Anyone done big commute for dream home?

[MonkeysWedding]

We (DH & 1 year old DC) have been looking at joining the London exodus, freed by the fact that we won’t need to be in the office everyday. But we’re quite late to the trend and so everything within an easy commute is already so expensive.

We’ve found what would be our dream house but it would mean 2.5 hours on the train each way. We’ll probably need to be in the office 2 days a week. We could work in the train so could be reasonably productive time. Train tickets would be very costly, but doable for the right home.

Has anyone done this? And was it a case of getting into new routines, or was it too exhausting to do long term?

I’m so tempted for the fantastic lifestyle we’d have, including being near family. But nervous of doing something we’d regret if it was a strain to do over time.

Personally I wouldn’t. We’re in a similar situation. Instead of a half an hour commute we’d be looking at an hour in the car each way. I’ve decided no. Not only would we be covering a vast amount of land each commute the potential for accidents and the wear and tear/mileage on the vehicle is too much. I just think we’d be constantly living for the weekend.

Dh did it for a year. 5 days per week
It broke him

I did it for a year when I was in uni, travelled in teice a week. I actually really enjoyed it! But these things were trie for me:

1. I didn’t have to get up at the grack of dawn
2. The station was just a 15 min drive from home and uni was walkable from the station at the other end, so almost all the time was on the train.
3. Only changed train once in the middle of the journey.
4. I got on my second train at the end of the line so there was always a seat available for me (it got much busier closer to the city and some people had to stand)
5. Disruptions were rare (but it did happen), I had an alternative route to take if necessary.

I would be relictant if:

• You have to get up a lot earlier than on other days of the week- you won’t have a stable sleep / wake routine and will be too tired to work on the train and will be knackered all day.

• There are lots of changes / services are v.busy: you may not get a seat.

• There is a long drive / walk to or from the station at either end. Tiring.

How likely is it your work would want to to seap days with somebody / come in at short notice / stay late at the office / be available for phone calls or video meetings at times when you’re on the train? All things to think about.

Sorry for the spelling there 🙈

5 hours a day + getting to/from the station?
No absolute not.

I think that that commute is a bit too long, up to an hour or just over each way would be doable, especially if it's just a couple of days a week.

I used to do this when I was very much younger, I lived up north and commuted down to London for work. I was up at 5am, drove through country lanes to the station and parked, on the train for 6.30am, then had two tube trains to catch in London in the rush hour. Was at my desk for 8.30ish.

It was doable but I only did it for two years. My children were grown up (one at Uni) and no husband...I doubt whether I could have done it with a family in tow too. I was at least free to eat when I liked, didn't have to cook/clean/wash for anyone else except myself. For me it was worth it, I had a beautiful home at the time which I loved but needed a London salary which wasn't available in the heart of the countryside where I lived.

It also got easier, as they eventually let us work form home one or two days per week, that was definitely doable then, so if it isn't 5 days per week I'd go for it.

The season tickets were very expensive and will be even more now; however, it was a nice atmosphere on the train, everyone was commuting for business so it was like a travelling office and you can certainly get work done. Most people were eating breakfast at the same time, there was a sort of business community feel about it!

as others have said what is the commute like to/from the station? Driving or walking distance. I wouldn’t bank on getting a seat on the train during rush hour and feeling productive… from personal experience you start with the best intentions but other people so get in the way.

My father used to commute London - York 4 days a week for a year - it broke him and the family.

You say probably two days a week - I would want a very clear plan that it would be two days MAX per week and there is no risk to either of you of a creep up in days over time. I say this as someone who now has a two hour office commute each way herself BUT I work from home 4 days a week with the expectation that it will be 1 day in the office once we all return which increases to full time office during teaching blocks (I’ve already decided I’ll hotel it for these weeks). I also don’t have childcare to factor into this.

I think two days is manageable for the dream house but anymore and you will be shattered. I used to commute 90 minutes each way 4 days a week (not my choice, the office moved location) and in all honesty it broke me and my partner at the time. You need to develop a really good routine for the two of you as like others have said you loose the morning and early evening.

You need to think about childcare arrangements and other luxuries too - I’ve already decided I’m going to have a cleaner once if I need to travel in more than a day a week so I’m then not thinking about the house when I’m here. Really think about what you want from getting out of London - I’m a very outdoorsy person so for me living rurally is the dream and worth the one day a week commute.

@MonkeysWedding

We (DH & 1 year old DC) have been looking at joining the London exodus, freed by the fact that we won’t need to be in the office everyday. But we’re quite late to the trend and so everything within an easy commute is already so expensive.

We’ve found what would be our dream house but it would mean 2.5 hours on the train each way. We’ll probably need to be in the office 2 days a week. We could work in the train so could be reasonably productive time. Train tickets would be very costly, but doable for the right home.

Has anyone done this? And was it a case of getting into new routines, or was it too exhausting to do long term?

I’m so tempted for the fantastic lifestyle we’d have, including being near family. But nervous of doing something we’d regret if it was a strain to do over time.

