Fife/Angus Scotland Vs Home Counties England - to move or not to move

[InsertSassyUsernameHere]

Advice needed please.

I'm English, from the south of England.
My partner is from the northern isles of Scotland, and we live an hour north of Edinburgh.

I do not like it. I miss being down south, I miss being close enough to London to just hop on the train and see the sights etc.
I really miss the weather. It's so much colder, wetter and windier up here than I imagined.

We have been here for several years, and our children (10, seven) have been here most of their lives, so are settled in various activities (cubs, brownies, swimming etc). They are home educated, so no ties to school. My children both feel the weather too, and would be happy to move south.

My husband has finally said he'd look for a job down south. It has taken me YEARS of pushing to get him to even consider it, despite telling him I'm utterly miserable up here. But now, I worry about starting over with the kids re getting them into all the activities they like (waiting lists for various classes).
I also have big concerns about the state of the country, with the Tories destroying so much and at least we have some level of protection in Scotland with the SNP.
I worry about losing the free university options up here if we move.
But I also think the job opportunities are much better for my children down south, and they might not want to go to university up here, or even at all.

And if we bite the bullet and get a house down south, it will be worth more to them when they need a leg up when they buy their own properties. As it is, houses don't increase much up here, and I worry about not leaving them enough to help them.

If we move, we could only afford a small house with a small garden. Up here we could afford a nicer house, with a big garden (we moved in a rush, so are looking at moving anyway, to a better home. Whether that is in the same area and I accept my lot, or, we make the move, is the big dilemma.)

I feel torn.

What should be my key considerations?

I am NOT happy here, but, my children come first and I want what's best for their futures, but also their childhoods.

Elsa, my kids would be happy enough moving. They make buddies easily. I have friends back down south who we've spent holidays with, so longer, deeper friendships with their children and mine than the few regular hours we have with friends up here. There's online video calls and Discord which both my kids like being on.
And it feels like now rather than later would be a good time for them to move south and make the friends they'll have during their teen years, rather than move as teens when it is probably harder.
My eldest was born down south and feels an affinity for the place. Perhaps that is my influence though.

Re prospects. Yes, they can get a job anywhere when they are older. But, it will be SO hard to get a job in London and find a place to rent to start with. When I first got ba job in London, I was able to commute from my parent's house. That have me a huge advantage. I don't see how I could have gotten that job otherwise. I was then able to save faster for my deposit, and buy. Others who rented spent many more years renting before being able to buy. The renting situation is only getting worse for our young people, affordable housing us a thing of the past, and u really think the next generation will need a lot of financial help to become independent. This stresses me out enormously.

We homeschool because we like the child-led approach to learning, we prefer the flexibility, the freedom, and more time together as a family. I'm not against them choosing to go to school when they are older, or if we feel we are failing them. Right now, it suits us.

Insane, we've done many years here. I feel it's my turn to get my way, if there can be no compromise.

Insane, I've worked for many many years.
Subscribing to the mainstream view of both parents working and children shoved in school does not make someone more realistic. Did you mean to sound so ignorant.

insane that’s interesting about your parents. I do think non scots struggle in scotland because of the weather but Scottish folk pine for their country in a heart wrenching way. We grow up with crap weather so it’s normal!

I immediately thought of Cambs where there is a v active homeschool community, good culture etc and fast links to London. Eg for 500k:

www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-83899297.html

www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-94563083.html

www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-96335396.html

The last ones Essex but all fairly close to Cambridge, with direct trains to London in about an hour. Houses are nice too! Sounds like a good time for you to move OP if you can cope with the tories - good to make a move before kids are teens I would think....

@InsertSassyUsernameHere I only mentioned it because you said you were long term planning. I think we are already feeling the effects now; there are mosquitoes in London which I don't think was the case when I was a child; where my husband is from, they can grow kiwis which they could not when he was a child. Give it 20 more years and the extreme weather events will be a lot more extreme. By 2050, it is predicted Paris will regularly reach 44 degrees C (Time Article) and that in many hotter places, temperatures will be reaching 60 degrees. I don't think I could bear that if living in a city, so I think I'll plan to move away from London by 2030 - 2040 ...

Although of course, ironically cities may be the few places to actually take action on climate change. They may become greener and more liberal. So it's a long way off and hard to predict, but I'd definitely think it a factor worth considering if planning for the next few decades.

Indigo, thanks for the idea for Cambs. Seems quite a way out from London though, despite a fairly fast train. Not ruling it out.

I remain very torn on what's best to do re moving or staying. I've never been happy here. Never. But, maybe my kids will be.

Not sure anyone but millionaires can cope with the damn Tories ...

Cunning, I am thinking long term ish, I just can't believe climate change will be that drastic in the UK so soon. Definitely something to consider.

Speaking from experience Cambridge (and surrounding villages) feels very close to London... in terms of transport links/people who commute...I also know there are loads of home education activities as I looked into it once. Property cheaper than other places as close to London (by train). If you’re not happy I would move! Easier said than done I realise...

Thank you, I will investigate!

I agree it's better to move now than when your kids are teens, and it's good they have friends near where you'd move to, too.

Tbh I think your views on jobs are a bit London-centric, there are good jobs elsewhere (presumably your husband has one if you have a house budget of half a mil!) but it's obviously a big concern to you, so fair enough.

You must have been where you are for quite a while if your 7 year old was born there? That seems like you've given it a fair chance. Question is, assuming your kids are happy either way, would your husband be as unhappy in England as you are in Scotland?

