Another moved out of London to wrong place help me decide next move one

[mds2012]

After being inspired by this thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/property/3588315-Made-wrong-move-out-of-London-Help-me-get-it-right-second-time I thought I'd start my own. I have posted before on this but we never decided what to do for the best. Our situation has changed a bit now too so here goes….
We moved out of London over five years ago to a small Surrey commuter town. I immediately felt like we'd made an error. We did a lot of searching around the M25 corridor at the time, and also looked at staying where we were in Crouch End, but thought we'd get more for our money outside of London and were worried about the schools too (though I now know this was silly). Anyway we ended up here because it wasn't quite as unknown as other places as my DH knew two people here. And I had a friend in Tun Wells so not too far.
I can't quite put my finger on what it is about here I don't like. It's partly caught up with the massive motherhood change. I had a bad experience first time round and I probably now associate a lot of the places here with all those feelings I want to bury! But it's five years on - surely I should be over that now? It just doesn't feel like a me place. There are many executive houses here and range rovers, though there ARE many normal houses and cars too, and I question myself to that too - why is my environment impacting on my happiness so much? Am I being really judgemental?
But more than all that it's just doesn't suit me I think. I miss having buzzy cafes and a bit of liveliness really. I miss having parkrun on my doorstep or a farmer's market. I miss where we were - it's quite a leftie/creative part of London and had a nice community feel with loads of green space. I found the other thread very interesting as the OP talks about the feel of a place - it's difficult to describe that really. Where we moved to is great on paper but the feel is a world away from what I was used to.
I mistakenly thought here would feel like where we were in London but in the country. As it's a similar size. I wasn't keen to move somewhere like Tun Wells as I thought it would be a bit impersonal. I was after a community feel. The trouble is where we are does have that, but I just don't seem to be settling!
I'm not 100% sure of what would be best for us. I'm not sure if we need to be back in London or we just haven't found the right place outside of London. We have no pull of family so there is no natural place to head to.
I miss London but unsure whether London with kids is the best thing to do. I don't know what the reality is with kids there. Yes I take them up there a lot but I don't live there. Also the things that people move out for - crime, pollution, business.
I thought I wanted to live in the countryside. But the thought now of being very rural freaks me out as I'd feel so isolated. I think if my circumstances were different, maybe it would work. My husband's long hours and lack of family nearby mean this would be a no no here. However I'd like my children to have some freedom and green around them like I did growing up. I liked Crouch End, and I also like places like Lewes - that sort of feel to them.
This is our situation - my DH works all the hours under the sun. Sometimes he can work at home but it's probably once a fortnight. He can often get back for school things but is chained to his phone and laptop. I took redundancy and am now freelance 3x week. It means I can do all the drop offs/pick ups. This is wonderful but I'm also slightly nervous that we're off down the road of me doing all the childcare/mental load/career dwindling and never seeing my DH. I need to work. I enjoy it. Freelance is fine for now but perhaps once the DCs are older I would like to go back to employment. I work in the creative sector. So London or another big city would be the best for me to find work. DH is tied to London for his work.
One thing we do have now (which is why our situation has changed) is a good budget. We have £2m. I don't have to commute to a specific place in London. DH commutes to the city. Parents are southwest and East Anglia (helpful!) and friends are mainly scattered across the southeast.
These are the ideas we've been thinking about:-
Move back to Crouch End or another part of London (we've 'narrowed it down' to Richmond (seems like great area with kids, green, on river but worried about plane noise and also perhaps a bit 'Surrey') or Wanstead (access up to Suffolk, easy commute, green, seems more me, nice community but worried bit suburban, unknown)
Move over to Tun Wells for a bit more life?
Move completely away to Bristol or Norwich/flat in London? (Will be nearer family support but further from friends. DH will still have to be in London so will I feel even more isolated?)
Go rural to Suffolk/flat in London (Go for seaside living v close to ageing parents, but do not know anyone and DH will still be in London)
Just stay put and possibly get a flat in London for future/more weekend visits?
So have we missed anywhere obvious we should consider? Any advice from anyone? I think part of the problem is I'm not really sure what would be best for me and my family, so we're looking at all options at the moment.
Thanks if you've stayed with me!

I would target greener, quieter parts of suburbanish London if you decide to move back, places with good connections to the city so hopefully you're husband has a shorter commute and you can see him more. There are some gorgeous streets near Alexandra Palace in your budget. Just a bit further out, Winchmore Hill is a lovely area with great housing and schools, lovely family vibe.
Chingford north by the station and Wanstead are also nice neighbourhoods, quiet for London.
Good luck, it's a big decision. We looked at moving out of London to Kent a few years ago but we couldn't face the travel in the end and it was just too different.

