Neighbour letting themselves into our garden - how to politely ask them not to?

[mummabubs]

Hi all,

Moved into our dream house a month ago. One of the many quirky things about here is a connecting gate between us and next door's garden, which we have been told was installed so that the vendors and next door could pop between gardens. We quickly met our next door neighbours and they are absolutely lovely, very friendly to us and our kids etc.

We noticed one day last week that our greenhouse was open when we thought we'd closed it but didn't think much of it. Then the same happened today and our neighbour happened to mention when I saw her later that she'd popped into our garden a couple of times to open the greenhouse and water the plants for us. I completely appreciate that she's done this with the loveliest of intentions, but I'm just not comfortable with anyone randomly popping into our garden. DH doesn't want me to say anything in case it upsets the neighbour or sours our relationship (we plan for this to be our forever home), but truth be told the situation upsets me as I feel on edge knowing that our garden isn't our private space any more and also I want us to have responsibility for our own plants- even if we kill them a few times before we get it right! I feel like I need to say something to gently ask that this doesn't continue. I tried to be careful when she told me not to say anything that might encourage it but she said that it was no problem as she used to do this for her old neighbour all the time. This is kind and obviously worked for them, but I'd like some boundaries to be put in place. (Metaphorical boundaries if not physical!)

Any words of wisdom? Thank you.

Don't tell them it's to stop your DC from wandering, as they will probably just say they will keep their side locked then. That won't stop him coming in when they know you're out and your DC isn't there!

She sounds like a thoughtful, helpful and not at all pushy neighbour to me (not what I was expecting from thread title!)

I’d leave the gate as it is, and ask her to teach you what care your greenhouse plants need in the summer (I wouldn’t have a clue ) and then to leave you to it.

I think your neighbour sounds sweet, I agree about the privacy but I am sure she would only water your plants if you are not home. I would love nice friendly neighbours, recently on here they seem to be a rare breed!

Never thought about burglars but this makes access to both houses a lot easier for them really? Perhaps that could be a solution for you both?

Just say you’re putting the fence up as you’re more comfortable with that. Do it in a nice way obviously but don’t make a big fuss. You don’t have to make up elaborate explanations. If they are offended that’s on them.

I can't picture this. How's there a gate but no fence?

@jaysus6000

I can't picture this. How's there a gate but no fence?

There’s a gate in the fence!

Place a big heavy plant pot in front of the gate or plant a mature hawthorne

whose fence is it?

Honestly, I think many of these comments sound very uptight and miserable. Living in a friendly community is precious and good neighbours are gold dust. I'd be so happy to have such lovely neighbours.
Putting up a fence will come across as rude and will offend them. If you have a problem with them entering your garden to water your plants, just say you want to do your own gardening so you can learn from your own mistakes.
With regards to your child playing with their grandchildren, I think that sounds lovely and will be lovely memories for your children when they are older.
I find the general view on MN to be uptight most of the time.

It doesn't sound to me like there'll be any overstepping the mark here. The reasons she has come in have been kind and helpful ones.
We aren't used to these things nowadays but if she is a pleasant person which she really seems to be, I would take it as an opportunity not many people get. I would be looking at the positives.
The only thing I'm thinking, is that would you feel able to go into her garden to, for example, get her washing in if it was raining?
If the answer is no, I would just mirror what she has done and fit a bolt, so the option of mixing is there, but by consent.

I feel like I need to say something to gently ask that this doesn't continue.

Could you just not say "I see you've been coming into our garden, please stop it as of now".

No way would I tolerate this. Never do understand neighbours who can't keep to themselves. Whatever happened to just a simple "hello" every now and then.

Put a bolt your side but low down so they can't reach it. Tell them insurance purposes you have to have a secure house and garden. Plus you'd feel safer because of your child

Then follow that conversation by saying 'why don't we open the gates though when your grandson comes to play when we're all outside to ensure they're safe?

Not being funny but you don't know these people from Adam, they could be giving your child presents to groom him - probably arent and they're probably just being nice but you just don't know

If you go away for a weekend in warm weather you'll need her to water the plants in your greenhouse for you or they'll die. This could turn out to be a useful relationship

Don't lie about the insurance - it's so transparent.

Can’t you out something against the gate like a compost bin or picnic tables and chairs?

Personally I would thank the Lord for such great neighbours and be delighted. My previous neighbour and I would get each others washing in if it rained and water plants etc . I miss them so much now they are gone
They sound lovely so just be honest with them they will understand. .

Leave the gate, put a bolt in your side.
They didn't worry about appearing rude letting themselves into your greenhouse. Unbelievable that they presumed that was acceptable.
What if your child doesn't want to play with their GC? They'll probably assume that will be in your garden too. With you supervising?
Are they much older? This has the potential to escalate over the years and I would gently set a precedent now. The risk of offending them is less important than how comfortable you are in your own home!

I would hate this , I would feel on edge in the garden as if the neighbour was going to pop in at anytime, I would put a fence up.

I wouldn't like this. The invasion of my privacy re the couple of times she's done it already.

You ask her to ping you a quick text or shout to you when she's coming through the gate so that you can make sure your son doesn't wander off - you could also make a joke that you like to sunbathe topless/nude and you need some warning to cover up!

I would really tread gently here. She did a kind thing and good relationships with your neighbours are really priceless. As pp said I would ask her for advice on how to manage your greenhouse and you can make it clear that you feel confident enough to go it alone after a few chats.

You have someone who will look after your garden and keep an eye on the house when we are all able to go on long holidays.

She should have asked before coming in, but I think you can gently make that clear over time without completely chucking the whole relationship over board.

I also would leave this, she did uou a favour and there will come a time when you want her to water your plants. You didn’t even know she was doing it till she told you, so she’s hardly being intrusive.

@Losttheequipment

You can’t leave greenhouses closed if the sun is out! Everything will die.

That's really up to the op.

I get why it doesn’t feel like it because she was in your garden without you knowing about it but her opening your greenhouse door and watering the plants will have saved them all. They will fry on a hot day with the door closed!

Neighbours who will water your plants when you’re on holiday will be absolutely invaluable and save you having to dick about getting complicated automatic watering systems or being resigned to a load of dead plants.