I HATE our new house

[helloandthankyou]

Hi everyone,

Apologies for the long post!! I would like to hear from anyone who has been in the same position as me and what they did to make themselves feel better.

My partner and I recently bought our first home with our baby after starting off our lives renting a one bedroom flat for £1000 a month near London.

We hadn't managed to save a huge amount as neither of us ever thought we would be able to own a house and settled into thinking that we would have to rent for most of or all of our lives. However, our circumstances changed and we were gifted enough money to be able to put a deposit down on a mortgage.

After a lot of searching, we finally found something back in the countryside, where we are both from and secured an offer. A month later, it fell through and we were left with very little time to find a place before my maternity leave ended so we ended up panicking and buying a house nearby the one that fell through. It was chain free, so we could exchange within 8 weeks. We had to pay the asking price as the buyer knew we were desperate (somehow!!!) and Brexit meant that the market had been flat.

I know this sounds extremely ungrateful and spoilt; but it is honestly the worst place I have ever lived except for one dodgy house I was in as a student. It's a little cottage, about 170 years old; big oak beams, big fireplace and small windows. Small garden, semi-detached. It was rented previously so it has been run down. Carpets all need replacing, hallway needs tiling, needs a new kitchen, new bathroom...the list just goes on and on.

I suppose I just feel that, at 32, I should be living somewhere a bit nicer. And after years of living in lovely places (albeit renting) I feel that I have regressed. I wish we had bought a new build but the only ones that were available where we wanted to live were on a huge development of over 400 houses all crammed together.

The good points are - we live a 30 second walk from the junior school that our son will go to. We have a beautiful walks all around the house, which meant we were able to get a beautiful dog who we love very much. We have lovely neighbours and are opposite the villages only shop, which has a post office at the back. We are two minutes from the local pub, which does food. We are really close to our families and our friends from school. The house is surrounded by a valley so the mist in the mornings is beautiful. We both love nature and walking / hiking.

Has anyone else ever felt that they bought the wrong house? Did you manage to get past it? How?

TIA for reading and for any replies

x x x

I think that whenever you move in to any house you need to give it some time to get used to it. Get your stuff in, make any easy changes, learn how it works / where everything is

FWIW, most people I know bought a poky first flat around age 30 and a small house in their mid-30s. We have only just bought a larger house, mid/late 30s and it’s the first place I’ve bought that I’ve loved. Other places were ok but seemed like a stepping stone

You're bloody lucky to be on the property ladder at all.
Bit of a goady post, tbh.

I don’t think you bought the wrong house. I think you need to save for the refurbishment and get used to it. It feels good to decorate to your own taste.

Other than it needing some work it sounds idyllic... can you look at the big picture of how it will be done once you've upgraded it a bit?

I don't like my house. It's a tiny new build box in a soulless estate in not a very nice area. Yours sounds much nicer.,

I hate mine too.
I’ve been here 5 years, it will cost a fortune. Totally get it

It sounds like you haven't bought the wrong house! Location is so important, because it grants you a lifestyle. Yes the house sounds like it needs work but at least that way you get to fix it up to exactly your liking. And there are lots of hacks if you can't afford to do it all at once, for example as you have a young child you could get bog standard polypropylene carpets which are dirt cheap, hard wearing and can have stains scrubbed out of them. Kitchens can be given a face lift just by painting cupboards, and you can get lino now that looks convincingly like tiles etc. If you can put a bit of work into your house maybe you will grow to love it!

Sounds like my dream house. Every property I've bought (not that many) has been run down, but not derelict. It's all cosmetic and means you can put your own stamp on it and probably add value in the process. Imagine, you might lift up the carpet and find some wonderful original floor underneath.

Can you see it as a project and break it down into mini projects room by room? How would you like it to look? How does your partner feel about it?

Oh and you can buy a new build and it can still be full of problems and shoddy work, so try not to get too envious about that.

So it needs a bit of work doing? Blimey.

Do you have money to turn it into something you love, bit by bit?

Prioritize the bits that mean the most to you and start. The beauty of owning is that you can do whatever you want.

The big things sound right; location, family, friends. The rest you can sort!

It sounds lovely

It's a lot of change, all at once. You just need to settle in a bit. The positive things you have said outweigh the few negatives you've mentioned.

In 10 years time, your house will sill be what it is, either a bit worn out or lovely because you have made it so. 10 year old new builds that no one has done any work on actually tend to look pretty shabby.

We bought a scruffy older house with bags of space and loads of character. For a new build, we would have had to pay more for something we barely fitted in. We didn't have the budget for the same amount of living space in a newbuild in the same area.