My friend lives in a small side street in Notting hilll. Close to parks and cafes and is fantastic. No idea what it costs there though!!!

With your budget I would move to Richmond in a heartbeat. The dream!

How about Ealing?

You can get a lovely house for that money, plenty of good schools, Crossrail in a couple of years for DH's commute, well positioned to get to Suffolk & the South West.

Reasonably buzzy but with a safer feel.

How about somewhere like Chislehurst - best of all worlds, green but short journey to London and good schools, lovely houses. Or house in Tunbridge Wells itself and flat in London for the weekends/overnight stays.

Richmond is lovely, Barnes even more so in my opinion, a village feel but very close to everything and less 'suburban'. Very good schools too. I am biased though as I live in London... and have left twice and come back. I love having children here and how much they can do and see and don't feel unsafe. Visiting my parents who live in a lovely place outside London I was struck by the fact that the children were much more isolated than my own even in beautiful and very safe surroundings. None of them were outside like we were in the same area when we were young. However, I would love to be able to get out of London properly in the long holidays... but it's only a short period when this seems a benefit, by the time friends' children are 13/14 they don't want to leave!

It honestly might help if you say where you are now. I grew up in Tun Wells and wouldn't rush to go back. My impression is that the town is going 'downhill'. Whilst the high street area has been redeveloped there are a lot of empty shops in the centre.

How old are your children? Are you aiming for state/private ? Sorry if missed these upthread

Move to Dulwich. You could get a lovely house for the budget. Very leafy and villagey

Chiswick is lovely

I see that lulu has beaten me to it-Barnes is just perfect and for your budget that’s where I’d move in a heartbeat. A stones throw from Hammersmith on the bus, and two train stations to waterloo in under 25 minutes. The area by the pond is lovely. I’d move back there tomorrow if I could.

Areas of Bristol could be suitable for you, if you don't need to be near London, or Frome / Bath area.

I loathe plane noise so all That Richmond area is out for me. Dulwich? Or why not go back to nr Crouch End? How old are yr kids? There are great primary and secondary state options.

Dulwich has a great village feel and lots of green space. Good transport connections to the City too (much closer than Barnes or Richmond). Blackheath is also lovely.

I might have to come back to this if kids need me!

Thanks for responses so far.

@IrishMamaMia We did look at AP and Winchmore Hill. We felt Winchmore Hill was too suburban but back then we could afford to be much further from the train station. We did like the park and village feel so perhaps we should take another look. Do you know what's it's like? It did feel quite sleepy and 1930s suburban when we were there, but I guess it's easy to get to livelier places.
AP - yes would definitely look back there. It's just whether it's the right place for us now. I think I'd prefer to be stationed back in Crouch End as there is a definite centre.

@m00rfarm I think Notting Hill might be a step too far! If we had mega mega bucks I'd love to be in St John's Wood.

@PeterPipersPepper do you live in Richmond? Does the plane noise drive you bonkers? Is it friendly? TBH I always felt a little intimidated by Richmond but I did love visiting. I lived in Crouch End but also Tooting Bec and Greenwich so a bit more of a mixed bag and what I know of London. Richmond certainly appeals being on the river, the park, great schools, but the commute to my parents seems very long as we'd be completely the wrong side.

@MothershipG Did visit Ealing a long time ago. Maybe we should revisit. It felt much more suburban than Crouch End but safe and laid back. Maybe we should check back there. I think I'm nervous about suburban living even in London as it hasn't suited me out here but I guess it's very different in London.

@Lightsabre And yup we considered Chistlehurst before we chose where we are now. We eventually decided against it as we thought we wanted to be out of London. I think it would be too quiet for me there, and I get the impression it's a little like where we are too. But I could be very wrong.
Yes we are thinking about Tun Wells - I'm just unsure whether it will still be not quite what we want. Is it still quite provincial? It feels quite a provincial area even though it's larger than where we are. We also looked at Sevenoaks but that felt very 1950s housewife/gated homes etc even though it's got great commute, shops, park etc.

@lululatetotheparty and @unicorncupcake
Maybe I should look at Barnes. We discounted it as we thought the commute wasn't great and also plane noise. Also, the feel. I know it's villagey, but is it also a bit men in red trousers?!

@Bigbopboo I'm in Oxted in Surrey. I have 5 and 3 year old. Would prefer state primary but open to private secondary. I don't see the point in private primary. I'd prefer state secondary too if possible. I went to grammar but very aware the competitiveness in Kent makes it all a bit hot housey. I do not want to be doing that to my kids really.

