Anyone done big commute for dream home?

[MonkeysWedding]

We (DH & 1 year old DC) have been looking at joining the London exodus, freed by the fact that we won’t need to be in the office everyday. But we’re quite late to the trend and so everything within an easy commute is already so expensive.

We’ve found what would be our dream house but it would mean 2.5 hours on the train each way. We’ll probably need to be in the office 2 days a week. We could work in the train so could be reasonably productive time. Train tickets would be very costly, but doable for the right home.

Has anyone done this? And was it a case of getting into new routines, or was it too exhausting to do long term?

I’m so tempted for the fantastic lifestyle we’d have, including being near family. But nervous of doing something we’d regret if it was a strain to do over time.

@Ruralbliss I don't blame you. Your new home will be perfect as you'll be happier and healthier. Good luck with the move.

Skipped to the end
My brother did this. Altho commuted by car as it was too complicated by train/tube
Sometimes he ended up sleeping on his office floor,
IMO, amongst other things, it contributed to the failure if his marriage

All the people saying "it's only 5 hours a week", have you ever actually done this type of travel week in, week out. There seems to be a lot of people where one half of a couple have done it and others who've done it as singletons but skimming through i can't see a single post from anyone who's done it personally and says how great it was, or where both people in a couple have done it, let alone with a toddler as well. I've done travel for work with overnight stays and day trips for months on end and it really is absolutely exhausting and impacts your whole week, and that's without having a toddler to deal with! It's ok to say "i'll arrive in the office at 9:30am and leave at 4pm" but what happens when the train is delayed / cancelled, phone calls and meetings over run etc?

Rent a house for a week in the place you plan to move to then commute in everyday.

I wouldn't recommend it but:

• Is it 2.5 hours in estate agent speak? Does that include travelling to the station? If you need to drive to the station be prepared for expensive parking costs and lots of traffic, particularly in the morning.
• How does the commute look in winter with a foot of snow on the ground (this has happened to me - colleagues in London were bemused as to why I couldn't get in that morning)
• How is childcare going to work? If you leave the office at 4 you won't be home until 6.30 at the earliest. Are you planning a live-in nanny (I have friends with this set-up)
• Likewise, can you afford to pay for gardeners/cleaners? If you are working full time from home and doing the commute you will have very little time left over and you will want to spend your weekends enjoying your dream location.
• What about "drinks after work" or late meetings in the office. Again, I know people that make this work but they ended up buying a bedsit closer to London to cover late evenings.

Lots to think about. If you have decided on a location I would strongly recommend renting first to see how realistic the commute is.
Plenty of us are selling up our "dream houses" in the country at the moment on the basis that there won't be a better time to profit from the London exodus. I imagine if you wait 12 months there will be quite a few people moving back in the opposite direction.

The other thing to bear in mind is the reality of knowing you are 2.5 hours away from your DC if anything goes wrong.

I am another long-commute veteran and it was only when the DC were reasonably self sufficient (secondary school), that I was comfortable with both myself and my DH being more than 90 mins away. Up until then we would make sure one of us was always working at home or locally.

I would very strongly advise the OP against this unless there is the option to switch to working locally if it doesn’t work out

100% this. Not saying this isn't doable but it takes it out of you more than you'd think.

Don't paint yourselves into a corner.

Sorry to sound negative but I was single and late 20s doing my 2-2.5hr commute 3x per week and it was exhausting. There was a honeymoon period which felt great. I started out thinking 'ooh, 2hrs of free time to work, read, study, chill etc. per day'. Plus I love a train journey and it was a nice one. However it soon doesn't feel like that because you're not free to do as you like, you're stuck on a sodding train.

Also, bear in mind the winter is not the same as the summer for long commutes.

My priority would be to research the number of job opportunities locally, or say, within an hour's commute of where you're thinking of moving to. That way you can keep going as long as you can/ want with your presumably higher London salary, but you won't be stuck if it becomes too much. Have a get-out clause.

You say the train tickets are ‘very costly’ - how much are we talking? Have you calculated the costs for you both to do the planned commute for a year, and then for five and ten years, allowing for 2% price increases every year? I am willing to bet the figure will run into the tens of thousands. Are you sure that’s what you want to spend that money on?

I would also expect that time working on the train would count as time towards the work day. So routine might be get the train at 7:00, in the office by 9:30, stay overnight in a cheap hotel, leave office at 4:30, home by 7pm

Sounds great if the trains and tubes are running to time, and you don’t have to stay in the office.
In reality I suspect the 2.30hr commute is likely to be longer.

I would also expect that time working on the train would count as time towards the work day. So routine might be get the train at 7:00, in the office by 9:30, stay overnight in a cheap hotel, leave office at 4:30, home by 7pm

Is this your expectation or your employer's?
It would be highly unusual in my experience.
If your 'home base' is still London, your employer will likely still expect you in the office 9-5.

5 hours travelling in one day would be exhausting, I wouldn't sign up for that, even if it was potentially 2 days a week, it amounts to 10 hours on the train in just 2 days.

Plus if your work wants you in on ad-hoc days because xyz person is in the office, you might find that 2 days turns into 4, and you either have to stay a few nights in town (eating into your transport budget and not seeing family), or commute daily (and be knackered).