I grew up and Aberdeen and went to uni in London and never left. If you can afford to pay the living costs (as Scottish loans are a lot lower than English loans for living costs) then your kids could move anywhere. My
Mum stays in Scotland for my dad (grew up Kenya) and her distaste for it & the weather was noticeable. I will say it was a great place to be up to 13ish - digging holes at the beach - it wasn’t till I realised very few bands ever came to aberdeen that I was sad about that.

I love London to bits, especially the weather, but I’d also look where your friends are. New friends are harder and harder to make.

To people making light of it, there is noticeably less summer you can do anything with and the 4/5 hour December days are pretty soul destroying.

But the countryside is wonderful and true countryside - miles and miles of mountains!

Where would you retire?

For your point about having somewhere for them to commute to London, the counterpoint is you’ll have more money to save as a gifted deposit and your children will get to be an adult earlier - do you want to live with them at 25? Renting does suck but I had a lot of fun that my friends who lived with parents didn’t.

OP, places you might like to consider, going from East to West, to the North of London, all under an hour away I think:

Gamlingay (nr Sandy Station - line goes into KingsX)
Harpenden (line into St Pancras and the City)
Leighton Buzzard, Cheddington, Tring, Berkhamsted (line into Euston)
Amersham, Wendover (line into Marylebone and also near the Metropolitan line).

I'll PM you with my location as its a bit outing!

He has a decent but not extraordinarily paid job, though there are occasional opportunities if one is lucky to get a better paid job, it can vary. The bulk of our deposit comes from the sale of my property I bought before we married.
He came into the marriage with very little. Not least because he moved south and had to rent immediately, whereas I lived at home after uni for two years whilst commuting into London, saved hard and bought a property.

We have been here just over seven years, yes. I was trying to be a bit vague soas not to out myself to anyone who knows us.
He might be less happy about a commute. But I've been unhappy being here for most of the seven years, so, fair's fair, imo, and he can move and make do.

Purple, did your mother's attitude to where you grew up affect you? My children do know I don't like it here, though I do do a decent job of highlighting the positives. I don't want them having some sort of complex.

Not given any thought to where we'd retire. I'd hope to live equidistant between my children, ideally they won't settle too far apart. I'd happily retire abroad, if that was an option.

I hope my kids are independent and living alone when they choose, rather than when finances dictate. If we can help them move out sooner, even if that means selling up, downsizing, and them getting a headstart that way, so be it. For now, I want to give them a good childhood, as well as setting them up for their young futures.

Thanks for that list, shoes. Xx

www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-96144986.html

www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-77056288.html

Large village near Kemble train station. My brother in law does this commute

I think the comments about both the SNP and the Tories are correct:
both are not doing very well for their respective countries -it just
depends on your pollical persuasion.
Things are much tougher for the young these days hence most of our
kids friends have started off in London-opportunities. Traditionally
you would then gain work experience in London and then move
elsewhere eventually. It is opportunities that count and you have to put up with things to get somewhere in life.
People will still be able to get into the EU post Brexit if they are in the
shortage areas of work

I think you need to move, because it sounds like you'll never really live in the present where you are, as you're just waiting to get out of there. It doesn't sound like you see any positives at all in your current area (or those that there are, eg proximity to the sea, don't appeal to you), and you say I want to give them a good childhood but this is their childhood, they're in it now! Your oldest is almost out of his/hers already.

I also think it could drive a wedge between you and your husband if you don't move, as it's clearly important to you. Apart from not wanting to commute, what objections does he have to moving? Is his line of work one that could be done from home at least part of the time, reducing commuting?

Your children probably know (well maybe too young, not sure when I worked it out). My mum was surprised that I noticed too!
However, it didn’t affect me at all - if anything it gave me more drive to try living other places and a desire to work abroad. My parents are still there - it does help job wise (nhs/civil service) they would be much worse off down south. They are approaching retirement and their friendship and support network is there. It helps my DH has a strong tradition of visiting his family around the U.K. so they know, in normal years, we will always travel to see them and I am buying a house that will fit them for long visits.

Why not stay in Scotland and buy a place in the sun in Spain/Portugal.

You could go there a lot if the kids are homeschooled. Best of both worlds.

Cambridge has better connections to London than Brighton to London - 50 mins on the train compared to an hour.

Thanks, Porridge. Will check out that area, though it seems a bit far out.

Jpt, I just don't know whether we are better off up here, politically. I despise the Tories, but am uncertain how Brexit will pan out up here, and indy ref 2.

Elsa, exactly. I feel I've been in limbo for several years, and it's horrible. I am not settled at all. I'm gutted my kids' childhoods are flying by and I feel like that. Though I do block it out a lot and enjoy them very much. It's whether or not they are better off moving now, or whether I just suck it up up here and accept my lot, and focus on the positives.

Purple, thanks for info. I think my kids are ok knowing I don't like this area. We can't always get what we want, I suppose that's a life lesson.

Snog, we do go on holidays. It's not the same though as putting up with long crap summers in your own home.

I think if you're going to move, best to do it ASAP, before your kids are teens. From what you've said here I can't see you ever feeling settled where you are when it doesn't offer what you want in the long or short term, and resentment could grow. So that just leaves persuading your husband! Why does he want to stay put?

Aah I assumed you could spend the whole long summer in Spain if you had a house there!