Get a quote for paying up a new kitchen and bathroom. It may be affordable? If not do a room at a time. It will feel like home once it’s all done

I completely understand! It took us four years to finish our house! I was 39 weeks pregnant with DS 2. We bought what we could afford and in the right area! We started with the rooms we live in the most! Sounds mad but we have lived without carpets for 4 years because they were disgusting!! I bought rugs to start with! A lick of paint will go far! We did 90% of the work ourselves. Just remember it is your own bricks and mortar! Don't rush into things but make it work.

I cried after we left my beautiful (but small) 2 bed terrace into our 4 bed family home. It was filthy, badly finished with marks all over the walls, greasy finger prints, walls half painted so when they took their wardrobe away it was a different colour.

My family came and helped do a deep clean, and 3 years later I love it. We haven’t managed many rooms, but the living room and kids bedrooms are wonderful. Kitchen/dining room next year and then hopefully our bedroom/en-suite the year after.

Try to see the potential of a beautiful cosy home, and the joy of seeing traffic chaos on your walk to school!

Is part of your feeling the fact you’ve left London. We moved from London, having lived there for 11 years, from graduation to 32, they were amazing years. When we moved, I suddenly felt the responsibility for a house and change of lifestyle a huge crash. It took me a few years. 7 years later we have almost finished our house and I truly love it. You will grow to love it.

The transition from renting to buying can be hard. You are adjusting. This can be positive. Focus on the positives and own the decision that you’ve bought it and going to make the best of it. Some small changes will make it more yours-save and work towards making those changes...

The day we moved in, I went to the estate agents to look for something else. I refused to unpack ( beyond essentials) for two weeks. I hated the house with a passion. Like you, we bought it in do or die circumstances, and I had mega regret. It was filthy when we moved in, and my three year old was very ill. I felt like I'd lost my nest and was letting her down.

Fast forward 28 years, and I'm still in it! The feelings did disperse gradually. Once we got it cleaned up and every remnant of the previous (unpleasant) owners gone - which unfortunately took a long time as we had no spare cash after paying the mortgage and removal costs, things started to improve. I stopped noticing the road noise that initially upset me so much (we lived on a walk before) and the house became our home.

So don't despair.

Well you’ve gone for location as a priority over the house itself. There are always compromises when you buy. Over time you’ll be able to change and improve the house but you can never move it’s location.

I live in a tiny flat in a naice area. The flat is a bit rundown. We have replaced the kitchen and bathroom and bit by bit we'll do up the rest. We've lived here since the development was built in 2002. I am 42. I want a small house with a garden but in the area we are in, it's unattainable. The area is the type with boutique cafes and craft IPA on pump at the pub. Very up it's own bum. When we moved there it was very ordinary, then gentrification allowed the nobs who couldn't afford Clapham to move in. So we like the poncey cafes and pubs, the White Stuff and Sweaty Betty on the high street, but we hate our flat. It's draughty, and needs new windows, and there's not enough room for all our stuff, so I rent a garage! After dd chooses what to do after school, be it university or an apprenticeship or whatever, then we'll move to get something in a different area which is better value. We probably should have moved years ago but we have very good schools where we are, and that's influenced our decisions.

Stick with it for a while. The area sounds lovely. The house problems can be fixed, over time. And then once they are done, you can look for your next place.

I bought a house and ended up with a one bed as the market moved so quickly in my area and I just need to buy something following previous sale to avoid renting. I am often frustrated because I started off in a 2 bed so this felt like a downgrade but was sick and tired of offering over asking and still being outbid. But it has nice features, I've decorated and I think of it more as a temporary base. I'd say spend a little on it to make it as comfortable as possible without investing too much and the school nearby sounds a big perk.

I had a lovely house but unfortunately it became unmanageable due to my disability (too many stairs) but because my circumstances have changed financially I struggled to get a new mortgage (although I could pay for it) ended up in a house that one day will be great but it needs everything done to it at first I hated it and at present it still needs lots of work doing and everytime a job gets done another two, become apparent. It started the day after we moved in the boiler broke down and just got worse.
However I'm able to get round the house (unlike our old one), the kids love the village school and have made great friends and we're in a great location. I always tell myself how lucky we are to have these positives and as jobs get completed it feels more like my home, my stamp is slowly being put on it. Keep with it and hopefully you'll grow to love the house as much as the location.

Your house sounds lovely.

I think it’s normal to have a bit of buyer’s regret. Once you’ve done the stuff that needs doing and put your stamp on it it will feel more like home.

A great location, character property, good neighbours......all sounds better than a house on a new estate!

I remember Phil and Kirsty talking once about how this is an issue for long term renters. That they can often afford something bigger/nicer when renting and then struggle with having to “downsize” when buying.