I HATE our new house

[helloandthankyou]

Hi everyone,

Apologies for the long post!! I would like to hear from anyone who has been in the same position as me and what they did to make themselves feel better.

My partner and I recently bought our first home with our baby after starting off our lives renting a one bedroom flat for £1000 a month near London.

We hadn't managed to save a huge amount as neither of us ever thought we would be able to own a house and settled into thinking that we would have to rent for most of or all of our lives. However, our circumstances changed and we were gifted enough money to be able to put a deposit down on a mortgage.

After a lot of searching, we finally found something back in the countryside, where we are both from and secured an offer. A month later, it fell through and we were left with very little time to find a place before my maternity leave ended so we ended up panicking and buying a house nearby the one that fell through. It was chain free, so we could exchange within 8 weeks. We had to pay the asking price as the buyer knew we were desperate (somehow!!!) and Brexit meant that the market had been flat.

I know this sounds extremely ungrateful and spoilt; but it is honestly the worst place I have ever lived except for one dodgy house I was in as a student. It's a little cottage, about 170 years old; big oak beams, big fireplace and small windows. Small garden, semi-detached. It was rented previously so it has been run down. Carpets all need replacing, hallway needs tiling, needs a new kitchen, new bathroom...the list just goes on and on.

I suppose I just feel that, at 32, I should be living somewhere a bit nicer. And after years of living in lovely places (albeit renting) I feel that I have regressed. I wish we had bought a new build but the only ones that were available where we wanted to live were on a huge development of over 400 houses all crammed together.

The good points are - we live a 30 second walk from the junior school that our son will go to. We have a beautiful walks all around the house, which meant we were able to get a beautiful dog who we love very much. We have lovely neighbours and are opposite the villages only shop, which has a post office at the back. We are two minutes from the local pub, which does food. We are really close to our families and our friends from school. The house is surrounded by a valley so the mist in the mornings is beautiful. We both love nature and walking / hiking.

Has anyone else ever felt that they bought the wrong house? Did you manage to get past it? How?

TIA for reading and for any replies

x x x

From Day 1 I loved my first house. It was boring, cold and not in a nice area. But it was mine. Count your blessings.

It sounds gorgeous! Look at it as a project?

Ours is in the right location. It needs doing up, but somehow we have just learnt to live with it as it is. Never had the money to refurbish. Its become a happy home though. Give it time.

Im 4 years into buying our first home and I'm alot older than you.
I fucking hate my house. It's shit. It's vile. It has no soundproofing. The survey we got wasn't worth the paper it was written on and we've found it's pretty impossible to sue a surveyor... have you read the ever so long list of disclaimers on your survey report.
I cry often. I feel trapped and miserable. I feel sick with stress when I think about my home.. It's not a home to me, it somewhere I HAVE to stay because we can't afford to move out.
We've done home improvements and all we've done is uncover one issue after an other.
I worked so hard to her the money together for this house and went without so much for so long and I feel like I've been conned and life is just a massive slap in the face.
Im considering leaving my husband just so I can walk away from it all because it's affecting my mental health so badly. I've even considered killing myself when our kitchen refurb turned into a con and nightmare. I hate hate hate this place so much.

I wish we'd stayed in rented. We had no fucking idea how shit owning our own home would be. We are all sold this idea that It's the ultimate goal. Well for me it's just been a living nightmare. Leaks, cracks covered up with bullshit and to add insult to injury we got ripped off by con men kitchen fitters.

Im too scared to ever have a workman in to do anything ever again. I feel we've been shit on from every angle. Everything we try to do seems to just get us slapped in the face. And because I'm not a total twunt like everyone we've ever had dealings with to do with this house; I'm too scared to sell it on to someone.

Sorry for the rant but yes I hate my house in answer to your question and I hate it more every day. I feel sick every time I have to come home. Im a constant bag of nerves, every click, clunck, knock or noise makes me sick with anxiety.

I cope because my job takes me away. I have 3 adult kids at uni. I use my job to stay away at every opportunity, stay in travel lodges at weekends visiting my kids and max out my 5 weeks annual leave staying anywhere but here.

Thank you everyone, for your replies!!

I love hearing everyone's different situations and stories and it helps a lot. I appreciate your positive outlook on things. I was nervous about posting this as I know how lucky I am just to be on the ladder and to have help to get there.

I suppose it's been a lot of learning in a short space of time. Getting quotes for kitchens and bathrooms and finding out how much home renovations cost and generally how much things cost has been a lot to take on board. Our one and only bathroom is only about 8x10 but the quotes to renovate it came in at 6k!!!

Also I've never had to manage a house before - I've only ever had a room to clean! So it's all new.

And yes, settling on one place has been big. We have lived all over the world and finally choosing one place to be 'forever' is a huge change - a big commitment. When you rent a room you can be up and moving onto the next adventure in a month!

