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Original poster

Should I pay my husband rent

103 replies

Gal1211 · 18/05/2021 13:32

Hi dear mums,

I moved in with my DH and he owns the flat, he purchased it before we got married and had a long term mortgage. After I got married my husband charged me 1/3 of his mortgage and after a couple of years he switched to charging me 1/2 of his interest rate. My name is not on the deed and he has full ownership of the flat. He also charges me for the cos of tv, wardrobe and other furniture around the flat (which he bought before I moved in), I’m paying him half of the value of the original price of those items. On top of that I’m paying my share of utility bills: water, electricity, ground rent, council tax, tv license etc.
I wonder how costs are shared in other marriages and what is considered reasonable in such arrangements.

I am not very comfortable contributing towards his mortgage and having no ownership at all. Also I’m not sure of him expecting em to pay for such things as tv or sofa which he bought prior me moving in is reasonable...

I hope you can share some thoughts

Thank you mums!

OP posts:
Lavender201 · 18/05/2021 14:03

@FeistySheep

How it works in my marriage is that we pooled everything when we got married. The money I earn belongs to both of us. The money he earns belongs to both of us. It goes into a joint account. We spend money freely, but discuss big purchases. We do this because we have committed to share our lives; love, faithfulness, money, joy, dreams etc, all of it. This is what marriage is. I wouldn't have married someone who didn't agree with the meaning of marriage.

Whether the flat counts as a marital asset or not depends on a few things - how long you've been married, whether you have children together, what country you live in. Am sure people can advise you better if you can answer these questions?

This is how my marriage works too - it’s such an eye opener on mumsnet to see how other people keep finances separate even after marriage. Causes arguments like who pays for the childcare etc (usually the woman from her wages Hmm ).... So much easier when it all comes from one shared pot.
lydia2021 · 18/05/2021 14:03

What's the point continuing this relationship. It's one sided. And as for joint bank accounts in other post. What's to stop someone emptying it and disappearing. You have to guard your finances, too late when it's been handed over to someone else

ChequerBoard · 18/05/2021 14:03

I don't know where to start with this! On face value it sounds horrendous. How can you be paying 'rent' to your own husband on your shared marital home?

He is using you as a payment vehicle for 'his' mortgage and other assets. Doesn't seem like he is seeing a long term future with you as he is firmly set on keeping 'his' property.

What's the marriage like otherwise OP? Is he a kind, supportive partner and are you happy with him?

DblEspresso · 18/05/2021 14:04

Are you sure you are married and not living in a house share Smile

Livingintheclouds · 18/05/2021 14:04

When I moved in with my husband I paid the deposit and he paid the mortgage and bills as he earned about 20x what I did. He never 'charged' me anythung! I brought some furniture and sure as heck didn't expect him to pay me for half of it!
Your relationship sounds very odd and look at the answers here and step back and review your future.

UserAtRandom · 18/05/2021 14:04

Paying a fair share (is it fair -that's really the crux of the matter?) of the costs of the flat is reasonable. Even if your name isn't on the deeds, it will count as a marital asset, although it would be preferable (for you) to get this formalised.

The only thing that's odd about your post is paying a share towards furniture that's already been bought - unless it's been bought on a repayment plan and you are paying towards this?

BrimfulOfBaba · 18/05/2021 14:04

He's being a tight CF, charging you for furniture he had already bought. You don't even do that in a furnished rental!

AmberIsACertainty · 18/05/2021 14:12

He's using you for money pure and simple.

Have you even seen these bills? Or are you just taking his word for it that you're paying half? How do you know he's not charging you the full amount and telling you it's only half?

Paying half the furniture he already owned and towards a mortgage when you're not on the deeds? Fuck that, I'd divorce for those things alone, it's grabby. If he wanted 50/50 on everything he should have sold the flat and furniture, done whatever he wanted with the money, then bought a flat and furniture jointly with you. That way you'd have had some choices in the things you're paying for.

But even then I wouldn't have married him if I was planning children because no doubt with his mindset they'll be seen as your hobby and therefore all their expenses will fall to you. I expect he'll think you should still have to pay half of everything else, even though you might be earning less, because that's your fault you know, for having children.

Lavender201 · 18/05/2021 14:15

@lydia2021

What's the point continuing this relationship. It's one sided. And as for joint bank accounts in other post. What's to stop someone emptying it and disappearing. You have to guard your finances, too late when it's been handed over to someone else
Just such a weird attitude that I don’t understand. Why enter into a marriage thinking the other person might do this? When you marry someone, you are joining yourself to them financially. That’s marriage.

But since you’ve raised the hypothetical- If he wanted to empty the joint bank account, he’s welcome to it. It’s a small amount of savings, and not much in there each month after our outgoings. If he did this, I’d just open my own bank account and get work to direct my salary there instead - I earn more anyway. It wouldn’t be a problem really. Apart from the problem of my husband having had a total personality transplant to suddenly behave like that.

WhyMeLord · 18/05/2021 14:16

There's no correct way, only a way that your combined income is used to cover household expenditure that you're both happy with.

I assumed from your post not that he's charging you to use his furniture but that it was bought on credit and that payment is part of your household monthly outgoings?

