I HATE our new house

[helloandthankyou]

Hi everyone,

Apologies for the long post!! I would like to hear from anyone who has been in the same position as me and what they did to make themselves feel better.

My partner and I recently bought our first home with our baby after starting off our lives renting a one bedroom flat for £1000 a month near London.

We hadn't managed to save a huge amount as neither of us ever thought we would be able to own a house and settled into thinking that we would have to rent for most of or all of our lives. However, our circumstances changed and we were gifted enough money to be able to put a deposit down on a mortgage.

After a lot of searching, we finally found something back in the countryside, where we are both from and secured an offer. A month later, it fell through and we were left with very little time to find a place before my maternity leave ended so we ended up panicking and buying a house nearby the one that fell through. It was chain free, so we could exchange within 8 weeks. We had to pay the asking price as the buyer knew we were desperate (somehow!!!) and Brexit meant that the market had been flat.

I know this sounds extremely ungrateful and spoilt; but it is honestly the worst place I have ever lived except for one dodgy house I was in as a student. It's a little cottage, about 170 years old; big oak beams, big fireplace and small windows. Small garden, semi-detached. It was rented previously so it has been run down. Carpets all need replacing, hallway needs tiling, needs a new kitchen, new bathroom...the list just goes on and on.

I suppose I just feel that, at 32, I should be living somewhere a bit nicer. And after years of living in lovely places (albeit renting) I feel that I have regressed. I wish we had bought a new build but the only ones that were available where we wanted to live were on a huge development of over 400 houses all crammed together.

The good points are - we live a 30 second walk from the junior school that our son will go to. We have a beautiful walks all around the house, which meant we were able to get a beautiful dog who we love very much. We have lovely neighbours and are opposite the villages only shop, which has a post office at the back. We are two minutes from the local pub, which does food. We are really close to our families and our friends from school. The house is surrounded by a valley so the mist in the mornings is beautiful. We both love nature and walking / hiking.

Has anyone else ever felt that they bought the wrong house? Did you manage to get past it? How?

TIA for reading and for any replies

x x x

@ShristmasChopper, 💐 for you. I can relate to some of what you said, and I know how much if affects my happiness.

Sorry to hear this! I have clients who regret their purchase, it’s hard sometimes viewing houses because the time spent in them never gives a great indication of how you’ll feel once actually moved in. I would definitely allow some time to settle, maybe see if there’s a local designer who offers a free consultation to give you some insight to what you can do. This follow on point maybe be a bit woo woo, and not many would agree, you may not either . But have a look into healing the home, the energy maybe off and you could be reacting to it.

We were really worried about our little two bed terrace which we bought at the "top of the market". New kitchen (Howdens) incl decent combi boiler, bathroom and a roof (£5k). I reckon we spent about £20/25k on it and a lot of damn hard work (eg: floor sanding and refinishing ourselves).
We were really wary about spending too much money on it as we couldn't contemplate who would be prepared to spend much more than what we had spent on it. Cleared the best part of £150k profit within 5 years. Blew our minds!
Moved into a total wreck with a toddler. It was flea ridden and a shithole. Literally. Sank the £150k equity into it and sold it again in 3 years doubling our equity. Had done it up as our forever home (wasn't to be), tons of insulation, double glazing, re-wired, replumbed. Etc.

Don't underestimate what people will pay for a nicely finished property with character that needs no major infrastructural work doing to it. We didn't put in flashy expensive kitchens or luxe bathrooms (had run out of cash) but people were prepared to spend a premium on a property in the right location with the convenience of a new build. Everyone wants to paint and decorate but most will run a mile from building work.

ShristmasChopper - sorry for your troubles. I hope you’ve got someone who can help you see it all objectively and that one day you get the house you thought you were getting.

I second the advice to look harder at DIY options. Eg A small bathroom can be re done for a few hundred quid. Tiling is easy if you take your time!

Sounds pretty good to me. You have just bought a fixer upper sounds like? You can always sell in a couple of years, probably at a profit.

How do you know you paid the ceiling price for it?