Thank you again for your advice, replies and stories

X x

What @VivaLeBeaver said. Depending on where you are, what you can afford to buy is sometimes far less nice than what you could afford to rent — I can think of London friends who couldn’t bring themselves to buy for years because it felt like such a step down.

Location is the main thing when you buy and it sounds like you have an excellent location. Just do what you can when you can to make it feel like home. A good clean will make a big difference. Good luck.

I suppose I just feel that, at 32, I should be living somewhere a bit nicer

Why should you? What's your age got to do with anything?

Talk about first world problems.

I moved in 2 weeks ago to our new home. I can’t say I hate it but I don’t love it.

I loved our old home instantly and We were always going to stay where we were until we saw an affordable do-er upper in our desired area.
I just imagined myself being there for a long time. Even visitors to the new house keep saying how much they liked our old house.

I think, you need to give it time. Everyone I’ve spoken to has told me the same.

We’ve got lots to do, which whilst excites me, also overwhelms me as our last one was a do-er upper and I know what’s involved. This time though we have dd.

I really hope In time it feels like home because it costs a fortune to move, my husband loves the new house and it’s not like i can have our old one back.

Once you start adding your touches and choosing new things, I’m sure you will being to like it more.

I do think the good points you listed really are fantastic. Try hard to focus on these, and gradually change the negatives you can change.

How lovely to have your own home, DH and baby. What I wouldn’t give. My house hasn’t felt like a home since DH died, but I don’t think anywhere else would either and my DC are very settled after a rough couple of years.

I’m doing what I can with my mindset as the new year starts - you can too, and I bet you’ll get great satisfaction at the renovations you make, and have so many happy family memories in your home

Sounds like my dream home...you’re very lucky, I’ve ended up renting a small flat due to circumstances, after being a homeowner...will never be in a position to buy again 😔 enjoy it 😃

This is the major difference between renting and buying, it's up to you to make it a home. Downside is you're responsible for all the costs, but you get to make it yours. It might take a few years though.

I liked our first house, but I didn't love it. It was a step on the ladder and served us well for the 10 years we were there, now in a home I love (despite the fact that it needs a lot of work!).

It just doesn;t feel like your home yet. You have to make it yours. I;d start by giving it a really quick make over so you can live with it until you can afford to properly redo it. Bleach and de-mould every inch of kitchen and bathroom, repaint everywhere in fresh colours you love. Maybe lime or whitewash the beams if they are a bit dark. Steam clean the rubbish carpets and put some bright rugs down on top of them for now. If there's a chimney get it swept and have a blazing fire or stoke up the wood stove, Make the most of the cosy cottage feeling while it's winter.

If you'd moved into a new build you'd be thinking it was poky and soulless and finding out how thin the walls are and how cheap the fittings. Nowhere is perfect. At least an ancient cottage can be made to have real appeal if you want to sell it on. And it will be perfect once your child starts school.

Plant bulbs in the garden and maybe a pretty miniature flowering tree.

I cried the day I moved house. We moved from a lovely big Victorian end terrace to a much smaller mid terrace of the same age which had been done up very badly and was absolutely filthy.
4 years later I absolutely love it, having replaced kitchen, bathroom, windows etc. Hang on in there, you'll soon make the place your own.

OP, get into DIY! Or get a few other quotes on the bathroom. 6k seems high.

We had to move when we found out we were expecting our 4th child. It was our dream home, but needed oh so much work doing on it, full refurb, some building work, new carpets, new electrics etc. I was a SAHM for a long time progressing onto various part time jobs to bring in some extra income and then back into FTE. 20 years down the line the house is almost as we wanted it. We are now on our 2nd bathroom since we moved in and the kitchen is very ready to be replaced again, but we now own it outright. It has taken us a long time to get to this point but it is our home. Do what you can as you can afford to and put up with the rest for the time being. A house is bricks and mortar, a home is where memories are made and the area you live in sounds ideal.

It took us a few years to make our house ours. In fact I love it so much now that I think I would find it difficult to give up. I started to alter things that I could afford to alter first, e.g., paint colours. I could smell remnants of smoke so the yellow paint annoyed me. I associated it with discolouration. I painted everywhere in cool, fresh colours I also altered things that I hated - even if other people liked them - so that I didn't have that sense of annoyance with the house. A wooden rail around the dining room and various other fussy bits- I got rid and replastered. They were messing with my head. It will come together I promise you. It sounds like a place with potential to me.

It absolutely has a lot of potential! But we still had to pay the full asking price and they advertised it as a finished home rather than a fixer upper - it was only after moving in that we realised what needed to be done.

As we've paid the ceiling price for it (it's a two bed) any work we do won't add value.. so that's why I'm frustrated - we were conned slightly as naive first time buyers.

