Fife/Angus Scotland Vs Home Counties England - to move or not to move

[InsertSassyUsernameHere]

Advice needed please.

I'm English, from the south of England.
My partner is from the northern isles of Scotland, and we live an hour north of Edinburgh.

I do not like it. I miss being down south, I miss being close enough to London to just hop on the train and see the sights etc.
I really miss the weather. It's so much colder, wetter and windier up here than I imagined.

We have been here for several years, and our children (10, seven) have been here most of their lives, so are settled in various activities (cubs, brownies, swimming etc). They are home educated, so no ties to school. My children both feel the weather too, and would be happy to move south.

My husband has finally said he'd look for a job down south. It has taken me YEARS of pushing to get him to even consider it, despite telling him I'm utterly miserable up here. But now, I worry about starting over with the kids re getting them into all the activities they like (waiting lists for various classes).
I also have big concerns about the state of the country, with the Tories destroying so much and at least we have some level of protection in Scotland with the SNP.
I worry about losing the free university options up here if we move.
But I also think the job opportunities are much better for my children down south, and they might not want to go to university up here, or even at all.

And if we bite the bullet and get a house down south, it will be worth more to them when they need a leg up when they buy their own properties. As it is, houses don't increase much up here, and I worry about not leaving them enough to help them.

If we move, we could only afford a small house with a small garden. Up here we could afford a nicer house, with a big garden (we moved in a rush, so are looking at moving anyway, to a better home. Whether that is in the same area and I accept my lot, or, we make the move, is the big dilemma.)

I feel torn.

What should be my key considerations?

I am NOT happy here, but, my children come first and I want what's best for their futures, but also their childhoods.

I get that. It's just hard to give advice.

At the end of the day, you like what you like. I'm a country bumpkin and couldn't give two hoots about 'culture'.

Yeah.
Thank you for your input.

OP, what is it that is causing you to see so many choices and decisions in your past and current life as negative ?

You haven't failed your kids - you have given them a home in a safe part of the country, home schooled with active and fulfilled lives in a stable environment. You provided the financial means to enable you to do that. Your husband and you spent money on making your current property liveable - that isn't a failure or a loss. Your husband continues to provide financially - that isn't a failure. He made choices but so have you. Some have worked and some haven't which sounds about right.

If you want or need to move to London then do it. But do it because you want to be happy in the here and now, not because you're planning on being a financial martyr for your children. They don't need the guilt of you and your husband sacrificing your house to ensure theirs. They need their mother to be content with her lot as it is just now and it sounds to me like you know what you need. Better weather, better house, a garden and a commute that doesn't make your husband miserable or a location that makes you lonely.

What university the kids go to will be a decision that they make. By all means put some money aside but you're planning for a future that they may not want or that circumstances may dictate doesn't happen.

I think you might find yourself happier when you accept that what you really need is to create a home and stop thinking of the property as an investment, or a fall back or the route to happiness for your adult children. You've learned over the last 7 years what its like to live in a house together but not how to create a home that works for all of you. That's what missing and it sounds like it's not possible to do that in your current property/location. If you can focus on what works for you as a family right now and for the next few years, it will open up the options but no amount of sunshine can future proof any house as an investment.

Blistory, I think my issue is that during my twenties and early thirties when I was young free and single, I had fun and lived, but I was a planner for my future; I worked hard and saved hard, made some sacrifices which meant buying a property and paying it off as much as I could. I did this in great part as a security for any children I might have. When I had children, I was able to give up work to be a sahm, but my property (mortgage free by now) afforded us opportunities that I feel dh frittered at the time because he didn't want to stick with the secure butess than thrilling job for a while longer. We should have stayed out, lives mortgage free and really built up some savinga. Instead he took a leap into an unknown abroad, where we rented, but didn't rent ours out in case it didn't work out - which it didn't, meanwhile we've spent thousands on rent. Then instead of going back to London, he wanted to try up here as another 'opportunity' came up. I didn't want to but he said it would be great for his career. It wasn't. There's a bit more but it's really outing (if it isn't enough already) so bottom line, I feel all that damn work I did before we met, building up my financial security, has not benefited us, we should have st

Oops. Hit send.

Should have stayed put, built up some funds and then bought a family home within a year or two, in the area I felt very much at home, and been settled. Instead he's moved us around, no 'home' has felt like a home, all just temporary stops, living in limbo. It's miserable and unsettling.

I LOVED where I'd settled down there, it was perfection. I followed him for HIS career, none of which has paid off - financially or career-wise. He also made some shit moves before we met - he could have also bought a property, but he was living in some swanky bachelor pad paying off someone else's mortgage, when he was earning enough money to buy himself.

I do feel I've failed my kids. They are growing up in a crappy house that is really aimed at students, doesn't have a garden, not a family area, full of students and Airbnb flats. Utterly shit area. Ugly and depressing. I get in the door, and my heart sinks. I just hate it, but we slummed it so he could use our capital to look at doing his own projects, but nothings gotten off the ground.

I also don't feel this is a safe area. Drugs are rife. And unemployment is high. Total opposite to where I'm from.

I should say home counties rather than London. I just want to live within striking distance of London. Not London itself. And I do think raising them means we have to consider their futures and try and give them a head start. It's not enough, imo, to just raise them til they are 18, with things as they are, and see them struggle to get by. I'm very aware of what the Tories are doing and I'm devastated at what's become of this country, and it's only getting worse.

*secure but less than thrilling ...