. We had a shaky start with a lot of issues but it also now feels too small as I had a baby 4 months ago. When we viewed I was pregnant so don't think we considered space issues as much as we now realise how much space we need.

I am constantly anxious and worried and feel sick about the decision we have made to move here. Feel filled with regrets and it is keeping me up at night. I don't really know what I advice I am asking for but I am really struggling.

Would it be stupid to think about selling again next year? I just don't know how this will ever get better and I miss my old life so much and friends and familiarity.

@Mummyofacheekymonkey , I'm sorry to hear you're struggling, but you probably realise that it's totally normal feeling. I don't see anything wrong with thinking about whether you want to move again in a year's time - but I'd suggest not acting on that impulse for at least that time, and ideally longer, so you can be certain that you are moving because the house no longer meets your needs.

Have you thought about what could be done to your present house in terms of renovation / extending to make it more spacious? My neighbours have two children with another on the way, and they have recently renovated the property. Before doing this they barely had enough space for one child let alone 3, but now they are really happy and settled.

Thank you @ClematisBlue49 . Good advice. The property could be extended but just got off to such a bad start with it I can't imagine staying long term. Just feel in dispair about the whole thing.

Honestly? I wouldn’t delve too deeply in to the negative thoughts right now or what physical changes you can make to improve the situation. I would just focus on the good things and give it time to get used the house. We are fantastic at catastrophising when we are down and sometimes the best solution is to let the negative thoughts pass, manage the expectations and let the terrible things turn in to minor niggles as we have either got used to them or the pros outweigh the cons. You are not going crazy, just give it time to become normal. 👍🏼

Yes I can definitely relate. We moved to a bungalow 2 years ago. We had a beautiful three bedroom house and we had done so much to it but we decided to downsize as our son's are married with children of their own. I stumbled across some pictures of our old house and I couldn't stop crying. I regret it everyday. Now I can't even drive by that road or look at pictures.

moving is one of the most stressful things humans do. it is as stressful as going through a divorce (for context). You have asked people to be kind to you. I think you need to give yourself a break and be kind to yourself. You will make it a home :)

@shoopashoop came across your post and this thread and wondered what the outcome was for you, and what you decided to do? Whichever way it went I hope you’re doing okay.

@Mummyofacheekymonkey hope you’re doing okay - how are things now?

I get you, I'm feeling this before our move, which is next week. I don't want to move, love our home and location, neighbours are best friends. Dh is desperate for a change and somewhere bigger, nicer area, so I'm compromising but am so upset.

Gosh that sounds really difficult. Does your DH know how you feel?

It’s a normal reaction. Moving is unsettling and what you are feeling reflects that. My husband worked himself into a state after our last move. He was already on ADs but the move pushed him down further and he found it hard to cope with the unpacking and settling in. The house needed a bit of work and he just felt overwhelmed.

I concentrated on really sorting out one room at a time - decorating, unpacking and styling it. This gave him a sanctuary to escape the chaos elsewhere and allowed him to better see the house’s potential. He did gradually lift himself up and he loves our house now. It was tough. It was a slow process, but gradually creating a positive environment worked for us. I wish you strength and luck.

I am reading this post whilst suffering deep depression from our house move last year. I loved our old but small house but the parking was getting to be an issue and we focused on that rather than what we had. We moved and every minute I hated the new house, so much so we sold it with a few months. I’m not happy with our current situation and really suffering and just wish I could turn back time.

I’m sorry to hear this and I often miss my old home and know we will never get that back. Life is full of lessons and we can only do what we think is right at the time. Unfortunately, Mistakes often teach us better lessons. Whilst learning them may be painful, time does heal and remember. The pain that we experience is just another life experience that we can teach our little ones, so they don’t have to learn the hard way ☺️

@shoopashoop i know this post is a couple of years old but im curious, how did things work out?

I know this is an old thread but i can see people have posted recently.
I too moved 3 months ago to be nearer family and to have help with our adult disabled son. I’m so unhappy, ive moved from our lovely house and neighbours in a lovely area to a nice house next to places i really dont like. I thought a nice house in quiet countryside would be enough, but I feel we didn’t explore the area enough. The neighbouring places aren’t nice. There were so few houses available we just did it, and I regret it so much. I’m literally having panic attacks and have pain in my chest all the time. I’m trying hard, have started a couple of exercise classes and am exploring, but I’ve turned in to a nervous wreck, I’m scared of everything, full fight or flight mode. I’d move tomorrow but it cost so much to move we can’t right now, and where to ? Plus we’re retired and i just feel like time is running out and we’ve made a big mistake. I feel so stupid. I don’t know how to cope until we can move again.
I’m wondering how OP got on .