Can you afford a coat of paint and new carpets? I’d prioritise those over the kitchen and bathroom for now.

£6k sounds about right for bathroom sadly. You might be able to shave £1500 off by shopping around for the bath etc and having less tiling. Did you look at price of tiles carefully etc?

@ShristmasChopper I feel for you. 23years ago we bought a house and 2 months after moving in found all our heating pipes were clad in asbestos.
We did sue our surveyor but it took two years of stress and I too could have happily left my marriage if I'd had the money.
We settled out of court and lived there another 18 years so you can turn things round but it's not easy. Have you seen a solicitor for advice?
What I would say is now I'm older I take the attitude that a house will last longer than me and then be my children's problem.

Just do it a room at a time. It will be nice before you know it. It is hard moving into something shabby but it doesnt have to stay shabby.

I do understand that the change to your lifestyle has been huge - new baby, moving to the countryside, buying a house, and it takes time to adjust to one of these, never mind all that.

But you say it was only after moving in that we realised what needed to be done.
Was it not obvious that the bathroom and kitchen etc needed replaced? Do they, in fact? You were used to smart rented. Maybe what you've got is absolutely fine.

It sounds like you have had a lot of changes in a short space of time which must be difficult. I moved from living in London for years, to a much quieter town / village and found it hard. Like yours then the property had been rented before we bought it and needed a lot of TLC. The house was a good size and great location with lots of potential. It had 3 double bedrooms which isn’t that usual. I would prefer a house like yours than a bland and soulless shoe box on some random estate

I've been in your position - with the house I now live in, and have lived in for 12 years.
We bought it because we couldn't afford to buy where we wanted to be. This house is a 60's semi and had been tenanted for five years. It had the most horrific dirty carpets, needed a new kitchen and bathroom, new windows, had rated on the bedroom walls, old person hand rails and a sink in one room, and no central heating and three different types of carpet in the kitchen.
12 years on and lots of work and effort later though it's home and decorated to my taste, and I'm glad we didn't - couldn't - buy in the other location.

I am 43 and just moved into our 4th house . We lived in an old house and moved because we just couldn’t be bothered to save for the refurbishment anymore . It needed everything doing ! Roof etc !
We have now bought a largish new build , it’s crammed in an estate , but I love it ! We have money to spend on other stuff , not just the house , it’s warm and spacious.
Maybe see this as a stepping stone to your next house . Being near a good school is good

I rent a 10yr old house...never had any work done to it and I can confirm it looks old!

With properties it’s all about 1) location, 2) location, 3) location. Over the years you can save money (that you would otherwise wasted on renting) and even rebuild the whole house.

My DH felt the same about a house we moved into. He was uncharacteristically tetchy and tense in the days after moving in and after gentle prodding finally burst out that he hated the house, was homesick for our old one and really regretted the move.

He was expecting me to flip but I shrugged and said “Fine. We’ll move again”

He’d settled in a couple of weeks and we’ve been here 16 years. He loves it now and it’s me who fancies moving 😁

YABU
None of these house issues are 'biggies'.
Carpets etc can be replaced over time.
Enjoy it's character and the great location for dc school. Plug away little by little to the home decor.

We live in quite a new build because it ticked lots of practical boxes but tbh your house sounds MUCH more to my taste.

This was my first house and I have never really loved it but, over time, we've decorated and changed things and I have grown to see it as home. It now has some good memories linked to it and that helps massively.

Give it time, OP. And don't think this is it, forever. You never thought you would be able to buy and now have. You never know what else might happen in the future...

I suppose I just feel that, at 32, I should be living somewhere a bit nicer

I mean, dont we all? Everyone has to start somewhere and you can't expect to start off with a mansion unless you're super mega rich. I find this a bit of an odd attitude considering how hard it is nowadays to even get a mortgage/ on the property ladder. You even said yourself you never expected to be able to buy a house so if you hadn't had that monetary gift you'd still be renting. Therefore, it comes across as a tad ungrateful to be gifted money for a house only then to be moaning that it isn't good enough, esp since you chose the house so you must have been aware of what you were buying.

