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Original poster

Should I pay my husband rent

103 replies

Gal1211 · 18/05/2021 13:32

Hi dear mums,

I moved in with my DH and he owns the flat, he purchased it before we got married and had a long term mortgage. After I got married my husband charged me 1/3 of his mortgage and after a couple of years he switched to charging me 1/2 of his interest rate. My name is not on the deed and he has full ownership of the flat. He also charges me for the cos of tv, wardrobe and other furniture around the flat (which he bought before I moved in), I’m paying him half of the value of the original price of those items. On top of that I’m paying my share of utility bills: water, electricity, ground rent, council tax, tv license etc.
I wonder how costs are shared in other marriages and what is considered reasonable in such arrangements.

I am not very comfortable contributing towards his mortgage and having no ownership at all. Also I’m not sure of him expecting em to pay for such things as tv or sofa which he bought prior me moving in is reasonable...

I hope you can share some thoughts

Thank you mums!

OP posts:
ChrissyPlummer · 18/05/2021 13:35

Not a mum but...I think as you are married the flat is classed as a ‘marital asset’ so shouldn’t make any difference whether your name is on it or not. I wouldn’t say it’s fair to charge you for things he already bought before. You absolutely should be contributing to bills and living expenses.

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 18/05/2021 13:36

This might be better in Relationships.

How much do you each earn, eg 'i earn 2/3 of what he earns'?

Do you have children together?

How long have you been married?

I'm in different circumstances as dp and I bought together, but we have a budget to cover monthly bills and work it out so once those are covered, we each have the same discretionary amount for spending or saving.

namechangingforthis19586 · 18/05/2021 13:36

He sounds awful.

Rno3gfr · 18/05/2021 13:37

God he sounds like a cheapskate. I wouldn’t be happy with paying towards furniture he bought before I moved in! That’s sooo weird. Surely if you love someone you can at least share your bloody furniture with them...

BruceAndNosh · 18/05/2021 13:38

charge is such a odd term.
Most couples would refer to splitting the costs.
and Charging you for the use of items he already owned? Fuck that.
I'd expect to be put on the deeds, but as you are married the flat is a marital asset, so you have a claim should you divorce

wintertime6 · 18/05/2021 13:40

Very strange. He's charging you for items of furniture he bought before you were living there?

If you're married then the house should be a marital asset and belong to both of you even if he hasn't put your name on the deeds? And if you're earning money I would have assumed you would contribute to family finances and bills?

mobear · 18/05/2021 13:40

The flat is a marital asset so you'll have a claim on it. If I were you I would refuse to pay - he can't make you, his only recourse would be to throw you out. It sounds draconian. I'm all for paying my fair share, but this is petty and ridiculous.

Misaki · 18/05/2021 13:42

I basically had nothing of note when I married my husband as I moved abroad with very little, had a small flat with the bare minimum furniture.

Moved in with my husband when we got married....

I think when you get married it's a 'what's mine is yours' situation. I'd be pretty unhappy if my husband started charging rent. Did he tell you before you got married that he was going to charge you rent?

VettiyaIruken · 18/05/2021 13:42

If you're married and you can prove you paid towards the music would that make it marital assets anyway?

Pinkpaisley · 18/05/2021 13:42

Are you planning to have children together? Is there a specific reason you have separate finances? Do either of you already have children, minor or adult? For me, these are very big factors in what is appropriate with regards to the financial arrangements.

VettiyaIruken · 18/05/2021 13:42

Music= mortgage

greymayday · 18/05/2021 13:42

This is awful OP. Our whole house is furnished with stuff I had before meeting DP - I think there’s literally one or two items we’ve purchased together and the rest I got myself. I’d never dream of asking him to contribute any money to them - I already owned them!

This really isn’t fair on you Sad

FeistySheep · 18/05/2021 13:43

How it works in my marriage is that we pooled everything when we got married. The money I earn belongs to both of us. The money he earns belongs to both of us. It goes into a joint account. We spend money freely, but discuss big purchases. We do this because we have committed to share our lives; love, faithfulness, money, joy, dreams etc, all of it. This is what marriage is. I wouldn't have married someone who didn't agree with the meaning of marriage.

Whether the flat counts as a marital asset or not depends on a few things - how long you've been married, whether you have children together, what country you live in. Am sure people can advise you better if you can answer these questions?

Tal45 · 18/05/2021 13:46

He charges you for use of the furniture? He sounds like a dick to be honest, you're not his wife you're a lodger he has sex with. I'd divorce him and have the flat sold so you can have the half of it's value you're entitled to.

HollowTalk · 18/05/2021 13:49

Time for you to go, OP. I'd speak to a solicitor about a divorce, tbh. Your husband is the meanest person on the planet.

UCOinanOCG · 18/05/2021 13:53

That is awful. Why would you charge someone you are meant to love and cherish for the use of wardrobes and sofas? It makes it sound like a business arrangement not a marriage.

CliftonGreenYork · 18/05/2021 13:56

Please explain how he is 'charging' you for the cost of TV, wardrobe and other stuff he bought before you moved in?

Tlollj · 18/05/2021 13:57

Hang on he charges you for using a wardrobe? That can’t be right.
Bills obviously need to be split. But a fucking wardrobe is taking the piss.

CaptSkippy · 18/05/2021 13:57

I think that in this situation contacting a lawyer is your best bet. They can help you sort out the legal aspects and divorce his cheap exploitative ass. Who the hell does he think he is? Trying to be your husband and landlord at the same time, without even the proper paperwork in place? This is skecth AF.

Muitolegal · 18/05/2021 13:57

Wow.... just wow!

Abouttimemum · 18/05/2021 13:57

This sounds dreadful OP.

We bought our house together so all our Monte just goes in one pot and is split into bills, spends and savings each month.

I’d want my name on the deeds though, or at least a legal agreement in place outlining your contributions.

Charging you for the tv and wardrobes is unreal!!!

ivykaty44 · 18/05/2021 13:57

well if you have children together, tell him you'll be charging him childcare.....oh and for cooking, cleaning and washing up

alabaster11 · 18/05/2021 13:58

What? Why is he charging you for items purchased before you met?

Lavender201 · 18/05/2021 13:59

Charging you for the furniture is weird.

However, you are married and you live there, you absolutely should be paying towards the mortgage. That’s not “charging” you, that’s just you contributing to your own living costs. Why should your husband cover the whole mortgage payment?

In my marriage we just have one joint bank account, all our earnings go in, our bills and mortgage come out. But I understand that when married people choose to split finances, they’d split the outgoings, so for example pay half the mortgage each, if you’re earning roughly the same.

As others have mentioned, now you’re married it’s not “his” flat, it’s a joint asset.

Graffitiqueen · 18/05/2021 13:59

This sounds financially abusive or at the very least heading down that road. Do you have children? What would happen when you are on maternity leave?

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