I wanted to do this (commute from Edinburgh to London) but couldn’t find the dream house. So if you have go for it. With remote working you won’t need to do the long commute more than once or twice a week anyway!

A friend's husband did it, but he never saw his kid during the day's he went in, and had to get up at around 5am. Plus half the time there were delays, especially in winter, easily adding another half hour on to the commute. He was exhausted all the time.
Who will take care of your child? There will be days when you both have to go in or will you do different days?
I think your plans are only feasible if you stay overnight in the city, and if you aren't doing same days when will you see each other?

I think 2.5hours is too far, that's "weekend away" travel time not daily commute. OK to do now and again for business meetings etc but not to be committed to for the foreseeable future, particularly if two of you would be doing it and you've got young children. An early start and late finish home doesn't just impact that day, it affects the night before (going to bed early, having to get bags packed etc), you're late home so no chores get done, leaves you tired the next day, you end up eating a lot of takeaway type food or carrying a lot of tupperware round with you.....and that's before trains get cancelled or delayed.....
If you've got family in the area you're thinking about moving to could you stay with them for a week or so and test the commute to get a feel of how it might work?

If you are commuting 5 hours a day (even just a couple of days a week) you won't have that fantastic lifestyle you're looking for. Trust me, you won't.

Agree with others that it very much depends on the type of commute and reliability. My commute into London for a year was supposed to be 90min which included a 30 min walk (which I enjoyed) but it was very stressful, I rarely got a seat and got a deduction from my season ticket renewals because of consistent poor service.

My commute the other way was much better as it was a small train trundling back and forth. I knew it would be reliable and that lowered my stress levels considerably!

So if it’s 2.5 hours provided everything goes smoothly, what would it be like if it was 3.5 hours fairly often?

That’s much too far / long a commute IMO.

2 days a week may - or may not - be here to stay. If it’s not it’d become v difficult.

You can’t get much work done on trains, crowding and crap connectivity.

Oh no....this would be madness

Pre covid I did 90 mins each way most days, incl 30 min walk. Always got a seat on the train. It was shit and bad for my quality of life, work and relationships.

Since it's only twice a week, you can do it.

I drove 2 hours 20 minutes each way from Bexleyheath SE London to Heathrow T5 for a year twice a week before I permanently WFH since covid.

I didn't find it tiring

A potential 40 hours a month sitting on a train.

I wouldn't like it.

We have just done something similar in moving from Surrey to the South West, near the coast. My DH has just finished work, may do some consulting but only from home, I work part-time and have just agreed to go back into the office a day a week in order to keep my job. I will have a similar commute but otherwise I think our circumstances are different in that our children are grown and left home and if I find I can't manage the commute I can afford to retire early. Things you need to think about:

Who is providing childcare and eventually after-school care for your child during these very long days? If you and your husband need to be in London on the same days it is going to be a constant struggle. Even without that, you will need to have good-quality, flexible arrangements in place.

How reliable are the trains from whatever would be your local station? What happens if you are regularly delayed in either direction?

What happens if one or other of your loses your job? If you are currently thinking e.g. of getting to the West End but any new job ends up being in Canary Wharf, that could be the straw that breaks the camel's back!

What happens if one or both of you decide that you simply can't manage commuting, are there any job opportunities in the new area where you are moving? If not, can you afford to live on one salary then?

Are your employers on board with flexible working and WFH? Or are they paying lip service to it an allowing WFH while still expecting that employees can up their days if needed or be in the office different days each week? Does that work for you?

5 hours on train each travel day x 2 days per week x 46 working weeks per year = 460 hours of time each year that is DEAD TIME. you can't work, you can't enjoy your children, you never get that time back.

I wouldn't do it on that basis.

I might if the commute was 2.5hrs train - get to office 11am - stay to 9pm - night in cheap hotel - day 2 work to 7pm - home 10:30pm. So flexi hours for the commuting days. And if the job definitely had no other travel or possibility that you might need to be in the office on a non-work day.

but at the moment, a lot of wfh setups are not v stable. companies say now that you can wfh 3 days per week, but next year their might change & want you back 4 days. then what?

No definitely not. Sitting on a train for 5 hrs in one day would drive me crazy! Also if there is a problem at home with childcare etc it’s a long dash home .

It's too far. Where are you thinking of moving to? We live in Cheshire and it's just over 2 hours on the train, I'd never consider commuting to London.

Have you checked your employer's policies permit you to work on public transport? There can be confidentiality issues with working somewhere that randomers can look over your shoulder at your screen/papers and some employers would treat it as misconduct to do so.

Depends what you do obviously.

How many hours would you be working on those two days? Is it a five hour round trip each day on top of 8 or 10 hour days or 6 hour days?

Will your time working on the train count towards your working hours? Can you work on the train without risking a GDPR breach? To be honest I think I’d only consider it if I had a written confirmation that neither of us would be needed in the officer more than twice a week (and even then that could change in an instant) and if I could do what parietal suggests and do the two days back to back with an overnight stay, starting late on day 1, working later then starting early day 2 and leaving in time to be back for dinner/kids bedtime.

Stay with family for 3 weeks or Airbnb to trial it