That said, it sounds like the house has a lot of potential. I'd start by focusing on one room at a time and slowly do each room up how you want it. They way you describe it sounds actually quite lovely so I think with a few renovations it could look stunning. You dont have to stay in this house forever, focus on making it as nice as possible and you can always move again in a few years.

Don't stress, OP. No matter what house you'd bought, there would always be things which need to be done. We bought a 3 bed semi-detached new build, paid an extra 10k for an annex at the back and extra 7k for the attic beams to be moved for conversion some time down the line. Daylight robbery if you ask me. You get NOTHING when you move into a new build, we have sunk over 10k into the place since we moved in and that's just to make it liveable (appliances, flooring, basic furniture etc). This is not even with any particular style or theme in mind for the place, we moved in while I was heavily pregnant with DD2 and just needed to get "set up" as quickly as possible.

You sound like you are in a good position with a house full of character in a familiar area. Try to enjoy the process of making it a home.

Hi everyone

@tunnocksreturns2019 thank you for your very moving reply and I'm sorry to hear what you have been through; you're obviously a very strong and positive person and I would love to be more like you.

@LK0813 thank you for your story, I completely relate! I have never had so many replies to a post so I think this really does affect everyone in one way or another - it's such a huge part of life unless you decide never to settle and just travel the world for the rest of your life, which also has lots of downsides! I really think that having children changes everything..I always felt OK about my life before having my son but since having him I feel guilty every day for everything! For not trying harder in school.. for not going into finance so that we could buy a big house...for not getting my residency in another country so that he could have dual nationality...it's so hard! I think we would feel guilty no matter what. You've saved so hard so you should be very proud of yourself - it's not easy to save and buy. I feel the same..lamenting about a couple of houses I saw that came up just after we had exchanged and feeling sick to my stomach.

@ShristmasChopper I'm so sorry to hear you feel this way and that its affected you so much. I do think that in the UK - owning your own home is still seen as such an important goal but for a lot of us it just brings more stress / work. I LOATHE getting ripped off, which is probably why I am struggling to enjoy my house - I know they ripped us off because they knew they could and it's not like I can complain or return / exchange! It's a minefield and dealing with legal people and estate agents..mortgage advisors..all who are sharks ..is exhausting. We have had plenty of tradesman in already and its so hit and miss. Some people quote thousands for a job that others think will cost hundreds.

@PullingMySocksUp I believe we paid the ceiling price as the survey came back with a value bang on what we paid for it..and we can't add another room so we can't add value that way.

I'm comparing myself to a friend of mine who's first house was a cool £625,000. She married someone with his own investment banking company, whose parents gave them £100,000 towards the deposit. Her words were 'yes, it's nice that we won't ever have to move'. I know this isn't reality for a LOT of people and I rarely see that friend anymore; but I wish I had never seen that house.

I know it's easy to compare - @Laughterisbest that's such a valid point. The kitchen and bathroom were not derelict. They were about 25 years old and I think the house used to be a bit of a drug haven so it just wasn't very well kept and felt dirty.

@beautifulstranger101 - yes, absolutely - valid point. It's a shitty attitude that I don't know how to surpass. I would love to be more positive. I'm always comparing to others.

I am comparing to my own parents who did a really good job of securing an incredible house back in the 90s (it needed everything doing but had a lot of land) that enabled them to then be able to retire comfortably. Perhaps they were just lucky, but I feel like they made good solid life choices and they've have done really well. I'm not sure if I am living up to that.

The survey would take the condition into account though.

@helloandthankyou

I'm sorry if I sounded harsh, I do understand the disappointment of waiting so long to own a house and then when you get it, its......not what you thought it would be!

But I really think looking at it positively will help you feel better about it- focus on the things you can improve and change rather than the negative bits. You never know- after doing it up you might completely fall in love with it and never want to move!

You not only have a young son but a beautiful dog and lovely places to walk both of them! I bet you grow to love the place.