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Original poster

Should I pay my husband rent

103 replies

Gal1211 · 18/05/2021 13:32

Hi dear mums,

I moved in with my DH and he owns the flat, he purchased it before we got married and had a long term mortgage. After I got married my husband charged me 1/3 of his mortgage and after a couple of years he switched to charging me 1/2 of his interest rate. My name is not on the deed and he has full ownership of the flat. He also charges me for the cos of tv, wardrobe and other furniture around the flat (which he bought before I moved in), I’m paying him half of the value of the original price of those items. On top of that I’m paying my share of utility bills: water, electricity, ground rent, council tax, tv license etc.
I wonder how costs are shared in other marriages and what is considered reasonable in such arrangements.

I am not very comfortable contributing towards his mortgage and having no ownership at all. Also I’m not sure of him expecting em to pay for such things as tv or sofa which he bought prior me moving in is reasonable...

I hope you can share some thoughts

Thank you mums!

OP posts:
reallyreallyborednow · 18/05/2021 14:34

What's the point continuing this relationship. It's one sided. And as for joint bank accounts in other post. What's to stop someone emptying it and disappearing. You have to guard your finances, too late when it's been handed over to someone else

Yep. My brothers ex had an affair and had quietly emptied all the joint accounts, not to mention remortgaging, before she told him to leave.

He had no idea. Been together 14 years, etc. No one believed him it was so “out of character”.

All my finances are separate, but we still see money as joint, we don’t count who spends what.

MyOtherProfile · 18/05/2021 14:34

He seems to have an interesting view of marriage!

KinseyWinsey · 18/05/2021 14:34

You married a creep.

Livpool · 18/05/2021 14:39

Sounds fine apart from the cost of things he already owes. That is very weird

Livpool · 18/05/2021 14:39

Owns not owes

Esspee · 18/05/2021 14:44

I am older than you so this may be out of date. In my day everything was joint. All earnings went into the family pot and we both spent what we needed. If one of us wanted something expensive e.g. a state of the art bike or new golf clubs then it was discussed.
Why did you agree to any of this?

SpindleWhorl · 18/05/2021 14:48

Where do you both live?

Is it a full valid marriage recognised by law? Where did the marriage take place?

It's really not possible to advise without knowing this, other than to ask why on earth did you marry him?

ElphabaTWitch · 18/05/2021 15:03

Weird. Pay half the household bills or an appropriate portion of your wages. But I wouldn’t be paying for furniture that he already had??? Being married your probably entitled to half the value of the equity on the flat ???? Sounds like you need to discuss this with him ... does he see you as actually married??? Does he think if you didn’t work out he would walk away with the flat and all his furniture??? You need to talk it through.

Twinkie01 · 18/05/2021 15:03

You need to get all the second hand shit you're paying half of new market value for valued.

A second hand sofa or tv costs a shit load less than a brand spanning new one which you're stumping up half for.

He is without doubt the most miserly man I've ever read about in the 19 years I've been on here.

Outbutnotoutout · 18/05/2021 15:06

Does that mean if you split up you get half the house and all the stuff inside it.

He can't have it both ways

knittingaddict · 18/05/2021 15:10

Hi dear mums

Not just mums on here you know.

SwedishK · 18/05/2021 15:14

Wow, I think I have seen it all now. What a cheapskate!

Please go out and buy a sofa, then charge him £1 per minute he sits on it.

A marriage is suppose to be a union, I don't think he has grasped that.

2bazookas · 18/05/2021 15:15

Don't worry about a thing. Just charge him for sex. Make up a sliding scale of payments; (obviously a wank while watching TV costs much less less than PIV wearing your dominatrix leather outfit) but overall, he should be paying you pretty much the same for sex, as you pay him to live in the marital home.

Then there's all those other services you provide; there's no such thing as a free lunch...

ElaborateSalad · 18/05/2021 15:17

What a dick.

RampantIvy · 18/05/2021 15:25

We have a joint bank account that both of our incomes go into, and all costs come out of that. We each have separate savings accounts.

A marriage is supposed to be an equal partnership, and yours sounds anything but equal. You should start charging him for meals (assuming you cook), sex, cleaning and anything else you can put a price on.

He sounds awful, and this relationship sounds dysfunctional.

Do not have children with this man and on no account give up any kind of financial independence.

DespairingHomeowner · 18/05/2021 15:27

This guy is taking you for a ride charging you for cost of new with his used furniture!! Doesn't this put you right off him?

Re paying your share of bills & mortage - that's fair enough, but then you have a stake in the property. Do you want to stay with this man?

Missrabbitisbusy · 18/05/2021 15:30

Whaaat? Is he charging you for the oxygen you're breathing too?

Seesawmummadaw · 18/05/2021 15:31

@knittingaddict

Hi dear mums

Not just mums on here you know.

I don’t usually like it when people post hi mums’ etc, but don’t you think that the op has enough on her plate and that you are really quite rude? Just a thought.
Beetlewing · 18/05/2021 15:34

Do you get your own room? Do you do his laundry? Tidy the place? Sleep with him? I'd start charging for your emotional and physical Labour.

BillyTodd · 18/05/2021 15:40

Divorce him. I know I sound flippant but he's financially abusive and at least if you divorce him you've got a chance at some of the money in the house as assets are considered joint to be split.

Babygotblueyes · 18/05/2021 15:41

Paying a share of the bills - fair enough. Paying towards his mortgage - well, I guess you would be paying rent anyway, so maybe not a bad thing, but I would think twice about paying when my name was not on the deeds. Since you are married, it is kind of moot, because it is now a joint asset. Paying for things he owned before you moved in - WTF? He is taking the piss.

BTV2000 · 18/05/2021 15:48

I think that surely, if the mortgage was already comfortably covered by him prior to you living there then you shouldn't have to cover anything towards the mortgage? And instead I would maybe look to cover the bills to the equivalent amount or a % of your wages towards the bills. If my husband tried to charge me for items around the house that 1) I didn't choose and 2) have already been paid for I'd tell him to sling his hook. That just comes across as really tight and mean spirited!

Summersnake · 18/05/2021 15:51

Are you charging for meals you cook ,and cleaning you do ,and washing and buying food ,and sex ?
If not ,you should ,might make him see sense

MajorMujer · 18/05/2021 15:52

He is a money grabbing cunt. HTH.

Rainbow321 · 18/05/2021 15:56

Moved into my partner's house and he didn't charge me for rent , help with council tax or anything like that. We shared food shopping or if something needed replacing.
Then we moved ( after a few years ) he was lucky enough to be a cash buyer , and I'm now on the deeds .

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