@Almahart Love Dulwich but I think I'd like somewhere that's a bit nearer a bit green space like Crouch End and Richmond are. But maybe the number of parks makes up for that? I don't know, it all felt a little hemmed in. We did initially look at East Dulwich beofre we moved out as it felt the most similar to Crouch End but perhaps a little more affordable but we still both preferred Crouch End becoasue it had more greenery. But that was pre-kids (PK).

@bilbodog Tell me more. I know nada about Chiswick! I just discounted all west really as it was opposite to get to East Anglia and for husbnad's commute to city (though I guess it might be actually easier on central than on district/waterloo train from southwest London)

For 2 million you could get a lovely house in most lovely suburbs of London. I’d go back if I were you.

What about now Marlow. That’s small but massively energetic and easy to get to London.

How about Wandsworth - between the commons. Good schools. Lovely house for your budget. Green spaces. Easy commute in.

@mds2012 I live near Richmond and it would be the ultimate dream for me to move there. Joint with Barnes as other posters say. I am in Putney so we have the planes and I have got used to them and never notice them now.

Even if you don’t choose Richmond/Barnes I hope you feel happy with your next move. To me, the villagey feel of Richmond/Barnes combined with everything London has to offer is the perfect combination.

Barnes could be a bit 'red trousers'! Brackenbury village area, parts of Shep Bush, Hammersmith and Acton might suit... all pretty close to lots of green and feel closer to central London.

I get it completely.

We moved out of London to Hampshire and knew we had made a mistake, I couldn't pinpoint it but we simply weren't happy. I could have continued it but my husband was miserable.

We managed 4/5 years.

It's a brave thing to move again but I am SO happy we did it. We moved to Woodbridge, Suffolk and have never looked back. For me it came down to the people. Now I look back, I recognise that althought we made some magic friends, the commuter belt simply wasn't us.

We needed to be around folk that weren't quite so organised! We are both creatives and work in that sector - we needed to be around people that sort of did their own thing, I realise that you have a great budget but for us, creativity came from living somewhere that was much more mixed.

The crucial thing we did, was to rent out our house, and rented a lovely place in Suffolk for about 3 years, minimising the risk if we weren't happy so that we could find the place that we were.

Our story is a happy one, I recognise the strain we were under during that period of decision making.

My advice is to do the same, think about renting your house out and renting somewhere else. Paint your walls white, know that there are going to be come costs, but also the benefit of someone else having to fix your boiler if it goes wrong.

Renting gave us options and more importantly space to clear our heads.

As to where, you have options, likely too many.

My advice would be to think about where your mates are. You mention the family pull isn't huge, so think about areas that you like near to friends that inspire you.

Freelancing is great for now, perhaps you may even have your own business in time (you sound like a talented lady) so I'd work to continue your level of comfort, perhaps even come down a level or two in order to save some spends for lovely holidays and family time when you get them.

One last moot, renting may save you from Brexit uncertainty and all the other rubbish that it's bringing.

Best of luck and if you want to dm me, you are most welcome.

We stayed in London and it’s fabulous for children and teens. There is so much on offer, and there’s no need to ferry teens around as public transport is great. Mine went to comprehensives and did fine. With your budget you can afford most places. Wandsworth has good state secondary schools. There are some great areas in Clapham, Brixton, Earlsfield, Streatham and Tooting with large green spaces nearby. Wimbledon would be good too.

I have'nt spent time in Winchmore Hill in about two years (disclaimer, didn't live there, friends and work based there at the time), there definitely seemed to be more cafes, bars and restaurants opening up and a farmers market so might be worth another look. Much quieter than CE though.
I still spend some time visiting friends in CE and though it's a bit too urban for my own tastes I think you could have a fantastic family life there. It has the advantage that you already know it too.

I agree with you OP about East Dulwich which I think is a bit cramped (and overrated), I meant Dulwich village which is much more open and has a gallery and Dulwich and Sydenham woods

I dint think anywhere compares with Richmond though in feeling that you are out of London though, the space there is incomparable

Dulwich has plenty of plane noise of it's own. I would move to Kew, Barnes, Chiswick or Richmond in your circumstances if you have ruled out Dulwich - and accept that you can't have endless green fields/beaches combined with a London vibe and all liveliness that London has to offer. You just can't so stop tormenting yourself in searching for it.

If you don't want to go down the route of your dh just working to bring in his generous salary and you doing little bits and bobs around the childcare - then why would you even think of getting a separate flat in London?