Am I mad to move up north alone?

[Rozziie]

I've been looking to buy in London for the last 6 months (taking 2-3 months off for personal reasons) and I'm just at the end of my tether. When I started looking, I didn't quite have my deposit together and wanted to get an idea of what I wanted and didn't want. Finally got the full deposit saved now and looking to buy in the next month and it seems like there's about 1/10 of the flats that were available in April/May, and those that are on the market are more expensive and less good than what I saw then! Seems like they are disappearing very quickly as well, when it was definitely a buyers' market just a few months ago.

I just feel exasperated to the point of tears. I'm 36 years old and have worked so hard to get to this point, sacrificed a lot to try to get some financial security, and I still can't afford to buy a poxy one bed flat. People keep asking me why I don't move out of London and there are reasons why I don't. It's nice to be somewhere with so much going on culturally, plenty of dating choice for women my age, etc. I've got some family here, and friends. But it's really grinding me down that I'm still renting and dealing with nonsense from landlords. I thought I'd have definitely bought somewhere by the end of this year and now it looks harder than ever.

I've had a look at places like Sheffield and I could buy a 3-bed house with a garden for cheaper than a poky flat here (although I understand there's loads of competition for these at the moment?) or a one or two-bed flat for less than half the price of one in the London surburbs, in the city centre, walkable distance to bars, restaurants, and the mainline train station. Work (London) might be a bit tricky but I could maybe try to only go in once a fortnight or so. Right now I'm paying £1300 to rent a tiny flat in London to go to the office once a week and work from home the rest of the time, which is just awful!

My main worry is that it would end up being even more isolating and lonely than living alone in London already is. I don't really know anyone there at all, and this is quite an awkward age to make new friends. I wouldn't have a workplace to go to. I don't know about the social and dating scene, but when I lived in Manchester it was really bad...most men my age had kids already and that's a dealbreaker for me, I think.

What would you do if you were me? Bite the bullet and try something new or stick to London and suck it up, living in a really far-out surburb or a not nice area?

I see it’s just Manchester that was a lovely place for you. I am not a big fan but as long as you end up somewhere with plenty of newcomers you will be fine. I like Sheffield.

@Snoken Yeah I found the same. I've lived in lots of cities around the world and never found anywhere as challenging as Manchester except possibly Budapest, and that was a huge language barrier and the fact I went in the depths of winter when the weather was horrible. I think abroad you always have expat groups if nothing else, and other people in the same situation who are looking to make friends.

I work in Sheffield, it’s a lovely city. There are dodgy areas like anywhere but there are also really nice areas. Everyone talks about Dore and Totley but there are other nice areas too which aren’t as over priced and twee. Depends on the sort of area you like and what’s important to you. Generally speaking S10 is nice, some nice areas between there and Hillsborough.

I would avoid the east of the city, and Parsons Cross / Heeley.

@Rozziie south Norwood is fine safety wise IMO, at least no worse than any other area of London I’ve lived in. I’m a single woman and I’ve often walked home from Norwood junction station to my flat at midnight or later if I’ve been out with friends and the worst I’ve seen is some men drinking in the street who did nothing more threatening than say hello. The high street is a bit run down and there are occasional street drinkers but you’d get that anywhere. New independent cafes and shops are opening up on the high street fairly frequently. Where I live is a short walk from the station, from which you can get the 12 min fast train into London Bridge as well as go into Victoria and catch the overground, but around me are wide suburban roads of family houses. I’m also not far from south Norwood lakes which is a gorgeous park with cricket, sailing and various clubs at the lakeside pavilion, and can walk to Crystal Palace in 20 mins. People are really friendly and I’ve joined a couple of community initiatives/volunteering things. It’s a good atmosphere here on the whole. I sometimes browse rightmove when I’m bored and there are definitely flats in your budget in south Norwood, west Norwood, anerley and Penge.

Honestly I would prefer the security of a home so would prioritise that & I would rather a house than a flat. What's your budget?
Moving to another city doesn't mean you can't find a new social circle.

@Rozziie if you like travelling to mainland Europe for breaks, it’s far easier to do from the south east than Sheffield and other northern cities. Unless you fly-but you just don’t have the same choice as London airports. I envy my London friends how they can hop on to Eurostar. When we lived in London, driving to France was easy and something we did regularly. I wouldn’t like to do the dreary drive to channel ports from where I live. Brighton would be great-still expensive but you do get more for your money.

@Rozziie

Sheffield is a City of Sanctuary, so lots of initiatives around integration and sharing culture and language. From memory there are things called conversation cafes that you can volunteer in where you support people to learn English in a social setting but the payback is you meet lots of diverse people and learn about different countries, cultures and communities. They probably have these all over but I’d never heard of them before.

Hi another sheffielder

We are currently buying in Sheffield at the moment and the property market is bonkers, so if you have a budget of £300k you need to be looking at houses that are £250-275k as things are selling for well over asking. We’ve just sold for £25k over the top of our asking price range.

As others have said it’s a really friendly city with loads going on.

What hobbies do you have?

A friend left London about 7 yrs ago as she was disillusioned with her job, dating & sick of having no money.
She decided to move to another city & even got a new job. I thought it was so brave as she didn't know a soul.
She met someone & they got married & bought their first house a few yrs ago so it can happen!

@JoanOgden Yep true but it also feels like I have the worst of both worlds here....having to live AND work in a tiny flat and only go to the office once every couple of weeks :( Perhaps this will get better now things have opened up again and I get my social life back, I don't know. I really like the area I'm renting in but almost nothing comes on the market in my price range so will need to be further out.