Surely working on the train means you have to have a seat, is this assured? (Long time since I got a train in the UK ( other than the Gatwick express)

@cooldarkroom

Surely working on the train means you have to have a seat, is this assured? (Long time since I got a train in the UK ( other than the Gatwick express)

Colleague who did long commute paid for first class to guarantee seat and have space and coffee. Worth it. Factor cost of first class if you going to work on train

i did it for 18 months and then gave up and sold the house

actually it was fine in summer - but in winter it was absolutely dismal. Getting that train at dawn's crack and getting back so late is v demoralising. I never sold the London place (rented it out) and when the tenants gave notice, I'd never been so happy. I ended up staying in London monday to friday and then going to the other house on the weekend but obviously cost wise couldn't do that for ever.

it was the commute that killed it - one thing goes wrong and a 2 hour commute becomes 3 hours, 4 hours and then everything goes tits up. if you're in an important job where you need to be in, it all becomes too stressful. I think it could work if your hours weren't entirely necessary (so turning up at 11am instead of 9am doesn't cause issues). My feeling at the end of it was that our rail network is so shit, until it becomes a lot more reliable, working like that is v tricky.

Not something I would want to do especially with young children. I think you should be absolutely clear on how many days you'll need to be in the office I wouldn't rely on probably twice a week, whether your expectation of time spent working on the train is the same as your employers and if there are likely to be any changes to how many days you'd have to work from home. Are your jobs tied to London, what would happen if you needed to move jobs and other employers are not as generous?

I get the need to be near family but how fantastic would your lifestyle be be if one of you is leaving very early and getting home very late twice a week. If you plan it so you're working on different days that only leaves one day and the weekend to spend all together as a family.

Our jobs for now are tied to London and we considered moving out but thinking about all the above and eye watering cost of train tickets we decided it wasn't worth it. We did move a little further out but home to work for both of us is around 45mins and we get to spend every evening and weekends together.

Best of luck OP.

For years my DM did a 2.5 hour commute for a 3 day a week job as that was where her and DF's jobs were. It was fine... because (a) she got a small flat there to stay over in. No way would that that worked with coming back the same day! And(b) the DC (ie us) had already left home. We weren't 1.

If living there is your dream, start looking for jobs there.

I would love to know whether you went for it?! We are very much thinking the same - we move to south west and think would anticipate one day a week in London fit my husband and 1 or 2 days for me every fortnight. The work element is the only piece holding us back x

Are you really attracted to the location or just the house?
If the house was in your favourite part of London, and you could magically afford it, would you still want the remote house?

Housing is cities in the UK is outrageously expensive, so it is so easy to be seduced by far from ideal locations so that you can have a good house.

Oh travels 4 hours a day round trip ( more if traffic is bad) he has done this for years as well as working a 10 hour day. he has recently handed his notice in, it is no way to live a life. even twice a week, you will dread them days. I wouldn't do it.

I have done all sorts of commutes from being able to walk to the office to commuting from abroad. My two pence on this would be:

1. I would be concerned that both of you are doing this. While in theory two days a week without any overlaps might be ok - you are effectively on child duty or away for most of the week. You will barely see your partner which may or may not be ok.

1. If either of you goes up to 3 days per week (which is what a lot of companies are currently doing) then one of you is out of the house the whole week. This is a whole different lifestyle choice. Yes, some people do make it and often it is the dad who is away in London Mon-Fri. Fine, if thats what you want but it wouldnt work for me.

1. Yes, you can work on the train but as others have said check that your company is ok with it. It is still never as good as working in an office. It just isnt.

1. As others have said - it's very likely that you will change jobs in the future. Can you do anything locally?

1. Family help - how old are the grandparents? We ended up moving to London due to both sets of families living here. However, then Covid hit - so they've not been able to help for a good 15months. Pandemics are rare, but in the time they did help there are a few things we learnt. For example, they might be happy to look after a sick child but if they are elderly it is likely to mean they will also pick up what ever virus your kid has. My parents were constantly sick whenever they looked after our one. It takes its toll. Any of them gets cancer and again they are out of action. You have more than one kid and they might not be happy having to ferry them around to their activities. My takeaway from this - emergency family help is definitely great but relying on it (even if the grandparents are very willing) is probably unwise.

Honestly OP if both of you need to be in the office 2 days a week then you'd be absolutely crazy to consider this. Sorry. We did it for about 8 years and it absolutely killed us - it is really, really exhausting. And we didn't have children at home to worry about. As others have pointed out, when the trains go wrong they tend to go wrong for a period of time, so you could have several weeks when your journey is fine but then you could have a spell (in the autumn/ winter but not necessarily) when the trains are stuffed for every journey. Imagine turning up at 11 or 12 or not at all; stressful huh?

On our commute into London we caught the 6.00 into Waterloo and because we were one of the early stops we always got a seat. People getting on our train at 7am wouldn't have had a hope in hell. How much work are you going to be able to do not sat down? Is your work confidential?

Thanks for all the comments - far more input and ideas than I expected tbh!

The majority of posters might be relieved to know that we decided against this plan for all the reasons people have mentioned… so we’re moving within a more traditional London commuter belt. We’ll have a more ordinary house, but also a more ordinary commute!

I totally get the pull of the dream house/lifestyle/family… if you are considering such an epic commute, I would say the time has come for a change in priorities - Is there no way you can pursue the lifestyle/location that you want and change jobs??? Do you both love your current jobs? If yes it’s a tricky choice, if no I’d make plans for big change and pursue the dream lifestyle! Life’s way too short to sit on a train.. I can’t think of a worse lifestyle. I’d absolutely change my job and love where I live rather that have this lifestyle. I don’t think you can count 100% on childcare provided by family or your employers policies staying the same. I’d either stick with a better commute & stay in my dream job; or I’d find a way to get out of this commuter lifestyle all together and live somewhere I love. Maybe I’m lucky but I’m quite shocked at home many posts there are of people or DH’s enduring horrendous lifestyles for a job.. I’d avoid this lifestyle and prioritise my quality of life; even if that meant a lovely home but not the massive dream home, or changing completely my job. Xo

It's not a dream house with that commute.