Like a lot of couple DH and I pay all our non personal bills through a joint account and contribute into that an amount that leaves each of us with the same disposable income for the month. It feels fair and neither of us ever feel guilty or feel we have to ask permission about buying frivolous things out of our own disposable income. It works for us, other families work differently.

I think I a lot of people above need to massively chill out about assumptions made re furniture!

Pemba · 18/05/2021 14:16

He charges you for using the furniture he already owned?? What is wrong with him? Normal people wouldn't even expect that from a lodger, never mind their beloved spouse. I've heard it all now, what a tight-fisted fuckwit.

dottiedodah · 18/05/2021 14:16

I you think what the marriage vows are : " Everything I have I share with you"All the wordly goods! I think he is well to of order here TBH .He sounds incredibly mean to me .Marriage is not all about money!

FTEngineerM · 18/05/2021 14:17

What the fuck.
Who charges for use of furniture?

Since he sounds like the most controlling man on the planet I’d probably take my vagina elsewhere and say ‘I had it before he came along’

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/05/2021 14:19

The wardrobe would need to have Narnia at the back of it for me to agree to this nonsense. Leave him, he won't improve.

Reinventinganna · 18/05/2021 14:23

He’s charging you to use the wardrobe? Is he an air B and B?

mobear · 18/05/2021 14:23

So much easier when it all comes from one shared pot.

@Lavender201 This only works if things are straight forward. My DP earns 10x what I do and has adult children and an ex-DP. We have a baby, but I don't want to be involved in his finances and I don't want him to be involved in my finances. Once she had a joint account his ex-DP stopped working and helped herself to it very liberally over the years, expecting his salary to continue to go into it long after they'd split. I don't ever want to be in a position where I get used to someone else's money and become unable or unwilling to look after myself so the current situation suits me well.

Reinventinganna · 18/05/2021 14:24

How long have you been putting up with this?

Twickerhun · 18/05/2021 14:27

What now?

motogogo · 18/05/2021 14:27

If you are married then it doesn't matter if you are on the deeds, it's a marital asset. I do think though you need to discuss properly your finances (why don't people do this before marriage???) as the cost of living which includes mortgage, loans etc is a joint expenditure so perhaps time to have a joint account for joint expenses

reallyreallyborednow · 18/05/2021 14:27

Not a lawyer but I believe you’re actually in a stronger position if it came to divorce and you can probe you have been contributing to the mortgage. If you don’t pay, or pay towards upkeep, diy etc, he has more of an argument that you aren’t entitled to a share.

As for charging you for furniture, that’s insane. No one does that.

Lavender201 · 18/05/2021 14:28

@mobear You’re totally right, I think in a situation where one or both partners has other children etc, then separate makes more sense :)

Topseyt · 18/05/2021 14:31

What!!?? Charging you half of the cost of the furniture he already owned before you moved in is seriously weird. Does he consider you are renting wardrobe space from him or something?

If you want to keep separate finances (many of us do, contrary to what you often read on here) then paying half of the utility and shopping bills would be normal. Likewise towards the mortgage although as I said, I would want to be named on that and the deeds personally.

It honestly makes him sound like an utter tightwad at best, and financially abusive at worst (and he is probably veering in that direction).

The flat does, I believe, now become a marital asset even if you are not named on the deeds or mortgage. You should still take legal advice there though. I personally would still be much happier being named as an interested party.

I'm afraid I don't much like the sound of this man.

Lavender201 · 18/05/2021 14:31

I wish OP would clarify whether the furniture is on a monthly payment plan - if so, then paying towards it is not weird at all.

If the husband said “now you’re in the house, pay me £300 for half the sofa and £200 for half the television, please” - that is pretty damn weird. But possibly he was just trying to make it so those items were jointly “yours” rather than just his? Odd way to go about it though.

Twickerhun · 18/05/2021 14:33

@Reinventinganna

He’s charging you to use the wardrobe? Is he an air B and B?
Is Narnia in the bottom and so it’s a valuable asset?!

Op this doesn’t sound normal at all. My DH moved into my house with my furniture and I haven’t charged him at all, half of what I own is now his in effect - that’s kinda what marriage is about. We now pay a similar percentage of our income in to an expenses account that we pay for the costs of childcare mortgage etc from.

Please don’t have children with this man until things change

UpTheJunktion · 18/05/2021 14:33

OP - are you married with a marriage recognised in UK law?

because your husband is deluded if he thinks he has 'full ownership' of the flat.

When you marry you become a legal partnership - you are a legal entity, think of it being like a mini-company, and the things you own and earn are 'marital assets - things that belong to the partnership.

If you were to divorce you would be entitled to a share of the house value. And possibly a share of his pension if it is bigger than yours. And all your savings would be looked at and divided up between you.

It is possible that he could persuade a judge that he should hold o to the equity he had in the house before you married, ditto the value of his pension. But any increase in equity since you married, any increase in savings or pension value would all be looked at as assets of the partnership rather than the individual.

That's what marriage is. A legal contract in which you become a legal and financial partnership.

But, is life with a man who behaves like this worth living? Do you love him? Do you enjoy living with him? Did you marry him willingly and happily? Do you have the life you dreamed of when you got married?