I just did a search for south east London flats on rightmove between 200-300k and got 8 pages of results so they are definitely there - granted some are not great but there are lots that are

@GreenestValley

Not related to your move but surely at 36 a fair chunk of men will have children wherever you’re living? I guess it might be something to re consider as time passes, just so you keep your pool as wide as possible to find the right person for you.

In London, in professional middle class circles, no, lots of men won't have children in their mid thirties.

Op if I was you, I'd stick it out in London but I'm an absolute wimp and would hate to live somewhere where I didn't know anyone.

The thing is, you could meet someone in the next year or so, get married and together be able to afford somewhere in London.

[quote Rozziie]@Snoken Yeah I found the same. I've lived in lots of cities around the world and never found anywhere as challenging as Manchester except possibly Budapest, and that was a huge language barrier and the fact I went in the depths of winter when the weather was horrible. I think abroad you always have expat groups if nothing else, and other people in the same situation who are looking to make friends.[/quote]
Interested as to why you thought Manchester was a challenge?

I moved from London up to Yorkshire with my ex DH and we split within months! It was scary BUT the community and friends I've made up here are fantastic. I had to really throw myself into life and groups etc rather than just sit on the sofa in my pants watching Grey's Anatomy! But it has been so worth it and I now wouldn't live anywhere else. It's been brilliant.

Sorry ignore just seen previous post (tired)

I actually found the same in Manchester weirdly, it seemed a very closed shop in terms of work, networking, socialising, everything. But equally I’ve got friends who love it so it clearly depends on your experience

[quote TedMullins]@Rozziie south Norwood is fine safety wise IMO, at least no worse than any other area of London I’ve lived in. I’m a single woman and I’ve often walked home from Norwood junction station to my flat at midnight or later if I’ve been out with friends and the worst I’ve seen is some men drinking in the street who did nothing more threatening than say hello. The high street is a bit run down and there are occasional street drinkers but you’d get that anywhere. New independent cafes and shops are opening up on the high street fairly frequently. Where I live is a short walk from the station, from which you can get the 12 min fast train into London Bridge as well as go into Victoria and catch the overground, but around me are wide suburban roads of family houses. I’m also not far from south Norwood lakes which is a gorgeous park with cricket, sailing and various clubs at the lakeside pavilion, and can walk to Crystal Palace in 20 mins. People are really friendly and I’ve joined a couple of community initiatives/volunteering things. It’s a good atmosphere here on the whole. I sometimes browse rightmove when I’m bored and there are definitely flats in your budget in south Norwood, west Norwood, anerley and Penge.[/quote]
OOhh you're selling it! I was looking around Crystal Palace for a while and saw a place near South Norwood lakes....was very surprised by how nice it is around there and how peaceful it is, but was put off that particular property by the distance from stations (I like to be 10-15 mins walk max because of how much I go out at night). Someone at work told me the area around Norwood Junction is a bit grotty but maybe I need to check it out for myself. The Overground is a massive plus for me there, so not solely relying on the mainline trains.

I've looked quite a bit in Anerley and Penge but not as far out as S Norwood yet...perhaps I should consider it! Are there many quiet residential streets which are also near to the station? Saw a lovely place in Anerley but it was on the main road (Anerley road) and I think that level of traffic would do my head in!

I can’t speak for the 30s dating scene in Sheffield, but it’s a great city with lots going on and people are (generally) much friendlier than London.

But I second what someone else has said upthread about august being a dead month for property sales. People are waiting until September when everyone is back from holidays. I would have another look then.

Is there a reason why Sheffield? (Apologies if you already answered this - I only read page 1). There are other cities that are closer to your work that are cheaper than London and still vibrant.

I live in London and we are pondering leaving - so you’re certainly not alone there!

@nameychange we’ve just sold in Sheffield for 20k over asking, too! We’ve been outbid on so many properties but finally got an offer accepted on Wednesday and only paying £4K over asking so I actually feel we’ve done well 😂

I think you need to factor in a drop in income if you move out of London into any thoughts you have about affordability.

Personally, I found it harder to connect with people who had never moved away from their childhood home apart from holidays

There are literally loads of Londoners like this because like so many including myself we are 2nd gen immigrants & have zero other connections.

Im still friends with people from school as is DH. If you meet a "proper" Londoner (for want of a better word) still living in London they will also have life long friends.

Have you considered renting a place in Sheffield for 6 months to see how you like it? If you hate it, the market in London may have settled down by then.

Would you consider Birmingham? It's a bit closer to London for commuting purposes.

I really would go for it @Rozziie, I know lots of people that have moved into Sheffield as incomers who would now live nowhere else. You mentioned climbing, you won't find anywhere better in the UK, plenty of indoor climbing too when the weather's bad, and it's a very welcoming community. Languages, someone mentioned the language cafés. So many opportunities to get a real grounding and network.

I've just seen you work in tech, have a look at Kollider, tech start-ups, great co-working space, loads of exciting stuff going on.

I'll meet you for a coffee OP if you move up!

For your budget op, have you looked at bromley, the London part rather than the Kent part or se London...parts of Lewisham/catford/Lee. Not as trendy or buzzy as places like crystal palace but still London and you could find something for your budget

@ComeonJulia congrats! it’s bonkers isn’t it! We’ve been out bid on a couple of houses although one has come back to us to say that the higher offer has fallen through are we still interested, we only offered asking on this one so surprised about it. We have another offer in and are already at £25k over asking on that so £4K is great!