Anyone done big commute for dream home?

[MonkeysWedding]

We (DH & 1 year old DC) have been looking at joining the London exodus, freed by the fact that we won’t need to be in the office everyday. But we’re quite late to the trend and so everything within an easy commute is already so expensive.

We’ve found what would be our dream house but it would mean 2.5 hours on the train each way. We’ll probably need to be in the office 2 days a week. We could work in the train so could be reasonably productive time. Train tickets would be very costly, but doable for the right home.

Has anyone done this? And was it a case of getting into new routines, or was it too exhausting to do long term?

I’m so tempted for the fantastic lifestyle we’d have, including being near family. But nervous of doing something we’d regret if it was a strain to do over time.

I think you might be downplaying the reality of this commute because of how much you like the property which I can definitely relate to after falling in love with a couple of unsuitable properties myself! You'd be very much relying on things going to plan and imo there's far too many ways that a spanner could be thrown into the works. Even with things plain sailing that commute would really get old fast. It would be a no from me and an even bigger no if the 2.5 hours isn't door to door as others have said.

My ex did this when our daughter was little. We found the train cost to be too expensive and hotels in London were rarely cheap.

I think it's one of those scenarios that you think sounds ok and doable, and then when it comes down to it after three weeks you realise it is awful - as majority of people on this thread seem to agree with.
Trains in non covid times are awful, unreliable and crowded. I think it would be very difficult to realistically get decent work done on the train.
What if dc were suddenly to get ill? Your dc are very little now, what about in 5, 10 years time when grandparents are 5, 10 years older? How will you / dc cope with parents being away once a week long term?
There was a big shift if DFL here over the last year, over the last few months there has been a steady trickle going back to London now the reality has set in of a commute.

Please buy your dream home. People are commenting as if it's 5 days a week buy it's just 2 days a week.

If possible, making it Tuesdays and Wednesdays

We are looking at similar, we both work & live in London but would say journeys easily take 1 hr each way anyway. If we do 2 days we are considering a longer commute as the days at home more than make up for it.

I think that that commute is a bit too long, up to an hour or just over each way would be doable

Up to a hour is completely normal for the vast majority of people & I wouldn't class that as long.

People are commenting as if it's 5 days a week buy it's just 2 days a week.

This

I understand you want to be near family but do you really have to go that far? Have you looked at folkestone or river/dover? Stevenage?

Are you taking DC to nursery near where you work or hoping to get back in time to pick up before they close every day? What are the nursery hours?

How do you know it will only be two days a week in the office for the foreseeable future? I personally wouldn't bank on it, companies may change their policy/ guidance in the medium/ long term.

I’d say it sounds doable from your update. I did a similar length commute into London 5 days a week for 18 months pre children. Daily was a grind. But I definitely got work done on the train, so if you can knock that off your day that will help. Stopping overnight also makes that a lot less tiring. The other plus is not having to get the tube in London, that was the bit I found most tiring and erratic. Id have had to be close to the mainline station if I’d done it longer term.

@chukwe

Please buy your dream home. People are commenting as if it's 5 days a week buy it's just 2 days a week.

If possible, making it Tuesdays and Wednesdays

Not everyone is.

Yes, I did 4 and a half hours there and back every week.

I drove or got the train, worked 2 days ( stayed in a hotel) then came back and arrived home 10pm.

It was OK, I missed being at home for 2 days a week though.

Can you stay over 1 night as it's only 2 days? I did a 4 hrs commute for a few years and it was awful so I stayed over a few nights a week. It was lovely but I worked extra hours so I could take it back at the end of the week. I currently do a3 hrs round trip. It's OK until there's a problem with the journey, then it's soul destroying.

That should say lonely, not lovely!

@MonkeysWedding

My husband and I did something similar years ago.
We were based in Reading with commuting to London & Europe but moved to Greater Manchester where my husband is from originally.

We bought a beautiful home, the kids were very happy to have their grandparents nearby and they loved their schools and made wonderful friends with our neighbors.

The company folded three years later and DH couldn't find another opportunity where he could only go into the office only a few days a week. We would need to be based back in the SE. We found out that his industry was almost non-existent in the NW.

That was in 2004 and we still talk about how our moving to the NW was emotionally, a great idea but a disaster for DH's career and our way of life.

What would happen if something similar happened to your husband's job?

Good point re job security. If it's in an industry where all the key players are embracing remote working then obvs you are more secure

We mulled over something similar but ultimately decided against it, albeit the commute we were looking at was a lot shorter.

We currently have a commute of about 1 - 1.5 hours depending on trains, traffic etc and would be increasing to minimum 2 hours for the dream house. Knowing even how the shorter commute drives us mad at times, and how difficult it is to arrange appropriate childcare, we agreed it wouldn't work for us. And that was only 2 days a week each.

For us it was seeing how much more flexible we can be around the children, evenings etc when we're closer to home. With a long commute the entire day is taken with with. Every waking minute is commute or work and there's no space for kids, partner, anything else.

Taken with work*

I used to do 2-2h 20 3x per week and it wore me out. Is there any work locally in your field if this proves too much, even if you lose the London salary? The last thing you want is to find yourself without options if it proves too much.

Also, are you guaranteed a seat, and is it one long train journey or broken up with changes? These things will make a big difference.

Could you do the 2 days consecutively and get an air bnb in between?

Absolutely no way it would have a massive impact on your family lives

DH does a 2hr commute 1-2 times a week to another office. He's happy to do the drive normally but sometimes he has to go more often. Whenever that happens the drive really affects his quality of life as he's so tired and gets really irritable. When it's just a couple of times a week he's fine.

Initially I was thinking that it sounded like a terrible plan but with your update it sounds more workable.

You have quite a few advantages with only short hours that you need to be in the office (9.30-4.30), supportive local grandparents to help with childcare if you both need to be away/ get delayed and the station being only a walk away. If you are each planning to spend one night in London and work two consecutive days that would make it even more workable.

I do think you need to thoroughly consider:
Job factors in terms of changes of t&c, likelihood of redundancies.
Expense of train fares which seem likely to increase further.
Personal factors- do you have plans to add to your family. Two or three children are considerably more demanding than just one little one. Also, long commutes when heavily pregnant may be much less practical.
Consider 5, 10, 15 years into the future (at least in theory because life can obviously throw lots of curved balls)!
Friendships- if you have mainly London based friends, these friendships would undoubtedly change.

I know one couple who had this arrangement for several years although the commute was more 1.5-2 hours and they had very supportive grandparents who would stay overnight weekly plus only one school aged child. Other London friends have much shorter commutes.

Ooh free time on the train while knowing kids are safe with grandparents? While possibly working a couple of extra hours you can take off in lieu on another day? And presumably a free pass to wfh if the weather disrupts transport. Honestly it's too many hours for me (I'd do it once a week) but you could.
Make sure you think through

• childcare if gparent care doesn't work out
• whether being remote will affect promotion prospects
• what happens if you want to change jobs
• things you would miss

Trying to get back for childcare would rule this out for me. Unless you have a live-in or long-hours nanny, most childminders close at 6pm and if you are delayed on a train, you are screwed without immediate family to help out. I guess if you have family really nearby this could be factored in. But what about getting back for the school play? If your child is sick? I presume you'd alternate days in the office.

It sounds absolutely exhausting.