But you're right - it's a great location and I need to count my blessings!! Lovely partner baby and dog xx

It takes money and time to change the interior of a house to make it your own when you are starting out. It is much harder to change a location or outdoor aspect. You do have a nice house @helloandthankyou, that you can't afford to do up as you like right now, but you have everything else on your good point list. The rest is an interesting step by step project. When I bought mine, I sat in it the first night, great location, nice aspect, great garden, but inside just horrific.I said to my DP I can't sit in it one more night and spent the next 3 days painting every single room, 3 coats of white, door frames everything (the rooms were dark green, yellow and blue) and like a breath of fresh air it became mine. And then I chose colours for each room and then bit by bit we put furniture in as we could afford it and then added an extension years into it and have the garden space to add on again.

and work you do will add value, the property market always fluctuates, you just need to be clever enough about the sweet spot.

Location, location, location!
It's early days. With a bit of time, you will be able to afford to do the house up, bit by bit.
When we moved into our current house (a 1960s box) from a beautifully done up Edwardian villa, I sat and cried. I just couldn't believe what we'd done, not see how on earth I could make it beautiful. It looks fab now.
Be patient.

I don't like my house. Only been here a few months, but feel I've made the wrong choice and should have bought another one we saw.

We were renting for years and I feel guilty that we couldn't afford to by a bigger house. The kids have to share a small bedroom, which they tell me they don't mind, but I can't help but feel bad about it. I don't like the layout now I'm here either.

The other house we saw had loads of bad points too, one being the 3rd bedroom was a tiny box room (so kids would have had to share the bigger room anyway), needed new windows, new bathroom, very creaky floors and shared access for parking, and was on quite a big housing estate for this area, but in my mind, we should have bought that one instead even though it was over £30k more!

I feel so ungrateful, which then makes me feel even worse! But, I think it is mainly guilt that after saving so hard for so long, the house we ended up with was way below what I was expecting to be able to buy and provide a nice home for my kids.

When it came down to it, we were so sick of renting, rents around here were getting ridiculous and our landlord did not maintain the property. There was nothing else to move to rental wise that wasn't hundreds of pounds more per month.

The day we moved in, it was in a much worse state than we remembered on the viewings. Carpets were disgusting and had to be ripped up. The sellers had well placed furniture and rugs covering the state of the carpets. Before we could unpack we had to decorate the worst rooms and gets new carpets. This then made me feel unable to settle. We still have boxes in our bedroom, as there is no storage at all, so waiting to be able to afford built in wardrobes.

There are so many good points about the house I try to focus on, but my mind keeps going over the bad.

Good points are: it's detached, lovely neighbours, garage, decent sized south facing garden, which isn't overlooked, village location with amazing views from the living room, large enough master bedroom and the best of all it's completely silent! No noise from neighbours, no cars going past so the kids are sleeping better. We can also afford the mortgage should interest rates go up.
Bad points are: it's too small for 4 people as it is, so will need to extend into the loft. It's one large bedroom and one small bedroom at the moment, but we should be able to get 2 rooms and a shower room in the loft.
There's currently no storage inside the house, other than what was the airing cupboard. The lack of space makes me feel trapped and no escape from the noise the kids make.
All that I don't like about the house will be rectified by having the loft converted, but this is about 3 years away until we can afford it.
As I said, I feel so ungrateful. I'm the only one that doesn't like the house, but I should be happy we bought a detached that can be extended and we don't have to worry about noisy neighbours. It's warm and dry and we are so fortunate to have finally bought a home, yet I can't get over this feeling we should have waited longer, or bought something else. I hope this feeling goes soon as I am not enjoying being here at the moment, which is affecting other aspects of my life. I spend hours on Rightmove, but the reality is we couldn't afford to move anyway, even if something else came up.

It sounds lovely.
I would always choose somewhere with character over a soulless new build.
And location is so important.
It sounds as if your main regret is paying over the odds? That is annoying but it's only money. You need to forgive yourself for that, you did what you had to do to get a home.
Make a plan for the renovations and then get it done bit by bit as you can afford it. Decide what's most urgent - personally I would prioritise kitchen unless there are other rooms in worse nick. Get recommendations for tradespeople if you can. Don't be shy about asking neighbours.

Someone has beaten me to it with the white paint suggestion. Get paint in the sales and slap it on in a few rooms for now, makes a big difference.

The inside can always be changed, the pluses you have listed are the important things. That bathroom quote is a fair bit too high (depending where you are), always try to get a few if possible . Definitely ask people for recommendations. Look on FB marketplace and Gumtree for thing, surprising what people get rid of.

To be honest it sounds idyllic, I'd swap it for my little semi in a soulless town which still doesn't feel like anything other than a place to sleep after coming up for 15 years.

Do a room at a time and have nice things that put your personal stamp on it.