Neighbour letting themselves into our garden - how to politely ask them not to?

[mummabubs]

Hi all,

Moved into our dream house a month ago. One of the many quirky things about here is a connecting gate between us and next door's garden, which we have been told was installed so that the vendors and next door could pop between gardens. We quickly met our next door neighbours and they are absolutely lovely, very friendly to us and our kids etc.

We noticed one day last week that our greenhouse was open when we thought we'd closed it but didn't think much of it. Then the same happened today and our neighbour happened to mention when I saw her later that she'd popped into our garden a couple of times to open the greenhouse and water the plants for us. I completely appreciate that she's done this with the loveliest of intentions, but I'm just not comfortable with anyone randomly popping into our garden. DH doesn't want me to say anything in case it upsets the neighbour or sours our relationship (we plan for this to be our forever home), but truth be told the situation upsets me as I feel on edge knowing that our garden isn't our private space any more and also I want us to have responsibility for our own plants- even if we kill them a few times before we get it right! I feel like I need to say something to gently ask that this doesn't continue. I tried to be careful when she told me not to say anything that might encourage it but she said that it was no problem as she used to do this for her old neighbour all the time. This is kind and obviously worked for them, but I'd like some boundaries to be put in place. (Metaphorical boundaries if not physical!)

Any words of wisdom? Thank you.

Put a lock on the gate on your side and lock it?

Put a bolt on the gate. Say you need to ensure that your garden is secure for the insurance

Could do, it'd be a bit awkward as the lock is currently on their side. They said to us on the day that we moved in that they wouldn't be offended if we ever wanted to put fencing up again, but as we never thought they'd just let themselves in we said.oh don't be silly 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

Take them at their word and install a fence.
The arrangement doesn’t suit anymore and you need the garden secure for your DC.

Bolt & tall plants

Tell them it's too tempting for your dc to go into their garden so you're putting a fence panel back up... They'll say they don't mind dc but just say the dc need to know they can't just wander into other people's gardens

Ah just wait a few months. Your neighbours are adjusting to the change in neighbours too. It's not worth causing awkwardness or ill-feeling when you're so new to the house in my opinion. My bet will be it sorts itself out on its own!

I'd be inclined to leave it for now. If it becomes more intrusive, act later.

If they have a bolt then you can have one. I'd put one up.

Ideally I'd like the fence back up, DH doesn't agree. He likes it being there and thinks it will be lovely for our son to be able to play easily with their grandson as they're a similar age. I guess what might have muddied the water is that she's come into the garden to give my son a present, but we were in the garden at the time. I suppose even that felt a bit uncomfortable to me but I didn't say anything. Maybe the fence going back up is the only solution. It's on their boundary though so can we install one without their permission?

I would leave it because I am gutless. I would want them to stop without being offended tricky one

I think what a couple of you have said about waiting and then pinning it on needing to keep our son securely contained is a good idea.

I think I would leave it for a bit and see what happens as time goes on. Seriously, falling out with your neighbours makes life a total misery and you really do not want to go there unless there is no alternative.

Maybe just thank her and say that you are keen to learn about plants and could she give you some ground rules about watering etc. so that you can take it from here.

I too have just moved into a new build house - a semi - and there is a low wall with fence on top to give privacy between the two adjoining patios, but further down it is just the low wall for the rest of the length of the garden. My neighbours agreed to this because the views are to die for and they would have been partly obscured from me if the fence continued. We can see into each others gardens and step over the wall between the gardens - but so far this has been an asset - I have a mobility problem and the chap next door hopped over the wall with his mower and mowed my lawn!

It does sound as though this neighbour of yours is a kind and well-meaning person and that is a valuable asset not to be jettisoned lightly.

I wouldn’t wait, do it asap using child safety, the longer you leave it the more odd it will seem to put fence up.
Tell your DH their grandson can come to the door to ask to play as do most kids.

I don't think waiting is the best idea - the longer you leave things, the harder it usually is to backtrack. Just start as you mean to go on- you need the perimeter secured. Do it now.

I would ask nicely I'd they'd mind turning the gate into a fence instead, because you like you're privacy. Nothing wrong with saying that at all, as long as you say it nicely.

First it's watering your plants, next it will be their grandson playing with your kids garden toys when you're out! As per that other recent thread.

With all due respect grow a backbone. This woman has no boundaries!! She came into your garden without permission, watered your planets AND left the greenhouse open. And you're worried she'll be offended.

If you're too scared to tell the truth. Tell them you're putting a bolt on your side of the gate for your kid's safety.

If this is your forever home you need to put your boundaries in place now.

I agree with @Mischance

She was just trying to be helpful. You don’t know what you’re doing so she probably saved any seedlings you had in there from frazzling and dying because you hadn’t realised about opening the door.

If you ask for advice and open the door yourself on warm days she won’t have any need to pop into your garden any more will she.

There’s plenty time to erect a Berlin Wall in due time if she keeps coming in uninvited. She sounds nice. Good neighbours are a real asset. Why would you want to throw that away without giving her a chance

Bolt on your side for "child proofing".

We have just moved into a semi with NO fence or gate between the gardens ... previous owner and current neighbours both long tome residents (no young kids) and were happy with this. We are having a fence erected in the next fortnight. I told the neighbours it was because I didn't want my two toddlers repeatedly running into their garden / into their driveway (which is open to the road, and there's zero barrier between their garden and the driveway). Also they have loads of tools and shite all over the place. So it's just not practical to have no fence.

They were totally understanding and it wasn't a big deal. I was a bit worried about telling them but I'm glad I did.

I'd say it's for child safety reasons.

Tell them you're buying a few bull dogs and you need to put up a fence

Just tell them that your insurance company has been back in touch to clarify that you need a lock on your side of the gate to comply with their specifications.

It's taken a month for them to let you know because it's such an unusual situation.

To be fair if you queried your policy they may request similar anyway.

You can’t leave greenhouses closed if the sun is out! Everything will die.

Good fences make good neighbours. Fence back up asap. Bolt on your side.

One of the many quirky things about here is a connecting gate between us and next door's garden, which we have been told was installed so that the vendors and next door could pop between gardens

If it's left like that for a long period of time, it becomes a right in law for both of you to freely access each other's gardens.
I'd protect my privacy asap in your situation.